Veep vs. Veep: What NOT to look for tonight
Sick of the endless hype-y analysis of tonight's VP debate preparations -- the "expectations bar" being spun like a top by all sides? Here's some things we figure we probably won't see, although maybe we secretly wish we would.
** Washington University evacuated due to Biden's overuse of Old Spice
** Palin packs attention-deflecting bomb in up-do, like Deborah Harry's in Hairspray. Bonus: goes off too early
** No talent portion!
** Because of no talent portion, no handkerchief magic from Biden and his incredible ubiquitous pocket square
** No swimsuit portion!
** Because of no swimsuit portion, Biden lives on in the private fantasies of many as the Senate's Charles Atlas
EVEN MORE!
** Biden explains that his bizarre pronunciation of "heterogenous" as "hetero-genius" is actually an obscure reference to a pun appearing on pop group Scritti Politti's 1982 debut album Songs to Remember
** USS Enterprise crew beams onstage and requests name of Palin's tailor
** Moderator Gwen Ifill starts shooting sparks and explodes due to conflict with her newly implanted Gotchaware™ journalistic "deference" software, courtesy of the Columbia School of Journalism
** Palin wrinkles her nose and Darren forgets that he caught her using her powers to do the dishes before the Tates arrived for cocktails
** In a fit of adorable pique while explicating the intricacies of her position on the Supreme Court's Boumediene v. Bush decision and how it applies to her Downs Syndrome child, Palin accidentally addresses Gwen Ifill as "Mammy"
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