Sex SF

Hot sex events this week: Nov 18-24

2009-11-18T22:29:39Z

Compiled by Molly Freedenberg

Sir Loin Strip and Amelia Mae Paradise plan to take over Monday Night's Hubba Hubba Revue in Oakland with surprises, quirks, vaguery, folly, and fancy. Photo by Molly DeCoudreaux.

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>> Flogassage
Serena Aderlini-D'Onofrio hosts this workshop on the bioenergetics of multiple loves, a hands-on course combining small group massage and mild flogging to convey the experience of polyamory.

Wed/18, 7pm
$5-$35
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
www.sexandculture.org

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>> Sex Workers' Writing Workshop
Gina de Vries hosts this workshop for current and former sex workers who want to share their writing and get honest, non-judgmental feedback.

Wed/18, 6-8pm
$10-$20
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
www.sexandculture.org

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>> ArtUndressed SF
Fashion shows, body painting, and live entertainment at this huge, three-day celebration and exhibit of erotic art, sculpture, and photography -- featuring local winners of Erotic Signature’s 2009 International Erotic Art Competition, including Nancy Peach, Damon Banner, Marc Taro Holmes, Retrotie, and 120 more!
Nov 19-21, Thursday and Friday 6pm to midnight and Saturday 3pm-9pm, $20
California Modern Art Gallery
1035 Market, SF
www.artundressed.net

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>> Mission Control Fundraiser: Carnival Midway Sextravaganza!
Kinky Salon a sexy, scintillating evening featuring stripper clowns, carnival games, a bake sale and auction, fortune tellers, and XXX backroom action, plus appearances by Boenobo, DJ Nezzy Idy, Sister Kate, and more.
sex
Fri/20, 8pm
$20 (includes 10 free tokens to play)
Mission Control
2519 Mission, SF
ymlp.com/zlzJwg

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>> Hubba Hubba Revue: The Miss Hubba Hubba Pageant!
It'll be a sensational, galmour-packed, talent-rich night when burlesque performers compete for the title of Miss Hubba Hubba. Also featuring Fromagique and Bombshell Betty's Burlesqueteers.

Fri/20, 9pm
$5-$12
DNA Lounge
375 11th St, SF
www.dnalounge.com

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]]> >> Red Hots Burlesque
SF's weekly burlesque show brings you the Cock T's, the world's only burlesque cheerleaders. Also featuring a freaky and filthy film reel brought to you by Val Killmore..

Fri/20, 7:30pm
$5-$10
El Rio
3158 Mission, SF
www.redhotsburlesque.com

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>> Second Annual Erotic Art Exhibition Tour
This year's tour features 120 international artists, body painting, live music, a fashion show, and winners of the Erotic Showcase 2009 competition, and a silent auction benefitting the American Foundation for AIDS Research.

Sat/21, 6pm
$45
California Modern Art Gallery
1035 Market, SF
(415) 716-8661
www.calmodern.com

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>> Otter Pops
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc. present. their second edition of everyone's favority furry family fun event, including prelims for the 2010 Mr. Indulgence Otter contest.

Sat/21, 9pm
$5
Powerhouse
1347 Folsom, SF
(415) 552-8689
www.powerhouse-sf.com

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>> Flabulous
Kentucky Fried Woman, Jay Walker, NOLOSE, and the Queer Cultural Center present an evening of performance by and for people of sixe and their allies.

Sat/21, 7pm and 9pm
$15-$20
SomArts
934 Brannan, SF
www.brownpapertickets.com/event/86966

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>> Pole Dance Intensive
Learn a hot pole dance routine guaranteed to mesmerize an audience during this two day course with Slinky Productions.

Sat/21-Sun/22, 2-4pm
$126
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
(510) 291-9779
www.slinkyproductions.com

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>> Hubba Hubba Revue
Amelia Mae Paradise and her queer freak-fest take over this weekly burlesque show, with a sideshow line-up including Isis Star-Goddes of Burlesque, Vagabondage, Simone de la Getto, and Sir Loin Strip.

Mon/23, 9pm
$5
Uptown Club
1928 Telegraph, Oakl
www.diamonddaggers.com

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alt.sex.column: MILFbone

2009-11-18T00:40:04Z

By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Andrea:

Since you were so good as to weigh in on "cougar" ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08], perhaps you could settle the evident controversy around the correct usage of "MILF?" I think a MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) is the mother of someone in your peer group. If your mom seems as sexual as burnt toast but Jimmy's mom looks surprisingly hot at the ninth grade bake sale, it makes you reevaluate the sexiness of mothers or, generally, adults over 35. Jimmy's mother is a MILF, and deserves the special category, only from the intergenerational perspective of a 14-year-old or whatever. It seems, though, that it's being used to mean any woman who has a kid, which totally gets my back up. I'm 26 with an infant — I'd like to think I'm sexy in my own right and MILF is uncalled for, unless my kid's friends at play-date start using the term way early. What do you think? Is MILF only referring to women of your parent's age and above, or does it mean any woman who has (gasp!) had a child?

Love,

Still Hot?

Dear Hot:

I think I've weighed in on "cougar" a bunch of times, and fascinated as I am by the way the sexually-not-dead-yet moderately older woman has become the Hottentot Venus of our time — sexualized yet grotesque-ified, exoticized, gawped at, and lampooned — I think I need to leave it alone now. As for "MiLF" and MILFs, we have discussed it and them here, but only once, in passing, when some bozo wrote in about his hot former ex niece-in-law, or something, whom he described as "the very personification of the MILF." And indeed, he did want to F her.

