And we have a winner ...

The results from the Sex Issue 2005 quiz contest are in

My favorite story of the year would have to be the one with the headline "Monkeys Pay to See Female Monkey Bottoms". Here, we learned that not only were monkeys willing to pay to see monkey skin, but they were also ponying up to see celebrity monkey skin. Two and a half million search finds in English for "Britney Spears naked"? Hey, we're not perverts, we're just ... primates. This makes me happy.

The most important story, as opposed to the most amusing, concerned an AIDS study that may actually end up saving lives, and the most controversial, especially here in San Francisco, where even straight people identify as "queer" just to fit in, was certainly this one.

And finally (most of you got this one wrong), the most effective treatment for a small penis turns out to be – now imagine me jumping up and down while chanting "I rule! Surgeons drool!" – sex education.

Without further ado, the answers:


1. A study conducted in South Africa resulted in the discovery that a specific procedure apparently protects men from contracting HIV. What is it?
(a) Facial mutilation to make the subject less attractive
(b) Circumcision
(c) Suspending the subject's driver's license

2. A new kind of "pride" movement made headlines for the first time this year. What kind of sexuality is now being celebrated?
(a) Asexuality
(b) Trisexuality
(c) Unisexuality

3. Researchers hooked young men up to instruments, had them watch some porn, and ended up casting doubt over the very existence of which sexual orientation?
(a) Asexuality in men
(b) Bisexuality in men
(c) Homosexuality in men

4. A new book makes a forceful argument for which explanation for the existence of the female orgasm?
(a) Male partners of orgasmic women are less likely to be violent.
(b) Female orgasmic ability is an evolutionary byproduct of male orgasmic ability, with no separate function of its own.
(c) Offspring of orgasmic women are more fertile.

5. Which outré sex act was only recently outlawed in California?
(a) Sex with dead people
(b) Sex with animals
(c) Sex between adult siblings

6. Scientists doing autism research stumbled on which intriguing fact?
(a) Monkeys would rather watch porn than eat.
(b) Humans are aroused by monkey porn.
(c) Monkeys will pay to see monkey porn.

7. After officials in several states noticed that a bizarre benefit was being provided to certain citizens, a federal agency informed all states that they were no longer obligated to provide which unlikely substance to which recipients?
(a) Viagra to sex offenders
(b) Herbal aphrodisiacs to Medicaid patients
(c) Birth control pills to prison inmates

8. Which old sex-research controversy, long since sunk into obscurity, suddenly reemerged this year?
(a) Whether Sigmund Freud betrayed his female patients who reported being abused as children
(b) How Shere Hite concluded that most women are unhappy with their sex lives
(c) Whether Alfred Kinsey passed off advocacy as hard science

9. People have long wondered why male homosexuality has not been bred out of the population. Which genetic link, discovered by Italian researchers, might explain this?
(a) The same gene that may promote fertility in women may also predispose their male relatives to homosexuality.
(b) Genes that predispose men to homosexuality are also linked to male attractiveness.
(c) Women who carry the male-homosexuality gene are also predisposed to having many male partners.

10. Which new treatment for men who complain of small penis size has been shown to work?
(a) Laser phalloplasty
(b) Remeasurement and a stern talking-to by a sex educator
(c) Gradual stretching on a racklike device