double team psychic dream

by michelle tea and jessica lanyadoo

Dec. 7-13

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries, you want a new drug. You are looking for a new sensation. Dare we see how many bad pop songs we can dredge up to illustrate your current lust for new experiences? How about we give you a bit of advice instead: Chase fresh situations, but don't think that'll absolve you from having to change your tired old behavioral patterns.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The world may be calling you this week, Taurus, but if you holler back, you risk undermining your precious sense of being solidly in your body and connected to what you care about. Don't distract yourself with the shallow glitz of whatever scene is beckoning. Stay home and figure out what you're trying to distract yourself from.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Gemini, you have conflict in your relationship (relationships?) right now. At least you're strong enough to deal with the drama. In fact, this particular drama may have manifested – karmically speaking – so that you get to see and believe in your own personal strength. Rise to the occasion.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Cancer, your horoscope is so frickin' good this week we barely have anything to say to you. But we suppose we should come up with something, so ... um ... oh – don't move too quickly! Use this surge of loveliness to begin new projects, particularly projects that need a bunch of energy to get started.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Hey there, dancing queen. We see lots of fabulous movement for Leos this week – it's like you're all John Travoltas doing some award-winning disco dancing on the light-up dance floor of life. Becoming such a star took lots of lessons, so be proud of all your hard work. Trust in new beginnings.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The pain you feel this week is a good pain, Virgo. It's like the pain of someone getting a really awesome tattoo, or a masochist getting his or her butt spanked by a beloved. You're going through something difficult to get to something better. Don't focus on your fears – you risk manifesting them.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Ideally, Libra, you come to us each week to learn what's in your best interest. Ideally you actually take our advice and don't leave the horoscope sitting at a bus stop, forgotten. So: It's in your best interest not to rush impulsively toward things this week. Do move forward and invest yourself; just watch your pacing.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Scorpio, if you put as much energy into relaxing and being yourself as you do into tripping out in your head and trying to protect yourself from cold and flu germs, you'd be in such great shape you wouldn't even need us this week. But you do need us, and what you need us to say is this: Stop trying to catch snowflakes. Seriously – relax.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Hmmm, looks like someone didn't follow last week's advice regarding drama, huh, Sag? And look what happened. Lucky for you, a lot can be built on the ruins of yesterday's shitstorm. Unlucky for you, you can't really control the shape it'll take, so please resist the urge to manage everything.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorn, it's a brand-new week, and it's bringing all sorts of brand-new beginnings and opportunities! Why, oh why, then, are you so freaked out, bummed out, and disappointed? It's your party, and you can cry if you want to, but we suggest attempting to understand that your whole week – disappointments included – is perfect.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Damn, Aquarius, you really need some help this week. We got here just in time! It would be easy for you to allow the undertow that is your life to pull you under. Here's your lifejacket: remaining present, maintaining your integrity, and staying checked in with your most authentic emotions.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

The year isn't over yet, but it's a great time to review the past 12 or so months, Pisces. Check out all the changes that have taken place in your life. How have you participated in them – or not? Start cultivating a sense of peace regarding your past so you can begin 2006 with a fresh openness.

Award-winning writer Michelle Tea and intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo have been fraternizing with fate together for the past seven years. Call Lanyadoo for an astrology or tarot reading at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.