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"What does it even mean" I wrote then, "by specifying the 'mother' in 'mother I'd like to fuck?' Does the speaker intend to make a distinction between the rare mother worth fucking and the unfuckable masses? Or is it really the 'mother' part that intrigues, that sexy whiff of fecundity, that milkshake that brings all the boys to our yard? My personal suspicion is that it's the latter masquerading as the former, that the fascination with the pregnant or baby-toting Heidi Klum or Angelina Jolie is not fueled so much by the fact that they still look 'hot' as by the implication that if somebody knocked them up, then so, by extension, could you. But I may be getting a little theory-addled here."

And indeed I think I was. Such subtexts are fun to contemplate, and I do think there's something to it, but it's obvious the other element in wanting to F Heidi Klum is simply wanting to F Heidi Klum. And while we're on Heidi, no pun intended, my husband and I got to teach the "sex and parenting" section at San Francisco Sex Information this past weekend and got to tell my Heidi Klum joke, which is actually no joke, and goes like this:

Q: How do you look like Heidi Klum after you have a baby?

A: Easy. All you have to do is look like Heidi Klum before you have a baby.

Now, on to your specific questions. I'm glad it's not that you actually aspire to being classified as MILFy and are trying to figure out who has the standing to nominate you. You are more than just musing semantically, though, the way I might while washing dishes or pushing the stroller around. This bugs you! I'm sorry!

I think you have the right of it when you narrow the term to what I've always felt was the best use of the (icky anyway) phrase: the mother of one of your friends, a full generation older than you "but" still hot. Stacy's mom. Or, to hark back to the classics, Anne Bancroft in the leopard-skin coat, coo-coo-ca-choo. And by the way, do you know how old Anne Bancroft was when she played Mrs. Robinson? Thirty-five. Thirty-five! No fairsies playing the hot older woman when you barely qualify as "older," Anna Maria Italiano.

I loved Anne Bancroft.

Since its (fairly recent) inception, the "proper" use of MILF has morphed from "Mrs. Robinson" to, yes, anybody female and parous, of any age, whom the observer, also of any age, deems "fuckable." This is sort of nasty in that it clearly divides the fuckable from the un, probably along the most obvious and cartoonish model (you need to be thin, flat-bellied, big-but-perkily boobed, etc. to qualify). And yes, it also casts those of us who have had kids into a special category, needing to be judged, separate from the nulliparous masses, as still fuckable despite having committed the antisexual sin of reserving much of our time and affection and a good deal of the access of our bodies for (small) people who are not the guys doing the judging. Oops! Sorry, dudes!

It is objectionable. It is kind of gross. But it is also silly and far more their problem than yours.

Love,

Andrea

See Andrea's other column at carnalnation.com.

Sexual "pun"-ishment

2009-11-13T21:31:01Z

By Juliette Tang

Punning and naughty Photoshopping can be extremely funny, extremely horrible, or both at the same time. A bad pun can empty a room, but a good bad pun always elicits a laugh. Similarly, while naughty Photoshopping is juvenile and distasteful, you can't help but admire the cleverness of a really good digitally altered photograph, regardless of content.

Porn is an industry that fully embraces parallel punning -- Muffy the Vampire Layer, Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, A Rear and Pleasant Danger, Romancing the Bone, etc. -- and suffice it to say, some of these puns are pretty adroit. The meme-generating folks at B3ta asked people to post their own Photoshopped porn posters based off actual movies, and the slightly NSFW 30+ pages of puerility are a must see for those who like their humor lower than low-brow. Personally, I can't get enough of these. Assablanca, The Crotchmen, Hymen Popper and the Chamber of Semen, Lawrence of a Labia, Metropenis, Iporkyalips Now... sexual punishment never felt so good!

Those hilarious banned condom ads ...

2009-11-11T20:46:10Z

By Rachel Sadon

Banned in the USA, despite our love of bang ... and burnt rubber

Oh TreeHugger. You’ve made my day.

Not only did the ever-relevant green blog send up the 10 Best Condom Ads Banned in the US, but they pointed out the very real societal value in effectively publicizing contraception. Intellect, wit, and raunch -- what more could you possibly ask for in a blog entry (or a Friday night)?

Author Brian Merchant points out that green living is about more than just composting and hybrid cars; overpopulation is straining the planet’s resources to an unsustainable level. Not only are Americans the world’s leading polluters, we also have an unusually high rate of unplanned pregnancies. And there are a lot of people that really loathe talking about contraception, much less see it advertised effectively.

It is unclear whether the ads were restricted by a regulatory agency or self-censored by marketers in the US (the article just says they were rejected for being “too sexually explicit”). Regardless, it’s pretty clear that our notoriously prudish compatriots would get more than a bit uppity at these exercises in tongue-in-cheek advertising.

Fortunately much of the rest of the world isn’t quite so unreasonable.

]]> My personal favorite comes from infamously shameless Brazil. Having perfected the cultural arts of the public bacchanal and itty-bitty bikini, the Brazilians apparently take the cake for guerilla advertising, as well.

They’re right: you never know when you’re going to need a condom. And what better place to remind the population-at-large than the floor of a public restroom?

Maybe one of these days Americans will lighten up and concede that the best way to avoid unplanned pregnancy is to de-stigmatize contraception. And make it funny.

Until then we’ve got the internet (see the original post about banned condom ads at DivineCaroline for more clever images or this Slate V video for some fascinating international comparisons).

alt.sex.column: In the mood

2009-11-11T02:48:32Z

By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Andrea:

I get irritable with my boyfriend when he doesn't want to have sex. This doesn't happen that often — we've been together less than a year and have sex most times we're together, which is about five days out of seven. But sometimes he's tired or not in the mood. This should be OK, right? If I were the guy and he were the girl, everyone would say "Stop pressuring her!" But I can't help feeling bad. What is wrong with me?

Love,

Moody

Dear Mood:

Indeed, what is wrong with you? Could it be that you are simply an irritable person, and if it were not this issue, you'd find something else about your interactions with Boyfriend Boy to make you cranky? No? Then you're just a normal person who is acting kind of spoiled. You and BFB are occasionally out of synch. And even non-cranky people have a hard time wrapping their heads around this part, but it is nobody's fault.

