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Spring dish By Marke B.› marke@sfbg.com
SECRETS & LIES! Spring's comin' in like a lamb in sequined platforms, and the color everyone's wearing in the clubs this season is cheeky. Cheeky, with a little splash of tawny — and a great, big streak of bright red. Another horrible political winter drove more people onto the strobe-lit dance floor, and into the cruise-y bars. The club scene's hopping (and, alas, popping), so there's bound to be a little juicy backroom drama. That's my time to shine — 'cause no one knows juicy backroom drama like Marke B., sweetie. Oops, I dropped my pants! BEBELAPOLLONIATo kick off with some (kind of) celebrity news, everyone can't stop gasping about how nouveau bossa nova queen Bebel Gilberto got it on with '80s Prince-tease Apollonia (yes, she of Apollonia 6, eek) at Bebel's romantic Valentine's Day concert series at Supperclub. "Bebel invited Apollonia, who just happened to be there, up on stage to sing a few songs — who knew she was a fan?," says an anonymous source. (OK, it's Marcia G from Tablehopper.com). But the lezzie love fest didn't stop there. "Soon they were kissing and rolling around on the floor, making out like mad. The hot flashes culminated in Bebel offering Apollonia a big honkin' pink diamond ring — and Apollonia proudly flashing it to the crowd." Besides being the perfect lesbian wedding of two of today's hottest retro club scene influences (wistful Latin and slutty girl group), I bet it was pretty steamy to see those two go at it. GOODBYE, PENISHealthy Penis has left the building! Well not yet, but soon. Anyone who's attended a happening street fair or packed beer bust in the last few years (or who lives in mortal fear of syphilis) has seen the Healthy Penis, that 6-foot-tall, smiling pink rubber member, dancing around while alerting bystanders to the dangers of STD transmission. Well, he's had it with you bozos, and him and his sidekicks, the adorable Syphilis Sores, are packing up and moving to San Jose. Actually, the San Francisco Department of Public Health has determined that syphilis rates are actually declining here (that doesn't let you off the hook, though!) and so they're shipping HP off to San Jose — where, hopefully, he'll be staying with my ex. (Love ya, babe!) The Penis will be "handed off" to Santa Clara County health officials at a star-studded gala at Harvey's in the Castro (500 Castro St., SF) on March 24. The Penis's spokesperson, Fernando Barcelona, assures me that there will be "free Penis schwag for all." Yikes. SHOOT!By now you've probably heard about how someone was shot to death and another person injured at 1015 Folsom last month during one of its big Saturday parties. As my impossibly handsome colleague A.C. Thompson reported in these pages two weeks ago, the shooting victim was suspected gangster Hao Tu, and head of 1015 security Dave Helm said that he, his assailant and the perpetrators of a previous stabbing incident at the club just happened to slip through the frisking process because, despite knowing that there's "obviously some kind of gang thing going on," they never know who to keep an eye out for because "they're very polite." Huzzacuzzwha? Now, I love 1015, and its security has a rep for being the tightest in town. (Lord knows I've been kicked out of the bathrooms plenty of times. Hey, I was just blowing my nose!) And I could never even slip a Nasonex into the joint, let alone a gun or knife. So what happened? And more important, what's going to be done about it to make clubgoers feel safe there? Even though a source close to the security tells me "they've obviously taken a hit on this, no pun intended, but they're taking major steps to revamp security efforts," I have yet to hear a peep from 1015 about what exactly they're doing so I won't get shot while I'm twirling around to DJ Paul Van Dyke. It's bad enough the scene has to deal with stupid gangsta-haters in the club, now it seems we may have to watch our own backs as well. WHO'S YOUR DADDY?The owner of Madrone recently took the good-lookin' staff to a pristine resort vacation in Vallejo with a lovely view of the freeway. After getting kicked out of Six Flags Marine World (someone was smokin' weed on the water ride), everyone decided to go back to their hotel room. What resulted was a 36-hour love-in — what else was there to do? What also resulted was a pregnancy, with any number of candidates for the father. Why the hell wasn't I invited? BOOTIE VS. BOOTYIt's every scene-queen gossip columnist's wet dream: two clubs with virtually the same name going head to head on the same night. Ruling mash-up club Bootie has gotten so popular it's moving to the huge DNA Lounge. It's also moving to Fridays, which puts it in direct competition with new queer hip-hop club Booty, überpromoter Gus's joint at Space 550. That's two booties in one! Just like me. The good news is that Bootie, the mash-up club, is monthly (starting March 10), while Booty, the hip-hop club, is every week. And whether you're a lezzie Freddie girl, a mash-up homo b-boy or just someone who loves a lot of shaking ass, you'll find plenty of time for both. SHORT SHOTSExpansion Bar in the Castro has been bought by the sweetie twisted minds behind Moby Dick, while both Pink and Club Six are undergoing huge expansions of their own.... Are the owners of the Zeitgeist buying the Eagle and turning it into even more of a live venue for cute, drunken bike messengers? That's the rumor.... Is SF's number-one underage trash queen, Suppositori Spelling, planning to jump ship at the next Trannyshack London and live out her Charles Dickens dreams down by the Thames? Bring a raincoat, lady.... Speaking of jump-ship drag, who else is loving new drag queen scenesters Savannah — last seen humping the speakers at Fag Fridays — and Felicia Fellatio, the new head slut at Faggot. Oh, maybe just me.... Famously raucous drunken brunch party Rehab is planning to return soon as Relapse, once Betty Ford lets the promoters out of their rubber rooms.... Gurl, is that what you're wearing? Go outside in the alley and change or somethin', jeez ... *
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