Stage listings are compiled by Laurie Koh and Cheryl Eddy. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, Deborah Giattina, Karen McKevitt, and Lara Shalson. See Picks for information on how to submit items to the listings.

THEATER

OPENING

1001 Beds New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $20-30. Previews Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through March 12. The New Conservatory Theatre Center presents the world premiere of Tim Miller's autobiographical solo show.

Family Jewels: The Making of Veronica Klaus Theatre Rhinoceros, 2926 16th St; 861-5079, www.therhino.org. $15-25. Previews Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 8pm. Runs Wed-Sat, 8pm (no show March 30); Sun/5, 7pm; March 12, 19, and 26, 3pm. Through April 1. The chanteuse revives her autobiographical musical journey.

Love Letters Off Market Theaters, 965 Mission; 896-6477, ext 2, www.theatermania.com. $20-30. Opens Thurs/2, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through March 25. A.R. Gurney's romance, with a twist: The rotating cast includes Pippi Lovestocking, Donna Sachet, and Matt Weimer.

On the Bum or, the Next Train Through Zeum Theater, Fourth St at Howard; 749-2228, www.act-sf.org. $10-15. Previews Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2pm); Sun/5, 2pm; March 12, 5pm. Through March 18. The American Conservatory Theater Master of Fine Arts Program presents Neal Bell's New Deal–era comedy.

A Perfect Ganesh Phoenix Theatre, 414 Mason; 383-5472, www.freerangetheatre.com. $15-20. Previews Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm. Opens Sat/4, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Through March 26. Free Range Theatre Company performs Terrence McNally's tale of friendship and adventure.

ONGOING

*4 Adverbs Project Artaud Theater, 450 Florida; 437-6775, www.zspace.org. $25-32. Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Through March 12. Strike "truly, madly, deeply." Love's operative adverbs look like "arguably, particularly, naturally," and "wrongly" in four selected chapters of writer Daniel Handler's forthcoming novel (Adverbs), now being presented in full, living-breathing color by page-to-stage masters Word for Word. Chapter one concerns a plucky young Brit named Helena (Sarah Nealis), who takes a teaching job in SF after NYC absorbs all income from her debut novel's first and only printing, and despite professional supervision by her husband's (Jon Wolanske) jealous ex-girlfriend (Arwen Anderson), widely reported threat of an imminent natural catastrophe, and the English-English language barrier. The following vignettes look at the love problem from perspectives equally awry, including that of a dead man (Nicholas Pelczar) whose second chance comes as rebound-relationship to a grieving divorcée (Beth Wilmurt). True to Word for Word's verbatim style, not just adverbs but every passing pronoun and article in these comical, whimsical stories find their way onto the stage, beside starring nouns like magpie, cookie, volcano, and the unforgettable triplets, money, money, money. Handler's inventive if slightly cartoony material makes an engaging pop-up book, as Sheila Balter's inspired direction makes deft use of her excellent ensemble. (Avila)

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee Post Street Theatre, 450 Post, second floor; 771-6900, www.ticketmaster.com. $40-65. Opens Wed/1, 8pm. Runs Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 2pm); Sun, 2 and 7pm. Open-ended. Spelling bees — and the awkward adolescents who compete in them — are the focus of this Tony Award–winning musical.

100 Years of Sex-Acts Exit on Taylor, 277 Taylor; (510) 568-4118. $10-20. Previews Wed/1-Thurs/2, 8pm. Opens Fri/3, 8pm. Runs Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through April 1. Eastenders Repertory Company performs six short plays (in rotating repertory) that explore themes of sexuality and gender.

"Bay One-Acts Festival" Eureka Theatre, 215 Jackson; 776-7427, www.threewisemonkeys.org. $17-20. Thurs/2-Sat/4, 8pm; Sun/5, 2pm. Three Wise Monkeys Theatre Company hosts their fifth annual BOA festival, showcasing 12 new works by Bay Area writers.