It would be a vast and silly oversimplification to say that everyone has a natural libido set-point, like the one that keeps your body-weight unsatisfactory (To you! I do not care!) no matter what changes you make to your ratio of calories-in to energy-out. People certainly do seem to have something of a tendency toward the high, middle, or low end of the libido scale, but life, moving on as it does, changes things. (Actually, body-weight set-points also shift, but shut up, it was a nice simile.) Things do calm down a bit post late-adolescence/young adulthood, and even for those who can honestly state that they feel just as driven as always by their own hormones, stuff gets in the way. And sometimes that stuff gets back out of the way eventually, the kids go to college, or a health issue resolves, or they start sleeping better, and a dampened libido can come roaring back to life. So no way am I positing that sex drive takes a long slow dispiriting slide toward oblivion as soon as we become grownups or anything, just that libido is dynamic. Even yours, sex-wanting girl, is subject to change.

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You have got yourself a very minor, occasional mismatch. You want sex five times a week. That's fine. Sometimes he doesn't. The tricky part, of course, is that that's fine too. "Not the same as you" does not mean "broken." It doesn't mean he owes you anything; nor does he need to change. Neither do you, as far as the sex drive goes. The irritability, well, that could be a problem.

Take a look at how you're handling the communication end here. Are you telling him, covertly or overtly, that he has been weighed and found wanting? Are you sulking or crabbing at him when he doesn't put out, or sighing heavily, or doing your best to make him feel guilty? 'Cause I gotta tell you, all those have been rigorously laboratory tested and found to be potent anti-aphrodisiacs. You want to make sure your own attitudes or actions are not exacerbating the problem, assuming there is a problem. Which, frankly, there isn't.

You do not have to dial back your natural level of desire, assuming that is even possible. You may need to dial back your expectations; those you have some control over. If he's naturally content at something like three or four times a week (that's officially "lots of sex," by the way) it's fairly unlikely that's suddenly going to change. So don't make yourself crazy. I have no idea if Einstein really said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, but somebody ought to have.

And now, some solutions: since you sound young and saucy and unabashed, why not suggest a little mutual masturbation on his off nights? You, at least, would emerge dehornified, and who knows? Maybe a little action with no pressure to perform would give him ideas. Sometimes we think we're a lot tireder or less in the mood than we really are. If he cannot be spurred to mutuality, you can always just say "OK, don't mind me, then!" and reach for your sex tool (now that I have kids and approximately 1 billion actual toys the word "toys," like "play" and "play date" has been substantially desexified for me, so I'm trying something new here; do we like it?) and have it as though he weren't there. And if that doesn't seem doable, excuse yourself and come back when you're done.

The most interesting part of your question, to me, was actually none of this stuff, but the part that people would think you were awful if you were a guy pressuring a girl for sex. And my answer is yes, they totally would. But that is no excuse to do it yourself.

Love,

Andrea

See Andrea's other column at carnalnation.com.

Greener 'gasms: 5 eco-friendly sex toys

2009-11-06T21:08:08Z

By Juliette Tang

The market for eco-friendly sex toys is growing, and in the past several years we've seen remarkable advances in the engineering of toys with ecology in mind. But while it's relatively easy to create eco-friendlier dildos, cock rings, condoms, or lubes, designing and manufacturing eco-friendlier vibrating toys is much more difficult -- as anything that vibrates is necessarily powered by some form of energy. The challenge is to create a toy that uses either the least amount of energy or the most sustainable type of energy possible, while still functioning just as well or better than a traditional battery-operated or plug-in alternative. Proudly, San Francisco is home to some of the hippest and youngest pioneers in the mechanics and design of innovative new sex toys.

Earlier this year, Bay Area engineering student Ani Niow created a steam-powered vibrator which, though perhaps not exactly eco-friendly, explored the mechanical possibilities of a different source of energy. Just this past week, we saw news of The Mean Green Fucking Machine, a water-powered toy designed by SFSU grad student Martin Cooper, who saw the design and market potential in creating a functional and aesthetically pleasing 'fucking machine' powered by alternative means.

Though Niow's Steampunk Vibe and Cooper's Mean Green Fucking Machine are both still in the most beta of beta stages, hopefully there will be many new developments in the alternative-energy-sex-toy sphere in the near future. And, kinky earthy types who want green vibes do have present options to choose from -- all of which your humble blogger has, at the very least, seen firsthand.

Battery-free Earth Angel Wind-Up Vibrator

The Earth Angel is made of 100% recycled materials and is actually hand-cranked to power. There is a tiny dial that pops out of the bottom of the vibrator, which the user cranks for 4 minutes to store 30 minutes of vibrating potential. The vibe is not at all versatile in terms of speeds and settings, and it looks chunky, plastic, and kind of ugly, but of all the alternatives on this list, Earth Angel is hands down the most eco-friendly. The main drawback is the $95 price which, to be honest, would deter purchase by all except the most dedicated eco-warriors.

Sola Vibe, a solar-powered g-spot vibrator

This cute vibrator has 3 speeds and at full power lasts up to 2.5 hours (if you're fine with having your vibrator sit on your windowsill to charge for 10 hours in direct sunlight). The design team had the foresight to create a g-spot vibrator, which adds to its versatility (can be used internally or externally). It's $70, which makes it one of the least expensive eco-friendlier vibrators on the market. For emergencies when solar-charging is not an option, the vibrator also comes with a secondary wall-charger.

