Burning Man will lose all meaning this summer for thousands of revelers who will attempt to attend the event under a dark cloud of startling sobriety.

That’s because a man named Yacov “Jacob” Yida was sentenced today in federal court for conspiring to smuggle into the United States 500,000 ecstasy pills from Paris to California.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office is claiming that the pills had a street value of about $15 million. If you know anything about the drug war, $15 million is probably a vastly overstated figure, but that’s still a lot of fucking drugs now unavailable to people with bad dye jobs and goggles as accessories.

So now what are you people going to do? Rely on cocaine, booze and pot alone to convince you for two weeks that bolting back and forth across the desert next to a guy in a leather thong who works as a corporate branding consultant by day is a good idea? That surely won’t be enough.

Okay, okay. So we’re being a little cruel. Yida actually arranged the sale all the way back in 2000, according to court records, which means that short-lived void in the black market is long gone.

A confidential source tipped off the feds to Yida's pending exchange, and when the shipment arrived in the United States, it was intercepted by narcs. Yida fled the country to Mexico before police could nab him, but he was extradited in 2005. He was convicted by a jury in December of 2007 and today sentenced to 121 months in prison.

Classic motorcycles sprouted from the lawn of the Ritz-Carlton in Half Moon Bay on Saturday May 3 as enthusiasts, mostly old white men, drooled over immaculate bikes of almost every brand and decade.

At Legends of the Motorcycle (aka International Concours d’Elegance), an annual event in its third year, contestants enter their meticulously restored motorcycles into one of several categories, from early production models from the turn of the 19th century to modern custom bikes, and then each category is awarded prizes.

Every year, there has been a focus on a particular brand, this time honoring Italian manufacturer MV Augusta and British Norton. As judges toured the golf course-like lawn, these bikes had the chance to rumble alive as many 70+-year-old men stared like children at a new toy under the Christmas tree.

The foggy morning started in the Dainese (a motorcycle apparel and helmet manufacturer) Tent with the unveiling of new safety technology and a collaborative effort with AGV (an Italian helmet) to unveil a limited edition Giacomo Agostini helmet.

At the San Francisco Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) office an emergency protest and a call for justice was held on May 5th in a response to condemn last week's raids where 60 immigrant workers were detained by the ICE. People gathered at the protest to call an end to these raids that tear apart families and criminalize the important work immigrants are doing in the community. Of the 60 workers who were arrested, some have been released, but must wear an electric ankle bracelet while they wait for deportation hearings. "Estamos aquí y no nos vamos" ("We are here and we're not leaving") was one of the many slogans chanted by the passionate and diverse group of protesters at the event.

Participating organizations included: East Bay Alliance for a Sustainable Economy, Bay Area Immigrant Right Coalition, Clergy and Laity United for Economic Justice, Pride at Work, and San Francisco Immigrant Legal and Education Network.

Somewhere, maybe in a moldy gym locker or a clandestine liquor cabinet, a brilliant game plan for big league success has sat untouched for more than a quarter century.

Were talking about "Billy Ball," the late Billy Martin's blueprint for righting the ship of moribund baseball franchises. It was last used in Oakland in the early 1980s.

The A's were the last team of dubious talent that Martin managed to meld into winners. He took an Oakland club that had lost 109 games in 1979 and led them to the American League Championship Series within two seasons with essentially the same personnel.

Martin may have been a kook of momentous proportions, a guy who drank and fought like a pirate - a real pirate, not the Pittsburgh variety. But he knew how to light a fire under a ball club and get it back on the winning track.

Billy took four major league clubs with losing records (Minnesota, Detroit, Texas and Oakland) and turned them instantly into winners. He also increased attendance by his presence alone - and what percentage of ticket sales do you think current A's manager Bob Geren and Giants skipper Bruce Bochy are responsible for?

Employing a ramped up style that resembled sand-lot ball (some would prefer the term "bush league") Martin led clubs would blitz opponents by using everything from double steals and hidden ball tricks to literally falling down on the job.