Beyond Therapy Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; 433-1226, www.jeanshelton.com. $20-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Open-ended. The Shelton Theater presents Christopher Durang's comedy about therapists and their patients.

Cats Orpheum Theatre, 1192 Market; 512-7770, www.ticketmaster.com. $25-75. Wed/1-Sat/4, 7:30pm (also Wed/1 and Sat/4, 1pm); Sun/5, 1 and 6pm. The felines of T.S. Eliot (and Andrew Lloyd Webber) return for a 25th anniversary engagement.

Gem of the Ocean Geary Theater, 415 Geary; 749-2228, www.act-sf.org. $12-76. Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Wed and Sat, 2pm; no matinee Wed/1); Sun, 2pm. Through March 12. American Conservatory Theater performs the Bay Area premiere of August Wilson's 9th play in his 10-play cycle about the African American experience in the 20th century.

Happiness Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-22. Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Through March 12. Rick Reynolds (Only the Truth Is Funny) performs a workshop version of his new solo show.

"Hot House '06" Magic Theatre, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 441-8822, www.magictheatre.org. $20-40 (festival pass, $72). Check Web site for complete repertory schedule. Through April 9. Magic Theatre performs full productions of three world-premiere plays: Steven Sater's Nero (Another Golden Rome); Courtney Baron's Morbidity and Mortality; and David Rambo's The Ice-Breaker.

Killing My Lobster Takes a Cruise! Brava Theater, 2789 24th St; 558-7721, www.killingmylobster.com. $12-15. Thurs/2-Fri/3, 8pm; Sat/4, 7:30 and 10pm. The local comedy troupe sets sail again. It's all high camp for high seas with this run's cruiseliner theme. Pop culture references drop into the variety show format as frequently as cruisers hook up and bunny hop into bed. Among the supposedly funny things the troupe will probably never do again: Anna Nicole Smith getting "crunch'd" by the cereal box Cap'n and an all-night buffet entertainer singing "My Heart Will Go On" in a floppy fish costume while an octogenarian attempts the "king of the world" routine, only to fall off the hull. Ba-dum-bump. Lobster is at its best when it pulls the audience out of the everyday and into the gosh darn strange, as when one cruiser admits to having the most preposterous of careers in "poking" while another says she works in "flicking." Attendant videos explain. Or when the references aren't so direct, as with the homage to Wayne's World during the screwball metanarrative sequence in the second act in which one plot line absconds with jokes from a competing parallel story to dizzying effect. As with any good comedy, you'll definitely still have your sea legs once you come ashore. (Giattina).

Los Big Names Unplugged Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $10-15. Wed/1, 8pm. Marga Gomez performs a workshop version of her solo play, a tribute to her show-biz parents.

Menopause the Musical Theatre 39 at Pier 39, Two Beach St; 433-3939, www.menopausethemusical.com. $46.50. Wed-Sat, 8pm (also Wed, 2pm and Sat, 4pm); Sun, 1 and 4pm. Open-ended. Jeanie Linders's musical comedy celebrates women who are facing "the change."

miss-matches.com Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; 820-1454, www.miss-matches.com, www.brownpapertickets.com. $20-25. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through March 25. Leslie Beam performs her new solo show about relationships formed through the internet.

Moky's Life 101 Exit Café, 156 Eddy; 673-3847, www.theexit.org. $15. Fri-Sat, 8:30pm. Through April 15. Green Tiger presents Moky Huynh's conversation/dance piece about finding courage in a cynical world.

Night of the Iguana Actors Theatre of San Francisco, 533 Sutter; 296-9179, www.ticketweb.com, www.actorstheatresf.org. $10-30. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 7pm. Through March 18. Actors Theatre of San Francisco performs Tennessee Williams's emotional drama.