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Jimmy Jane Form 6, a rechargeable waterproof vibe

Talking to Ethan Imboden, CEO of Jimmy Jane, I was struck by just how difficult a battery-free, waterproof, rechargeable vibe is to design. "Putting water and electricity together is not easy," Imboden said, immediately planting in my head the warning image of a blow-drier and bathwater induced accidental death. But the Form 6 is perfectly safe, and it's a beautiful vibrator that won a 2009 ID award for design and innovation. At $185, it's not inexpensive, but it's the only eco-conscious vibrator that can be safety used in the shower.

Lelo MIA, a vibe with a USB charger

The MIA is a pretty and discreet USB-charged vibe that looks as modest as a tube of lipstick, should it somehow accidentally roll out of your purse. While it doesn't actually hold any data, the MIA charges by plugging into your computer's USB connection. It's actually a brilliant concept that lends the MIA two great advantages over other battery-powered discrete vibes: it's light and quiet. Without a heavy battery rattling inside the vibrator's casing, the MIA is virtually silent. For those shy about keeping vibrators around the house, the MIA is unparalleled in its ability to camouflage its own presence.

Acuvibe Rechargeable Massager

The Acuvibe Rechargeable Massager is the strongest of its kind -- the closest thing to a Hitachi Magic Wand without the pesky electrical chord. While the overall eco-friendly aspect is debatable (the Acuvibe probably doesn't require that much less energy than a Hitachi), the Acuvibe is definitely a wiser choice than any battery-operated vibrator, plus it doubles as a back massager (rather, back-massaging is its intended use). Also, any enthusiastic sex toy user will tell you that chords are always the first thing to break down on a vibe, so the absence of a chord prolongs a sex toy's life.

PS If you want to make the leap into green and purchase one of these vibes, why not recycle some of your old sex toys? Check out the following sex toy recycling programs:

Recycle My Sex Toy
LoveHoney Rabbit Amnesty

10 terms to ban from erotica FOREVER

2009-11-06T00:59:06Z

By D. Scot Miller

Reviewing sex for the Guardian is a blast! Straight up. I get to peruse pornografica for pay. How sweet is that? It's my hope to begin exploring my sexual self for all the world to see! OK, that's kind of scary too, but a good kind of scary. Throughout the gamut of emotions I plumb while "doing" sex in my own writerly way, the one I most despise is boredom Sex should never, never-ever, be boring. When the mind glazes over with ennui around good-ol' ruttin', it's time to check-in; step up your game.

This is what I find in a lot of the erotica/porn writing I review. Nothing kills a moment like cliche'. And nothing says cliche' better than tired/lazy language. A poorly placed piece of trite breaks the spell of seduction and turns the whole affair into just another pick-up line. But I'm here to help, I really am, and I 've come up with 10 terms that writers should avoid at all costs when writing sex. Drumroll please:

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Please don't call it a "moresome"

Top 10 Words Sex Writers Should Avoid At All Costs

1. Jag-off
2. Throbbing cock ("cock" is okay though)
3. Dripping pussy (again, "pussy" is great)
4. Heaving chest (makes it sound like you're about to throw up)
5. Moresome
6. Nail, Hammer, Screw (In fact, any word you'd use in shop class is lame, except maybe "lathe." I'd like to see that).
7. Stacked
8. Load
9. Hand-job
10. Manly arms

It is my hope that with this handy-dandy list at your disposal, that your imagination will flourish when you find yourself in one of these linguistic cul-de-sacs. Remember, William S. Burroughs named a dildo Steely Dan, and who doesn't like Steely Dan?

Good luck, and keep 'em cumming.

A "sugar" binge that makes you purge

2009-11-06T00:23:23Z

By Juliette Tang

Our post-Halloween, sugar-induced depression -- that vague feeling of existential disgust brought on by too much candy -- continues to rage on this hungover Monday. It arrives in the evil, saccharine form of Sugar Daddy Ken, the unfortunate new Ken doll via the lapidarists at Mattel.

According to Mattel, Sugar Daddy Ken (né "Sugar's Daddy Ken") is not the daddy of Sugar Chapeaux, the black Barbie, but of Sugar, the small white dog. And as Michelle Chidoni, spokeswoman for Mattel, told ABC most diplomatically, "At the end of the day, this collection is targeted toward adults. While the name of the doll does refer back to the dog, I think people are going to interpret it as they want to interpret it."

The only consolation toward feminism is the obvious fact of SDK's homosexuality. Crisp white pants paired with a bright green statement jacket themselves aren't enough to imply a same-sex preference, but add to the mix a small toy dog named Sugar who cants about on a bright pink leash and you're in the territory of grotesque, Bruno-style sexual stereotyping -- which is par for the course when it comes to ever responsible Mattel.

Sadly, SDK missed his opportunity to be immortalized in SF's Altered Babie Show, though of course there is always next year. If Mattel is unfazed by negative publicity and undeterred by the damage they will cause to fragile young psyches, SDK will be unleashed on stores in April of 2010.

And now, if you're allergic to the gross reinforcement of outworn gender stereotypes, don't read any further.

]]> But those who enjoy fueling their nihilism, as I do, should extend a special thanks to a website called SugarDaddyForMe.com for the following masterwork of PR sent to my editor Marke B., trailing on SDK's green brocade coattails:

To celebrate Barbie’s 50th birthday, Mattel has introduced what’s come to be known as the “Sugar Daddy Ken Doll”. Barbie’s makers are truly on top of pop culture trends, because Sugar Daddys [sic] come in life-sized versions as well. And like the newest Ken Doll, real Sugar Daddies can now be found online.
It’s the fastest growing internet dating craze; [sic] Sugar Daddy dating (where gold-diggers of any sex can be matched with big spenders) [sic].

Would you be interested in speaking with the founder of the #1 site for “sugar daddy”* dating – SugarDaddyForMe.com? Members of the site (Sugar Daddies, Cougars, Cubs and Sugar Babies) are also available to give you the true dirt and perks about cyber-gold-digging.

