By D. Scot Miller
Reviewing sex for the Guardian is a blast! Straight up. I get to peruse pornografica for pay. How sweet is that? It's my hope to begin exploring my sexual self for all the world to see! OK, that's kind of scary too, but a good kind of scary. Throughout the gamut of emotions I plumb while "doing" sex in my own writerly way, the one I most despise is boredom Sex should never, never-ever, be boring. When the mind glazes over with ennui around good-ol' ruttin', it's time to check-in; step up your game.
This is what I find in a lot of the erotica/porn writing I review. Nothing kills a moment like cliche'. And nothing says cliche' better than tired/lazy language. A poorly placed piece of trite breaks the spell of seduction and turns the whole affair into just another pick-up line. But I'm here to help, I really am, and I 've come up with 10 terms that writers should avoid at all costs when writing sex. Drumroll please:
Please don't call it a "moresome"
Top 10 Words Sex Writers Should Avoid At All Costs
1. Jag-off
2. Throbbing cock ("cock" is okay though)
3. Dripping pussy (again, "pussy" is great)
4. Heaving chest (makes it sound like you're about to throw up)
5. Moresome
6. Nail, Hammer, Screw (In fact, any word you'd use in shop class is lame, except maybe "lathe." I'd like to see that).
7. Stacked
8. Load
9. Hand-job
10. Manly arms
It is my hope that with this handy-dandy list at your disposal, that your imagination will flourish when you find yourself in one of these linguistic cul-de-sacs. Remember, William S. Burroughs named a dildo Steely Dan, and who doesn't like Steely Dan?
Good luck, and keep 'em cumming.
