By Stephen Torres

Pink Saturday was not kind to me. I had to work “Mango” down at the river and it never really reached the usual crescendo, but kept truckin’ along all through the night. I woke up at about one the next afternoon with the parade having already passed by. I felt obligated to go, however, and met some friends down on the mall in Civic Center.

It was an already faulty set- up in that I was exhausted and sober amongst a sea of bronzed, vibrant, inebriated fairies. By the look on my friend Jesse’s face, I knew we were on the same page. So what are two tired queens to do when confronted with such glee and sunshine?

By Gazelle Emami

TOMS shoes have been around for a little over a year, but for the bulk of this time, the company has been thriving in boutiques and online through word of mouth. It’s only recently that TOMS have started popping up in Nordstrom, Urban Outfitters, and on Keira Knightley’s feet. Their basic principle is pretty admirable—for every pair that is bought, a pair is given to a child in need. Last October, founder Blake Mycoskie held their first Shoe Drop, where 10,000 shoes were hand-delivered 10,000 to children in Argentina.

By Gazelle Emami

A man alone in the wilderness bends fearlessly over a precipice, planning his first move. “First,” he says, squinting into the sun, “I must find my bearings.” With a no river in sight, he bounds down the edge of the sheer drop and begins his search for nourishment.

Night falls and a storm rumbles overhead. The man is discouraged—he’s already drank some muddy water and eaten a sheep’s eyeballs, so he’s doing alright. But with no shelter and temperatures dropping rapidly, survival seems unlikely. That is, until, he comes across a rotting deer carcass. Energy renewed, the man guts the carcass, huddles inside of it for shelter, and survives the thunderous night.

Sound like fiction? It's not. It's all just another day in the life of Man vs. Wild star Bear Grylls. In fact, everything above is true, except for one detail—the part about our story's hero being a mere man. Because British adventurer Bear Grylls is crazier than your average man. I’m not talking Gnarls Barkley crazy or R. Kelly bat-shit crazy. I’m talking I-will-squeeze-the-juice-from-elephant-dung-into-my-mouth crazy. I’m talking oh-look-here’s-some-quicksand-why-don’t-I-just-jump-into-it crazy.

Let me explain. On the Discovery Channel reality series, Grylls is dropped in remote locations around the world until he finds civilization, left to survive with little more than a knife. Fresh into its second season, the show’s purpose is to show you the skills you would need to survive if you were to ever find yourself lost in the wild. While I could never do most of the things Grylls does, I’ve picked up on a few skills. Among them, I’ve learned how to tell when the sun will go down, the best way to catch a fish, how to get out of quicksand, and that elephant dung is sterile.

The show’s real draw is not its educational value, but rather witnessing just how far Grylls will go. He survives by essentially being a ballsier version of MacGyver. Don’t get me wrong, MacGyver ranks high on the badass meter. But when it comes down to it, will he drink his own urine? I don’t think so.

Catch an episode of Man vs. Wild tonight at 11 p.m. on The Discover Channel. New episodes air every Friday at 9 p.m.

By Sean Manning

If the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy teaches us anything (other than that the ironic love of pirate kitsch runs deep), it’s that childhood nostalgia is ripe for the coming-soon-to-a-multiplex-near-you rampage. And when it gets there, it’s not just bigger and louder and more special-effects laden (ahem, Transformers), it’s got edge. Take, for instance, upcoming yuletide turd Alvin and the Chipmunks. Starring Jason Lee, from, like, you know, edgy independent movies, and three thugged-out updates of our favorite helium-voiced rodents, the movie is sure to be a knee-slapper. We may have already found this year’s answer to the Santa Clause 3 -- a movie so mind-bogglingly, infuriatingly stupid that it will likely incite outbursts of rage every time a bus plastered with an advertisement rolls by.

Hey Jason Lee, did you shave off your dignity along with your My Name is Earl 'stache?

Guardian staffer Ben Hopfer checked out Barry Bonds pre-MLB All Star bout soiree at Roe Restaurant and Lounge on July 9. Where was Jay-Z? Who knows where the Jigga goes - anyhoo here's what Hopfer saw on the red carpet.

The man of the hour and soon-to-be-world-record-holder for most home runs: Barry Bonds. All photos by Ben Hopfer.

Bay Area rapper B-Legit

49ers quarterback Alex Smith

David "Big Papi" Ortiz.

Former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown. Note the adult Barbie doll on his arm.

Former Giants manager Dusty Baker - come back, we miss you!

Bay Area rappers Dem Hoodstarz (Band-Aide and Scoot)

Dave Winfield and significant other.

San Francisco Giant Rich Aurilia

Local rapper Richie Rich

By Gazelle Emami

While it’s the most highly anticipated event of the summer, the release of the seventh and final installment in the Harry Potter series on July 21 is hardly just another summer spectacle. Twelve years ago, J.K. Rowling was scribbling away in cafes, creating one of the most widely beloved characters of all time. Now, about a decade since Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone’s release, we’ve finally hit the end of this larger-than-life reading marathon. And Harry deserves a little glory to usher in his final stand.

