The Swearing Festival

PANEL AND PERFORMANCE SHOWCASE I fuck at least four things before noon everyday. It usually begins in bed ("It's too fucking early"), shortly followed by two in the shower ("Fuck! This water is fucking cold!"), then, lastly, a quickie just before I head out the door ("Where the fuck are my keys?") — all of these expletives before I've even encountered another human being. I am not the only one whose daily lexicon is peppered with profanity and vulgarities, however, and finally someone is acknowledging the goddamn elephant in the room. The Swearing Festival celebrates the current toilet-mouthed trend with a night full of nothing but ear-wrenching obscenity. Highlights of the evening will include a panel of experts debating the current state of cussing in popular culture and the media, a medieval "Most Horrible, Vile Oaths" contest, and a committee of foreign potty-mouths to dispel embarrassing translations so you can distinguish your chingates from your va te faire foutres. Hang out with special guests, writers David Henry Sterry and Jack Boulware, then stick around for the Shite Discotheque Party. (Jenny Miyasaki)

EDINBURGH CASTLE PUB Sat/18, 7 p.m.

950 Geary, SF. $10. (415) 885-4074, www.castlenews.com