So I'm off taking a leak at the Fleshies show at Thee Parkside, when a guy walks up to my girlfriend and hands her some porn. Normally I wouldn't take a shine to a swingin' dick doling out smut to my girl while I've got my back turned and my dick in my hand. I figure the guy probably waited for me to disappear before approaching, although that's not the kind of thing you ever can know for sure, but just think about it – it adds up. But it turned out this porn was a page from a "vintage" copy of Playboy wrapped around a CDR by local punkers the Lincolns. From a handful of packages he displays, my girlfriend picks a typical soft-focus, big-titted, lace-up vintage corset Playboy shot, which goes to show that magazine for what it is: a magazine with pictures of naked ladies for guys who aren't really interested in naked ladies, if you know what I mean. I mean, guys who read Playboy really read Playboy. For the articles. Nobody reads Hustler.

Stuck to the blurry-nipple photo was a white label with "THE LINCOLNS STALKER ROCK" written on it, spattered with blood ... I mean red ink. The last decent stalker tune was "Stalker," Urge Overkill's Steve Albini-produced cut from Stull. But the Lincolns' eight tracks expose that song for what it is – lightweight fantasy rock by and for smoking jacket-clad, martini-sipping hipsters. Whereas on Stalker Rock, right from the opening squeal of Jack Daily's guitar on "If I Had a Meat Cleaver," it's clear the Lincolns aren't going to cut the pure stalker dope with Neil Diamond covers: "If I had a shotgun you know it would be a blast / When the power of my love comes down and knocks you on your ass."