With the build-up reaching its final, condensed moments, the Bay Area is swarming with Harry Potter release parties the night before—because trying to sleep on the eve of a Harry Potter release is worse than Christmas Eve when you’re five. Fortunately, Harry Potter is better than Santa and can be in our hands at the stroke of midnight. What follows is a list of many midnight parties around the Bay Area. It is at these parties that readers will devotedly sport colors that pledge their allegiance to Gryffindor or Slytherin, boast their knowledge in trivia games, and raise their glasses of Butterbeer in support of our favorite hero, all just hours before the gratifying sound of ripping cardboard signals the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I wouldn’t be surprised if the world just implodes in anticipation. Do I sound a little like a crazed fan? Maybe because I am.

You were just too ... something ... to keep out of heaven.....

We recently put together a cover package on midnight movies. The midnight movie scene is thriving right now, but it also has a long history -- in fact some credit SF as a, if not the, birthplace of the phenom. Below you'll find a mix of direct quotes from local cinema lovers and excerpts from books that outlines what has happened when the clock strikes twelve in the Bay Area. Go ahead and add your stories and sources to this account!

GARY MEYER The Pagoda Palace, known as the Milano in the 30s and early 40s showed Italian movies at midnight prior to World War II.
CHRISTIAN BRUNO In the mid-’60s the Presidio hosted Underground Cinema 12, a package of late-night movies that might incorporate a little [George] Kuchar, a little Busby Berkeley, and a lot of porn posing as art. It was a traveling package of films that was curated by Mike Getz out of LA, but the Presidio put its own SF (which usually meant gay) stamp on things.

GEORGE KUCHAR I remember one midnight show at a theater on upper Fillmore St. It started about 2 hours late because of projection problems. The audience didn't seem to care and the 16mm feature didn't care about cohesiveness of plot or theme, so it was a fun, flabby twilight zone of black & white sequences of an occult nature that suited the creatures of the night. The darkness inside and outside the theater was unable to still their noisy appreciation to the avalanche of imagery that descended from the screen like a caffeinated surge of STARBUCK sludge. The movie kept everyone awake so I guess you can consider it a HIT for that un-Godly hour and a half!

As promised in this week's gargantuan Best of the Bay issue, here's a longer Q&A with Santino Rice, who will be at the Castro Theatre this Friday. Illustrations to come tomorrow!

GUARDIAN: You once judged the Miss Universe pageant. What was that like?
SANTINO RICE: Parts of the experience – being that close to the stage, to the beautiful women and the gowns – were great. As a young boy I watched pageants, but I’m far from obsessed with them. I came in trying to be objective and pick the woman that evening that really exemplified beauty and personified what Miss Universe should be. But the year that I judged it, it seemed like more of the judges on the panel were voting for a country, not a woman. It was as if people were cheering for a soccer team. Miss Puerto Rico won, and I really felt like Miss Japan should have won.

Aha! Steve Rhodes happened upon our Best of the Bay Local Hero "Diamond" Dave Whitaker last night, riding home on the Muni with a BOB in his lap. Precious.

Thanks for sending it our way, Steve! See more of his snaps here.

Guardian film critics Matt Sussman and Jason Shamai have a few things they wanna say about the new film I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Let's listen in!

Matt Sussman’s review, as published in the Guardian: Despite passing marks from FireFLAG/EMS of the Fire Department of New York, "the nation’s oldest and largest LGBT firefighter organization," and GLAAD assuring us that I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is not merely an excuse to trot out tired gay stereotypes and that beneath the disarming and broad humor is a strong message of tolerance, this sophomoric comedy starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James as straight firemen who pretend to be gay to gain domestic-partner benefits isn’t so much homophobic as baldly misogynistic and thoroughly unentertaining. Sure, dismissing a Sandler comedy as sophomoric is stating the obvious, but in films such as Punch-Drunk Love, he has proved that he can set aside the flatulence and fat jokes, sit at the adult comedians’ table, and still make us laugh. So let’s add regressive (along with racist, thanks to an extrapainful Rob Schneider) to our list of modifiers. While one could argue that the film sends up regular straight dudes as much as it milks laughs from the standard chain of gay signifiers, this failed reverse La Cage aux Folles doesn’t realize the extent to which it exposes the rickety scaffolding that precariously separates straight buddy love from flaming faggotry. Or maybe that’s the anxiety the film is really trying to allay by declaiming any homophobic culpability. Whatever — I’ve already spent too much brain power thinking over a frat house skit-night sketch that somehow became a film. Someone get me a cock.

Jason Shamai responds, after the jump.

Matt Sussman pays tribute to the director:

1.
Monica Vitti in L'Eclisse was a revelation to me as a college freshman. I had a serious crush on her, perhaps more than any other film actress up to that point (certainly, as a gay man, more than any other woman up to that point). Her leonine blond mane and Roman cheekbones framed eyes that could dish out giddy flirtation and unexpected hurt in equal measure. In all the "Antonioni's greatest moments" recaps that have been posted in the past 24 hours I don't think any commentator has mentioned the incredibly bizarre scene in L'Eclisse where Vitti puts on blackface and dances amidst African artifacts. Echoes of Italy's then-recent colonial past are immediately summoned in Vitti's character's tipsy performance of bored bourgeois privilege, but Antonioni also seems momentarily to take in the visual pleasure provided by the spectacle of the dancing Vitti. For a director famed for his ambiguity, this is perhaps one of his most ambiguous and unsettling scenes.