With more than two-million members – and growing – SugarDaddyForMe, with its ultimate search criteria and other tech features like iPhone remote access, is the LARGEST and most popular Sugar Daddy dating site. Members of the site are also available to speak with you and to reveal [sic]:

-Why they chose a Sugar Daddy site for their dating / marriage experience
-Everything – from their first conversation to first date to most lavish gift a Sugar Baby or Cub ever received!
-What the successful gentlemen on the site are looking for and why they say they “don’t have time for second class.”
-Women who know what they are looking for, what they want and are not afraid to talk about it.

Would you be interested speaking further? Thanks.

In conclusion, sugar : type 2 diabetes :: sugar daddies : my Schopenhaurian pessimism.

*These quotations are the only sensible grammatical fact on this entire press release.

Hot sex events this week: Nov 4- 10

2009-11-04T20:56:10Z

Compiled by Molly Freedenberg

Twinkle Toes McGee, seen here at Hubba Hubba Revue: Post-Apocalypse, teaches a series of sexy, sweaty classes during Burlesque Boot Camp.

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>> Sex Workers' Writing Workshop
Gina de Vries hosts this workshop for current and former sex workers who want to share their writing and get honest, non-judgmental feedback.

Wed/4, 6-8pm
$10-$20
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
www.sexandculture.org

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>> Nasty
Suzan Revah hosts this filthy fun-raiser for AIDS Emergency Fund, including Nasty Boys playing Stick It In, dirty dancing, dirty demos, and free massage by Alex of Club Eros.

Fri/6, 10pm
$5
Powerhouse
1347 Folsom, SF
(415) 552-8689
www.powerhouse-sf.com

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>> Red Hots Burlesque
Celebrate the birthday of Ruby White, part of the cast of SF's first Red Hots Burlesque show, along with Dottie Lux, Honey Penny, Lady Satan, The Fying Fox, Peggy Sue, and Ruby H-white.

Fri/6, 7:30pm
$5-$10
El Rio
3158 Mission, SF
www.redhotsburlesque.com

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>> First Friday Follies
Join host Margaret France and Balla Fire, Madam Chartreuse, Cupcake, Ophelia Coeur de Noir, Amateur Hour, Charlie Starr, and musical guests Poisonous Great White Lion Snake for this burlesque show and more.

Fri/6, 9:30pm
Free
Stork Club
2330 Telegraph Ave, Oakl

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>> Erotic Alchemy: Cooking Up Sex & Spirit
Francesca and Tahil of The Sacred Courtesan School and Daka Coach University explore, debate, guide experiences, and dialogue around the purpose and power of relating in two chakras, this time the 6th and 2nd for men and women. This event includes a trunk show of Darina's sensual designs, tantalizing potluck snacks, and a ecstatic dance and hot tubbing afterparty.

Fri/6
$20-$40 (free for participants of Daka or Courtesan School)
Terra's Temple
654 Oakland Ave, Oakl
Register at relationshipdiva@gmail.com

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>> Shotgun Cabaret with Hubba Hubba
Kingfish and Eddie team up with Shotgun Players for a show featuring comedy, music, and a bit of oo-la-la.

Sat/7, 8 & 10pm
$20
Shotgun Theater
1901 Ashby, Berk
(510) 841-6500 x303
www.shotgunplayers.org

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>> Burlesque 'n' Brass
Join Hot Pink Feathers and Blue Bone Express for some hot cabaret showgirl dance and cool jazz.

Sat/7, 8:30pm
$10
Cafe Van Kleep
1621 Telegraph, Oakl

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>> "Ritual" Visual Art Opening
Femina Potens presents an exhibition paying sacrament to our beautiful and creative customs, with Jeeti Singh exploring ideas of restraint and religious culture, Shelley Monahan displaying curiosities that focus on the ritual of consumption, and Daisy Eneix embracing the visceral and ephemeral power of our physicality. Exhibit on display through November 29.

Sat/7, 7:30pm
Free
Femina Potens
2199 Market, SF
www.feminapotens.org

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>> Spank!!!!
Celebrate Tony Koester's birthday and toy drive with shot specials, door prizes, sexy entertainment, and, of course, spanking.

Sat/7, 9pm
$5
Powerhouse
1347 Folsom, SF
(415) 552-8689
www.powerhouse-sf.com

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>> Kentucky Fried Woman's Barnyard Follies: An Evening of Animal Fun
Alotta Boutte, Jukie Sunshine, Momma's Boyz, Simone de la Getto, Amelia May Paradise and The Mystery Pig, Jay Walker and Delicio del Toro, and TuffNStuff join KFW for a hysterical evening of burlesque dancers transforming into an array of animal characters to celebrate people of size and their allies.

Sat/7, 9:30pm
$10
Velvet
3411 MacArthur Blvd, Oakl

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>> Burlesque Boot Camp: Creating and Refining a Solo
Join TwinkleToes McGee, SF's newest boylesque performer, for the second in this series of classes geared towards both burlesque dancers and those who just want to break a sweat in a fun way. In this class, you'll learn original choreography, refine your performance technique, and create a solo dance number set to four different styles of music.

Sun/8, 5-6pm
$60/4 class series; $17/walk-in
Shotwell Studios
3252 19th St, SF
RSVP to sparkly.devil@gmail.com

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>> Guest Pole Instructor
Slinky Productions presents special guest instructor Christina, who will teach pike straddle splits inversion, the merry go round, wide hip body-wind, and more intermediate/advanced pole dance moves during this special class.

Mon/9, 8-10pm
$75
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
(510) 465-7607
www.slinkyproductions.com

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>> Ask Our Docs: Cock Rings
Dr. Charlie Glickman answers your questions about the purpose and use of cock rings in this comfortable workshop.

