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stage Stage listings are compiled by Laurie Koh and Cheryl Eddy. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, Deborah Giattina, Karen McKevitt, and Lara Shalson. See 8 Days a Week for information on how to submit items to the listings. theater Opening 700 Sundays Golden Gate Theatre, One Taylor; 512-7770, www.shnsf.com. $58-148. Opens Tues/29, 8pm. Runs Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm). Through Dec 17. Billy Crystal performs his Tony Award-winning solo show. The Roar of the Greasepaint, the Smell of the Crowd Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; 978-2787, www.42ndStMoon.org. $20-38. Previews Fri/25, 8pm. Opens Sat/26, 6pm. Runs Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 6pm; Sun, 3pm; Dec 7, 7pm. Through Dec 11. 42nd Street Moon performs the Leslie Bricusse-Anthony Newley satire. Ongoing After Dark New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $20-38 (Wed/23, pay what you can). Previews Wed/23, Fri/25-Sat/26, and Nov 30, 8pm; Sun/27, 2pm. Opens Dec 1, 8pm. Runs Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm (no shows Dec 24-25). Through Dec 31. New Conservatory Theatre Center's Pride Season Eleven continues with Steve Luger's romantic holiday comedy. The Arab-Israeli Cookbook New venue: Traveling Jewish Theatre, 470 Florida; (510) 436-5085, www.theatrefirst.com. $10-22. Dec 1-3, 8pm; Dec 4, 3pm. British playwright Robin Soans, drawing on interviews conducted in 2003 in collaboration with directors Tim Roseman and Rima Brihi, chose food and cooking as the focus of his verbatim play about daily life for Palestinians and Israelis, now making its Bay Area premiere courtesy of TheatreFIRST and artistic director Clive Chafer. Recipes get proudly exchanged and a meal prepared center stage by an able eight-person cast portraying a total of three dozen characters (many Christians of one stripe or another) from across Israel and the Palestinian West Bank. In this fashion, the play naturally asserts the common values of community across lines of benign difference, while engaging myriad feelings and opinions related to the deep-seated violence of colonial conflict. Given undeniably powerful stories and affecting moments, the play nevertheless, by its nature, lacks a strong narrative arc. This missing forward momentum perhaps reflects a certain political rut too – not just the perpetually stymied "peace process" bandied about by disingenuous powers at the top, but also a typical liberal response on the ground to egregious violence against civilians. Without rigorous contextualizing, such humanizing balancing acts, tightly focused on individual stories, can inadvertently join a misleading political equivalency between two broad and, in reality, utterly uneven sides in a systematic, still-unfolding conquest of land. (Avila) Beyond Therapy Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; 433-1226, www.jeanshelton.com. $20-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Open-ended. The Shelton Theater presents Christopher Durang's comedy about therapists and their patients. The Blue Room Noh Space, 2840 Mariposa; 420-6688, www.ticketweb.com. $25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 3. Ashland Pacific Productions presents David Hare's erotic drama. *Corteo Grand Chapiteau, SBC Park parking lot; 1-800-678-5440, www.cirquedusoleil.com. $31.50-89. Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Thurs-Sat, 4pm; no show Dec 6); Sun, 1 and 5pm. Through Jan 8. If you love Cirque du Soleil for its mind-blowing artistry and acrobatics but have grown tired of its snooty veneer and bad sight lines, take heart: With Corteo, they finally get it right. In a brilliant move, the company seats the audience nearly in the round, with the playing space dividing the circle in half – which brings the performers closer to the audience and virtually eliminates bad seats. Sure, there's still excessive merchandising and $18 SBC parking, but the show makes a more authentic connection with the audience while still delivering the seemingly impossible circus