Sugar high
Get sweet on Valentine's Day.

By Cheryl Eddy

HORNY SEA CREATURES , crooners belting songs of romance gone awry, vampires, self-love, strippers, exaltations of Satan, erotic art, and shaggy dogs: yep, must be Valentine's Day in San Francisco. Grab your supercrush and get busy!

parties and benefits

'Aphrodisiac' SF Boys and Girls Club, 450 Guerrero; 703-6150, ext 20. Sat, 8pm-midnight. Free. The Lavender Youth Recreation and Information Center and Overcoming Homophobia Meeting for Youth host this clean-and-sober party for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and allied youth 23 and under (trans-identified, 25 and under).

'Couples Tour of North Beach Gentlemen's Clubs' Call (510) 465-7607 to sign up; for more info go to Sat, 5:30-9:30pm. $70 (plus tips for dancers). Couples are invited to take a guided tour through four or more North Beach strip clubs, then eat dinner in Chinatown.

'Food from the Heart' Ferry Building Marketplace, Embarcadero at Market; Fri, 8pm. Free. Slow Food USA benefits from this event, featuring edible art, live jazz, special Valentine's offerings from Ferry Building merchants, and more.

'Hi-Tech Hearts: Create a Valentine at Zeum' Zeum, Yerba Buena Gardens, 221 Fourth St; 777-2800, Sat, 11am-5pm. $5-7. Kids can make animated e-cards, videos of their favorite love songs, and other unique Valentine's gifts.

'Hope for a Valentine' Gravity, 3251 Scott; 595-0754. Wed, 8pm. $10 suggested donation. Drink specials, a DJ, and a raffle highlight this fundraiser for Boys Hope Girls Hope, a nonprofit that aids at-risk youth.

'Love on Wheels' Cafe du Nord, 2170 Market; Wed, 6-9pm. $5. The San Francisco Bike Coalition hosts a cycling-themed Valentine's Day party for singles and couples, with the "Love on Wheels Dating Game" and a performance by Kitten on the Keys.

'Love Swirl Boutique' First Unitarian Universalist Center, 1187 Franklin; 752-0171, Sat, 10am-4pm. Free. The American Heart Association benefits from this sweet event hosted by the Urban Color artist collective and featuring a sale of works by local designers and jewelers, a cake auction, live jazz, kids' activities, and more.

'LoveFest' Noe Valley Ministry, 1021 Sanchez; 617-6208, Sun, 7pm. $15. Performers Sovoso, Kid Beyond, Sean Hayes, Larry Gallagher, Keith Terry, and Nazelah Jamison raise money to help house a homeless single mom and her daughter.

'One Night Stand' Hotel Cosmo, 761 Post; 673-3080, Sat, 6-9pm. $10. San Francisco Sex Information benefits from ARTworkSF's evening of nude, erotic, and fetish art, plus poetry, music, and film. Costumes are encouraged.

'Red Silke Affaire' University Club, 800 Powell; 776-7455, Fri, 8:30pm-1:30am. $39-50. Urban Diversion hosts this masquerade ball for singles and couples.

'Sex and the Sea' Aquarium of the Bay, Pier 39; 623-5301, Sat, 6-9pm. $20-25. Enjoy a cocktail reception while you learn about more than 40 sea species' reproductive habits, then take a romatically themed guided tour of the aquarium.

'Speed Your Love' SomArts, 934 Brannan;, Sat, 6-11pm. $20-40. Asian American news and arts magazine Hyphen hosts this speed-dating fundraiser.

'Tasting Chocolate in a Cultural Context' Randall Museum, 199 Museum Way; 554-9600. Thurs, 7-8:30pm. $15-25 (preregistration required). Bay Area chocolate maker John Scharffenberger hosts a taste-as-you-learn presentation about the origins and essence of chocolate.

'Valentine-a-Thon' San Francisco Center for the Book, 300 De Haro; 565-0545. Fri, noon-4pm. Free. Collage artist Gail Rieke leads a day of creating unique, handmade valentines.

