Due to technical difficulties, aka my five-day celebratory bender, we've been unable to present the runners up in hotly contested Best of the Bay Food and Drink, Nightlife and Entertainment, and Shopping categories. Until now! Check 'em out!

Forget the truffles, Bauer ...

The Chron's Michael Bauer claims to have found the six best pizza places in the Bay Area, and they are all so chi-chi I can't imagine eating at any of them. Condsider this comment on Pizzaiolo:

The pizza I remember most fondly is topped with potatoes, fontina and truffles, but there are always several even further afield: delicate squash with Gorgonzola, or cherry tomatoes with squid and aioli.

No, no, no: You don't put squash or squid and aioli on a pizza. You don't put truffles on pizza, either.

You want the world's best pizza? Here it is. I grew up eating it, I still know the phone number by heart, the guy who made me pizza when I was a kid still owns the place and there are no goddam squash or truffles or fontina (whatever the hell that is) in the place. I wish he delivered to Bernal Heights.

[Editor's Note: PS -- for the record, here are the Guardian's favorite local pizza palaces, from our Feast guide of Fall 2007.]

By A.J. Hayes

Roberto Kelly had all the ear-marks of a pre-fab Yankee Legend when he broke in with the Bronx Bombers in the late 1980s.

As a NY Yankee

Scouts drooled over the young center fielder, touting him as the next great “Five-Tool Player.” Kelly hit for high average; whacked home runs; he was a graceful fielder; possessed a killer arm and ran like the wind.

In other words, the Panama native - who is currently a San Francisco Giants coach - was stacking up to be the next Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle.

In his first game in the majors in 1987, a 22- year old Kelly walked out to center field at Yankee Stadium and was greeted by 45,347 fans. Despite knocking knees, Kelly brashly stole two bases and scored a run in New York’s 4-0 win over the visiting Royals. The speedy outfielder quickly became a fan favorite.

As a Cincinnati Red

“The first day I made it to the big leagues was unbelievable,” Kelly told us recently. “You’re talking about a kid coming from Panama who didn’t know if he was going to make it, and then you walk out and see a packed Yankee Stadium. It was that defining moment for your career.”

It didn’t seem outlandish at all to believe that that Kelly world star for the Yankees for the next dozen seasons and end his career in pinstripes – just as Mr. Coffee and the Mick had done before him.

As an Atlanta Brave

Well, technically all that did occur – but it didn’t exactly play out as scripted.

By Ariel Soto

Twirling hips, shaved ice and the aloha spirit filled the Precidio this weekend for the 14th Annual Aloha Festival. Hula dancers of all ages took to the stage to perform the fluid and precise dance famous of the tropical islands of Hawaii. Everyone seemed to be wearing flowers in their hair (appropriate not only for a Hawaii festival, but also perfect for a San Francisco event) and even a few canine friends got into the aloha mood. Visitors to the festival enjoyed munching on authentic Hawaiian fare and browsed amongst the numerous booths selling everything from bolts of blooming cloth, to cookies packed with macadamia nuts and even hula dancing dolls. What a perfect way to welcome in the misty Indian summer of an SF August than with such a sunny celebration as the Aloha Festival!

Intrepid reporter Justin Juul hits the streets each week for our Meet Your Neighbors series, interviewing the Bay Area folks you'd like to know most.

Sam Kehl is a singer/producer/DJ from Seattle who I randomly met on a camping trip in Morrow Bay. He was wearing a pink hat, a leather jacket, and really really cool sneakers, which was odd because all his friends were decked out in REI gear. Obviously the dude had never been camping before, and I don’t think he’ll ever go again. I mean, a man can drink whiskey and use his shoes for a pillow right here at home can’t he?

I’ve gotten to know Sam pretty well over the past few months and although he may suck at camping, I can say without a doubt that he rules at being weird. Oh and his music is really rad too. Check him out at The Eagle Tavern on August 7th at 10pm where he’ll be performing as both Samuelroy and Samnation. Listen to his tunes here. X-Ray Press and No New York will also be performing.

