Second
Time Around
Carpenters
Gold: 35th Anniversary Edition (UTV)
I'll tell you what: if the whole Carpenter thing wasn't so strange – the often schlocky music, the brother-sister trip, the Karen-Carpenter-dying-of-anorexia thing – then what I'd be reviewing right now would be Legacy's really great Best of Kenny Lattimore, or if not, then I'd definitely do Legacy's Best of Peabo Bryson. Have you ever checked out Bryson? He's as smooth as Luther, and he dresses better, probably because he's not as heavy, although that's beside the point. Or if I didn't do either of those albums, I'd review the Isley Brothers' fabulous Live It Up, with its eight-plus-minute "Ain't I Been Good to You" and a bonus live version of the title cut from an appearance on The Dinah Shore Show (her shows had the commercial that went "See the USA in your Chevrolet"), or else maybe I'd give the Mojo Men's There Goes My Mind, just made available by Sundazed, the terrific East Coast reissue label, a serious listen; it's the kind of not-quite-good '60s album that crate diggers into garage music do back flips about when they know about the band and no one else does (but which would make them go crazy if they had to listen to it more than about twice). Or maybe I'd forget about reissues entirely and spend the afternoon listening to the Unicorns, or Magic and Medicine, by the Corals, or the Holmes Brothers' Simple Truths.
Instead, I've got the Carpenters' Gold: 35th Anniversary Edition in front of me; if the fact that UTV Records is stretching isn't immediately apparent, check out the number – 35! What kind of significance does 35 have? You don't even have to answer, it's so obvious. This two-CD, 40-song set tells you what you need to know about the Carpenters – a few solid soft-pop hits: "Superstar," "Rainy Days and Mondays," and "Top of the World," and then there's the rest of it, 37 songs that add up to pretty much nothing, if you ask me. Listen to Karen's ultrasquare vocals on Tim Hardin's "Reason to Believe" and "Bless the Beasts and Children" (you know, the song that begs us to "light their way when the darkness surrounds them"); or if that's not bad enough, check out their take on "California Dreamin' " – they turn it into a wistful reverie suitable for the suburban mom. This is perhaps the most neutered, defanged music I've ever listened to. A 40-song dose was so painful that I went outside, started my car, and drove it through the garage door. (J.H. Tompkins)
