Folsom Street Fair gives rise to oh-so-many surreal experiences -- nightmares made real, for some, perhaps. Fantasy dreamscapes for others. And yet: Barbra Streisand crowding toward the Eagle piss trough? File under "What the fuck for fabulous."

So it wasn't my mary-joe-wanna truffle kicking in after all ....

By Soo Oh

Every year in September, Girls Incorporated holds its Women of Taste event at the terraced gardens of Oakland Museum to support young girls in Alameda County, encouraging them to be "strong, smart, and bold." It doesn't hurt to be a patron (matron?) to the cause when it involves three levels of catered food from Bay Area restaurants on a slightly breezy Saturday night in the East Bay.

This Sunday's the Castro Street Fair, and that means it's time for Sugar Valley!

Why, yes -- I'd love one!

Sugar Valley is a group of alternative vendors and organizations -- kind of on the alternaqueer and Gay Shame end of the homo spectrum -- who hawk their mostly DIY fares with flair on 18th Street between Noe and Hartford. There's tons of great, local-made art and clothing as well as some of the weirdest-wonderfullest items, entertainment, and carnival-like shenanigans you'll see all year. Also, there's some pretty neato places to sit and chill out -- especially for those of us who feel faint after weathering the onslaught of rainbow windchimes and travartine nude wall-sculptures on offer at the rest of the fair.

Artist Ms. Vera jumps ship -- to swim to Sugar Valley!

Baseball season has wound down, football season's revving up, and in my hometowns of Detroit, MI, and Zurich, Ontario, people are practically kicking their own nuts off over the upcoming hockey season. In that spirit, Brendan I. Koerner of Slate published this nifty little breakdown yesterday of the amount of energy spectator sports consume.

Good thing we have public transport, but what's blowing into the Bay?

Given that PG&E totally greenfucked AT&T park over earlier this year by claiming to charitably install massive solar panels that would save the park millions (which turned out only to provide enough energy for 40 homes) and then announced that rate-payers would actually foot the bill, it's interesting to note that, as Koerner points out, the energy consumption required to keep those Jumbotrons flashing and that nacho cheese melted in many major stadiums is relatively little (about 1.35 pounds of carbon emission per fan per game -- the average American is responsible for around 65 pounds a day). The REAL energy burn comes with people driving to and from the stadium for games. A typical 78,000-person football stadium requires the emission of 232.84 metric tons of carbon dioxide just for people to get there and back home. Eek!

Koerner says that hockey and basketball are the lowest energy hogs, because those sports have shorter seasons, that football is slightly worse because it, too, has relatively infrequent games -- but that baseball is the biggest hog over the long haul because it puts on the most games (and, I would argue, does it over the summer, when people are more prone to drive to see a game.)

Wasted!

Koerner won't even consider NASCAR for, as he writes, "any sport that centers around vehicles that get four to six miles per gallon is obviously pretty far from green." Are you listening, Nextel Cup?

In honor of National Coming Out Day today -- and all the beautiful people, young and old, who've stormed out of the closets in an explosion of sequins and feathers -- this one goes OUT to all the Idaho senators, MySpace bisexuals, bearded dictators, and four-star generals who could learn a thing or two about taking themselves so seriously. It's just love, baby!

Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live, "Iran So Far Away"

By Justin Juul

I heard about this Naked Yoga thing via my part-time gig at going.com where I have to scan websites and magazines looking for quirky festivals, art openings, open-bars, etc. When I find a good event, I do a little write up, find a good image to accompany the text, and then I post the whole thing on the site. It sounds like a pretty easy job, I know, but it’s always hard to find things that haven’t already been posted by another stringer. So when I found the catalog for One Taste in SoMa, I was thrilled.

Upward kitty?

Their mission statement claims that “One Taste is an urban retreat center dedicated to bringing conscious awareness to the senses. They embrace all levels of being; our bodies, our emotions, our minds and our spirits -- while promoting a healthy balance between them.” It sounds kinda corny, but I had a hunch that all the new-age rhetoric was a just a gloss the organization was using to put a positive spin on their obsession with sex. The catalog’s cover featured a huge black and white shot of a naked woman and the calendar inside, which I was going to suck dry for material, was full of classes like “naked yoga,” “exploring our lust,” and “prostate massage w/ live demonstration.”

Normally I would have just picked a few events, written a few blurbs, and cashed my check, but as fate would have it, the editor at another one of my freelance gigs sent out a query to see if anyone knew anything about naked yoga. I do, I said. And with that, my fate was sealed. At nine o clock the very next morning I was pedaling toward SoMa, yoga mat in hand, mentally preparing myself to be naked in front of strangers.

As I approached the corner of Folsom and Seventh my mind grew heavy with doubt. Am I packing enough heat? I wondered. Is my belly too big? Are my poor arms too thin?