acts. Corteo (cortege in Italian) chronicles the death of a clown who imagines – or dreams – his own funeral procession, with flying angels, little people, clowns, and, of course, circus performers. Inhabiting the space between heaven and earth, women swing from chandeliers (much more stunning than trapezes), and acrobats spring from oversized, trampolinelike beds with daring abandon. While some comic interludes are mistimed, other impressive acts include heart-stopping gymnastics on horizontal bars and trampolines, gravity-defying juggling, and an absurdist rendition of Romeo and Juliet on a miniature stage. This may be the most fun you could ever have at a funeral. (McKevitt) The Drug Diaries Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission; 517-3581, www.darkroomsf.com. $13. Sat/26, 8pm. Tech Slave Productions presents this performance, subtitled "From Those That Barely Remember." *The False Servant, or the Business of Love Exit on Taylor, 277 Taylor; 386-2373, theatreabydos@aol.com. $18-25. Fri-Sat, 8pm (no shows Fri/25-Sat/26). Through Dec 17. In Abydos Theater's razor-sharp production of Pierre Marivaux's classic 18th-century French comedy, love, gender, and sexual desire prove as fluid as money – and all four are bound together in a continual, erotically charged dance that confirms the observation: "In this life, we are all servants of someone or another." A wealthy young woman (Megan Smith) goes in disguise as a chevalier to discover the full intentions of the man she is thinking of marrying, the slick and utterly mercenary Lelio (Jonathan Leveck). Pretending to befriend Lelio man to man, Chevalier agrees to help him out by seducing away his fiancée, the not-quite-as-wealthy Countess (Beth Wilmurt), but soon goes some way toward wooing for its own sake. Reveling in her role as a man, Chevalier must pay hush money to a pair of servants (Joseph Estlack and Sam Misner) whose venal and carnal appetites are whetted to distraction, in all directions, by the scent of a "juicy intrigue." Director Jessica Heidt's energetic Jazz Age staging blends seamlessly with a fresh and lucid new translation-adaptation by Ann and George Crowe, while the physically stylized yet coolly assured performances of her fine cast strike a winning balance between the play's broad comedy and thematic subtlety. (Avila) *Good Luck with It Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-22. Sat, 8:30pm; Sun, 7pm. Through Dec 3. With respect to one-man comedy shows, there's funny, and then there's Franken-funny. A monster comic showman of truly prodigious talent, San Francisco comedian Will Franken fills up a performance space so naturally you'd think he could really only live on stage (without, anyway, seriously alarming the villagers). In this largely brilliant series of absurd segues and satirical sketches (the show's title emerges from a particularly pettish personality type in one of them), the lanky, long-haired, and distinctly not-what-you'd-expect performer lights on the Marsh like a gangling bird of prey, devouring every cultural cliché, vacuous dramatic trope, or everyday inanity a deeply middling civilization has to offer. The easily offended will not be disappointed. Devoutly sacrilegious and scrupulously inappropriate, as well as refreshingly off-the-wall, Franken's the surreal thing. (Avila) The Hopper Collection Magic Theatre, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 441-8822, www.magictheatre.org. $20-50. Tues-Sat, 8:30pm (no show Thurs/24); Sun, 2:30pm. Through Dec 11. Magic Theatre performs the world premiere of Max Smart's postmodern look at relationships. House of Blue Leaves Actors Theatre of San Francisco, Main Stage, 533 Sutter; 296-9179, www.ticketweb.com. $10-40. Thurs-Sat, 8pm (no show Thurs/24); Sun, 7pm. Through Dec 17. Actors Theatre of San Francisco performs John Guare's black comedy about being obsessed with fame and celebrity. Ice Castle Project Artaud Theatre, 450 Florida; 665-2276. $12-25. Fri, 7pm (also Fri/25, 2pm); Sat-Sun, 2pm. Through Dec 4. AcroSports City Circus (featuring performers age 10 to 16) presents their new "theatrical circus