By Juliette Tang
Isabella Rossellini is a woman who wears many hats. Actress, model, writer, philanthropist. Now, Rossellini can add "filmmaker specializing in animal pornography" to that already impressive list. "When needed, I can have an erection six feet long and stick it inside a female," exclaims Isabella Rossellini, clothed not in her standard designer fare, but in a paper mache whale costume, of which the defining characteristic is an attachment of a giant pink penis in full erection.
Hallelujah, season two of Green Porno is underway!
Rossellini writes, directs, and lends her acting chops to the quirky Green Porno series, which features the actress, donned in hilarious animal costumes, describing the various mating habits of members of the animal kingdom. The series is winsome and fun, not just because of Rossellini's infectious charm, but also because of the wonderful craftsmanship of Andy Byers, a Brooklyn-based artist who created all the sets and costumes. His costumes are hand-made, crafts-influenced, and seeped in an adult's residual nostalgia for bad elementary school Halloween costumes meticulously made by well-intetioned mothers hungry for Kodak moments. There's also the fact of Rossellini's sexy, ambiguously European accent, with its traces of Italian and Swedish, which lends richness and whimsy to phrases like "Penises, different penises, all trying to get as close as possible to my eggs!" The series is peppered with Rossellini's cheeky and good-natured translations of beastial intercourse, and pronouncements like "we are sequential hermaphrodites" reminds me very much of a Polish biology teacher I once had, who always confused the term "organism" with "orgasm," to jocular result.
Season one of Green Porno, which debuted last year, featured the sex lives of insects, including the spider, fly, snail, earthworm, bee, and praying mantis. Dressed as a fly, Rossellini jubilantly proclaims, as she mounts a prosthetic fly, "I have sex several times a day, any opportunity, any female." Season two, currently playing online at the Sundance website, takes the voyeur underwater to get a glimpse into the boudoir of the whale, barnacle, anglerfish, starfish, and limpet -- with more to come. Rossellini is a total champ, exuberantly playing all her animal characters as if angling for an Academy Award. She is resplendent as an earthworm, indicated as such by a 20-foot paper tube from which only her head is visible, who solemnly declares, "I need to mate with another hermaphrodite. In the 69 position." No barnacle has ever been sexier, because no barnacle has ever been Isabella Rossellini's floating head on the body of a stuffed animal, explaining with the seriousness of a professor that in order to mate she has to plant herself in the body of a female barnacle and "degenerate into a sexual organ, just releasing sperm." I would have paid a lot more attention in my biology classes if instead of boring educational videos, we watched Rossellini dressed as a snail, attaching painfully to the body of another snail in a love grip and admitting, "to inflict pain on my partners before mating – it turns me on. I love to be hurt too. Sadomasochism excites me."
Now that Rossellini has tackled the insect world and the world of the sea, what is next? Birds? Reptiles? Or, better yet, dinosaurs?! One can only hope.
Comments (4)
WOW great when can we see this on the Canadian TV
channels????? Can we get this at out locale video stores that would be great, blockbusters WHERE HOW WHEN?????
These would be great as instructional tools for the
younger set, to be viewed with their parents and then their questions could be asked there and then. Half of the parents work is already done for them, they just have to answer the inquisitive minds questions.
This is the greatest idea of these times, it should open up the dialog between childern and their parents thus opening up knowledge and suppressing that un talked about subject. That everybody seems to be avoiding in almost all families!!!!!
Great!!!!! Great!!!!!
Posted by Y Jeez | April 24, 2009 04:31 AM
Dear Ms. Rossellini,
Congratulations on Green Porno! Since you have such a profound love for animals, I wanted to inform you of StreetZaps, a timely and useful tool intended to reduce the year-round risk of injury and fatality from stray voltage. And so you are aware, I confer with Con Edison's Stray Voltage Unit and was the first non-electrical representative to be invited to the Jodie Lane Fourth National Conference last year. Ms. Rossellini, it is my firm wish to disseminate this vital public service as quickly and as widely as possible to preclude more tragedies. Further, our electrical collaborators anticipate more summer than winter incidents in the years ahead. Could you help this vital effort? Please advise.
Thank you in advance and I look forward to hearing from your.
In appreciation and with best regards,
Blair Sorrel
Founder
www.StreetZaps.com
Posted by Blair Sorrel | April 28, 2009 01:05 PM
Amazing, timely and moving. It is entirely appropriate for us to grow up as a culture and understand the sexual behavior not only of the animal kingdom, but by extension ourselves. As human beings are a "higher order" of animal (lest we forget to notice there are numerous similarities we have with the rest of nature), there is much we can learn about ourselves as we learn about the rest of nature. The dramatic interpretation given by Ms. Rosselini as she portrays the animals' sex lives helps to bridge the gap of understanding that ignorance and centuries of shame-oriented thinking has created about sex in general in our culture. Sex is a part of life. It is a good thing to be educated about it, and yes, even at a young age. This type of education could be the answer to a myriad of problems like sexually transmitted diseases and other social ills caused by sexual ignorance and immaturity.
Posted by Steve Gaskill | May 16, 2009 03:32 PM
Fantastic. Creative. Simply put: Amazing.
You've effectively summarized the most natural function in the natural world.
Kudos to you Ms. Rosselini for such a clever and beautiful representation.
Posted by Philip Kotacka | August 11, 2009 10:34 PM