Clothing designer Tiffa Novoa -- whose neo-tribal aesthetic transformed the fashion sense of the Burning Man world, starting with the El Circo tribe that she was a part of, and trickled out into the larger Bay Area urban culture -- has died at the age of 32. Unconfirmed reports indicate that she had a fatal drug reaction in Bali, Indonesia, where she was staying recently. You can read remembrances of Novoa here and here, and I'll update this post in the comments section if I hear of any local memorials. Novoa's Onda Designs influenced a generation of San Francisco clothing designers and had just started to push from the margins into the mainstream with stores like Five and Diamond in the Mission District.
Three years ago, while I was working on a series about Burning Man and in particular one article on how it influenced nightlife in San Francisco, local members of El Circo (which formed in Ashland, Oregon and largely transplanted itself in San Francisco) sang Novoa's praises and credited her with not just their fashion sense, but in part, their entire culture.

Intrepid reporter Justin Juul hits the streets each week for our Meet Your Neighbors series, interviewing the Bay Area folks you'd like to know most.

Jerry Carson, the proud owner of The Cake Gallery in SOMA, which specializes in erotic cakes, is one of the nicest dudes you will ever meet. It wouldn’t be so weird if you bumped into him on the street or saw him at the grocery store, but when you’re standing in his tiny den of cock-cakes and pussy-pops, his demeanor seems a little out of place. Carson serves as a walking, breathing challenge to our stereotypical assumptions about x-rated bakers. He doesn’t wear chaps -- at least not to work -- and he doesn’t have a handle-bar mustache. In fact, he actually looks and dresses a lot like my high school history teacher back in Michigan. Hmmm.

SFBG: So what’s your deal? How’d you find yourself in San Francisco?
Jerry Carson: Well…when I got out of the Army in 1972, I decided I didn’t want to live in Pittsburgh anymore, and I had always loved San Francisco, so I just sort of packed up and moved. I’ve been here ever since.

SFBG: And that’s when you decided to fulfill your lifelong dream of owning an x-rated cake store?
Carson: Yeah…well, I bought this shop from a gay couple about twenty years ago. They used to run a normal cake-shop, but when I got a hold of it, I looked around at the neighborhood and thought these people need something different. I also wanted to have an excuse to talk dirty to girls on the phone.

SFBG: When you say “something different,” are you referring to the gigantic cock/ass cake with spunk-icing in the glass case over there?

After the jump: Safe for eating, but NSFW!

Intrepid reporter Justin Juul hits the streets each week for our Meet Your Neighbors series, interviewing the Bay Area folks you'd like to know most.

If you’ve ever been to Chaya, the Japanese restaurant on Valencia and 19th streets, then you’ve seen Omer (last name withheld). He’s the little short guy with the crusty Joe-Dirt mullet who pops out of the shadows with a guitar and scares tourists. Omer’s confrontational approach to panhandling seems counterintuitive, but he has found success with Mission-district locals who get off on watching tourists shit their pants when he attacks them with his vicious renditions of classic rock hits.

I tried to do a regular interview with Omer, but he refused to directly answer most of my questions. That said, I did manage to get some valuable information out of him, and was happy to leave the interview without getting spit on or mauled, which is what I always thought would happen if I ever got close enough to shake Omer’s hand. He’s a pretty funny dude actually… and not mean at all.

SFBG: Hey what’s up man, can I interview you for a magazine?
Omer: Raaaaargh!

SFBG: Was that a yes?
Omer: Yeah sure, why the fuck not? My name’s Omer.

SFBG: Nice to meet you Omer, I’m Justin. So… how’d you find yourself here in the city?
Omer: Well, I don’t know. It’s like… what I’m doing is so perfect for Frisco. I’m just like a guy in a doorway. Britney Spears sells a million records.

SFBG: Fuck that bitch.
Omer: Exactly! Britney Spears sells a million records, and I’m just a guy in a doorway. But the good news is… I’d rather be me than her.

SFBG: Hell yeah, man. So would I.
Omer: I mean… let’s think about the children in Darfur for a minute.

SFBG: Okay….
Omer: Now don’t you feel sorry for Britney Spears?

SFBG: Yeah, I guess.
Omer: No! The answer is no! Now here, buy a cd!

After the jump: Watch Omer in action!

Intrepid man-on-the-streets Justin Juul discovers the joys of dropping the Pabst and carving a damn pumpkin for once.

The magic, the mystery of .... the unipumpkorn. Fly, Starfire, fly!

Have you ever seen those professionally carved pumpkins on TV and wondered, how the hell did they do that? Well, I figured it out. Here are the step by step instructions to creating the most awesome pumpkins ever.