"My favorite was the 'first and third play," recalled Shooty Babitt, an infielder on Martin's 1981 Oakland club. "Billy loved to steal home. So if he had runners on first and third would have a guy like Wayne Gross, who was probably the least athletic guy on the club, take a good lead off first and then suddenly fall down. Right, away and the pitcher would throw to first base and the guy at third would walk right in. We thought he was crazy when he told us to do that, but lo and behold we scored a few runs by doing that."

Once a particular recipe for success has worked in professional sports - Bill Walsh's West Coast offense, for example - other teams desperate for a winner will run it into the ground. So why it is that no one has adopted Martin's strategies?

One word: fear.

Hey! Learn some history, dude.

I don’t know exactly how you’re going to celebrate Cinco de Mayo this year (or have celebrated it already) , but odds are it’s going to involve excessive drinking, a BBQ grill, and a few of your close friends. I mean that’s what it’s all about right? Drinking Mexican beer in the sun? Well, the simple answer is yes. Cinco de Mayo is one of those holidays, like St Patrick’s Day and Easter, that most Americans use as another excuse to drink beer when they should be working. But have you ever wondered what it’s really all about? I mean, the fifth of May wasn’t just picked randomly by The Corona Corporation was it? The date must signify something.
After a long weekend of cerveza and sun, The Guardian got to feeling a little guilty about its ignorant participation in the traditional (and early) Cinco de Mayo celebration at Dolores Park and decided to ask Paul Ortiz, professor of Latino/African American History at UC Santa Cruz and author of Emancipation Betrayed, to share his insights on the holiday.

SFBG: What exactly is Cinco de Mayo a celebration of?

Paul Ortiz: Cinco de Mayo commemorates the victory of a Mexican militia force over Napoleon III's army at The Battle of Puebla in 1862. France sought to take advantage of a nation still reeling from the impact of The Mexican-American War (1846-1848) and the resulting internal strife. The French planned to install a puppet dictatorship in Mexico and they landed their imperial army in the state of Veracruz to implement this plan. The French expected little or no opposition. Instead, the Mexican people organized a volunteer militia and met the French expeditionary force near Puebla.

The Mexican soldiers were outnumbered and faced troops with superior military training and leadership. In spite of this, these citizen soldiers prevailed over the French and defeated them on the field of battle.

The remarkable victory at Puebla provided a much-needed sense of pride to an embattled nation. The French defeat also prevented Napoleon III from intervening in the U.S. Civil War on the side of the Confederate States of America. After the end of the Civil War, the U.S. assisted Mexico in expelling the remaining French occupying forces. Thus, Cinco de Mayo is a truly American day of celebration!

SFBG: I heard they don’t really celebrate the holiday in Mexico. If that’s true, then why do we celebrate it here?
]]> http://www.sfbg.com/blogs/gsf/2008/05/the_cinco_skinny_drop_that_cor.html http://www.sfbg.com/blogs/gsf/2008/05/the_cinco_skinny_drop_that_cor.html On the Streets Mon, 05 May 2008 14:26:38 -0800
Photo by mvgals.net
How Weird Street Faire is the best annual party in San Francisco, bar none, particularly on days like this Sunday when the sun is scheduled to shine brightly. I'll be among thousands of people dancing my ass off to some of this city's best DJs and generally mixing it up in a way that I'll probably regret on Monday, particularly with the plethora of cool after parties around the epicenter of Howard and 2nd streets. The fair shuts down at 6 p.m., an unfortunate cut-off that the city first imposed last year, so get there around noon-ish and don't forget the sunscreen.
DJs lineups on the flip...

The University of Santa Cruz has a long history of embracing pot-heads, communist philosophers, vegans, musicians, artists, and white Rastafarian dudes. That’s why it came as no surprise that The Grateful Dead recently chose the school as the new home for its entire catalogue of music, articles, photos, films, etc. But it was no small feat. UCSC actually beat out bids by Stanford and Berkeley, which, to some, suggests that maybe the world really is changing for the better. Maybe hippies actually are kind of smart. After all, UCSC, a school founded by a roving band of love children back in the early 1960’s, a school that was once featured in Rolling Stone Magazine as “The Best School for Stoners,” a school that David Horowitz singled out on Fox News as “The Most Un-American School in the Country” has become one of the harder schools in the UC system to get admitted to.