Tues/10, 5:30pm
Free
Good Vibrations Polk Street STore
1620 Polk, SF
(415) 345-0400
events.goodvibes.com

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alt.sex.column: Return to Cougar Town

2009-11-04T01:00:00Z

By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Readers:

I was going to write more this week about body size, body image, and sex, but I'm stupid sick, so here's an older one ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08] about age instead. It's all connected anyway. Don't get the flu.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Fourteen years ago, when I was 26, I met my husband, who was then 58. We've stayed together through thick and thin and we love each other enormously. It has pained me over the past decade to realize that, even when the woman in question has her own accomplishments and is not a "bimbo," and even when the man in question is appealing and interesting (not a Donald Trump or a philandering cad) — still the nasty stereotypes abound. British comedian Graham Norton, for instance, refers to Catherine Zeta-Jones as "that gold-digging Welsh whore."

I find that otherwise thoughtful women I meet, acting on a mixture of feminism, anger, and what I infer to be unacknowledged personal pain or fear, seem too willing to continue such stereotypes, and I hesitate to open up to women I would otherwise think of as potential friends. I have hoped that as increasingly empowered women realize that they can date younger men if they choose, the rage over the double-standard and fear of abandonment and dwindling romantic options will begin to fade.

]]>

Then SNL comes along with, among other bits that belittle older women, their despicable new "Cougar Den" skit, mocking sexually-active older women as ridiculous and disgusting. Fuck you SNL!

These mean-spirited portrayals are destructive. I've attempted to convey this message through other venues and have been ignored. I remember a few years ago you wrote that the only regrettable mixed union between adults is "the always unfortunate nice person/asshole combo" — so maybe you'll see my point and print this.

Love,

Love My Older Spouse

Dear Love:

Ha, that's a pretty good line. Thanks for remembering it.

I hadn't even thought about SNL in years until the recent gratifying return of Tina Fey, but now that you mention it (you didn't), I have conceived a visceral loathing for Sarah Palin so intense that I couldn't even watch the debate for fear of feeling too sick to cook dinner. And yet I've still managed to be offended, feministically-speaking, by some of the endless harping on her supposed babe-itude. Can we not leave her legs (slender and therefore officially babe-ly) and Secretary of State Clinton's, which have been judged unacceptably stumpy, and everyone else's out of the equation and judge the candidates on their merits? Gov. Palin, for instance, doesn't have any. We win!

As for cougars, I have puzzled over the sudden emergence of the stereotype and the unquestioned assumption that the women it is applied to deserve ridicule. After a spate of popular-media articles in the 1990s about older women and their younger men, I suppose some degree of backlash was inevitable. Still, I, like you, am nonplussed by the degree of venom spit at any woman of a certain age who dares not only to date above her age-determined station but to do anything for fun at all beyond book-club, knitting, and golf.

Don't you think, though, that the reaction of some older women to a young one seen with a man old enough to be the first woman's first husband is understandable? We can claim the right to date younger men all we like, but who's to say most younger men will be interested? And there are still legions of old coots advertising for "fit, slender" young things in the personals. There is still a media-driven double standard keeping George Clooney in the "sexy lead" seat while Glenn Close and Cybil Shepherd have to play doughty moms and, yes, cougars. Even the accolades heaped on the glorious Helen Mirren in recent years have a faint aspect of the freak show about them: "Step up and see the 60-something woman who is still sexually attractive!" These forces are still powerful enough to make your fond wish for a time when older women will inevitably gaze upon your union with one of their own with bland approval still a bit of a pipe dream. As long as older women with a sex drive and indeed any juice at all left in them are laughed and pointed at, some will still look at a young woman who scoops up one of the few available men in their bracket as whatever the opposite of a cougar might be. Minx. Bitch. Gold-digging (Welsh) whore. Sad, and frustrating, but human.

Incidentally, I was curious about the origin of "cougar" in this context and found an article dating it to the founding in 1999 of Cougardate, an online dating site. A book, Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, by Valerie Gibson, came along in 2001. As you can see, these were guides for women, so the term, even with its "rapacious animal" connotations, wasn't even meant pejoratively. The nastiness accrued to it gradually, it seems, and inevitably. If it's about women actually wanting sex, that's gonna happen.

OK, Now I'm mad too.

Love,

Andrea

See Andrea's other column at carnalnation.com.

Oh, Girls: "Lust for Life" gets hardcore

2009-11-04T00:11:53Z

By Marke B.

We're more than maybe just crazy here at the Guardian over Bay band -- and breakthrough post-sexual heartthrobs -- Girls. Well, they're incredibly sad-funny-catchy single "Lust for Life" just got the hardcore video outtake treatment, penis microphones and Hunx cameos and all ... Watch and revel in true San Francisco loveliness ...

(via our friends at The Sword)

Girls will be cramming out Bottom of the Hill on Nov. 21.

Kink glitches the matrix

2009-11-02T23:47:41Z

By D. Scot Miller

Kink.com's Van Darkholme, Peter Acworth, and Princess Donna in the Armory boiler room, photographed by Pat Mazzera for our 2008 "Kink Dreams" cover story.

I've always been fascinated with the Kink.com building on 14th and Mission.

A former armory, and reproduction of a Moorish castle, it looks like a parochial school for wayward souls. Often I've wondered what goes on in this monolithic old-world structure, seeming more suitable for doling out justice than ecstasy. I checked out a few of Kink's family of Web sites and recommend all you surfers out there do the same. There's an aura around the building, the history, and what it now houses that epitomizes what San Francisco was, is, and can be that I'm behind with everything I've got.

Of course, there's BDSM with Hogtied.com, MenInPain.com, and TheTrainingofO.com. Woe unto the cynic within me who has become jaded by BDSM. Though the people are enjoying themselves and others, maybe too many trips to the old Power Exchange (and sub-station) and Folsom Street Fair in my youth have taken their toll.

