Alert! Mercury goes retrograde April 6.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries, you know all that excellent work you've been doing to usher some serious change into your life? This week you get the chance to implement those changes – not in an airy-fairy, self-helpy sort of way but in a very material, physical manner. Now go and initiate something important.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

It looks like a good week to be thinking about anxiety management, Taurus. What do you do in the face of major stress? We suggest bearing down in true bull-like fashion: eat like the bull, think like the bull, be like the bull. Treat yourself to a lot of comfort food, learn from your past, and keep on moving steadily into your future.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Gemini, you're forbidden to rush into decisions you don't have the perspective to make. This is a really important week, and we'd be remiss in our psychic duties if we didn't get stern on your ass. You do need to be decisive this week, but take the care necessary to make sure your choices are healthy.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Cancer, you're like a shiny, happy little pebble cheerfully rolling down the stream of life. And by the end of the week somebody is going to scoop you up and declare you the bestest, shiniest, cutest pebble in the whole word – their lucky pebble! Then you live happily ever after.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

It's all about where you're coming from this week, Leo. You need to get shit done, and we always respect a Leo who is taking care of business, but we ask you to take a quick time-out to peek at your motives. The changes taking place right now are bigger and deeper than meets the eye.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Virgo, if you were a bumper sticker, this week you would read "As a matter of fact I do own the goddamn road." We see you experiencing a dose of pure selfishness that looks not just healthy but sexy too. We hope you'll take advantage of this situation by engaging in some actual sex.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Sure, things might be moving slowly, Libra, but the direction they're heading in is so undeniably positive that we'd better not hear any complaining. You've been steering yourself through your most recent growth experience with aplomb, being clear about what you can and cannot do, nurturing yourself wonderfully, etc. Enjoy your progress.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

When we tell you to clear some shit out this week, Scorpio – and we're indeed encouraging you to let go – we're talking about the get-rid-of-stuff impulse that comes from your body, your guts, your intuition. Please don't use our advice as justification for obsessing. You know what needs to go.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Has your life been confusing lately, Sag? We're even a little confused by it, and we're psychic. As hard as it's been to pin down those murky situations, one solution did become clear: be really open to looking at your life in a new way and apply this fresh perspective in a temperate manner.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You've simply got to reconnect with your strength this week, Capricorn. And nothing will hook you up to your inner power supply faster than unplugging the telephone, saying no every chance you get, and spending some time alone, delicately unraveling. All this overwhelming stimulation is bringing you down.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It isn't just dumb luck or the whims of fate that have brought you to where you're standing today, Aries. It's your own goddamned hard work. And we're here to tell you that you continue to be on the right path this week, and this excellent energy level you're experiencing is sustainable. Rock on.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

We envision you on a tightrope this week, gentle Pisces. Any abrupt, anxious moves are going to send you tumbling, and there may not be a net beneath you. If your movements aren't slow, delicate, and stemming from your center of gravity, we're not sure you should be making them.