AS A PROGRESSIVE , openly transgender, queer-identified San Franciscan, I find marriage equality to be a gut-wrenching issue. On the one hand, I'm critical of the institution of marriage because of my feminist-queer liberationist beliefs. On the other hand, I'm aware of how people in same-sex relationships are treated as second-class citizens, particularly when it comes to the lack of legal protections for the integrity of their families.

When someone loses his or her same-sex partner in old age, retirement benefits are denied. When a same-sex partner tries to immigrate to the United States, the law doesn't recognize his or her relationship. And when same-sex partners separate, child-custody rights can be denied.

In fact, there are more than 1,000 rights heterosexual married couples enjoy that same-sex couples will never have, even with domestic partnership laws. Same-sex couples are clearly denied full citizenship rights in the United States.

When Mayor Gavin Newsom began performing marriage ceremonies in City Hall, my beliefs were profoundly changed. Marriage was no longer just a theoretical concept to me. Over and over again, I watched my friends standing amid dozens of other couples exchanging vows. (I'll never forget how quickly my radical feminist lesbian neighbors ran off to City Hall to get married.) Over and over again, I cried during their ceremonies. Couples whose commitment ceremonies I'd attended, who've been together for years, whose vows to each other have been well established by years of domesticity and partnership, were marrying in small, extremely joyful circles of wet eyes and big smiles.

As a transgender man in a different-gender relationship, I have access to marriage rights and privileges. But I'm angered that as a transgender man, I now have a set of rights my gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters don't have. My partner and I had a commitment ceremony without accepting the privilege of legal marriage our brothers and sisters in the LGBT community cannot have.

Finally, over the past year I've become increasingly aware that the people who strongly oppose same-sex marriage also oppose domestic partner and antidiscrimination laws and are seriously out to get us. They're organizing while we're twiddling our thumbs. As queer activist Larry Kramer noted in an interview with the Village Voice, "You gotta wake up and smell the coffee. They're coming after us. Big time. Even if they're doing it under the guise of Mr. and Mrs. Nice Guy with God on Their Side."

Many in the straight progressive community have said little over the past year about marriage equality, and some even make snide comments about Newsom's motivations. I worked hard in the runoff for Matt Gonzalez, and he would've made a great mayor. But even the most steadfast Gonzalez supporter has to admit Newsom isn't governing the city in the same way he campaigned.

For the most part, Newsom is governing to the middle, with occasional moments that knock my socks off, like his courageous stand on same-sex marriage and his walking the picket line with the striking hotel workers of UNITE HERE Local 2. As Gonzalez said in his concession speech, we should praise Newsom when he does right and criticize him when he does wrong.

So while we may need to continue to push Newsom on economic justice issues, we must stand by him when conservatives – of all parties – lash out at him for his position on marriage equality.

Most important, we need everyone to stand by the LGBT community in the next few years. The religious right organized in 13 swing states against marriage equality – and, in some states, against domestic partnership laws – and won. This month in California, just after assemblymember Mark Leno introduced his bill to create marriage equality, Lou Sheldon and the religious right plan to place an initiative on the 2006 ballot to ban marriage equality and domestic partnerships. We must all stand strong on this and actively reach out to all of California. We can't win this without you.

Robert Haaland is a political organizer with Service Employees International Union Local 790 and the former president of the Harvey Milk Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Democratic Club.