spectacle" about a group of friends who are transported to a magical ice kingdom. *Irving Berlin's White Christmas Orpheum Theatre, 1192 Market; 512-7770, www.ticketmaster.com. $40-85. Wed-Sat, Tues/29, Dec 6, 20, and 26-27, 8pm (no show Thurs/24; no 8pm show Dec 28; additional shows Wed, Sat, Dec 22, and Dec 26-27, 2pm; no 2pm show Dec 31); Sun, 2pm (also Sun/27 and Dec 18, 7:30pm; no shows Dec 25). Through Dec 31. Welcome to Irving Berlin's White Christmas, a 1950s musical landscape of fresh-faced optimism and unabashed patriotism, a place where worried people who can't sleep count their blessings instead of sheep. But all is not the epitome of Norman Rockwell contentment. A retired general's Vermont inn faces a mountain of debt and a heat wave that threatens a white Christmas. So two of his former privates-turned-song-and-dance men, along with their love interests and a chorus of performers, decide to put on a show (where else?) in the barn of the inn. During the rehearsals, the show is "threatened" (but not really) by lovers' spats, a slower-than-molasses local stagehand, and an overstressed director. White Christmas is all about Berlin's music – and musical theater aficionados as well as those seeking 1950s nostalgia won't be disappointed with such numbers as "Sisters," "Snow," "Love, You Didn't Do Right by Me," and, of course, the "White Christmas" finale, when it does indeed snow in San Francisco. Some may find this show rather sweet and hokey, but with terrific tap dance numbers, a beautifully detailed set, and winning performances by the lead actors, White Christmas might just be the remedy for any holiday cynic. (McKevitt) Matt and Ben Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; 771-4806, www.unidentifiedsf.org. $20-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 10pm). Through Dec 3. The Unidentified Theatre Company presents Mindy Kaling and Brenda Withers's loving little off-Broadway spoof of god-given talent and male friendship, a cross-gender-cast hit of 2003. The premise is something like a particularly revealing episode of Inside the Actors' Studio, if by studio we mean slovenly bachelor pad (an aptly unimaginative slacker's nest conjured by set designer Cat Stevans), and by actors we mean Matt Damon (Sarah Mitchell) and Ben Affleck (Jennifer Dean) in their prestardom, post-School Ties period of delayed adolescence. The best friends are sort of hard at work on a screenplay adaptation of Catcher in the Rye (doubting and ambitious Matt, the clever one, is also pursuing his acting career on the sly from bigger, handsomer, ingenuous pal Ben) when a script falls from the sky, or ceiling, anyway, with the title Good Will Hunting, and (dude, check it out) their names are on the byline! Even those not necessarily interested in these Hollywood lugs might anticipate some juicy opportunities for cultural satire, but there the results are surprisingly spotty and rather weak – although the performances from Dean and Mitchell are sharp and amusing in this hour-long piece ably directed by Christopher Jenkins. (Avila) Menopause the Musical Theatre 39 at Pier 39, Two Beach St; 433-3939, www.menopausethemusical.com. $46.50. Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Wed, 2pm and Sat, 4pm); Sun, 2pm. Open-ended. Jeanie Linders's musical comedy celebrates women who are facing "the change." Missives Theatre Rhinoceros, 2926 16th St; 861-5079, www.therhino.org. $15-25. Wed/23 and Fri/25-Sat/26, 8pm. Theatre Rhinoceros presents the world premiere of San Francisco playwright Garret Jon Groenveld's epistolary comedy-drama about an African American straight woman (Dawn-Elin Fraser) and a white gay man (Kevin Crook) who strike up an intense friendship entirely via letters slipped under their neighboring doors. Midway between the open-ended anonymity of e-mail and the too-tangible definition of a face-to-face relationship, Ben and Lia's lovingly personalized, handwritten missives (which form the bulk of the narrative) act as the much-needed space in which each can, in a sense, rewrite themselves anew – even as they share the trials of modern life, including