DEAR DAME EVELYN , I've just returned from dining alone at the lovely Burger Joint on Valencia, a beacon for fine beef burgers and hand-cut fries. I was sitting at a double table and was finishing up when a woman walked over, said nothing to me, and pulled the unused table about two inches from the table where I sat, taking the salt and pepper shakers and the bud vase with her. She then sat down on the bench beside me with her purse between us. I couldn't help staring at the gap between our tables. Two inches. Is there some sort of etiquette I've missed here? I admit that I hail from the elbow-knocking land of New York City, but was her behavior rude? Before the act, she didn't ask me if anyone was joining me or sitting with me or if I was using the extra table space. She said nothing to me and read her paper until her order came up. Should I push the tables back together next time? Bring lost items (like the salt and pepper) back over the chasm (social and physical)? I was in shock until I turned the page and saw your column smiling back at me. Please advise, Dame Evelyn.

They call me Evelyn too!

Dear E, Was she rude? Oh, yes indeedy, as you Yanks say. Obliviousness to, or disregard of, the small courtesies has become the new urban style; other people tend to be inconvenient, after all, full of wants, needs, and desires that compete and often conflict with our own. So ignore them! And perhaps they will simply go away, like a bad smell.

Having made that little speech, I must now add that borrowing a table in the situation you describe does not sound extreme. And if you needed the salt and pepper shakers back, you could have asked for them. Silent fuming is the handmaiden of rudeness, whereas being gracious in the face of incivility is not merely virtuous but wise.

Peppily, E. G.-S.

Can you hand-cut your own fries without cutting your hands? Ask Dame Evelyn:
Contact Evelyn Grosvenor-Smythe at dame.evelyn@comcast.net.