DEAR ANDREA: There is a standard operating procedure for some
women: they go out looking for a guy and tell him their husband cheated
on them. They seem intent on evening the score. (They typically have
a girlfriend with them for social support.) The woman tells the guy
she's been married for X number of years but has never done X with her
husband. The man who agrees to walk out of the bar with her gets X.
The man who turns down the offer gets some catty remarks.
Love,
Knows the Score
Dear Score: You are a very bitter person. I don't know what happened,
but I assume it was bad. Love,
Andrea
Dear Andrea: I just read "Hard to Swallow," and I
have to comment.
The reason she let the "dancer," but not her husband, cum
in her mouth was because she let the good-looking guy become an alpha
male in her alcohol-addled brain. She is now either just one step from
kicking him to the curb to seek another alpha (which happened to me
because "nice guys finish last"), or she will become his slave
for life. If he doesn't become an alpha himself, the likelihood of the
latter happening is pretty much nil.
Love,
Beta Tester
Dear Beta: Phrases like "alpha male," with their shiny
aura of scientific certainty, don't mean nearly as much as people hope
they do. Who is the alpha male? In the wolf pack, where the concept
belongs, he's probably easy enough to spot. (Not being one of those
women who run with the wolves, I couldn't tell you.) In human society,
though? Is it the strong guy? The rich guy? The guy who is probably
neither but looks good in a thong?
The writer's wife didn't blow the pretty boy because he was the
alpha Chippendale; she blew him because she was bored and had gotten
drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And when's the last
time that worked out?
There's another problem with the alpha male idea as applied to humans:
If he's the top dog, what does that make her? Are women expected to
crouch and lift their tails for every alpha dude who comes along?
Anyway, don't try so hard. You didn't get kicked to the curb because
you were beta, gamma, or omega, and probably not because you were "nice."
You got kicked because kicked happens. Sorry. Love, Andrea
Dear Andrea: About the guy's wife on her knees in the parking
lot with the young man ejaculating into her mouth: is this a likely
way to transmit diseases, including HIV?
Love,
Mr. Safe Sex
Dear SS: Actually, it's a crappy (bordering on impossible) way to
transmit HIV. Anything bacterial he might have, though, especially gonorrhea
or syphilis, certainly could be passed along by oral sex. HPV is unlikely
but possible, and herpes is easy. I wouldn't say it's outstandingly
dangerous as these things go, but it's a good idea in general to know
where something has been before putting it in one's mouth.
It all comes down to partner choice. A drunken stripper who makes
a habit of receiving random blow jobs in the parking lot? Why worry? Love,
Andrea
Dear Andrea: Now that I'm dating again, I don't think I'm being
as careful as when I was young and paranoid. My potential partners come
from mysterious places like the Internet and are older and have slept
with more people. I use condoms for vaginal and anal sex, but my conversations
about history feel pretty cursory and pro forma.
What about going down on a guy? A girl? What about fingers up the ass?
I worry about herpes and HPV. Should I relax and enjoy the ride or learn
to suck latex?
Love,
Worrywart?
Dear Wart: Of course you worry about those viruses. Unfortunately,
they're almost completely impossible to protect against – unless
the lesion site is covered by the barrier, you've got no protection
at all. And you can't always tell by looking: you've got to ask the
questions you haven't been asking. Use barriers when you get a scary
answer, or leave. Wash the up-the-ass fingers, and cultivate a certain
degree of healthy fatalism. Love,
Andrea
