DEAR ANDREA: I'm curious about your "no worries"
response to the woman concerned about possible damage from deep-throating.
I understand this would be mostly true, but I also remember Andrea Dworkin's
account that her gravelly voice was the result of a deep-throat rape.
Rather than a referendum on Dworkin – I have my own ambivalence
about her, but her account seemed totally credible to an experienced
detector of propaganda – I'm interested in your take. I'm guessing
the vast majority of your readers know the difference between rape and
sex; my question is, if a guy gets too energetic in a (domination or
not) deep-throat scenario, could there be damage?
Love,
Still Worried
Dear Worried: I'm granting you the Least Hysterical Mention of Andrea
Dworkin in a Sex Column award, and it's clear you're part of that majority
of people who can tell the difference between sex and rape, but I'm
still not going for it. You're still extrapolating from one case, self-reported
by the woman (bear with me; you may be familiar with Dworkin, but others
may not) who made her name claiming there isn't any difference between
heterosexual intercourse and rape. I'd be more inclined to believe just
about anyone else on the planet, frankly, before I'd take Dworkin's
word on anything having to do with the penis as the cause of the suffering,
humiliation, or gravelly voices of women.
Let's say, though, just for argument, that she was damaged through
some sort of throat rape. OK. I suppose it's just this side of possible.
Vaginal rape rarely causes permanent physical injury, though
anal rape certainly may. But we're not talking about rape, are we? Consensual
sex, even rough 'n' tumble consensual sex, very rarely leads to serious
injury of any sort. There are exceptions, like the dreaded broken penis
or any number of sprains, strains, and "I fell off and hit my head"-type
situations. Still, if I'm going to warn people that deep-throating can
lead to serious or permanent injury, then I'd have to do likewise for
everything else, including heavy petting and holding hands.
Remember, once again, that we are discussing consensual sex, where
the owner of the throat being penetrated has the power of refusal should
things get unpleasant. Having something plunged repeatedly into your
throat with sufficient force to cause some sort of ripping or bruising
of the larynx (well beyond the reach of any penis I've ever seen, by
the way) would be wildly unpleasant. So unacceptably, brutally unpleasant,
in fact, that the recipient of such treatment would have expressed her
unwillingness to continue long before any such damage could have occurred.
And I don't want to hear "But she couldn't talk! Her mouth was
full!" There are many nonverbal methods of communication available
to a woman whose teeth and hands are within range of the offending organ.
Love,
Andrea
Dear Andrea: In response to the question about anal sex safety, from
my understanding you have to make sure you don't introduce any fecal
matter into the vagina. E. coli belongs in the bowel but can
cause serious problems in the vagina. Therefore, when a couple decides
to have anal sex, they shouldn't go from vagina, to anus, back to vagina.
Unless of course they're cleaning the penis and the area around the
vagina.
Your column is popular in the Vue paper in Edmonton. I would
sure hate for this advice to cause some of our younger population to
get violently ill.
Love,
Be Careful in There!
Dear Careful: Way to make me feel guilty, invoking not just my Canadian
readers, but my young and vulnerable Canadian readers. Now I
feel terrible.
Eh, not really. The truth is, you're not likely to get "violently
ill" that way. While it's possible to get a violent, life-threatening
kidney infection, the likely worst you'd get is violently red, swollen,
itchy, and/or a violently nasty-smelling discharge. And then you'd get
some antibiotics, and all would be well. It's bacterial vaginosis, not
ebola. I certainly don't wish vaginosis on you or my younger, more vulnerable,
or more Canadian readers, but I don't wish to spread hysteria, either.
People have anal sex all the time without spreading or spontaneously
generating any sort of infection at all, and I can't say that often
enough without getting bored.
I mentioned hygiene and using condoms in the column in question,
and condoms are by far the most efficient way to keep a penis clean,
but OK. In case I wasn't clear enough and there's any woman out there
who hasn't been taught to wipe from front to back or anyone of any sex
or gender who missed the memo about the ickiness of dragging stuff from
bacteria-ridden rectum to nice clean vagina, here are your instructions:
if you think you'll be going from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse,
use condoms, change them out between orifices, and be ever vigilant
against germs.
