By Marke B.

superego@sfbg.com

SUPER EGO

Three cardinal rules of a clubs columnist:

–1. Always keep your stash in your sock so the trannies can't get at it.

–2. Never pass up a wet jockstrap contest.

–3. If you partied yourself into a blur over the weekend and don't remember where you went or what you wanted to write about, drag your hungover ass out of the Safeway Dumpster to review some weekday clubs.

So, um ... how did Tuesday nights get so cute? A recent stumble through the city confirmed my fuzzy inkling that Tuesdays are like a pulsating map of SF's best old skool, a double scoop of soul food for those of us left over from the Internet-boom club heyday. This is not nearly so awful as it sounds. For all our bitterness over the boom, it propelled some of the 1990s' best music-makers into the spotlight, and they continue to shine on into the wee hours of the weekdays. Many of SF's favorite parties and/or most skilled DJs from that consumption-queasy era have migrated to midweek, mostly because the lack of pressure to pack the weekend clubs allows them some breathing room to expand their normal formats while drawing out their hard-core fans. I ran into favorite folks I hadn't seen since the days of screeching SUVs and squealing bachelorette marketing reps and managed to hear some fresh, chill sets.

House legend David Harness's Taboo night at Pink delves way deeper into the African rhythms and R&B-influenced hymns he's famous for, in an underground-Chicago-style setting that shines up the family feeling and leaves behind the shirtless Endup boys he usually attracts. The drinks at Pink may be more expensive than my budget allows, but hey, that's just one more charming reminder of what the clubs of 2000 were like. Taste the nostalgia. Meanwhile, at UndergroundSF, the Phuturo crew is still pumping out amazing drum 'n' bass, and since I'm pretty sure that d 'n' b will see a "postironic" revival this year, it would do today's young electrofunk jocks some good to get a load of what this infamous crew is up to.

Another favorite of yesteryear, hip-hop mecca Beat Lounge, is back at 1751 Social Club, and while the crowd is now more relaxed than it was when I used to go there every week (no more elbowing past frantic break-dancers to get to the shot specials), the Triple Threat DJ kids (Apollo, ShortKut, and Vin Roc, plus Dre One, Franboogie, and guests) keep the old-skool vibe down low and on the inside, with some stupefying scratch FX and more cute boys than should legally be allowed around me at a (mostly) straight club. Catch this blast from the past quick: The Social Club will close in February and reopen in April as a "Pan-Asian restaurant/Japanese-style tea bar" called Poleng (my curiosity's Po-piqued). Desi, the Social Club's promotions director, promises me there'll still be some great club madness after the transformation is complete.

About those wet jockstrap contests ... I freely admit that one of my guiltiest pleasures of the past year has been bathhouse-disco revivalist DJ Bus Station John's wet 'n' wild monthly the Rod at Deco, at which a bevy of nubile, youngish males parade themselves in the almost-buff before frantically squirted plant misters, in the hopes of winning $100. Oftentimes I'm the one with his finger on the plant mister trigger (I'm known for my almost cosmic ability to soak crotches), so I guess that makes me the real winner.

I've noted my affection for Bus Station John ad nauseam in these pages, but this time I want to mention the Rod's cohost and all-around amazing supastar, Spider. Spider got ganked off his bike by some hit-and-run asshole last month and ended up in the hospital with some pretty heinous licks. This month's Rod will be both a benefit and a tribute to the man who's made the ICU into a personal queer bar and who unstrung himself from his IV just so he could make it to Kiki and Herb's New Year's Eve performance (with a tracheotomy, no less). If you know Spider and want to help, hit up www.cyclecide.com for more info.

CHECK IT OUT TABOO Tuesdays, 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Pink, 2925 16th St., SF $5 (415) 431-8889 www.pinksf.com PHUTURO Tuesdays, 10 p.m.-2 a.m. UndergroundSF, 424 Haight, SF $5 (415) 864-7384 www.phuturo.com BEAT LOUNGE Tuesdays, 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Social Club, 1751 Fulton, SF Free (415) 441-1751 www.1751socialclub.com THE ROD Every second Friday, 10 p.m.-4 a.m. Deco, 510 Larkin, SF $5 (415) 345-9832