If you saw “Monster Squad” growing up, chances are you know it and love it (And for you seasoned vets, there is a bonus disc with an awesome five-part retrospective). And even if you haven’t seen it, you’ve probably been inadvertently exposed to quotes from it. “Wolf Man’s got nards…” – does that sound familiar?

Oh, Ok, Ok: You remember “Goonies” right? When I was really young I used to get “Goonies” and “Monster Squad” mixed up. Both are fantasies about a small band of adolescents and their battle in suburban America with the forces of evil. But, as the years passed, Monster Squad pulled ahead as the better film because its bad guys are so much cooler.

The villains in Monster Squad are archetypical. They personify evil on a level that we can all identify with. That’s what’s so great about classic movie monsters: you can ball up your anger and frustration and aim it at them. Heck! You’re supposed to! They’re fucking monsters. That’s why we create them! Love them, hate them, or fear them – humanity creates monsters as a fantastical solution to our inability to rationalize suffering in our own world. They are scapegoats. It’s all their fault. And when the protagonists kick them in the nuts, we can stop worrying about our real life monsters, if only for a moment.
“Forget about Al Quada and masked murderers at the Castro’s Halloween for a second,” the film seems to say. “We just killed a Wolf Man! Do you know how goddam hard it is to kill a Wolf Man, man?”

It’s worth pointing out that the Monster Squad also literally kicks Wolf Man in the Co-Jones. Which is so much heavier than watchin’ Joe Pantoliano and Sam Kinnison – Whoops, I mean Anne Ramsey – chase some kids through the sewers. And Sloth was pretty cool, but does hangin’ with him really beat kickin’ it with Frankenstein’s Monster? Really?

On top of all that rhetorical bull shit, Monster Squad is heartfelt and edgy. Fat Kid gets beat up at school, Sean’s parents are about to get divorced, and the scary German guy (Leonardo Cimino) who helps the kids translate Van Helsing’s diary has a tattoo from a Nazi concentration camp.

And the movie’s full of humor, too. Although it is admittedly, a dude-ish kind of humor. The boys go around insulting each other, peeping at the girl next door, and excluding Sean’s younger sister Phoebe from the monster club (“Mom says you have to let me in or else it’s prescription!” “That’s discrimination jerkoid! Prescription’s drugs, which is what you’re on if you think you’re getting up here.”). However, Phoebe is immediately included when, like in the classic Mary Shelly tale, she is befriended by Frankenstein’s Monster.

And like all classic monster movies, “Monster Squad” is not without moments of suspense and terror. The crew comes within inches of death, pursued by a convincingly evil Dracula (Duncan Regehr) and his minions through a decrepit colonial mansion.

If you saw “Hellboy,” and “The Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, “Evil Dead” and “Army of Darkness,” “House of 1,000 Corpes,” or even just “Sin City,” well, “Monster Squad” is the movie you where supposed to see growing up but never did – probably because your parents wouldn’t let you. But, thanks to the magic of DVD, you’ve got a second chance.