Mixed scene

The best and the brashest of the Bay Area's latest lounge boom.

By Snappy the Transjanimal

HIGH ON THE giddy champagne fizz of the real estate bubble, the bar scene was stellar in '05. For a transjanimal like me – small, brightly colored, assembled from the various body parts of other stuffed animals – this was especially great news because, let's face it, the transjanimal scene hasn't exactly taken off here. Yet. Oh, sure, there've been a few one-off trans-jams on the downlow and even the occasional psy-trans Solstice gathering, but lately those are getting taken over by drooling wannabes and all-up-in-your-snout janimal-chasers. They're sweet, but way too needy, yo. If you're just out looking for a good stiff drink with some nice hot fluff, forget it.

Thank Frankenstuff this is the Bay Area, where the sight of a lone transjanimal doin' the squeak on the dance floor (or sliding down the plush banquette after too many soju cosmos) doesn't raise much tweezed eyebrow. Besides, with its freaky-deaky mix of over-the-top decor, crazy digital visual excess, boatloads of friendly babe clientele, and a dash of retro rock 'n' roll sleaze, the new bar style squeals for your attention. If you wanna score the hollabacks, you gotta be unique. And score I do. The lounge lizard may be creeping back, but the hotties all go nuts for a transjan snuggle. Hey, is that a bed I see on the dance floor?

It is if we're at Dolce (440 Broadway, SF. 415-989-3434, www.dolcesf.com), which kicked off a slew of hayroll-happy openings early this year with a playboy crowd and some kinky élan. It also led the pack of new North Beach ultralounges, which includes plush dance palace (with impressive guest list) Zebra Lounge (447 Broadway, SF. 415-788-0188, www.zebrasf.net), cozy DJ den Magnet (1402 Grant, SF. 415-271-5760, www.magnetlounge.com), and the too-cute-even-for-me Sip (787 Broadway, S.F., 415-699-6545, www.siploungesf.com), up near Chinatown.

Sip is not to be tipsily confused with Cip (1225 Folsom, SF. 415-863-1290, www.ciplounge.com), local club impresario Cip's diamond-chiseled niche in the leather district (where My Place used to be), which brings some classy top shelf to SoMa. (Who doesn't need a little Grey Goose between cruises?) Cip also opened a new queer-oriented bar (gasp!) outside the Castro (double gasp!), taking over the Top's old spot in the Lower Haight with Underground SF (424 Haight, SF. 415-864-7384, www.undergroundsf.com), a homey haven for indie gaiety with a spritz of circuit-scene ennui.

Oddball hotspots flourished this year, sparking up some of the darker corners of the nightlife map. Nihon (1779 Folsom, SF. 415-552-4400, www.nihon-sf.com) brought the concept of Japanese whiskey bars (and more than 80 single malts) to the Inner Mission, while Sneaky Tiki (1582 Folsom, SF. 415-701-TIKI, sneakytiki-sf.com) featured flamboyant tropical drinks at a decidedly untropical (yet still flamboyant) SoMa address. Chaise Lounge (309 Cortland, SF. 415-401-0952) broke the dyke barrier and gave the gals a new spot at last in Bernal Heights.

House-infused vodka haven Nova (555 Second St., SF. 415-553-2282, www.novabar.com) twinkled in the shadow of SBC Park, and the KnockOut (3223 Mission, SF. 415-550-6994) went rockabilly in the Outer Mission. The loft-style, big-screen decor of urban sophisticate hangout John Colins (90 Natoma, SF. 415-543-2277, www.johncolins.com), the lush happy-hour mixers at Catalyst (312 Harriet, SF. 415-621-1722, www.catalystcocktails.com), the hyperexclusivity and snakeskin look of private club Otis (25 Maiden Lane, SF. No contact), and Deco's trans-friendly, '30s-style piano-bar interior (510 Larkin, SF. 415-345-9832) brought some big-city attitude to the San Francisco's lesser-traveled streets. The Ruby Skye guys took their brand of slick luxuriance to Pleasanton with Aura (5825 Hopyard, Pleasanton. 925-416-0777, www.nightclubaura.com), and Oakland finally got a hip-hop shot in the booty with @17th (510 17th St., Oakl. 510-433-0577, www.at17th.com).

Ready for a breathless alcoholic cuddle yet? Snappy hears ya. But wait, there's even more. The big boys to beat this year were Le Duplex (1525 Mission, SF. 415-355-1525, www.duplexsf.com), with its expensive, multitiered exuberance; hot-hot Amsterdam import Supperclub and its attached Le Bar Rouge (657 Harrison, SF. 415-348-0900); the raucous, packed-solid Mr. Smith's (34 Seventh St., SF. 415-355-9991, www.maximumproductions.com); and the super-swank Vegas style of Loft 11 (316 11th St., SF. 415-701-8111, www.loft11sf.com). Oh, and did I mention the classy, mixed-crowd appeal of Eight (1151 Folsom, SF. 415-979-3031)?

That's a lot of new cocktail to stomach, even for a transjanimal. But the more the merrier, I say. Because in this dark day and age, there's just nothing better than a tipple-driven tango on the dance floor – or a nice, warm cuddle in the Naugahyde booth. Cheers!

Come get your fluff on with Snappy, Twittle, Phinokie, Dr. Frankenstuff, and the rest of the überhip transjanimal clique at www.transjanimals.com.