*Not a Genuine Black Man Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 826-5750. $15-22. Extended run: Thurs, 8:30pm. Through March 30. What, the unapologetically middle-class Brian Copeland asks, is the real meaning behind the phrase "a genuine black man"? By way of an answer, the stand-up comic and KGO radio host offers up a simultaneously funny and disarmingly frank story about growing up African American in the racist suburb that was San Leandro in the early 1970s. Letting his narrative bounce back and forth between his boyhood memories and a period of depression that overtook him as a parent in 1999 — and interlacing the autobiography with verbatim utterances from both sides of the fight his family joined to desegregate the city — Copeland brings admirable chops as a comedian to bear on some difficult and disturbing, if ultimately hopeful, material. (Avila)

Purvis Intersection for the Arts, 446 Valencia; 626-3311, www.theintersection.org. $9-20. Thurs-Sun and March 20, 8pm. Through March 20. Intersection and Campo Santo present the world premiere of Denis Johnson's new drama, centered around the capture of John Dillinger.

Theater District New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972, www.nctcsf.org. $22-40. Extended run: Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through March 12. Teenager Wesley (Sam Garber) wants to get to know his almost aggressively aloof father Kenny (George Quick), a high-powered gay rights attorney, but is more comfortable hanging out with Dad's longtime boyfriend George (P.A. Cooley), an ex-actor managing a lively Manhattan theater district restaurant. Plainly, Kenny is uneasy with his son's presence, wearing frazzled absent-mindedness like a badge of unconscious fear and retreat (as opposed to George, who in addition to being charmingly sophisticated both culturally and emotionally, always knows where things are). Meanwhile, Wesley's best friend, Theo (Joseph Holmes), has just come out during his 10th-grade presidential acceptance speech, and channels urgent questions on gay life to Wesley's dysfunctional family. Soon the whole clan — including Wesley's publisher-socialite mother (Cynthia Myers) and her genial second husband (Scott Alexander) — will have to face the idea that private lives may not match the roaring success of public ones. Television writer Richard Kramer's first foray into drama glitters with the sort of crisp, witty dialogue and quirky characters you'd expect from the pen behind such shows as thirtysomething and My So-Called Life, while its family drama eschews sentimentality. If Scott Wilber's set is a tad bare, director Dennis M. Lickteig's likeable cast (including sharp supporting work by Joe Carrig) conjures the right atmosphere quite well on its own. (Avila)

The Tribute to Frank, Sammy, Joey, and Dean Marines Memorial Theatre, 609 Sutter; 771-6900, www.ticketmaster.com. $35-37. Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Sat, 3pm); Sun, 3pm. Open-ended. The popular Rat Pack tribute returns, with a new venue for its open-ended run.

Uncle Buzzy's Hometown Theater Show Exit Theatre, 156 Eddy; www.unclebuzzy.org. $17-20. Fri/3-Sat/4, 8pm. Uncle Buzzy hosts a down-home variety show featuring "the world's greatest chicken impression."

V the Ultimate Variety Show V Theater, Pier 39; 39-VSHOW, www.vtheshow.com. $24-44. Nightly, 6 and 8pm. Ongoing. A revolving array of variety acts highlight this family-friendly show, originally produced in Las Vegas.

BAY AREA

9 Parts of Desire Berkeley Repertory Theatre's Thrust Stage, 2025 Addison, Berk; (510) 647-2949, www.berkeleyrep.org. $30-59. Wed/1 and Sun/5, 7pm (also Sun/5, 2pm); Thurs/2-Sat/4, 8pm (also Thurs/2 and Sat/4, 2pm). The title of Heather Raffo's one-woman play, 9 Parts of Desire, comes from an old Shiite maxim, "God created sexual desire in ten parts; then he gave nine parts to women and one to men." The characters are composites of women interviewed by Raffo, American-born daughter of an Iraqi father, over a 10-year period that started when she traveled to Baghdad in 1993 to visit her extended family. Their concerns, needs, hopes, frustrations, and fears thus span the years of tyrannical rule under Saddam Hussein, as well as the events and impact of the first Gulf War and the most recent US war and occupation. All are not equally convincing as flesh-and-blood persons; some have a more literary or poetical quality about them that, depending on your inclination, tips either toward a thematically productive use of artistic license or a reverent form of caricature. Mozhan Marnò, in the part originated by Raffo, proves a warm, capable performer under Joanna Settle's precise and fluid direction. (Avila)

