By Mike Alexis

THE PANTHEON OF comedy rap is a near-empty dome with very little inside to laugh about. N.W.A.? Yeah, they might be in there – they were very funny, but you would most likely find them hanging out back. Biz Markie, the undisputed champ of the genre, probably has a big-ass plaque hanging up. However, when I feel obliged to point out Arsenio Hall's Chunky A sitting in the corner, you know the world needs more – and better – funny rappers. So where to put Schaffer the Darklord?

Originally from Iowa and now based in New York, he initially dressed up like Dracula and rapped about "certain rock bands, being in a rock band, or things that rock bands deal with." It was a novelty act for sure: infiltrate bills with earnest bands and force himself on their unsuspecting audiences. "I prefer to play with rock bands, because there's this Trojan horse effect," STD says on the phone from NYC. "I get onstage and people usually just roll their eyes like, 'I can't believe I have to endure this.' Then I end up doing well, and a lot of people tell me they ended up being surprised."

Being a road warrior and rock band veteran himself – he served a stint as one of the drummers in San Francisco sonic bludgeoners Burmese, as well as a decade with the defunct S.F.-via-Iowa noise rock band L'Og – STD, otherwise known as Mark Schaffer, had plenty of material for his initial act. "Your Band," off last year's self-released debut, Meet My Maker, is both an ethics manifesto and a scathing indictment – and it's the only "rock band song" that remains today. A sample: "You babble on about your band like it's Babylon / And I'm bored / You've been playing 10 years? / You want a fucking reward?" Or even better: "Clutching a rattle in a crib / In a bib, bare butt / Your haircut looks like a dyed-jet-black Andy Gibb."

But what about hip-hop audiences? Does he ever feel the urge to cross over? "I generally don't like playing with hip-hop groups, but there are many, many exceptions. I've played with a lot of hip-hop acts that I just absolutely love, but a lot of the jokes in my act, a lot of the material in my songs, only rock 'n' rollers get a lot of the time." STD is probably talking about the song "Cat People." It's hard to imagine the backpack-and-hoodie crowd bobbing their heads while he raps, "My cat people, throw your paws in the air / Meow, meow / Meow, meow."

The transition into broader comedy can be traced to the song "Attack of the Clonefuckers" – an apocalyptic, sci-fi fantasy about cloning oneself and then, well, you know, nobody else is around, so ... "Oh my / Look at my new toy / He'll be my best friend, lover, and house boy / Even though he's a guy and even though I'm not gay / I'm so vain / I'll be fucking my clone all day." And that's pretty tame compared to the XXX plot twists the song takes next.

"It was definitely a pretty extreme first step," STD confesses. "I still do it in the show because people react pretty strongly to that song live – both in positive and very, very negative ways." On his last tour, STD found himself in his hometown, Des Moines, Iowa, performing the song in front of his mother, aunt, and uncle. "My mom loved it. My uncle ... I don't know how the holidays are going to be from now on."

Schaffer the Darklord moved to New York City more than a year ago, after spending the previous five in San Francisco. His return for this year's Mission Creek Music and Arts Festival finds him with his most-honed, subversive, and funny act yet – with nary a rock band for competition (Fuckwolf don't count). It should be noted that musically, STD comes correct: his beats, samples, and flow pass the test even without the clone sex, cats, and vengeful zombie Jesus Christs. The man deserves a plaque.

Schaffer the Darklord performs with Fuckwolf June 10, 9:30 p.m., Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk, S.F. $7. (415) 923-0923.

More, more, more

El Capitan I never knew what a cord of wood was until El Capitan defined it so eloquently on the spacey, back porch-swinging dirge "The Woodcutter's Hymnal." Don't pinch the measurements, and keep an eye on the details. Mon/6, Make-Out Room.

Papercuts Surviving the burst of the late-'90s indie pop bubble, the Papercuts still offer sweet, hazy, hungover melodies. Slouchy, downtrodden, poetic bands like this probably won't usurp the agitated, soulless post-post-punk newbies, but one can dream, right? June 8, Cafe du Nord.

Tarentel Imagine a 10-minute version of the intro to Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing" without the "I want my MTV" part – well, Tarentel are a hundred times better than that. For years and years, the S.F. band have been weaving gorgeous ambient music blankets with occasional bursts of volume escaping through the threads. June 8, 12 Galaxies.

Dirty Power This succinctly and aptly named rock combo take Cheap Trick, AC/DC, and, let's say, Grand Funk Railroad and spin them into their own modernized, lumbering sonic assault. June 10, 12 Galaxies.

M.A.