The Grateful Dead deal is just another big step in the right direction for all of hippy-kind. But wait. Is the school really that dedicated to its roots or is it just cashing in on them for publicity, hoping that accepting the Dead catalogue will convince the world that hippies are still running the show at UCSC? The truth is they’re not.

So I ran into this really interesting guy at the One Year Anniversary of The Mission Indie Mart at 12 Galaxies the other day…

SFBG: Hey, aren’t you the guy who hangs out on the corner of Market and Sixth with the sign? I pass you everyday on my way to work. What’s your name?
Frank Chu: Yeah, I protest down there. My name is Frank Chu and I was published by the San Jose Mercury news with Dan Greene and also with Tom Brokaw on NBC Nightly News. I was also filmed by some populations of The 12 Galaxies. They are guilty with Bush and Cheney, which gives you a sense of the millions of populations I’m dealing with.

SFBG: Nice! So do you hang out here at The 12 Galaxies a lot?
Chu: Yes. I was a TV Star and a movie star, so they named the nightclub after me. They call it 12 Galaxies and they give me complimentary drinks and free admission to events. So I didn’t have to pay when I met Mark Hamill from Star Wars. I also met Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, and Dennis Kucinich. I told them about my campaign.

SFBG: What’s your campaign about?
Chu: Well, it’s about rocket societies, flying saucers, and space vacations.

SFBG: I don’t get it. How does that all tie in together?
Chu: It’s about the 12 Galaxies that are friends with the White House who are guilty of attempts of murdering the other thousand galaxies.

SFBG: Oh, I see. Your campaign is about aliens and stuff then. I always thought you were one of those God people.
Chu: Well, the 12 Galaxies are advanced populations. They are more advanced than humans and they are friends with The Bush and The Clinton.

SFBG: Are they friends with Barack Obama too?
]]> http://www.sfbg.com/blogs/gsf/2008/04/frank_chu_speaks_or_mccain_emb.html http://www.sfbg.com/blogs/gsf/2008/04/frank_chu_speaks_or_mccain_emb.html On the Streets Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:01:45 -0800 By A.J. Hayes

Carbon dioxide, deforestation, and nitrous oxide all shoulder their share of the blame for Global Warming. But what about Lee Elia?

Now, you won't find Elia's name mentioned in any Al Gore lecture. He's not a greedy corporate bigwig, an eco terrorist, or a clueless oil tanker captain - just a curmudgeonly baseball lifer.

But 25 years ago this week, during a highly unsuccessful two-season stint managing the Chicago Cubs, Elia emitted the most extreme, paint-peeling meltdowns in the history of sports.

When he was done blasting away at Cubs fans with an obscenity-laced rant that included a jaw-dropping 36 F-bombs over the first three minutes, Elia surely had released enough green house gasses to liquidate massive mountain glaciers and multiply the thermal expansion of upper ocean layers from Pacifica to Antarctica. .

A quarter century later, Elia's diatribe still ranks as the No. 1 outburst in the history of sports - eclipsing Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy (I'm a man! I'm 40!"); Indianapolis Colts coach Jim Mora (Playoffs?! Are you kidding?! Playoffs?!) and any number of profanity laced diatribes by former Dodgers skipper Tommy Lasorda.

The Legend of Elia rant has grown so much over the years, that every April 29, sports radio broadcasters from coast- to- coast gather for a moment to celebrate "Lee Elia Day" - popping multi-generational copies of the tirade into their Monrantz tape decks and laughing hysterically.

After dealing with mounds of monotone sports clichés on a daily basis, Elia's rant allows beleaguered sound bite gathers a moment to smile. Obviously, because of Elia's unrestrained profanity, only carefully edited versions of Elia's adult content diatribe have ever made it to the public airwaves.

Now, thanks to the internet of course, Elia's diatribe can be heard in all its profane glory.

The hapless Cubs were off to a typical dreary start to their '83, settling into last place in the National League East place after a 4-3 loss to the Dodgers at Wrigley Field that afternoon.

As the Cubs exited the field and the 9,391 fans in attendance filed out of the grand stand, a couple of jerks pelted Chicago's Keith Moreland and Larry Bowa with stadium trash.

"About 85 percent of the (f-ing) world is working," Elia growled into the microphone of Chicago radio man Les Grobstein, one of a half dozen reporters to witness the rant first hand. "The other 15 come out here."