the intimate details of new and broken relationships, Ben especially maintains a certain mysterious distance. Groenveld underscores the ambiguity by working in the star of Ben and Lia's favorite soap, Trixie Evans (Alexandra Creighton). Moreover, we sense something risky in all this from the outset: Ben is an officially "missing person" when the play begins. Willful self-invention indeed takes a sinister turn as someone else's far-less friendly fantasy life starts showing up unbidden on postcards outside Ben's door. Still, the play, directed by Tracy Ward, seems unsure of what questions it wants to ask through all this, while its humor and pathos can alternately fall flat or sit awkwardly together. Not unlike the evolving identities of its central characters, Missives can seem a promising construct that's still trying to decide what it's about. (Avila) 'One4All: Asian American Theatre Festival' Jon Sims Center for the Performing Arts, 1519 Mission; 554-0402, www.jonsimsctr.org. $10-15. Fri/25-Sat/26, 8pm. This week's featured performance is "Tomorrow the World: Asians Take on the Classics," with versions of works by Chekhov, Shakespeare, and others. Porcelain Exit Stage Left, 156 Eddy; 675-5995, www.crowdedfire.org. $18-30. Fri-Sat, 8pm (no shows Fri/25-Sat/26). Through Dec 17. Racism and homophobia confine like the bars of the prison cell where a profoundly lonely 19-year-old, John Lee (played by Jason Wong with intriguing, unfolding complexity), sits for the murder of his lover (John Atwood), having confessed to firing six bullets into his body in a public bathroom in London. Lee, the son of a Singaporean immigrant and restaurant owner, barely registers any hardship in his incarceration, having long been shunned twice over – as Asian and gay – by the British society he grew up in. Instead he sits quietly folding red paper cranes. Porcelain brought American playwright Chay Yew instant award-winning recognition when it premiered, in London in 1992 (it had its Bay Area premiere the following year, in a production at Theatre Rhinoceros). This acclaim clearly had less to do with its fairly conventional plot devices, half-developed subthemes, or occasionally amateurish passages than its daring look at the interplay of racism and homophobia, including their internalized dimensions, in the life and mind of its protagonist. Crowded Fire opens its ninth season with Yew's play, and director Mei Ann Teo gives Porcelain an elegantly designed, smoothly executed production, though one lacking enough in necessary intensity that the play's clunkier aspects can overwhelm it. (Avila) Prelude to a Kiss SF Playhouse, 536 Sutter; 677-9596, www.ticketweb.com. $18-60. Wed-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm). Through Dec 17. If you're in the mood for a familiar romantic comedy with a feel-good ending, then SF Playhouse's competent production of Craig Lucas's popular fairytale might be just what you're looking for. After a whirlwind romance, Peter and Rita are set to get hitched. But on their wedding night, a strange old man kisses Rita, and poof! – Rita's not acting like herself, and somewhere there's an old man who doesn't know who he is anymore. Of course, true love prevails: Peter realizes that his mate's soul has been switched, and soon he's having intimate conversations with Rita in the old man's body. These scenes, with Christopher W. Jones as Peter and Joe Bellan as the old man, are surprisingly touching. The comic delight is Lauren English as Rita after the transformation. Whether checking out her own body or trying to make out with Peter, English revels in bringing out the old man inhabiting Rita's body. Prem Lathi's apt costuming adds to the effect. The first half of the play is less successful: Though the scenes move quickly and smoothly under Bill English's direction, we never fully get the passion between Peter and Rita, making the play's final message about the power of love seem empty like the relationship between them. (Shalson) 'ReOrient 2005: Seventh Annual Festival of Short Plays' Magic Theatre, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 626-4061, www.goldenthread.org. $10-30. Wed-Sat, 8pm (no shows Wed/23-Thurs/24); Sun, 7pm. Through Dec 4. Golden Thread Productions presents their annual fest of new short plays exploring the Middle East. *The Tribute to Frank, Sammy, Joey, and Dean Post Street Theatre, 450 Post; 771-6900, www.ticketmaster.com. $37-69. Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm); Sun, 3pm. Open-ended ("holiday" version of the show runs through Jan 8). You know you've made it when God is your warm-up act. And while it may be little more than a convenient, tossed-off premise, God (voice of the late Buddy Hackett) recalling the Rat Pack from their heavenly lounge to play one last gig has about the right ring of latter-day hokeyness and chutzpah to it. If it sounds cheesy, as soon as the sizzling band strikes up the first tune and Frank (Tom Tiratto), Sammy (Louie Velez), and Dino (Andy DiMino) belt out a flawless "Where or When," you realize it's also very much the real deal. The brainchild of Hackett's son Sandy (who, in addition to writing and directing, holds his own alongside veteran performer-impersonators as an excellent Joey Bishop), The Tribute infectiously recreates those storied Las Vegas evenings of the early 1960s when Sinatra, Davis, Martin, and dead-pan comedian Bishop (who, incidentally, dwells not in heaven but in Santa Monica) sang, joked, horsed around, boozed up, and caroused, while making their audience feel like they were partying with the Rat Pack. Notwithstanding a certain concession to the session (toning down the decidedly off-color humor and raunch of an earlier era), this is hep history come alive. (Avila) V the Ultimate Variety Show V Theater, Pier 39; 39-VSHOW, www.vtheshow.com. $24-44. Nightly, 6 and 8pm. Ongoing. A revolving array of variety acts highlight this family-friendly show, originally produced in Las Vegas. What Mama Said About 'Down There' Our Little Theater, 287 Ellis; 921-8234, www.celebrateclitoris.com. $15-20. Extended run: Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 17. Sia Amma's comedy about mothers and daughters returns for an extended run. Bay Area Brundibár and Comedy on the Bridge Roda Theatre, 2015 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. $15-64. Tues and Thurs, 7:30pm (also Thurs, 2pm; no matinee Dec 8; no show Thurs/24); Wed and Sun, 7pm (also Sun, 2pm; no shows Dec 25); Fri-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2pm; no matinee Dec 3; Dec 24, shows at noon and 5pm). Through Dec 28. Berkeley Repertory Theatre performs two collaborations by Tony Kushner and Maurice Sendak. Crumble (Lay Me Down, Justin Timberlake) La Val's Subterranean, 1834 Euclid, Berk; (510) 464-4468, www.impacttheatre.com. $10-15 (Thurs, pay what you can). Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Dec 10. Impact Theatre performs Sheila Callaghan's new drama about a mother and daughter who have difficulty moving on when the girl's father dies. *Happy End Luka's Taproom and Lounge, 2221 Broadway, Oakl; (510) 420-0813, www.womanswill.org. $15-25. Thurs and Sat, 7pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Dec 4. Simultaneously, runs Fri, 8pm, Original Joe's, 144 Taylor, SF. Same phone and price. All-female theater company Woman's Will stages the clever gangster-land comic melodrama, 1929's follow-up to The Three Penny Opera, with lyrics and music by Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weil (a play in fact written by longtime Brecht collaborator Elizabeth Hauptmann, and not the spurious "Dorothy Lane" credited as author of the original text). Much in the style of its immediate predecessor, Happy End tells the story of a Salvation Army proselytizer named Sister Lillian Holliday, a.k.a. Hallelujah Lil' (Lisa Jenai Hernandez), who tries to convert a den of Chicago gangsters centered in Bill's Beer Hall. Amid an assortment of larger-then-life hoods with names like the Fly (Anna Ishida), Baby Face (Lisa Hori-Garcia), and the Professor (Erin Carter), stone-hearted charmer Bill Cracker (Jenny Debevec) tempts righteous Lil' down the primrose path to becoming a moll. Meanwhile, rivalries in the jungle of