I MUST ADMIT , my first reaction to the controversy over gay priests was the same as my reaction to gays in the military: Of course, queer people should have the right to be soldiers, or sailors, or Marine drill sergeants, or covert intelligence operatives, or Catholic priests – but why would anyone want to?

Of course, I grew up in the Catholic Church, so my opinion is jaded. Even as a kid, I couldn't understand why a guy would want to spend his life in an institution that is run entirely from the top down by a leader who answers only to God (and, of course, gets to tell the rest of us what God thinks), with a long list of strange and immutable rules that are utterly out of touch with the modern world. And, of course, there's the celibacy problem.

Still, I know some people who loved the military life and were sad to be drummed out because of who they were, and there are a lot of people who very much want to be a part – a real, accepted part – of the Catholic Church, which is, after all, a very powerful community. And the rules that bar queer people from those roles are not only silly, painful, and a disgrace, but they're also harmful to the institutions.

There have been numerous reports of how antigay witch hunts hurt military readiness (at times like these, why would the United States want to kick out some of its best soldiers?) and actually undermine morale. Now, as Joe Dignan reports on page 15, the Catholic Church is going to have to face a similar problem: Get rid of all the gay priests and there won't be very many priests left.

The difference is that, in the end, the US military is an institution that has to respond to the American people. It won't be long before a democratically elected US president orders the Pentagon to get over its antigay politics the way Harry Truman ordered an end to racial discrimination. And the generals and admirals will do what they're told.

The Vatican doesn't care a bit about what its American congregants want. It's one of the last of the great absolute monarchies. Which leaves SF's gay Catholics in an all-too-familiar situation: To stay faithful to the church, you have to defy it.

Tim Redmond tredmond@sfbg.com