Aries (March 21-April 19)

It's winter, Aries, and you know how shit slows down in the winter. One wouldn't expect a fireball such as yourself to let a little seasonal shift slow your roll, but we think it's great you're dropping moving-and-shaking down some notches on the to-do list and spending time taking care of some internal business.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You've been working your butt off to meet your goals, and this week the payoff starts to flow in. Take the opportunity to lighten your efforts and relax a little – you seem confused, and you're looking worn down! Don't fret: the structures you've built are enduring, even if you need a nap.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

We know you're living in the ever shifting realm of the mind, but you don't have to pretend the prospect of reality shifting doesn't cause you to tremble. Especially when the lesson at the end of it is to accept what you just plain don't like. Drats! We hate that one too.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Cancer, since the '80s are back, we'll say it in Valley Girl: you are totally on the right track, and your heart is, like, so in the right place it's bitchin'. Also, you are so awesomely responding to everything that comes your way. We're, like, freaking out. Just let up on the gnarly worrying and you're perfect.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Well, shit, Leo, sometimes you just got to make lemonade, you know? Yeah, it's like that this week. Not every party can be a rager, and not every week will unfold exactly as you'd like it to, but just do your best to make something as tasty and refreshing as lemonade out of whatever crud life throws you this week.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Realistically dealing with all the crap you don't like is the best way for you to be accountable to the greater forces at work in the universe this week. Pay special attention to the way you handle your frustrations with relationships – that's where the action is.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

OK Libra, your motor doesn't have to be turned up as high as your revved-up heart this week. Know what we're saying? Sure, go ahead and feel the tremendous surge of feeling that's presently overwhelming you; you haven't got much choice. You can, however, choose how you're going to act on it, and may we please suggest a sloooow course of action?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It's a good time to be looking out for number one, getting yourself completely ready for the enormous adventure that's awaiting you in the near future. You're on the precipice of an exciting new independence. For now we suggest patience – and presence.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

It looks like the universe went and barfed all over you. And your heart was open! We hate when the universe gets sick all over an open heart! Taking a solitary bath in your own tub of self-love is the best way to wash away the overstimulation of a recent bad party.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Whew, look at all this positive energy, Capricorn! A nice improvement on last week. You've come to a point in time when you're being asked to cut the shit and really step up to the plate – in a good way. If there's anything standing in the way of your making an emotional offering, now's the time to junk it.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Well, Aquarius, after the electrical storms you people are so fond of generating clear up, what are you left with? That's the question of the week. All is calm – except, perhaps, for the dormant neurosis that crops up when you're not busy distracting yourself. It's nothing you can't handle with a metered approach and an open heart.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Pisces, either you put a new bulb in the lamp or something has happened to shed some real light on the subject! And now that you've got this fabulous clarity, it's going to be really, really hard not to make the changes your relationships are screaming for.