cities put Bill's life in jeopardy. Still, a happy ending has been promised. Artistic director Erin Merritt deftly helms a bright and competent cast headed by two beguiling performances from Hernandez and Debevee, in a lively production featuring some of Brecht and Weil's best musical material (including "The Bilbao Song"), supported by dialogue that zings and a cast that really sings. (Avila) Loot Altarena Playhouse, 1409 High, Alameda; (510) 523-1553, www.altarena.org. $12-15. Fri/25-Sat/26, 8pm. Altarena Playhouse performs Joe Orton's farcical comedy. Marius Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $28-45. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through Dec 18. Aurora Theatre Company performs the first new English translation of Marcel Pagnol's Marius in over 70 years. Splittin' the Raft Marin Theatre Company, 397 Miller, Mill Valley; (415) 388-5208, www.marintheatre.org. $29-47 (Tues, pay what you can). Tues, Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Sat/26 and Dec 10, 2pm; Dec 1, 1pm); Wed, 7:30pm (also Wed/23, 1pm); Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through Dec 11. Marin Theatre Company performs Scott Kaiser's drama about race relations, seen as a stylized study of the story of Huck Finn and Jim. dance Ibdaa Brava Theater Center, 2789 24th St; www.mecaforpeace.org/IbdaaNational.html. Wed, 7pm, $15-25. (Also Sat, 7pm, King Middle School Auditorium, 1781 Rose, Berk; same website and price). See 8 Days a Week, page 48. Theatre Flamenco Cowell Theater, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 345-7575, www.ticketweb.com. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. $26-40. The company's 39th home season performance, Lamento, features three premieres by Miguel Santos and Carola Zertuche, plus encore appearances by Spanish guest artists Manuel Gutiérrez and José Cortés. Bay Area 'Break!' Marin Veteran's Memorial Auditorium, Ten Avenue of the Flags, San Rafael; (415) 499-6800, www.ticketmaster.com. Sun, 3pm. $30-50. This "urban funk spectacular" features break-dancers from New York City, as well as Bay Area groups Future Shock and Culture Shock. Oakland Ballet Calvin Simmons Theatre, Ten Tenth St, Oakl; 1-866-468-3399, www.ticketweb.com. Fri, 7:30pm; Sat-Sun, 2pm. $7-54. See Critic's Choice. performance BATS Improv Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason Center, Bldg B, Marina at Laguna; 474-8935, www.improv.org. Fri-Sat, 8pm: "Family Drama," $12-15. Sun, 8pm: "Sunday Player Specialty and Micetro," $8. Big City Improv Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; (510) 595-5597, www.bigcityimprov.com. Fri, 10pm. Ongoing. $15. The improv troop performs. 'Dirty Little Secret' Empire Plush Room, 940 Sutter; 885-2800, www.empireplushroom.com. Ongoing. Fri-Sat, 11pm. $25. This evening of performance is a "roaring twenties revue." 'Fauxgirls!' Marlena's, 488 Hayes; 864-6672, www.sfdrag.com. Sat, 10pm, free. Victoria Secret and Alexandria host this fabulous drag extravaganza featuring Davida Ashton, Daffney Deluxe, Nikki Starr, Chanel, Tia Dora, and others. 'GROUP' Jon Sims Center for the Performing Arts, 1519 Mission; 554-0402, www.jonsimsctr.org, 554-0402. Sun, 6pm. $5-15. Jason Torres Hancock and Oscar Manuel Trujillo co-direct GROUP's performance exploration of queer romance. 'Improv Revolution All-Star Jam' Off-Market Studio, 965 Mission; 897-6477, www.cafearts.com. Thurs, 8pm. $5-10. Christopher Hayes hosts. 'The Roar of the Greasepaint: The Smell of the Crowd' Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; 978-2787, www.42ndstmoon.org. Thurs-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 6pm; Sun, 3pm. $20-38. Through Dec 11. Cindy Goldfield directs this revival production of the musical by Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse. Mary Wilson Empire Plush Room, York Hotel, 940 Sutter; 885-2800, www.empireplushroom.com. Tues, 8pm. $47.50-55. Through Dec 11. Mary Wilson, former member of vocal group The Supremes, performs. Bay Area 'Break! The Urban Funk Spectacular' Marin Veteran's Memorial Auditorium, 10 Avenue of the Flags, Marin; 499-6800, www.marincenter.org. Sun, 3pm. $20-50. Bay Area dance troupes Future Shock and Culture Shock open the show for Break! a chronicle of hip-hop dance featuring performances by renowned break-dancers and deejays. 