*Family Alchemy: Stories by Malamud and Paley New venue: Ashby Stage, 1901 Ashby, Berk; (415) 522-0786, www.atjt.com. $12-35. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through March 12. Traveling Jewish Theatre's staging of short stories by Grace Paley and Bernard Malamud, Family Alchemy, is a graceful nod to the theater of pop-up literature pioneered by San Francisco's Word for Word (a debt gratefully acknowledged on opening night by TJT artistic director Aaron Davidman). In fact, having twice before collaborated with Word for Word on the verbatim staging of stories by Paley, Malamud, and Maxim Biller (in 2000's The Jewbird and 2003's Windows and Mirrors), TJT considers its first solo Word for Word–style production a "graduation" of sorts for the 28-year-old company. The graduate deserves honorable mention. The W4W style not only continues to provide an excellent form for TJT's expanding repertoire of innovative and cosmopolitan work drawing on a wide range of Jewish experience, but productions like Family Alchemy also further demonstrate the seemingly inexhaustible potential in a style of theater that at first sounds misleadingly ersatz. In truth, there may be limits to the power of verbatim staged literature, but the involving and generous nature of these playlets proves, once again, that the form is far from derivative. Less adaptation than transposition, Family Alchemy is like the written word in a rapturous dance with the rallied resources of the theater. (Avila)

Loveplay Old Oakland Theatre, 461 Ninth St, Oakl; (510) 436-5085, www.theatrefirst.com. $10-22. Thurs/2-Sat/4, 8pm; Sun/5, 3pm. TheatreFIRST presents Moira Buffini's ambitious comedy-drama about what changes and what doesn't in the realm of sex and love. Told in 10 vignettes, her exploration stays rooted in the same plot of English turf while traipsing across two millennia, from the Roman conquest to the present. Thus we meet a Roman soldier negotiating a quickie with a local woman, who rejects his newly minted coin (money being a foreign concept to his interlocutor) and insists on something more practical like a chicken. The encounters that follow range from comic bits like this one to more dramatic scenes (a rape on a medieval battlefield; or an 18th-century upper-class woman's attempt to "empirically investigate the nature of man" by paying a commoner to shed his clothes before her). Along the way, the play asks about the social nature of sex, about the necessity or inevitability of intermediary persons and forces. Meanwhile, some benefit or taint of prior experience hums in the ears of the living like the rustling of ghosts. While the play remains unevenly effective (and the subject is so rich that some frustration with Buffini's abbreviated approach may be inevitable), Robin Stanton directs a sharp six-person ensemble (Rowan Brooks, Noah James Butler, Lizzie Calogero, Holli Hornlien, Dana Jepsen, and Kendra Oberhauser) with consistent care across widely varying characters and situations. (Avila)

The Master Builder Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $28-45. Extended run: Wed-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through March 12. Aurora Theater marks Henrik Ibsen's centenary with a sturdy production of The Master Builder, in an accessible new translation by Paul Walsh. This late work (based loosely on Ibsen's own experiences, especially a late-life affair with a young Viennese woman 43 years his junior), concerns megalomaniac yet highly insecure architect Halvard Solness (James Carpenter), fending off a younger generation while fretting about the erosion of his powers until a brazen young woman (Lauren Grace) arrives to spur him to greater heights. Psycho-sexual symbolism colors Ibsen's realism with a dreamlike quality (heightened by much talk of trolls and castles in the sky), and it's not hard to see why it was Freud's favorite play, but it's heavy-handed stuff: young women pressing fearful older men to raise their towers and all, not to mention the Ayn Rand–ready theme of the creative super man versus the mundane imperatives of society. But if that's your cup of tea, director Barbara Oliver serves it with assurance and finesse. Carpenter's Solness is never dull: a nimble and charismatic compounding of delusions and ulterior motives such that you don't always know which is which (and suspect neither does Solness). Anne Darragh is affecting as Solness's lonely, spiritually collapsed wife, whose long-standing frigidity thaws just a bit with the spark of friendship. And Grace's Hilda, a tractor beam of preternatural will power, is a captivating surprise from her first entrance. (Avila)