'Valentine's Dance' Slavonic Cultural Center, 60 Onondaga; (510) 649-0941, Sat, 8pm. $12. The San Francisco Tam Fest (a celebration of tamburitza music) hosts a dance party with the Sarena Orchestra.

'Valentine's Day Dog Wash' Wags Pet Wash and Boutique, 1840 Polk; 409-2472. Sat, 11am-4pm. $5-20. Pretty up your pooch at this dog wash benefiting the San Francisco SPCA.

'Valentine's Day Films' Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon; EXP-LORE. Sat, 2pm. Free with admission ($8-12). Watch "a filmic Valentine" to San Francisco with this program of short movies about the city, dating from 1905 to 2002.

'Valentine's Day Sex Tour' San Francisco Zoo, Sloat at Great Hwy; 753-7165, Sat/14-Sun/15, Feb 21-22, 10am and 2pm. $55 (reservations required; 21 and up only). Take an hour-long tour of the zoo and learn about courtship and mating habits of the resident animals, then enjoy refreshments and champagne.

'Valentine's Day Sunset Kayaking' City Kayak, Embarcadero at Townsend; 357-1010, Sat, 5pm. $15-25 (reservations required). Impress your sweetie with your upper-body strength by taking a one- to two-hour jaunt around the bay at sunset.

'Vampire Tour of San Francisco' Meet at California and Taylor; (650) 279-1840, Sat, 8pm. $15-20. Mina Harker leads a Valentine's Day edition of her vampire-themed Nob Hill walking tour.

Bay Area

'The Beloved Self: A Self-Love Workshop and Mass Marriage' La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck, Berk;, Sat, noon-6pm. E-mail to register. $10-$12.See 8 Days a Week, page tk.

'Valentine's Day Cabaret' Julia Morgan Center for the Arts, 2640 College, Berk; (925) 798-1300, Sat, 7pm. $30-35. Artists from the Shotgun Players, among other performers, take the stage at this benefit for the Julia Morgan Center for the Arts.

'Valentine's Day Chocolate Factory Tour' Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory, 914 Heinz, Berk; (415) 554-9600. Sat, 12:45-2:30pm. $10 (preregistration required; ages 10 and up). Tour the famed Berkeley chocolate factory and learn about chocolate production from bean to bar.

film, music, and performance

'A Black Valentine's Day' Exit Theatre Cafe, 156 Eddy; Sat, 8pm. $13. Jazz vocalist Eleonor England and the Eddy Sambuaga All Stars perform a show featuring tunes about being jilted, betrayed, slighted, and shot by the one you love.

Mike Greensill, Wesla Whitfield ODC Theater, 3153 17th St; 863-9834, Fri-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 10pm). $20. Friday, the jazzy Mike Greensill Trio performs with special guest Wesla Whitfield on selected songs; Saturday, Whitfield and the Mike Greensill Duo perform a cabaret program featuring romantic standards.

'Improv for Lovers' Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 474-8935, Fri-Sat, 8pm. $12-15. BATS Improv presents two special nights of Valentine's Day-themed improvised comedy.

'Love to Love You' Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk; 923-0923. Sat, 9pm. $5. Get down on Valentine's with Cool Nites, OCS, and DJ Nookie.

'Pink Taco Valentine's Day' Lusty Lady Theater, 1033 Kearny; 391-3001, Sat, 11am-3pm. Free. The Lusty Lady invites you to "fall in lust all over again" with a day of special shows; couples are especially encouraged to attend.

'The Satanic/Tantric Valentine's Massacre of Love' Kimo's, 1351 Polk; (510) 526-7858, Sat, 9:30pm. $5. Frank Moore's Cherotic All Star Band, the Nude Women of Blistx featuring John Truby, the Return of Skitzo, and Fluff Girl perform at this show, which promises "rainbow projectile puking orgasms."

'Valentine's Burlesque' Broadway Studios, 435 Broadway; 291-0333, Sat, 7pm (includes dinner, show starts at 8pm, $45) and 10pm ($20). San Francisco's Famous Burlesque Revue and Orchestra perform.

