Semiconscious Consumerism: Dope gear for idiotsBlogger Justin Juul ponders high-end street gear in a time of economic crisis. Read his saga of American Spirits here, and his sassy deconstruction of the Nike and American Apparel connection here.
Here’s a bunch of shit I bought because I thought I was the only person in San Francisco tuned into the world of supercool urban fashion. Most of these items cost hundreds of dollars and almost nothing fit straight out of the box. So, genius that I am, instead of re-selling my stuff on Ebay for a profit, I took everything to a tailor for resizing. Which, most times, wound up costing almost as much as the actual item.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if I had been right, if indeed I could ever hope to know more about “high-end streetwear” than your average 15 year-old skater thug. But I don’t. By the time most of this stuff got my to house you could buy knock-off versions at any store on Sixth Street. And besides, look at it! I’m almost thirty years old, man. I can’t go outside in this shit. Still, even though I never wear any of the stuff I buy, and even though I’m fully aware that the whole street wear industry is a marketing sham that preys on the ridiculous aspirations of clueless suburban kids, I’m insanely proud of my ghetto-fab wardrobe.
I mean, whatever, right? These clothes may not be worth the money I spent on them, and they may not make me cool, but I have them and you don’t, so there. You can call me shallow and you can call me crazy, but you can’t deny that if you could get your hands on my gear you’d be happy for life. I win.
Here Are the Top Five Coolest Garments in my Collection:
1. LRG Dead Serious Hoody
This ridiculously expensive piece of crap glows in the dark and has mesh eyeholes so you can zip it over your head. The coolest shit ever! Chicks totally dig it and dudes can’t help but jock; at least, that was the idea. LRG made these things for like five minutes before the knockoffs hit. I think they sell them at Wal-Mart now.
2. Outsider Art T-Shirt
I bought this hideous thing from a skateshop in NYC called Autumn. As usual, it was waaaaay too big so I took it to a tailor and had it fixed. But it was still ugly as sin and I never actually wore it. It sat in my closet so long that I eventually forgot how cool it was. I cut the sleeves off and started wearing it as my jammies. I have the coolest jammies in town, by the way. You should see me buy coffee.
3. Fucking Awesome Hoody
Fucking Awesome is a brand that does limited runs of garments designed to annoy the shit out of adults (and allegedly to make fun of the streetwear phenomenon). The company is owned and operated by this dude named Jason Dill, a professional skateboarder famous for drinking too much and having funny hair. I bought this way before the all-over print/mask-hoody fad took off in the mainstream, just so you know. The things are ubiquitous these days as everyone has caught onto the fact that looking retarded is actually pretty cool.
4. Velvet Ozzy Slippers
DVS Shoes did a super-limited run of these things back when the Osbourne Reality Show was still running strong. By the time my infatuation had turned into a full-blown obsession, they had become a collector’s item. I searched for months and days and finally found a pair at a skateshop in London that charged in pounds. Totally worth it!
5. Limited I-Path Shoes
I-Path was founded in the mid-nineties as an alternative to all the ugly skateboarding shoes that were popular at the time. The company used to focus on limited edition stuff and a few classics, but it’s grown into this weird hippy brand that uses all-organic cotton and caters to reggae fans or intelligent hip-hop heads or whatever. Not my scene. I’ve purchased dozens of I-Paths in my day, but I hardly ever wore any of them. Big, bulky, and stupid-looking. Doesn’t really matter though. Limited edition sneakers will always be cool, right!?!
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Comments (1)
Awesome. Thanks for the plug on the Ozzy slippers!!
Posted by Rita Kassak | August 19, 2008 09:44 AM