'Dream With Your Eyes Open' Malonga Casquelourd Center for the Arts, 1428 Alice, Oakl; 1-866-468-3399. Wed-Sun, 8pm. $22.50-27.50. Toussaint Duchess stars in a gospel musical. 'The Great Book Conspiracy' Julia Morgan Center for the Arts, 2640 College, Berk; www.juliamorgan.org. Tues, 7:30pm. $5. First Stage Children's Theater performs a musical about a bookworm who fights a fictional governor's literary budget cuts. 'The Snow Queen' Julia Morgan Center for the Arts, 2640 College, Berk; www.juliamorgan.org. Youth theatre troupe Splash Circus Theatre performs the winter tale. comedy Brainwash 1122 Folsom; 861-3663. Thurs, 7pm: "Brainwash Comedy Open Mic," with host Tony Sparks, free. Burial Clay Theater 762 Fulton; www.bookhousecafe.com. Fri, 8:30pm: "Bernard's Funny Fridays," $15. Canvas Gallery 1200 Ninth Ave; 504-0010. Tues, 8pm: "Comedy Open Mic Night," free. Club Deluxe 1511 Haight; 552-6949. Mon, 9pm: "Stand-Up Showcase," with rotating hosts Leah Eva and Sam Arno, free. Cobb's Comedy Club 915 Columbus; www.cobbscomedyclub.com, www.ticketweb.com. Wed, 8pm: "All-Pro Comedy Showcase," $10. Fri-Sun, 8pm (also Fri-Sat, 10:15pm): Frank Caliendo, $15-20. Luggage Store 1007 Market; www.luggagetuesdays.blogspot.com. Tues, 8pm: Comedy open mic, free. Mock Cafe 1074 Valencia; 826-5750, ext 5, www.themarsh.org. Sat, 9:30 and 11pm: Stand-up comedy, $7. Our Little Theater 287 Ellis; 928-4060, www.celebrateclitoris.com. Wed, 8pm" "Bay Area Comedy Showcase," $15-20. Purple Onion 140 Columbus; 956-1653, www.caffemacaroni.com/purple. Sat, 9pm: "The Turkey Sandwich Comedy Show," see 8 Days a Week, page 48, call for price. San Francisco Comedy Club 50 Mason; 398-4129, www.laughalotproductions.com. Wed, 7:30pm: "Laugh Dammit!," $10. San Francisco Comedy College Clubhouse 414 Mason, Ste 705; www.sfcomedycollege.com. Sat, 6pm: "The Petri Dish," free. Sat, 8pm: "The Stand-Up Project," free. Uptown 200 Capp; 206-9997. Wed, 8:30pm: "Uptown Comedy Open Mic," hosted by Eric Peterson, free. Bay Area Paramount Theatre 2025 Broadway, Oakl; www.paramounttheatre.com. Sat, 6pm and 9:30pm: George Lopez performs, $42.50-75.50. spoken word Open mics take place almost every night in cafés throughout the Bay Area. If you want to perform, show up about half an hour before start time to put your name on the list. A day-by-day guide to spoken word events and featured readers: Wednesday: Canvas Gallery 1200 Ninth Ave, SF; (415) 504-0060, mike@westcoastvideo.net. "Open Mic Talent Showcase," 7:30pm, free. Thursday: 16th Street and Mission BART plaza 16th St at Mission, SF; (415) 255-9881. "CAI Street Arts Workshop," open mic, 9:30pm, free. EastSide Arts Alliance 2587 International Blvd, Oakl; (510) 533-6629. "Holla Back," open mic, 8:30-10:30pm, donations accepted. Saturday: Red Vic Peace Center 1665 Haight, SF; (415) 864-1978. "Open Mic and Hot Tamales," 5pm, free. Java Source 343 Clement, SF; (415) 387-8025. Open mic, 9pm, free. Unitarian Center 1187 Franklin, SF; (415) 338-3401. The Poetry Center presents Landis Everson reading with Kevin Killian and Team Spicer, 7:30pm, $5-10. Sunday: Cafe Prague 584 Pacific, SF; (415) 905-8837. Linda King reads, plus open mic, 4-5:30pm, free. Cody's Books 2454 Telegraph, Berk; (510) 845-7852. "Poetry Flash," with featured readers Ann Coray and Naomi Ruth Lowinsky, 7:30pm, $2. Monday: Purple Onion 140 Columbus; 217-8400, www.caffemacaroni.com. "Live at the Purple Onion," open mic hosted by the Kitchenettes, 7-10pm, $5. Priya Indian Cuisine 2072 San Pablo, Berk; berkeleypoetryexpress@yahoo.com. "Poetry Express: Between the Sheets Holidays Erotic Poetry Night," 7pm, free. Tuesday: Black Repertory Group Theatre 3201 Adeline, Berk; (510) 652-2120. "Twilight Tuesdays," open mic, 7-9pm, $5. Club Deluxe 1511 Haight, SF; www.thewordparty.com. "Poetry and Jazz Tuesdays," open mic hosted by Jennifer, Ingrid, and Daniel, 8pm, free.
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