He was far from finished.
Moments later, Elia's season-long slow burn escalated into an inferno. He lit not only into the debris flinging morons, but each and every Cubs fan that had ever skipped school or work to take in a mid-week day game at the "Friendly Confines."

A couple Thursdays ago I went on the Johnnie Walker Journey - a traveling tasting show of Johnnie Walker's five blended whiskies. Only now can I process this odd event.

First a quick note, I am often fairly cynical about these tasting events -- whether they are put on by a liquor company, or whether they’re part of festivals that bring together a number of companies. I can think of a few at bars that have been joyous events (see: those held at Elixir), but often they take place in sterile rooms, and completely reduce the enjoyment of a liquor.

While The Johnnie Walker Journey, which took place at Fort Mason, fell into the latter category, it was so over the top it may have shot the moon. How do you turn the tasting of five liquors into something special? You build it into an overhyped multimedia event that is far bigger than it deserves to be.

The evening started off pretty lackluster. First we waited in line to "donate" five dollars to charity -- which one they didn't say. Then we waited in line to fill out a survey with one of the Johnny Walker Girls (much more wholesome than you’re picturing).

After a half hour, an announcer intoned that the time for the tasting was now. Again we waited in line, this time like we were entering Universal Studios. The email I had gotten about the event described it as a multimedia event. When I asked Travis Rexroad, the marketing guy who was helping organize this, what could be multimedia about a tasting event, he wasn't much help with details.

After herding us together once again, we filed into the back room. Four groups of five rows of long white, soft benches faced the center, turning the normally dingy Fort Mason into something resembling a futuristic gathering of the elders.

Then came out the emcee. This guy, who looked like Richard Karn, had the job of stretching out the drinking of a total of 2 oz of liquor over an hour and a half. But his first job was to tell us where the exits were in case, in the middle of the show, we had to use the bathroom.

By Ariel Soto

The EcoCenter at Heron's Head Park groundbreaking ceremony was held yesterday, April 22, in San Francisco's Bayview/Hunters Point. The EcoCenter will be the first LEED-certified building in the southern part of the city and first building to run completely off the grid. Heron's Head Park was opened in 1999 to provide an open and natural space for the communities nearby, and since then more than 1,200 volunteers have helped restore the area by removing invasive plants and trash and replacing them with native plants. With the continuous support and effort of the Port of San Francisco and Literacy for Environmental Justice (LEJ), the EcoCenter will finally open, giving students the opportunity to learn in hands-on programs about issues such as clean air and water, renewable energy, healthy foods and open space restoration. (To get involved in the Heron's Head Park project, contact Laurie Schoeman at: lcprojectmanager@lejyouth.org) Here's some pics from the event.

The entrance to Heron's Head Park with the old PG&E plant in the background that's in the process of being demolished.

Goats are used in Heron's Head Park as a natural method of weed control.

Volunteers gather at Heron's Head Park before the beginning of the groundbreaking ceremony.

A Scrophularia californica, or Bee Plant, is just one example of the many native California plants that will be re-introduced into Heron's Head Park.

Beautiful Heron's Head Park.

Milton Reynolds, a member of Literacy for Environmental Justice, started the day's events at the groundbreaking ceremony for the new EcoCenter at Heron's Head Park.

The Crispy Classic

Miss Juanita More dishes out her famous fried chicken with honey goo (plus carrot cake dessert!) at Mars Bar. her scrumptious (and possibly underaged) More Boys will wait on you, hostess Candi Gurl will look stunned but glamorous, and DJ James Glass --= the hottest straight boy into underground disco -- will help it all go down easy.

5-9pm
Mars Bar
798 Brannan, SF
(415) 621-MARS

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The Skewered Newbie

No one skewers the reigning queens of the scene like Monistat -- so appropriately she'll be hostessing, along with Castro Shawn, at the Castro's deliciously healthy skewered meat wonderland Asqew Grill. Don't forget to shishkabob your hair, lady.

