REAL MEN KNOW how to talk and act tough. Real politicians know how to talk and act like real men.

Campaigning for reelection in 1975, incumbent Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo promised even more law and order, a trademark of his first fours years in office, saying he would "make Attila the Hun look like a faggot." The remark was partly in response to charges that he hadn't kept the streets safe enough.

Rizzo was never accused of being anything but a real man. A former tough cop and an even tougher police commissioner, he had no time for such feminine concerns as civil rights or freedom of speech. He once strip-searched members of the Black Panther Party in the middle of a North Philly street in order to humiliate them in front of the watchful eye of the media. He sent tanks down Broad Street, Philadelphia's equivalent of our Market Street, to intercept a peaceful antiwar march the day after the killing of four antiwar protesters at Kent State University by members of the Ohio National Guard. His philosophy for dealing with criminals, which in his mind included antiwar demonstrators and militant black leaders, was spacco il capo (break their heads). You just didn't mess with Frankie.

With the war in Iraq going sour, the economy in shambles, homelessness at an all-time high, and basic health care unaffordable to millions of Americans, President George W. Bush is showing us what real men do to solve the country's problems, and it's not eating quiche. They push for a federal ban on gay marriage. After all, what kind of man marries another man? It's not that Bush objects to consenting adults doing whatever they want in the privacy of their own bedrooms, but he has to draw the line somewhere, especially since a constitutional amendment nixing marriage licenses for queer couples resonates so well with his conservative base. It's sure easier than finding Osama bin Laden or answering questions about his military record, not to mention explaining what happened to all of those weapons of mass destruction Saddam Hussein had stockpiled in Iraq.

California governor Arnold "the Terminator" Schwarzenegger has them all beat. He recently called state legislators who oppose his budget "girlie men" (a phrase made popular by Saturday Night Live in its parody of Schwarzenegger as an actor and bodybuilder), thus offending both women and queers in the same breath. Makes perfect sense: neither women nor fags are real men. Schwarzenegger was doing what politicians do when everything else fails: question their opponents' masculinity.

It's the school yard mentality. "Faggot" is still the epithet of choice among young boys. Since the P.C. police have made "faggot" unacceptable, the modern American politician has no choice but to employ euphemisms such as "girlie men" and "wimp." You can't blame them.

America likes its politicians to talk and act tough. America is no sissy.

We've proved that many times: Hiroshima, Vietnam, Desert Storm, Afghanistan, Iraq, Guantanamo, and Abu Ghraib, to name a few. Rizzo sent tanks down Broad Street; America sends them all over the world. Former Philadelphia mayor Wilson Goode dropped a bomb on a house in West Philly in 1985 to evict the black radical group MOVE; America drops bombs on whole countries.

America doesn't want politicians who are soft on crime, homelessness, drugs, or even illegal immigrants' driving cars. San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom's tough talk about cracking down on homeless people who collect a meager $300 a month from General Assistance, or who panhandle on the streets, ensured his victory in the runoff election last December. Had his opponent, Matt Gonzalez, been more "manly" and talked about bombing homeless camps under freeway overpasses or breaking the heads of drugged-out street kids in the Haight, he might have won the election. But he was busy hosting art shows and forums on urban issues.

In American politics, girlie men finish last.

Tommi Avicolli Mecca is a longtime girlie man writer. He's currently on sabbatical.