SFBG: So what’s your deal?
Sam Kehl: Hi, my name is Samuel Kehl. It’s spelled K-E-H-L. So I’m not related to the face products, Kiehl’s, or whatever. Sometimes people put me on flyers and spell my name like the face product. I hate that. Kehl is a German name, but I’m from Seattle.

SFBG: Why did you move to San Francisco?
Kehl: Well, San Francisco has a particular history of being queer and open-minded and there’s always been a lot of electronic music here. Seattle just got boring and I had already lived in New York so I decided to check out SF, mostly for the music.

SFBG: Any bands in particular?
Kehl: Well, I know there’s a lot of really really early experimental stuff here and all those Drum-&-Base people like UFO and DJ Abstract. There are others too, but I can’t remember. And um, Safety Scissors, Eats Tapes. Tiger Beats records. OK, so, not all the people I like are from SF, but I had already done New York and Seattle and I’m petrified of LA, so, well, I came here to do my music.

SFBG: So what’s up with your music anyway? How’d you develop your sound?
Kehl: I’ve been doing music for a really long time and I’ve been deejaying for exactly ten years. I don’t have any musical training, but I had choir and I sang in college. Oh and I played cello too. So I had all these different musical interests and then bands like the Postal Service and The Blow came out and I was like oh God, why don’t I do that? Why don’t I sing and make electronic music? Most of the electronic music that had vocals at that time was really bad. I was more into bands like Plaid and Aphex Twin, and Boards of Canada, like Warp Records stuff, you know? It didn’t really have vocals, but then those other bands came out, and I was like, Oh of course. What the hell? I should do that.

Intrepid reporter Justin Juul hits the streets each week for our Meet Your Neighbors series, interviewing the Bay Area folks you'd like to know most.

Steve Hays, AKA DJ Purple, is a Karaoke DJ -- or a KJ as they’re called -- who throws dance parties throughout the Bay Area. Forget everything you thought you knew about the karaoke scene. There are no sad old men or drunk frat boys singing Dave Matthews songs at DJ Purple’s shows. Serious music-lovin’ hipsters flock nightly to places like Jacks in The Mission – across the street from where this interview (and drive by shooting!) took place -- to sing their favorite heavy metal, rap, and eighties pop tunes while DJ Purple plays back up on the sax. This ain’t your daddy’s karaoke show!!!

SFBG: So what’s your deal?
DJ Purple: I’m Steve Hays, otherwise known as DJ Purple Hays. Did you get that name connection there?

SFBG: Actually I think I just realized it a minute ago. It’s the Jimi Hendrix thing, right?
DJ Purple: Yeah, it’s more of a Jimi Hendrix connection as opposed to drugs or whatever. I actually started using the name back when I was in my first band. I was a little sophomore kid and there was this band of seniors I knew. I used to hang out at their shows and one day I was like “Can I play?” They asked me what my name was and when I said Hays, they were like “Oh let’s call him Purple.” I had no idea what they were talking about at the time.

SFBG: So then you just used it as your DJ name too?
DJ Purple: Yeah, well when I started deejaying -I used to just be a regular DJ, by the way; not a KJ like I am now- I played around with a few names. But then I made a flyer one night and left a stack of them at the bar while I was performing. Some guy picked one up and yelled “DJ Purple, No Way!!!” I figured if the name could get that kind of response out of some random guy at a bar, then it must be good.

SFBG: How long have you been doing the karaoke thing?
DJ Purple: I got inspired by a show I saw in 2002 in Palo Alto. It was a karaoke dance party as opposed to just your standard karaoke show. So this KJ had somehow managed to sell out a 500-person venue with a karaoke show. People from all over the Bay Area came to see him. It was awesome.

