IT WAS MONDAY morning, and I'd just finished coughing up some of the grossest stuff my lungs have ever conjured, when Adam – my office pal and itinerant East Bay Synthetic Pleasures foot soldier – greeted me in his dashing new semi-faux-hawk.

"I'm sick," I announced, without really needing to. –"I went to the Kitchen Sink party," he bragged. –Shit.

I was pretty certain by his haircut – a little off the top, a bit more off one side, even more off the other – and his devilish grin that while I spent the better part of the weekend nursing a havoc-wreaking cold-flu, I missed one of the season's hotter parties: Kitchen Sink magazine's two-year anniversary happening.

Yeah, Adam's barber was considerably drunk when she scissored away at his head, and, yeah, she was flanked by out-of-control revelers bopping to Electro Group, Rogue Wave, and DJ Kitty, but I've gotta admit, his cut looks pretty sweet. Of course, the thought of sweating out the rest of the night in an Oakland warehouse with pricks of freshly cut hair crawling down my neck, back, and butt was at least some consolation for not having attended.

Alas, stumbly, stubbly mop chops weren't all that I missed (not that my bald head really needed one). Also running amok in the general Exploding Plastic Inevitable-like hoopla that night were Marc Horowitz – responsible for the "Dinner w/ Marc" Crate and Barrel catalog prank – and his trading post of random items, a dysfunctional fashion show brimming with impractical designs, and an uninvited fire-juggling, unicycle-jousting clown troupe. I suppose I can forgive my ailing body for the miss this time, but color me crazy if I pass up Kitchen Sink's latest party, with Faun Fables, the Gris Gris's Greg Ashley, and a canine fashion show Dec. 18.

Drink tickets

I'll confess that the prospect of free drinks, even at Macy's, even at 6 p.m. on a weeknight, even when they're in exchange for my undivided attention to Ben Sherman clothiers, is hard to pass up. The truth is, I'm a promotional events whore, and usually when I'm eating or drinking on someone else's dime, I try one of everything. It's not that I'm a glutton for the stuff; rather, I just savor the opportunity to be in a room of after-work imbibers – clothing salespeople or not – when they're off the clock and looking to get rowdy. But when I literally followed the scent of Red Bull – the stuff cuts like a Ginsu, even through my cold – up to the third floor of the men's store, I had a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't be sticking it out for long. Really, the stuff makes me vomit, and in case you didn't notice, I was already not quite up to par.

No, it's not every day that one gets to check out Philly-based DJ King Britt while perusing the DKNY racks, and though his set was a suitably sedate mix of deep house and shopper-friendly remixes of Björk and the like, something just wasn't doing it for me. I know, you're thinking, What did you expect? But seriously, when these things do turn into scenes, watch out! This one obviously didn't, but whatever. Wet, cool winter nights in Union Square, despite what most people consider the annoying bustle of annoying shoppers being annoying, actually get me in the holiday mood, and I'm no Christmas guy.

There is, however, one thing I need for Christmas – or slightly before the day, actually – and it's a Christmas album. I used to regard holiday music as completely insufferable until I was turned on to the Ze Christmas Record, a collection of original Christmas songs from 1982 by art punks and post-punks James Chance, Cristina, Was (Not Was), and a whole slew of other Ze label cohorts. Speaking of Was (Not Was), the reunited proto-punk funk kings will be hitting Slim's the eve before New Year's Eve, and though they'll undoubtedly please nostalgia seekers with "Christmas Time in Motor City," I'll actually be knee-deep in Detroit's snow, hopefully with the Ze Christmas disc in hand. Full report from tha D to come.

'Stinky's Peepshow: Punk Rock Karaoke' takes place Thurs/16, 8 p.m., Cafe du Nord, 2170 Market, S.F. $12. (415) 861-5016.

John Acquaviva plays Fri/17, 10 p.m., Mezzanine, 444 Jessie, S.F. $10. (415) 625-8880.

'Kitchen Sink' presents Faun Fables, Mandrake, and Greg Ashley Sat/18, 8 p.m.-midnight, Lobot Gallery, 1800 Campbell, Oakl. $5. (510) 798-6566.

Was (Not Was) play Dec. 30, 8 p.m., Slim's, 333 11th St., S.F. $30. (415) 522-0333.

E-mail Ken Taylor at syntheticsf@yahoo.com.