1. Go down to Half Moon Bay for some really cheap pumpkins.

2. Find a stencil on the internet. If you have time you should look for an image you really like and then create your own stencil in Photoshop. If you don’t have time you should just search for stencils someone else has already made.

3. Print the stencil out and tape it to your pumpkin.

4. Take a regular pen and trace the image, pressing just hard enough to make an indention without ripping through the paper.

5. Remove the paper.

Step 1 (wheelbarrow provided, scruffy hipster not included)

6. Go back over the grooves you just made with a permanent pen or marker so that you can see them.

7. Take an Exacto knife and cut the lines out. This is the hardest part and will probably take about two hours. Remember, you’re not cutting all the way through the pumpkin. You’re goal is to remove the skin. Have a paper towel ready because pumpkins are juicy.

8. When you have the skin removed, cut a hole in the top and remove all the shit.

9. Take a large spoon and scrape the wall behind your stencil until you can see light coming though. Just be sure not to pierce the skin.

10. Pop a candle in that son of a bitch and put it on your stoop.

This one says "fucking awesome" -- and it is!

Get your tights in a twist for peace with the cwaaazy kids of Sugar Valley this Saturday before the UN Anniversary and Peace Parade! Oh -- and don't forget that the event (that includes a die-in at Dolores Park) will coincide with the world's attempted biggest "Thriller" dance-a-thon!

Join Sugar Valley artists on United Nations Day at the San Francisco Parade for World Peace
Sat. Oct 27
UN Plaza, 7th Street and Market, SF
Event at 1pm, parade starts at 2pm
At 4:15, 67 doves released --- plus formation of a human peace sign
Superhero attire encouraged -- look for others underneath the big red ballon!
More info: www.sugarvalley.org

Still not done getting your Halloween party on? Pissed the party in the Castro is officially canceled? Not buying the
recommendation to stay home on Wednesday? Then check out the list of Halloween night events on our website , or stop by one of the fetes after the jump. At the very least, we promise you’ll have a place to potty while you party.

Intrepid reporter Justin Juul hits the streets each week for our Meet Your Neighbors series, interviewing the Bay Area folks you'd like to know most.

Nicole Halpern lives and works at the One Taste Urban Retreat Center, an organization/community dedicated to bringing conscious awareness to the senses. She teaches naked yoga, regular yoga, and a class called “The Man Course.” I have seen her naked.

SFBG: So what’s your story? How did you find yourself working at One Taste as a naked yoga instructor?

Nicole Halpern: Well, all my life I’ve had these experiences where I would feel really really connected to everything -to all the people and everything around -- and then I just hit a point in my life where I realized I wanted more.

SFBG: Um, what exactly do you mean by that?

Halpern: I just wanted more connection to everything and I kept trying to find it in different ways, but it wasn’t until I moved to One Taste that I finally found it.

SFBG: OK … so where are you from?

Halpern: I grew up in Manhattan. I went to high school in Westchester and lived in a traditional family. It was really traditional. I mean, I went to college. I worked at ABC news for 2.5 years. I worked in marketing. I worked in advertising. I have a very traditional background. But I quit my job in 2000 to travel because I had this deep desire to see more than just the east coast of the United States.

SFBG: Cool. Where did you go?

Halpern: Oh, I went on a long backpacking trip through Nepal, and when I came back I just knew my life had to be different. I couldn’t go back to the way I was before. Then I thought traveling was my purpose, but then I came here and realized my purpose was to teach classes around sex. I want to teach people how to have the life that they want, the sex that they want, and to feel freedom in who they are.

SFBG: So how did you find this place? Was sex the main attraction?

We all know there’s a housing crisis in our city. But that’s one of those big, overarching, culture/society issues that’s hard to wrap your mind around.

How about considering your own, personal housing crisis? Ever wondered if you’re getting gouged on rent as much as your neighbor? Or if there’s actually anyone in this town who pays no more than a third of their income for a closetless room? Well, with www.rentometer.com, you can find out. All you have to do is enter your address, your monthly rent, the number of bedrooms in the unit, and the number of units in the building, and the site will calculate how you measure up to other similar buildings in your area.

Nobody is quite sure what will happen in the Castro for the supposedly canceled Halloween tomorrow night, but some of those who resent the city's Grinch attitude plan to protest or show up anyway, just for the helluva it. Meanwhile, Sup. Chris Daly and BART director Tom Radulovich have jointly authored a letter strongly condemning the heavy-handed unilateralism that caused BART and Muni to cancel transit service to the area.
Boo!

After playing it cagey right up until today's media coverage, sources say city officials have blinked and ordered 120 portable bathrooms for Halloween in the Castro after all and started to close off some of the streets. Closure of the closest BART and Muni stations will make accessing the neighborhood difficult for outsiders, although the ease of access by San Franciscans on bicycles should, IMHO, improve the average quality of partygoers. See y'all out there.