SFBG: So what exactly is the difference between a normal karaoke show and what you do?
DJ Purple: Well, 99% of the karaoke shows out there are kind of boring. As a real DJ, my focus is on moving the crowd. I like to get people dancing. So one of the main differences is that I don’t have slow songs in my book. The slow songs always ruin things. Like, you’ll get some high-energy stuff for a minute but then someone will stand up and sing “Yesterday” by the Beatles and the whole place will yawn. There are always weird pauses between songs too. I’m a DJ so I keep things moving. Each song transitions into the next and I do my best to keep the energy up.

By A.J. Hayes

Barry Bonds may not have taken a baseball swing in anger in nearly a year, but it was clear last weekend that the Homerun King’s media puppetry skills are in classic form.

Bonds made an unannounced appearance at AT&T Park Saturday prior to the Giants game against the Los Angles Dodgers and despite the fact that no team – including San Francisco - has dared sign the baggage-laden tarnished superstar this season, he was treated like a returning hero.

Physically Bonds looked fantastic. He doesn’t seem to be fretting his impending Federal perjury trial. Bonds hasn’t lost the “40 pounds” that many in the media had speculated. When he walked onto the field wearing a Giants cap and his familiar No. 25, he looked prepared to rip a ball into McCovey Cove.

But there would be no home run heroics this night. Under his orange and black togs, Barry was outfitted in charcoal colored slacks and a custom-tailored, blue striped dress shirt with contrasting white French cuffs.

No, on this night, Bonds would have to settle for his second favorite hobby, making the media look like hapless fools.

The G-List is a weekly list of things to do and places to go by Justin Juul

As a Los Angeles transplant, I enjoy talking shit on my old hometown even more than most San Franciscans. But there are a few perks to living in the city of douchebags that a man doesn’t notice until he’s moved on. For starters, the weather is better there. No getting around that. But there are other reasons I occasionally consider going back to hell and one of them is so constantly irritating I could die. Talkin’ bout laundry ya’ll.

Every apartment I had in LA came with a laundry room. But not here. Of the five crappy apartments I’ve had in SF, only two of them have had laundry facilities. The building I live in now is the worst. Not only does it lack an onsite washroom, but the nearest Laundromat is almost a mile away. Which doesn’t really matter because I wouldn’t want to go there even if it was right next door. The thing about doing your laundry at Laundromats is that it takes almost an entire day. You have to stuff your shit in bags, truck the whole pile down the street, and then sit and twiddle your thumbs until it’s done. Doing laundry is pretty much the most boring shit ever –a total waste of time. Unless, of course, you know where to go.

All of the Laundromats on this list have special features you won’t find at regular places. They make washing fun.

Brainwash
Drink beer, eat food, and wash the stains from your soiled sheets with stand up comedians, SoMa punks, and a bunch of crazy swingers from a nearby Sex Cult. Brainwash is the best show in town because it’s the only Laundromat that serves alcohol. Plus, the music is usually pretty rad and the wi-fi is free. 1122 Folsom, SF

Intrepid reporter Justin Juul hits the streets each week for our Meet Your Neighbors series, interviewing the Bay Area folks you'd like to know most.

Stephen Boyer is an up-and-cumming writer/blogger/porn star. To hear about his sexcapades, stop into his next reading at Dog Eared Books on August 21st. And if want to read his blog or see him take a foot up the ass, just follow the links below.

SFBG: The first time I ever met you was at a party in Oakland. You came out of nowhere, grabbed my girlfriend and I by the shoulders and said, “Oh my god you guys, I just got fucked behind the bar!” Is that how you normally introduce yourself to people?

Stephen Boyer: Ha! Actually, I think we met in Dolores Park. I remember because you and all your friends were trying to convince a pregnant girl to eat a pot brownie. I don’t really remember the Oakland party though, and I could have my dates jumbled. That’s pretty like me. But yeah, I am usually pretty up front with what’s happening in my life. It helps me feel better… that and writing.