Shadow Crossing Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berk; (510) 558-1381, www.centralworks.org. $9-25. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 5pm. Through March 26. Central Works presents a timely new play exploring the US-Mexico border controversy and its relation to ideas of patriotism, racism, and human rights, collaboratively developed with local playwright Brian Thorstenson. Martin (John Patrick Moore), owner-operator of a small photography studio and a gay man contemplating emigration to Canada (in the face of a hostile US political atmosphere), reacts with horror to news that good friend Emily (Jan Zvaifler) has joined volunteer border watchers looking to snare people illegally crossing over from Mexico. Emily, a grade school teacher and inflexible "patriot" on the issue, is equally aghast at Martin's contemplated move and especially his decision to hire an illegal Mexican immigrant (Michael Navarra). The opening canción (sung by Navarra to his own guitar accompaniment), expressing the border-crosser's economic distress and love of homeland, points the political moral, and indicates a certain heavy-handedness to come. Still, sure direction from Gary Graves, and a focused, able cast hold out some promise of a revealing little drama among the triangle formed. Act two, however, loses focus in an attempt to broaden our perspective. In particular, the supernatural element introduced takes steam from the realistic storyline, while doing comparatively little to deepen our contemplation of nationalism and its discontents. (Avila)

Strange Travel Suggestions Marsh Berkeley, Gaia Arts Center, 2118 Allston, Berk; 1-800-838-3006, www.themarsh.org. $15-22. Thurs/2-Fri/3, 7pm. Jeff Greenwald performs a solo show drawn from tales of his world travels.

Walking the Dead Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berk; (510) 326-8197, www.theatreq.org. $15-20. Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Oct 29. Theatre Q performs Keith Curran's drama set at a memorial service for a transgendered murder victim.

DANCE

Nrityagram Dance Ensemble Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 701 Mission; 978-ARTS, www.ybca.org. Fri-Sat, 8pm. $18-25. The company performs the evening-length Sacred Space, a contemporary interpretation of classical Indian dance. See Pick box.

ODC/Dance Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Theater, 700 Howard; 978-ARTS, www.odcdance.org. Program One: Thurs/2, 7pm; Fri/3-Sat/4 and March 17, 8pm; March 19, 2pm. Program Two: March 10-11, 16, and 18, 8pm. Program Three: March 9, 6:30pm; March 11, 2pm; March 16, noon. $10-75. The company's 35th anniversary season, "Dance Downtown 2006," features three separate programs. This week, Program One features the world premiere of Brenda Way's time remaining; the Thurs/2 gala opening also includes KT Nelson's premiere of Stomp a Waltz.

San Francisco Ballet War Memorial Opera House, 301 Van Ness; 865-2000, www.sfballet.org. Tues/7 and March 9-11, 8pm (also March 11, 1pm); March 12, 2pm. $8-199. Program Four includes four works by Jerome Robbins.

Strong Current Dance Company City College of San Francisco North Gym Dance Studio, 50 Phelan; www.strongcurrent.org. Sat, 8pm; Sun, 6pm. $8-12. Kristin Williams' modern company performs Elements of Degree.

