Aries (March 21-April 19)

Screw Jazzercise, Aries. The real workout for you this week is Somaticise. Which means, give your overburdened brain a break from its obsession with the details and let your body absorb the bigger picture. Your body, with its gut feelings and intuitive hunches, is your reality-meter this week.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Taurus, your priority this week is maintaining your center and thinking: "Fertile Myrtle! Fertile like a compost rack full o' worms, fertile like a Catholic lady who doesn't believe in contraception.... " OK, that was a horrible metaphor, but what we're getting at here is, what do you want to bring forth? Get to it!

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Later, dear Gemini, it might be time to pay the piper. But that time is not now. Now is the time for you to enjoy yourself with abandon, 'cause truly you've worked damn hard to get where you are, and it's really paying off. Enjoy the sensation of being exactly where you're supposed to be.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You're on the right path, Cancer, and we do hope that it's a pretty path with balmy weather and that you're enjoying it. You've been plopped on top of a lot of difficult situations and emotions lately, and you've hopped off that lousy mound with a bang. Please savor this absence of annoying confusion.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

It's crucial that you conjure a hopeful and virile attitude this week, Leo, and that you perform this optimism with all the drama and passion your kind is capable of. There's no right or wrong way to deal with the choices you need to make, but rustling up some exuberance can only make the situation more enjoyable.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

OK, Virgo, we don't trust that you have a ton of patience for New Agey speech, but since you're reading a horoscope, we're going to assume you can handle it. So here goes: please be present for all the kick-ass strength we see you sitting with, and go on cutting ties to some tired old ways of being.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The changes you've initiated have brought you down a path of disorientation. We bet you're barely getting out of the house -- you're that fogged up by your own head. We're here to tell you, Libra, that you've cultivated enough strength to deal with the scariest thing of all: yourself.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You've got a lot going on this week, Scorpio, a lot to give. So we suggest giving it to your people – you know who they are. All your LTRs, not just the lusty ones, are coming up right now, and you're being called to deal with your friendships in a way that's solid, sustainable, and generous.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You can't swing a dead cat without hitting an area of your life that could use some slowing down, Sag. Alone time this week will be more regenerative for you than a day at some hoity-toity spa, and it'll be fabulous for your relationships. All the people want is a grounded, wonderful you, so give it to 'em.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

OK, Capricorn, this is your week to schmooze, to post your photo on a Web site, to lug your portfolio into an intimidating office while wearing some sort of avant-garde headpiece. We know most Capricorns are unlikely to do anything so zany, but what we're saying is, it's time to boldly put yourself out there.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Poor little victim of circumstance! Situations beyond your control are pushing you to act when you'd like nothing more than to take a little break and ponder what you really want. Let us assure you, Aquarius, that things are not as bad as they seem. Take a look at how you respond to feeling overwhelmed.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You're all tensed up in some sort of survival mode, Pisces, and though you might have needed such defensive posture recently, the time has passed. You've worked to get where you're at, and it's a lovely place. Try to relax enough to enjoy it. We do need to warn you about excess, but what else is new?