'Valentines from Dvorák' California Palace of the Legion of Honor, Florence Gould Theater, 34th Ave at Clement; 392-4400, Fri, 8pm. $20-29. The New Century Chamber Orchestra performs selections by Kodály and Dvorák.

Bay Area

Bat Makumba, DJ Papi Chocolate Blake's, 2637 Telegraph, Berk; (877) 488-6533. Sat, 10pm. $7. Bring your valentine early for a Brazilian dance lesson, then put your new skills to the test when the Brazilian funk rock band takes the stage.

Bud E. Luv Sanchez Concert Hall, 1220 Linda Mar, Pacifica; (650) 355-1882, Sat, 7:30pm. $12-20. The Vegas-style crooner performs love songs.

'Flamenco, Wine, and Roses' Café de la Paz, 1600 Shattuck, Berk; (510) 843-0662, Fri, 5:30 and 8:30pm; Sat, 5, 6, 8, and 8:30pm. $45-65. Yaelisa and Caminos Flamencos perform; the evening also includes a four-course dinner with wine.

'Love Fest 2004: A Literary and Musical Celebration of Love' La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck, Berk; (510) 849-2568, Sat, 7 and 9:30pm. $10-12. See 8 Days a Week, page tk.

'My Bloody Valentine Bash' Starry Plough, 3101 Shattuck, Berk; (510) 841-2082. Fri, 9:30pm. $7. Ramona the Pest, She Mob, Ned, the Shut Ins, the Slow Poisoners, the Cones, and I Will Kill You F*cker perform music "not for Hallmark lovers"; also on the bill is a "Worst Date Ever" contest.

'Tears in Your Beer Twangfest' 1923 Teahouse, 1923 Ashby, Berk; Sat, 8pm. $10. Loretta Lynch, the Bellyachers, and Nelly Bly perform acoustic songs about love, love of whiskey, murderous love, and other seasonal topics.

'Valentine's Comedy Show' Ricky's Grill and Sports Bar, 15038 Hesperian, San Leandro; (510) 352-0200. Sat, 8pm. $5. Comedian Miracle Malone performs.

'What Is This Thing Called Love?' Ralston Ballroom, Notre Dame de Namur University, 1500 Ralston, Belmont; (415) 972-8934,, Sun, 2pm. $15-32. Pocket Opera performs a Valentine's variety program with works by Mozart, Rossini, and others.

art shows

'The Back Room: Fifth Annual Erotic Art Show' City Art, 828 Valencia; 970-9900, Gallery hours Wed-Sun, noon-9pm. Through Feb 29. Free. More than a dozen local artists present new erotic art pieces available for purchase as Valentine's Day gifts.

'Crush/Crushed' Canvas Gallery, 1200 Ninth Ave; 504-0060, Opening reception Fri/13, 6pm-midnight. Gallery hours Sun-Thurs, 8am-midnight; Fri-Sat, 8am-2am. Through Feb 28. Free. The Canvas Gallery hosts an exhibit of art inspired by blossoming romance and unrequited love; the opening reception features short films, live music, and comedy.

'Psst, Hey! Be Mine?' Chatterbox Gallery, 1185 Church; 647-0900, Opening reception Sat/14, 4-7pm. Gallery hours Tues-Thurs, 11:30am-6:30pm; Sat, 11am-6pm; Sun, noon-5pm. Through Feb 29. Free. Chatterbox hosts a group exhibition featuring two- and three-dimensional works by Creativity Explored studio artists.

'Valentine Sideshow' La Luna Rouge, 415 Sansome; Fri, 9:30pm-2am. $5. Bay Area artist Nicolas Caesar, whose work is described as "Jim Henson meets Hellraiser," presents his latest installation. The event also features wine specials and music by DJ Purgatory.

'Will You Be Our Valentine?' Steel Gallery, 3524 Sacramento; 885-1655. Tues-Sat, 10am-6pm. Through Sat/14. This show features works by Estelle Akamine, Sophia Harrison, Wendy Robushi, and Judith Williams.

February 11, 2004