By L.E. Leone

le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com

CHEAP EATS

The first thing I did in 2006, being the only one at the party without a human podner, was I kissed and nibbled and danced with and wrapped myself around a barbecued sparerib. It was the last one left, and cold; having been setting out on the counter since dinnertime, late last year. Nevertheless, it was a delicious sparerib, and we wound up sneaking off into a guest bedroom together.

When I returned to the living room, licking my fingers and picking my teeth, the little party had calmed down considerably. I went to sit in a cozy comfy chair, on wheels, and the second thing I did in 2006 was I poured a glass of red wine onto my favorite shirt, which is (was) white.

The third thing I did in 2006 was I gave up and went to bed. Dreamed about Ping-Pong, pianos, and laundry. No, I don't believe in luck. But if I did, I'd be all lined up, don't you think? Ping-Pong, pianos ... making love to a sparerib, ruining a favorite shirt. Out with the old, in with the 'cue. I don't know. It all seems to bode – well, I don't know what it bodes. It just bodes, and that's good enough for the Chicken Farmer.

My county was under many feet of water, and I decided to hang around in the city even though I didn't have any baseball to play or music to see. When I'd left home, the water under my shack had risen to within inches of the electric box, and I had a feeling that even if I were able to negotiate the mudslides and flooded roadways, I was going to have to room with the chickens for a day or two. I like straw, and I'm pretty good at sleeping on a roost, but I don't much go for cracked corn or crumbles, so I called up Earl Butter and said, "Breakfast?"

"Huevos Años!" he said.

"Happy New Year! Cinco minutos," I said. "Hasta lechuga."

I have a new favorite Mexican restaurant. I didn't know what it was yet, but our mission was to drive up Mission and find out. Earl wasn't as hungry as me. He wanted to drive all the way to Daly City, even though we passed at least two or three new favorite Mexican restaurants before we got there. And then when we got there he wanted to keep going to Colma.

I was pretty hungry, and we weren't even seeing any Mexican restaurants anymore, let alone new favorite ones. When we started to see cemeteries I was all done humoring Earl Butter and I turned us around. I didn't care what we ate now, or where, so when I saw a parking space in front of a very yellow Filipino joint, I U-turned into it. The sign said all-you-can-eat on Sundays between I think 11 and three, I think, which it was and was, so I was all set to have a new favorite Filipino restaurant.

Earl was suspicious.

And sure enough, even though the sign said open, and the door was open, and the lights were on, all the buffet bins were empty. There were a handful of people working in the kitchen in the back of the place, and they looked at us like we were crazy. Nobody came and said anything; they just stood there looking at us. Like we were crazy.

So, OK, we left.

"Irish food?" Earl said as soon as we hit the sidewalk.

I didn't get it at first. Then I noticed the McDonalds right in front of us. Across the street: Reina's, my new favorite Mexican/Salvadoran restaurant. The pupusas are awesome. We got three with pork and cheese, $1.55 apiece. Plus I got chile verde ($7.75), and Earl got huevos with jamon, which means new ham, I guess, or something.

Everything was great! Bowl o' soupy beans, rice, a bed of real lettuce with real radish slices and a wedge of avocado. Couple of fresh-made tortillas that weren't tortillas but pupusas. Thick and steamy.

Flip side: weak chips, and salsa that tasted more like cans than tomatoes. But I'm telling you: great pupusas, great cabbage stuff that comes with the pupusas. And, for atmosphere: soccer posters, loud juke box, good songs, and, if you use the bathroom, yo, the paper towels are outside the door. Now that you've wiped your hands on your pants.

REINA'S 5479 Mission, SF (415) 585-7694 Sun.-Thurs., 8 a.m.-10 p.m. Fri.-Sat., 8 a.m.-11 p.m. Takeout available. Beer and wine American Express, Discover, MasterCard, Visa Wheelchair accessible