The ones I find fascinating are WiredPussy.com, TSSeduction.com, FuckingMachines.com, and UltimateSurrender.com.

]]> Ultimate Surrender creates wrestling matches between two nubile nude gladiators that morph into a strap-on love-fests. I found myself admiring great athleticism one minute, great sex the next, and confusing the two all along the way. I wondered, is this the reason why folks watch Ultimate Fighting? Maybe a little, right? Ultimate Surrender is just more up front about it.

I had seen demonstrated the famous Sybian machine nearly twenty years ago, who knew that Fucking Machines would continue to be developed and become a genre unto itself?

Watching sexy people getting fucked silly by a mini-jackhammer with a big, black dildo attached is more mesmerising than I could have ever possibly imagined. The gamut of emotions run across their faces and the a spirituality that lingers near beatific as they are assailed by waves of orgasms that are almost enviable to witness. The fact that something as cold as a piece of hardware is working this magic makes the future a wonderful and weird place to live.

TS Seduction often turns the tables in a way that the rest of the sites do not. It's the only one with an interracial couples. Black and brown transsexuals usually dominate, flog, and top their white male partners. Like all of the BDSM play, there is a playfulness and tongue-in-cheekiness to the encounter; but the racial/gender-fuck adds an AfroSurreal element. It's a new day when black and brown people don't feel a deep, disturbing resonance around whips, and chains; especially when white men are involved. On TS Seduction, maybe they still do? Moving on...

To me, the crowning achievement is WiredPussy.com, which is a culmination, of sorts, because all the action from previous scenes take place before an audience. Think final scene of Behind The Green Door with more props. What's most seductive is the audience participation. The submissive is put through this complex ritual centered around denial of orgasm. People are asked to participate, and the onlookers seem to experience intense moments as one body. Eerily, the room becomes a call-and-response church where the passions provoke a simultaneous experience that has to be seen to be believed.

Michel's AAAARG: A light exploration of sexuality with Foucault

2009-11-02T23:04:33Z

By Juliette Tang

Michel Foucault's name is fondly dropped by anyone who has ever skimmed a pomo reader in college, but seriously reading his work (reading Foucault: A Very Short Introduction unfortunately doesn't count) is a difficult, often trying challenge. Even the relatively slim History of Sexuality, Vol: 1 requires at least a couple of weeks of laboriously close reading to untangle and does take time away from things like going out and expanding the history of ones own sexuality.

So where should the curious reader interested Foucault's work on sexuality look toward, to prepare themselves for (or, in lieu of) reading Foucault without having to plunge headfirst into things like historicisms, repressive hypotheses, and binary systems? There is a very brief, very fascinating interview with the philosopher that Le Gai Pied published in 1981 called "Friendship is a Way of Life". It is available online. While I downloaded the interview as a PDF on AAAARG (more on that in a bit), you can see the entire interview on Scribd, download-free.

]]> The publication Le Gai Pied was given its name by Foucault, who penned an article for the first issue and remained for its duration a frequent contributor. In his 1981 interview, Foucault examines specifically the notion of friendship in homosexual relationships and states, "To be 'gay,' I think, is not to identify with the psycho-logical traits and the visible masks of the homosexual but to try to define and develop a way of life."

Foucault, actually looking kinda cute

He candidly discusses the pressures that homosexual men face in creating a way of life in the absence of any institutionalized historical norms of "friendship" with which to compare, even during a time of greater sexual expression and openness. "We must escape and help others to escape the two readymade formulas of the pure sexual encounter and the lovers' fusion of identities... Homosexuality is a historic occasion to reopen affective and rela-tional virtualities, not so much through the intrinsic qualities of the homosexual but because the 'slantwise' position of the latter, as it were, the diagonal lines he can lay out in the social fabric allow these virtualities to come to light." I can only surmise what he'd say about gay culture today, but this interview is a fascinating read for anyone, whether you have heard of Foucault before and even if you don't care who he is at all, and sheds insight on the general mood toward homosexuality in the early 80s. The interview also mirrors important ideas that arise in the rest of Foucault's work, as seen in his references toward systems of power and his interest in the historical repression and fear of sexuality.

Addendum: Lest you think I'm a Foucault scholar, I preface this by stating firmly that this interview from Le Gai Pied would probably never have entered my radar had it not been for AAAARG, a wonderful online lexicon of free critical and scholarly essays and texts on a variety of different subjects, including sex and sexuality (Bataille's entire Story of the Eye, for instance, is downloadable and presented on a template very similar to Microsoft Word, making workplace procrastination all the easier). Those like me who miss the days of freely accessing JSTOR from a college IP address can revel in the fact that the PDFs on AAAARG are all critically relevant, all downloadable and, yes, all free -- if you register for an account.

Glass Kandi: Another reason to replace the rabbit

2009-10-30T20:42:36Z

By Sarah C. Jiménez

Glass Kandi emanates the raw, real sweetness of sex with high-end glass toys that, when used right, will last a lifetime. These days, it seems everywhere you look, happy-go-lucky, goody-two shoes sex-shops have been selling the “fun” in sex: things like cheery, animal-shaped silicone dildos and weird crap like bubblegum lube. One step into the classy boutique at Glass Kandi, however, makes the passionate nakedness of sex feel…well, sexy again.

Formerly known as Glass Dildo Me (until a neighborhood merchant complained about the name), the interior of the Tenderloin shop is a complete 180 from the gritty streets outside. Under elegant chandeliers, wondrous glass collectibles made for lovemaking adorn the shelves, literally sparkling. There are simple, elegant pieces. Light-up toys, floggers, glass plugs, double dildos, corkscrews, and kaleidoscope-like pieces. And even a line of food-related toys made to look like eggplants, bumpy cucumbers, fat jalapeños, and sausage links. Dildos come in various sizes fit for your body and in different textures; be it smooth, ribbed or bumpy. No two pieces -- being handmade and glass-blown -- are exactly the same. (Though most toys are priced between $100 and $200, with some as high as $449, some hover around the affordable $59 range.)