Suhaila Herbst Theater, 401 Van Ness; 392-4400, www.cityboxoffice.com. Sat, 8pm. $25-35. The bellydancer performs solo and with guest dancers, including Margaret Cho.

Takami and MoBu Dance Group Project Artaud Theater Gallery, 450 Florida; 661-1610, www.mobudance.com. Sat, 2 and 4pm; Sun, 12:30pm. The company presents Shizuki-drop II, a collaboration with dance, a glass art installation, and original music.

BAY AREA

Alvin Ailey Dance Theater Zellerbach Hall, Bancroft at Telegraph, UC Berkeley, Berk; (510) 642-9988, www.calperfs.berkeley.edu. Program A: Fri, 8pm; Sun, 3pm. Program B: Wed, 8pm; Sat, 2pm. Program C: Thurs, 8pm; Sat, 8pm. $32-54. Program A includes Night Creature, Solo, Ife/My Heart, and Revelations; Program B, Shining Star, Caught, Reminiscin', and Revelations; Program C, Love Stories, Urban Folk Dance, Acceptance in Surrender, and The Winter in Lisbon.

"Dance IS Festival" Julia Morgan Center for the Arts, 2640 College, Berk; (925) 798-1300. Fri-Sat, 8pm. $5-10. The third annual festival highlights over 15 works by professional, college, and high school companies.

PERFORMANCE

*"Apartment" CounterPULSE, 1310 Mission; 1-866-GOT-FURY, www.foolsfury.org. Thurs-Sat, 8pm. $10-20. FoolsFURY Theater Company performs a play about urban living.

BATS Improv Bayfront Theatre Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; www.improv.org. Fri, 8pm: "Long Form Festival: 3 For All," $12-20. Sat, 8pm: "Long Form Festival: Warp Speed," $12-20. Sun, 7pm: "Micetro," "Theatresports," and "Specialty," $5.

Big City Improv Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; (510) 595-5597, www.bigcityimprov.com. Fri, 10pm. Ongoing. $15. The improv troop performs.

"Dirty Little Secret" Empire Plush Room, 940 Sutter; 885-2800, www.empireplushroom.com. Ongoing. Fri-Sat, 11pm. $25. This evening of performance is a "roaring twenties revue."

"Drunken Monkey!" Climate Theater, 285 Ninth St; 863-1076, www.improvealliance.org. Fri-Sat, 8pm. $9-12. The San Francisco Improv Alliance performs.

Empire Plush Room York Hotel, 940 Sutter; www.empireplushroom.com. Wed-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 8pm and 10:30pm; Sun, 5pm. $32.50-39.50. This week: Paula West performs "Tenth Anniversary at the Empire Plush Room." Tues, 8pm: Maude Maggart, $35.

"Finding Nemo" Cow Palace, Geneva at Santos; 421-8497, www.ticketmaster.com. Wed-Fri, 7:30pm; Sat, 11:30am, 3:30pm, 7:30pm; Sun, 1:30pm, 5:30pm. $15-60. Disney On Ice performs this tale of a lost fishy.

"It's About Time Already" Empure Plush Room, York Hotel, 940 Sutter; 885-2800, www.empireplushroom.com. Sun, 3pm, $20. Lua Hadar and the Jason Martineau Jazz Trio perform this musical.

*"'I Do' for Queer Love" Space180, 180 Capp; locusarts.org. Sat, 8pm. $5-7. Comedians Danny Nguyen and Jennifer Lin perform. Dj Toro spins. The evening includes a screening of Stuart Gaffney's film Muni To the Marriage.

"Improv Slam Singing Contest" Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; 823-4779, www.sfimprov.com. Thurs, 8pm. Free. Compete in this improv singing contest.

"Improv Slam Singing Contest Grand Prize" Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th St; www.improvslam.com. Sun, 8pm. $20. Improv Slam singing champions compete.

"Magic and More" Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; www.comedyonthesquare.com. Sat, 8pm. $20. San Francisco magicians perform.