SFBG: So what do you usually write about?

Boyer: The major topics I’m taking on right now are shit, piss, and lots of sex. I’m also doing my part to help define a fag/male movement in response to all the feminist bullshit I was forced to sit through in college. You know, because white men are sooooo privileged (sarcasm!).

SFBG: Is it always sex stuff, then?

Boyer: A lot of it is. But not everything. The sex part comes from being young and horny in a country with lots of inhibitions and secrets. Plus, sex sells.

SFBG: What compels you to share that part of yourself with others?

Boyer: Well, I like stretching my brain as well as my asshole and I want to help others do the same. Basically, I really enjoy learning about other peoples’ fetishes and helping them enact their desires. I have a shit load of desire and I’ve spent the better part of the past five years working through it to learn about what turns me on. I’ve realized that learning about other peoples desires and stretching my preconceived notions about what is and isn’t sexy is my biggest turn on. Well, that and orgies. And to return to the question, I want to make money.

SFBG: What’s the craziest, dirtiest thing you’ve ever done?

By A.J. Hayes
From all indications, recently signed Giants No. 1 draft pick Buster Posey is headed to stardom. In his final season at Florida State, Posey, winner of the 2008 Golden Spikes Award for top college player, batted .463, with 26 home runs and 93 RBI. So it’s really not all that shocking that the club shelled out a franchise record $6.2 million bonus this past weekend to acquire the 22-year old catcher’s first professional autograph.

He’s saying all the right things too: "Right now, I'm happy to be a San Francisco Giant. My job is to play as hard as I can, and the rest takes care of itself. I want to be an impact player for the Giants for a long time.”

But as we’ve seen before in these parts, a No. 1 draft status does not always equal success. For every Will Clark (No. 1 pick in 1985) and Matt Williams (1986), the Giants have had their share of duds. Jessie Reid (1980), Steve Hosey (1989), Adam Hyzdu (1990), and more recently Tony Torcato (1998) and David Aardsma were all No. 1’s who got lost in the fog for the orange and black.

And it’s not just the Giants. Every club in the Bay Area from every sport has had their share of phenoms who have flopped.

Now, we hope Buster becomes a bust out-star, and not a bust.

But if for some reason Posey fails to make the grade, he won’t be without plenty of company.

Here’s a look at the Top 10 draft duds in Bay Area sports history.

by Amanda Witherell

Record bike attendance at Outside Lands Friday night

I volunteered for the San Francisco Bicycle Coalition on Friday evening, valet parking bikes during the Outside Lands concert in Golden Gate Park. It was busy: Radiohead fans ride bikes. Even though it was a hustle to move all the bikes and keep the waiting line flowing, it was a remarkably smooth and stress-free experience, which I'll chalk up to the healthful effects of cycling and a general good feeling from being around bikes. People walking by the pen of parked bikes kept commenting on how it was a sight to see so many bikes in one place.

According to a "thank you" email I got from the SFBC today all previous bike parking records were broken. We parked over 1,000 bikes on Friday night, and over 2,400 for the entire weekend. As I was riding my own bike out of the foggy park on Friday night I saw thousands more bikes locked all over the containment fencing of the festival, meaning a significant number of people cycled to the festival.

And just today the Chron noticed that more people are riding bikes.

Photo and text by Ariel Soto

The hip yet traditional beats of MC Rai filled the San Francisco County Fair Building in Golden Gate Park for the 14th Annual Arab Cultural Festival on Sunday, August 24. The Tunisian musician got the audience clapping and even singing along as he played an Arabic metal drum, while outside the auditorium visitors perused booths selling organic olive oil from Palestine and handmade art, jewelry and ceramics. There were crepes and pitas stuffed with meat to munch on and different types of teas to sample. More than 23 Arab cultures were represented at the festival and a true sense of community enveloped the whole atmosphere at the event.