]]> Owner Samantha Liu, with that comforting air of an astute old-soul, knows how to sell a fit that’s right for you—more complex than any shoe you’ll ever buy—and with that non-judging, professional vibe so prevalent in this open-minded city. “It’s all about glass art,” says Liu, as we hang out in the shop with her cute lil’ pooch, Chicken. Eying a “grapevine” that could easily be used as a table centerpiece, I ask her the question all glass dildo virgins probably do: “Why glass?”

Liu smiles. There’s sanitation -- silicone toys tend to trap behind germs and bacteria in their miniscule pores, unlike glass, which is easy to clean. And a major perk is having the option to heat or cool your piece during foreplay for new temperature sensations during sex. But today she just shrugs, beautiful and dreamy as always (pardon my chaste schoolgirl cliché-ness), and answers quite simply, that those who don’t have glass pieces are just “missing out.” Indeed.

Glass Kandi
Mon.—Fri., 4 p.m.—9 p.m.; Sat., 12 p.m.—9 p.m.
569 Geary, SF
(415) 931-2256
www.glassdildome.com

Hot sex events this week: Oct 28 - Nov 3

2009-10-28T21:58:30Z

Compiled by Molly Freedenberg

Michelle L'amour, Miss Exotic World 2005, performs at Lucha VaVOOM at the Fillmore on Friday.

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>> Sex & Memory: Writing from your own experience
Jen Cross teaches this course on documenting the amazing experiences you have in (and out of) bed, whether for your lover or a publisher. Then stay for the Erotic Reading Circle!

Wed/28, 5:30pm
$10-$30
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
sexandculture.org

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>> Erotic Reading Circle
Carol Queen and Jen Cross host this monthly gathering in celebration of longtime writers, newly inspired daydreamers, and non-judgmental listeners of all orientation.

Wed/28, 7:30pm
$5+
Center for Sex and Culture
1519 Mission, SF
sexandculture.org

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>> See Me, Hear Me, Drink Me
This hetero-centric event gives men and women a chance to find out what the opposite sex thinks, make some new connections, and explore difficult topics, thanks to a 90-minute kick-off of free-flowing communication followed by a fun and playful cocktail party. The topic tonight? Slow sex and Intimacy, brought to you by OneTaste's Robert Kandell.

Wed/28, 7:30pm
$5/women; $15/solo men; $10/men with female friend
Authentic SF
115 10th St, SF
www.authenticsf.com

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>> Rock Strip n' Roll
Hubba Hubba Revue's Kingfish hosts this scintillating night of rock and performance, featuring Live Evil, Electric Vagina, Gods of Rock, Honey Lawless, Hot Pink Feathers, and more.

Thurs/29, 9:30pm
$10
Rouge
1500 Broadway, SF
www.hubbahubbarevue.com

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>> Thrillville's Halloween Gore 'n' Snorefest
Halloweenie-movie and burlesque freaks will love Thrillville's event, featuring surf punk music by The Deadlies, tassel-twirling goodness from Lady Monster, and two super sleazy rock'n'schlock cult classic films: Chainsaw Hookers and Zontar: The Thing from Venus!.

Thurs/29, 7:30pm
$12
Balboa Theater
3630 Balboa, SF
www.thrillville.net

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]]>

>> Filthy Freaky Friday
Don your freakiest costume and compete for prizes, all while benefitting Bay Area Young Positives.

Fri/30, 10pm
$5
Powerhouse
1347 Folsom, SF
www.powerhouse-sf.com
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>> Lucha VaVOOM
It's "Sexo y Violencia" when lucha libre wrestling, burlesque, and comedy combine in this special Halloween show.

Fri/30, 9pm
$32.50
Fillmore
1805 Geary, SF
www.luchavavoom.com

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>> All Hallow's Eve
The sexy, silly Hubba Hubba Revue teams up with Death Guild, Meat, and DNA Lounge for a night of electro, goth, industrial, and '80s music along with burlesque performances so good it's scary.

Fri/30, 9pm
$13
DNA Lounge
375 11th St, SF
www.dnalounge.com

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>> Red Hots Burlesque
Dottie Lux's weekly show promises seductive, spicy, absurd, and amusing burlesque and performance art from local and visiting talent. This week features visiting talent Smokin' McQueen and Lily Le Rouge as The Corpse Bride.

Fri/30, 7:30pm
$5-$10
El Rio
3158 Mission, SF
www.redhotsburlesque.com

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>> Zombie Bar
Celebrate Halloween with undead dancers, zombie punch, bloody fetus shots, and a costume contest.

Sat/30, 9pm
$5
Powerhouse
1347 Folsom, SF
(415) 552-8689
www.powerhouse-sf.com

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>> Kinky Salon's XXX Haunted House
Get jiggy in a saucy Kinky Salon way with two nights of fun, starting with Friday's totally immersive Haunted House experience (including interactive performances from 11pm-1am) and ending with the classic KS formula on Saturday, including a midnight cabaret and DJs playing extra late. (BYOB, no unaccompanied singles)

Fri/30-Sat/31
$25-$30
Mission Control
2519 Mission, SF
kinkysalon.com

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>> Chaser Take-Over Night
This night is dedicated to the Bay Area's best Drag Kings, featuring Delicio Del Toro, Jay Walker, Elvis Herselvis, and many more.

Tues/3, 9pm
$5
The End Up
401 6th St, SF

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>> Intro to Sustainable Polyamory with Ken Winter
Explore how to effectively love more than one person with integrity, clear communication, and passion. All genders and sexual orientations welcome.

Tues/3, 5:30pm
Free
Good Vibrations Berkeley
(510) 841-8987
events.goodvibes.com

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