BY A.J. Hayes
Less blah.
Enough already, we get it. Go ahead, put the cap back on the Sharpie, and step away from the bus.
That's right, you, the graffitist/frustrated Giants fan who's been going around town doctoring the Giants advertisements on the back of Muni coaches- making the ad copy that initially read: "All Out. All Season," say instead: "All Outs. All Season."
Very funny. Ha, ha. ha. Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum. Actually we'll need a bottle of rum to numb the pain if the Giants get pinned with one more ugly 7-0 shutout.
It's been only a week, but we've seen enough. The Giants lineup is not working. What makes it scarier is that the 1985 Giants, the club that posted the worst record in San Francisco history - 62-100 - had a lineup (featuring Chili Davis, Jeffery Leonard, Bob Brenly) that was considerably better than the current team.
This year, Giants ads have promised a grittier club that hangs together win or lose.
And while, yes, the Giants have two potential pitching aces in Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum and a couple of exciting position players, including the daring and eminently watchable Eugenio Velez, will that be enough to keep an easily distracted fan base from hanging in there?
It won't do the Giants any good to work out any mid-season trades - who would they deal?
But it might not be a bad idea for the Giants to plant a scout in Hollywood.
That's where they might catch a glimpse of the banished Barry Bonds eating breakfast with Larry King or taking in a Tyler Perry movie premiere. Despite batting .276, with 28 homers and 66 RBI last season, no team wanted Bonds this spring.
Bonds is ready, willing and certainly able to play another season - and it should be with San Francisco. What better way for the club to celebrate its 50th Anniversary in San Francisco than by having one of the club's all-time greatest players knocking balls into the bay?
We say bring back San Francisco's favorite surly slugger.
There's no reason the team can't play the youngsters and also add Bonds to the mix. Do not shortchange Bonds' entertainment value. No one since Reggie Jackson has put more backsides into molded plastic more effectively than Bonds.
The Giants need Bonds badly. Think of the publicity. Think of the national buzz. Think of the headache it would give Commissioner Bud Selig.
It would be heralded as the club's best signing since, well, since San Francisco initially inked the gruff superstar back in the winter of 1992.
The Giants declined to resign Bonds this season for a variety of valid reasons - not the least of which is his upcoming federal perjury trial. But that court case is not supposed to go before a judge until 2009 - if it actually does go to trial
Bringing Bonds back probably wouldn't be enough to raise the Giants from the basement in the National League West. But it would give casual baseball fans a reason to watch the Giants. Even fans and media members who groused about the special treatment Bonds receives will embrace the return of rubber chickens and icy glares from his locker compound.
And there wouldn't be a better way to divert attention from the ugly mess the Barry Zito signing has degenerated into.
Sure, major league baseball's higher ups would be highly disappointed. They want Bonds out of their crooked toupees once and for all. But do you think those suits have any compassion for Giants fans, who watched the club get shutout twice in the first week of this season?
To get Bonds back in an orange and black No. 25 jersey, both the slugger and the Giants would have to swallow some pride.
But count on this, Bonds wants back on the field in a bad way. While he says he wants to win a World Series, the chief reason is that he wants his 3,000 career hit.
Bonds finished the 2007 season just 65 career hits short of baseball most magical number. While the all-time home run record receives all of the publicity, to most major leaguers the most coveted statistical plateau for hitters is 3,000 hits.
Bonds would have surpassed 3,000 knocks more than five years ago if it wasn't for the incessant walks - including a whooping 249 intentional bases on balls from 2002-04.
After a couple of seasons hitting in front of a rotation of lukewarm No. 5 hitters, Bonds could also hit before new Giant Aaron Rowand -- San Francisco's first legitimate every day slugger besides Bonds since Jeff Kent left the team in 2002.
It wouldn't be a perfect reunion, but neither is the alternative.
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