6pm
Asqew Grill
3583 16th St., SF
(415) 626-3040

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Just a Plain Ol' Saucy Mess

The fiendishly fingerlickin' Felicia Fellatio -- pictured here with cutie leatherboy cohost Jorge -- will hold glutton court at Memphis Minnie's BBQ in Lower Haight. (Did you know that Memphis Minnie's features a sake tasting menu with it's plethora of roasted flesh? Well now you know!)

7pm
574 Haight, SF
(415) 864-7675
www.memphisminnies.com

PS: It's rumored that Felicia can down a whole rack of ribs without swallowing. Here's proof, at least, that she can down a whole racket:

Anyone for seconds?

On April 16, members of the thirteen immigrant community organizations that make up the San Francisco Immigrant Legal and Education Network (SFILEN) met at City Hall today in an effort to advocate for more community resources for immigrants. Immigrants represent 40 percent of San Francisco's population and the event was an opportunity for members of SFILEN to call attention to the need for more legal and educational programs, and to speak with City Supervisors as a continuation of making San Francisco a true sanctuary for all immigrants.

Members of the Arab Resource and Organizing Center (AROC) on the steps of City Hall, supporting San Francisco's Immigrant Family Day.

Supporters gathered at City Hall for Immigrant Family Day, asking City leaders to continue supporting immigrant programs for their communities.

Members of the community came out to hold signs and show their support to keep San Francisco true sanctuary for immigrant communities.

Members of Mujeres Unidas at San Francisco's Immigrant Family Day.

Ben Younes Ouanane (left), an immigrant from Morocco, spoke about the help he has received from the African Immigrant and Refugee Resource Center (AIRRC), one of the cities many immigrant rights organizations involved in the Immigrant Family Day. Joe Sciarrillo, a paralegal at AIRRC, translated from French to English for Mr. Ouanane.

I totally got hoodwinked.

Two years ago, I bought expensive tickets to the 2006 Exotic Erotic Expo because the flyer for the event advertised a live appearance by Violet Blue, who is one of my favorite sex writers, and who I’d wanted to meet for a very long time. I never got to meet her though. Turns out there’s a porn star also named Violet Blue, and she was the one appearing. So, instead of schmoozing with a journalist, I spent my time at the expo drinking cheap beer and stalking a porn star. Snore.

The real Violet Blue

Naturally Violet Blue the writer is pretty pissed about this kind of mix up -- she claims the fake Violet Blue is using her name to attract a bigger following -- and the name feud has finally made it to the courthouse. (Full disclosure: I’m a witness for the writer’s side – my story was a direct catalyst for the suit.) It seems after our missed encounter, the real Violet Blue decided she’d had enough and started looking into patent laws and ways to challenge the star of Who Violet Blew, Planet of the Gapes 4, and Beauty and the Bitch. The initial court proceedings went down last October, but the case is far from over. The porn star has been quite successful under her moniker – winning multiple AVN awards, getting countless roles, and even hosting her own radio show -- and she doesn’t want to give the name up (she “officially” changed it to Violetta Blue, but continues to use the original name whenever she appears at events or stars in videos).

The other Violet Blue (not posing with the author!)

What’s the big deal, you ask? Both of these women are involved in porn aren’t they?

Well, yes and no. The writer, whose real name actually is Violet Blue, has dedicated her entire life to showing the good side of the sex industry, whereas the other Violet Blue is just a plain ol’ sex worker. In her award winning blog, www.tinynibbles.com, and in her books, the real Violet Blue tries to show that an obsession with sex is totally natural and that “sex people” can be funny, smart, technologically advanced, artistically inclined, and full of unique ideas. She tours the world holding sex seminars on college campuses and even makes appearances on popular television shows to champion her conviction that any sex is good sex as long as it’s safe and consensual. She also believes that, contrary to popular belief, women like to watch pornography as much as men. Good deal.

But the issue isn’t about whether or not Violet Blue the imposter should be doing porn or whether or not she’s a good role model. The issue is that the real Violet Blue is constantly being mistaken for a so-so porn star and it’s fucking with her career. She can’t even win national awards, like Forbes’ Top 25 Web Celebs of 2007 (in which she won 25th place as the best pornstar/blogger) or get invited to conventions without someone thinking she does double anal for extra cash when her book sales are down. Not that that’s bad in itself, but come on. I’d be pretty pissed as well. Especially about Planet of the Gapes 4.