SFBG: Are there different names for all that stuff? I’ve heard of the “landing strip.” What are some of the other styles called?
Kutzen: I don’t know that they all have names. I hate that landing strip thing though. I think it looks really ugly. I like the triangle because if you look at a woman’s body, it actually looks like a triangle down there. The strip looks so unnatural. It reminds me of Playboy models from the eighties. And as far as men’s styles go, I usually wind up removing everything. I do their balls and butts…everything.

SFBG: God! Does that hurt? The only frame of reference I have is the Man-o-Lantern scene from The Forty Year Old Virgin where the dude’s screaming and crying. Does it ever get that bad?
Kutzen: Yeah it does. It’s always the men though. I had a guy in here yesterday screaming and crying like that. I almost had to stop. I think women just have a higher threshold for pain. I mean…it never hurts me!

SFBG: Is it mostly women you get in here, then, or are there a lot of men rocking the Manzilian in SF right now?

Kutzen: I’d say about 80% of my business comes from women, but I see men in here nearly everyday, mostly straight men. I think a lot of men wind up shaving though.

SFBG: What are the benefits of waxing as opposed to shaving?
Kutzen: Well, to stay smooth with shaving you have to do it all the time, but you only have to wax every couple months. Also, a shave will leave you smooth for a day or two, but it always gets all stubbly after a while. That doesn’t happen with waxing. You rip the hair out at the root and then wait for it to grow back. Also, shaving can make you itchy, but waxing won’t. I personally like waxing much better than shaving, but that’s not why I got into the waxing business.

SFBG: How did you get into it then? How did you become Lonni, the punani waxer?
Kutzen: Well, I was a pastry chef for years and then I became a cater-waiter. At some point I just decided that I couldn’t do that kind of stuff forever. I’m really good with my hands. I’m mean, I do pottery and stuff. So I thought about it for a while and eventually decided to go to beauty school. I didn’t think I’d become this crazy waxer or anything, but it’s perfect for me because I still get to use my hands.

SFBG: You probably make more money these days too, right?
Kutzen: Oh, definitely. Waxing has been much more lucrative than making pastries ever was. Also, my specific focus is much better for me than facials, which I’m also licensed to do. Facials tend be slow and kind of boring, but waxing keeps me on my toes. I’m a little ADD, so having a bunch of different clients throughout the day works pretty good. I just wax one and then move right to the next. I also do waxing parties, which can be fun.

SFBG: How do those usually go down? Have you had any crazy experiences?
Kutzen: They don’t usually get too crazy, but I did host a party with a bunch of gay men once. They were all drinking Caipirinhas, that Brazilian drink everyone loves. They got pretty drunk and I wound up waxing all ten of them. But none of them ever came to my shop for more. Men can be so wimpy!

SFBG: Maybe it’s just a societal thing. It seems like hair removal is more acceptable for women. Actually, that reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to ask. I hear people talk a lot about how waxing and shaving are something women do to appeal to men who want to have sex with young girls. Do you think that’s true?
Kutzen: No, not at all. I don’t hear people saying that too much either. I think it’s a personal thing. I mean, I think there probably are guys out there who’re like that, but none of the people I deal with seem to get waxed for that reason. I did get a creepy stalker one time though. He called the shop and at first he was just asking normal questions. But then he was like, “I’m looking at your Web site right now and I’m getting really turned on. I get to be naked on your table right?” He was talking about the picture of me from my website and he kept saying all these nasty things. Finally I just told him he could never come in and then I hung up on him. I’ve had a few calls like that, but nothing scary has ever happened. People don’t get too excited about stuff like that around here.

SFBG: Is that why you chose San Francisco, because you knew people would think your name is funny as opposed to perverted?
Kutzen: Yeah, well, I didn’t move to San Francisco to do this specifically, but I knew people here would think the name was funny. I mean, it’s a little crass, but SF is a good place for stuff like that. It’s a lot more liberal than other places and people don’t get offended so easy.

SFBG: Well, we certainly like your name. Any last words?
Kutzen: Props to my Web site designer and boyfriend Eric Husk. Please check out my Web site or come down to the shop for some waxing. I promise to be gentle!