"The Kung Fu Evangelist" Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission; www.darkroomsf.com. Sat, 8pm. $15. Frederick Mead, Rebecca Rae, Micah Pilkington, and others perform storytelling and gospel music.

"Love at First Sight" Off-Market Theater, 965 Mission; 869-5384, www.un-scripted.com. Fri-Sat, 8pm. $8-12. Through March 25. The Un-scripted Theater Company improvs a play about love.

"New Pickle Circus" Jewish Community Center of San Francisco, Kanbar Hall, 3200 California; 292-1233, www.jccsf.org. Sat, 5pm; Sun, 11am and 2pm. Call for price. The circus troupe performs.

"The Purple Friday Show" Purple Onion, 140 Columbus; 217-8400, www.caffemacaroni.com. Fri, 10pm. $5-7. Geoff Foster and Guy J. Jackson host a variety show.

San Francisco Improv Cooperative Off-Market Gallery, 965 Mission; 368-9909, www.sfimprovcooperative.com. Mon, 8pm. Ongoing. $5. The improv collective hosts a "Monday Night Jam."

"Sean Kelly's 7 Short Plays" Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission; www.darkroomsf.com. Wed-Fri, 8pm; Sat, 10pm. $12. Through March 11. Sean Kelly performs short plays set in the future.

"Situation Abnormal: Gordon Monahan" Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon; 561-0308, www.exploratorium.edu. Thurs, 8pm. $13. Experimental artist Monahan presents two performance works Speaker Swinging and Piano Mechanics.

"Stuff and Things" Dark Room Theater, 2263 Mission; www.darkroomsf.com. Fri, 10pm. $10. Through March 10. Uphill Both Ways sketch comedy troop performs.

*"What Do the Women Say?" Thick House, 1695 18th St; Tues, 8pm. $10. Through March 8. Golden Thread Production and The Shee Theatre Company present an International Women's Day perfomance that celebrates the Middle East.

"Where My Girls At? Searching for Sistahood in the Bay?" Jon Sims Center for the Performing Arts, 1519 Mission; www.jonsimsctr.org. Sun, 6pm. $5-15. Micia Mosely performs her one-woman show.

COMEDY

Brainwash 1122 Folsom; 861-3663. Thurs, 7pm: "Brainwash Comedy Open Mic," with host Tony Sparks, free.

Canvas Gallery 1200 Ninth Ave; 504-0010. Tues, 8pm: "Comedy Open Mic Night," free.

Club Deluxe 1511 Haight; 552-6949. Mon, 9pm: "Stand-Up Showcase," with rotating hosts Leah Eva and Sam Arno, free.

Cobb's Comedy Club 915 Columbus; www.cobbscomedyclub.com or www.ticketweb.com. Wed, 8pm: "All-Pro Comedy Showcase," $10. Fri-Sun, 8pm and 10:15pm: Tracy Morgan, $22-25.

Mock Cafe 1074 Valencia; 826-5750, ext 5, www.themarsh.org. Sat, 9:30 and 11pm: Stand-up comedy, $7.

Niebaum-Coppola 916 Kearny; 291-1700, www.sfcomedycollege.com. Mon, 8:30pm: "Comedy Coppola Style," with host Kurtis Mathews, free.

Our Little Theater 287 Ellis; 928-4060, www.celebrateclitoris.com. Wed-Sat, 8pm: "Bay Area Comedy Showcase," $10-15.

Red Victorian Hotel 1665 Haight; (650) 346-4195. Sun, 7pm: "SF Sunday Comics," free.

San Francisco Comedy Club 50 Mason; 398-4129, www.laughalotproductions.com. Wed, 7:30pm: "Laugh Dammit!," $10. Thurs, 8pm: "Comedy for the Community, $20. Fri, 8pm: "Friday Night Comedy," with host Eric Peterson, $10.

