By Justin Juul
I heard about this Naked Yoga thing via my part-time gig at going.com where I have to scan websites and magazines looking for quirky festivals, art openings, open-bars, etc. When I find a good event, I do a little write up, find a good image to accompany the text, and then I post the whole thing on the site. It sounds like a pretty easy job, I know, but it’s always hard to find things that haven’t already been posted by another stringer. So when I found the catalog for One Taste in SoMa, I was thrilled.
Upward kitty?
Their mission statement claims that “One Taste is an urban retreat center dedicated to bringing conscious awareness to the senses. They embrace all levels of being; our bodies, our emotions, our minds and our spirits -- while promoting a healthy balance between them.” It sounds kinda corny, but I had a hunch that all the new-age rhetoric was a just a gloss the organization was using to put a positive spin on their obsession with sex. The catalog’s cover featured a huge black and white shot of a naked woman and the calendar inside, which I was going to suck dry for material, was full of classes like “naked yoga,” “exploring our lust,” and “prostate massage w/ live demonstration.”
Normally I would have just picked a few events, written a few blurbs, and cashed my check, but as fate would have it, the editor at another one of my freelance gigs sent out a query to see if anyone knew anything about naked yoga. I do, I said. And with that, my fate was sealed. At nine o clock the very next morning I was pedaling toward SoMa, yoga mat in hand, mentally preparing myself to be naked in front of strangers.
As I approached the corner of Folsom and Seventh my mind grew heavy with doubt. Am I packing enough heat? I wondered. Is my belly too big? Are my poor arms too thin?
As I chained my bike to the stop-sign out front, I consoled myself with the wise words of Dave Carnie, long-time editor of Big Brother Magazine. “Writers lead strange lives because they have to,” he once said. “If they didn’t put themselves through all sorts of weird shit, they wouldn’t have anything to write about.” For Carnie that has always meant doing things like giving himself enemas, pooping in public, and roller-skating down Rodeo drive in a gold leotard, listening to death metal on a boom-box. If he could do all that, I could sure as hell do this. So I screwed up my courage and entered the building.
Five minutes later I was staring at a bunch of naked, hairy asses, while my own naked and hairy ass was about two inches from someone else’s face. I was sweating, panting, and twisting myself into all sorts of weird positions. It was a very strange and exotic experience, but the weirdest thing was that, after a few minutes, it felt totally normal. I was finally at peace with my naked self.
As I looked around at the eight other people in all their sweaty, pot-bellied, stretch-marked glory, I realized that my own body was pretty damn nice. Sure, the dude to my right had a few inches on me, and sure, the girls probably thought I was only there to check out their junk, but it felt really really good to be in their company, finally doing that one thing that everybody has nightmares about: being naked in front of others.
The high I felt from naked yoga filled me with wonder. What other sorts of things do these One Tasters, many of whom have given up living normal lives to reside at the urban retreat center full-time, do in those hot little rooms? Are they a happy bunch of nudists, an enlightened group of new-age yuppies, or are they members of a bizarre and sleazy sex-cult? Societal norms and cultural taboos be damned, I’m gonna figure these people out.
More naked escapades to come!
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Comments (1)
Rock on & good for you, brother! I founded the Naked Yoga classes here in Cleveland, OH - and recently started Bear Naked Fitness - a muscle class for anti-coverboys. The results have been incredibly positive; guys are learning (like you), that their own bodies are pretty damn good and that after 10 minutes, you really don't feel all that naked. Check us out if you're ever in Cleveland.
Bare with me,
Nick
Naked Workshops
www.bearnakedfitness.com
Posted by NakedNick | October 17, 2007 08:25 PM