San Francisco Comedy College Clubhouse 414 Mason, Suite 705;

www.sfcomedycollege.com. All shows free. Fri, 6pm: "SFCC New Faces." Fri, 8pm: "The Arsenal." Fri, 10pm: "Head to Headline." Sat, 6pm: "Petri Dish." Sat, 8pm: "The Stand-Up Project." Sat, 10pm: "Daggermouth." Sun, 6pm: "Five Funny Femmes."

SPOKEN WORD

Open mics take place almost every night in cafés throughout the Bay Area. If you want to perform, show up about half an hour before start time to put your name on the list. A day-by-day guide to spoken word events and featured readers:

WEDNESDAY: Canvas Gallery 1200 Ninth Ave, SF; (415) 504-0060, mike@westcoastvideo.net. "Open Mic Talent Showcase," 7:30pm, free. Kearny Street Workshop 180 Capp, SF; (415) 503-0520. "2006 Intergenerational Writers Lab Opening Night and Reception" featuring readings by Nguyen Qui Duc and Robert Karimi, 7pm, $5-15. Mechanics' Institute 57 Post, SF; (415) 393-0119, ext 192. "Mechanix Poets: Respiration," 6pm, free.

THURSDAY: 16th Street and Mission BART plaza 16th Street at Mission, SF; (415) 255-9881. "CAI Street Arts Workshop," open mic, 9:30pm, free. EastSide Arts Alliance 2587 International Blvd, Oakl; (510) 533-6629. "Holla Back," open mic, 8:30-10:30pm, donations accepted. Morrison Library Doe Library, UC Berkeley, Berk; (510) 642-3671. "Lunch Poems" with Mary Karr, 12:10pm, free.

FRIDAY: Oakland Metro 210 Broadway, Oakl; www.youthspeaks.org. "Youth Speaks Teen Poetry Slam: Semi-Finals #1," 7pm, $4-6. Timken Lecture Hall California College of the Arts, 1111 Eighth St, SF; www.sptraffic.org. Small Press Traffic presents "New Experiments: Mary Burger on Telling Time," $5-10.

SATURDAY: Red Vic Peace Center 1665 Haight, SF; (415) 864-1978. "Open Mic and Hot Tamales," 5pm, free. Java Source 343 Clement, SF; (415) 387-8025. Open mic, 9pm, free. Oakland Metro 210 Broadway, Oakl; www.youthspeaks.org. "Youth Speaks Teen Poetry Slam: Semi-Finals #2," 7pm, $4-6. Edinburgh Castle Pub 950 Geary, SF; www.castlenews.com. "The Land of the Deep Fried Mars Bar" with writers Alan Black and Len Irving, 9pm, $5.

SUNDAY: Cody's Books 2454 Telegraph, Berk; (510) 845-7852. "Poetry Flash" with Joseph Campana and D.A. Powell, 7:30pm, $2. Café Melt 700 Columbus, SF; (415) 392-9290. "A Literary Obsession" with Raucous Rhetoric, 5pm, free.

MONDAY: Purple Onion 140 Columbus, SF; (415) 217-8400, www.caffemacaroni.com. "Live at the Purple Onion," open mic hosted by the Kitchenettes, 7-10pm, $5. Priya Indian Cuisine 2072 San Pablo, Berk; berkeleypoetryexpress@yahoo.com. "Poetry Express" with Nance Wogan, 7pm, free. Unity Café 1661 Fillmore, SF; unitypoetry@gmail.com. "Unity Poetry" with host E.K. Keith, featuring Bamboozled.org, 7pm, free.

TUESDAY: Black Repertory Group Theatre 3201 Adeline, Berk; (510) 652-2120. "Twilight Tuesdays," open mic, 7-9pm, $5. Club Deluxe 1511 Haight, SF; www.thewordparty.com. "Poetry and Jazz Tuesdays," open mic hosted by Jennifer, Ingrid, and Daniel, 8pm, free. *