By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Andrea:

I get irritable with my boyfriend when he doesn't want to have sex. This doesn't happen that often — we've been together less than a year and have sex most times we're together, which is about five days out of seven. But sometimes he's tired or not in the mood. This should be OK, right? If I were the guy and he were the girl, everyone would say "Stop pressuring her!" But I can't help feeling bad. What is wrong with me?

Love,

Moody

Dear Mood:

Indeed, what is wrong with you? Could it be that you are simply an irritable person, and if it were not this issue, you'd find something else about your interactions with Boyfriend Boy to make you cranky? No? Then you're just a normal person who is acting kind of spoiled. You and BFB are occasionally out of synch. And even non-cranky people have a hard time wrapping their heads around this part, but it is nobody's fault.

It would be a vast and silly oversimplification to say that everyone has a natural libido set-point, like the one that keeps your body-weight unsatisfactory (To you! I do not care!) no matter what changes you make to your ratio of calories-in to energy-out. People certainly do seem to have something of a tendency toward the high, middle, or low end of the libido scale, but life, moving on as it does, changes things. (Actually, body-weight set-points also shift, but shut up, it was a nice simile.) Things do calm down a bit post late-adolescence/young adulthood, and even for those who can honestly state that they feel just as driven as always by their own hormones, stuff gets in the way. And sometimes that stuff gets back out of the way eventually, the kids go to college, or a health issue resolves, or they start sleeping better, and a dampened libido can come roaring back to life. So no way am I positing that sex drive takes a long slow dispiriting slide toward oblivion as soon as we become grownups or anything, just that libido is dynamic. Even yours, sex-wanting girl, is subject to change.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: In the mood" »

Posted by SFBG at 06:48 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Readers:

I was going to write more this week about body size, body image, and sex, but I'm stupid sick, so here's an older one ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08] about age instead. It's all connected anyway. Don't get the flu.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Fourteen years ago, when I was 26, I met my husband, who was then 58. We've stayed together through thick and thin and we love each other enormously. It has pained me over the past decade to realize that, even when the woman in question has her own accomplishments and is not a "bimbo," and even when the man in question is appealing and interesting (not a Donald Trump or a philandering cad) — still the nasty stereotypes abound. British comedian Graham Norton, for instance, refers to Catherine Zeta-Jones as "that gold-digging Welsh whore."

I find that otherwise thoughtful women I meet, acting on a mixture of feminism, anger, and what I infer to be unacknowledged personal pain or fear, seem too willing to continue such stereotypes, and I hesitate to open up to women I would otherwise think of as potential friends. I have hoped that as increasingly empowered women realize that they can date younger men if they choose, the rage over the double-standard and fear of abandonment and dwindling romantic options will begin to fade.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Return to Cougar Town" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:00 PM | | | Comments (0)

By D. Scot Miller

Kink.com's Van Darkholme, Peter Acworth, and Princess Donna in the Armory boiler room, photographed by Pat Mazzera for our 2008 "Kink Dreams" cover story.

I've always been fascinated with the Kink.com building on 14th and Mission.

A former armory, and reproduction of a Moorish castle, it looks like a parochial school for wayward souls. Often I've wondered what goes on in this monolithic old-world structure, seeming more suitable for doling out justice than ecstasy. I checked out a few of Kink's family of Web sites and recommend all you surfers out there do the same. There's an aura around the building, the history, and what it now houses that epitomizes what San Francisco was, is, and can be that I'm behind with everything I've got.

Of course, there's BDSM with Hogtied.com, MenInPain.com, and TheTrainingofO.com. Woe unto the cynic within me who has become jaded by BDSM. Though the people are enjoying themselves and others, maybe too many trips to the old Power Exchange (and sub-station) and Folsom Street Fair in my youth have taken their toll.

The ones I find fascinating are WiredPussy.com, TSSeduction.com, FuckingMachines.com, and UltimateSurrender.com.

Continue reading "Kink glitches the matrix" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:47 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson: andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Andrea:

I read an article (I think it was in Redbook) that listed six little known erogenous zones or "hot zones." One was big toes, which they said has a direct connection to the genitals. And one was tip of the nose, which they said it is an erotic area because people get stuffy noses sometimes when they have sex. I don't know. Is there really such a thing as an erogenous zone? What would it take for something to be a real erogenous zone? And is it worth learning these to turn my husband on? We have a good sex life, but sometimes it does seem like we just touch the same places the same way all the time.

Love,

Looking

Dear Look:

Well, don't do that. You don't need a list of unlikely or downright unerotic body parts (I have allergies; don't touch it if you don't want to get sneezed on) to inspire you to branch out a little. In the event that you do need such a list, here are some nongenital, sexually responsive spots for your perusal: nipples, necks, ears, armpits, lower backs, inner thighs, backs of knees, feet. Some of these are "erogenous" simply because they are adjacent to more traditionally eroticized areas (by the time someone's got to your inner thigh, it's a pretty good bet he's going to keep going) and/or because the skin there is thin and well-supplied with both blood vessels and nerve-endings. Some do seem to have their own independent set of erotic responses (fingers, toes). And while we're at the toes, some body parts seem to have sex lives all their own, quite divorced from any nearby genitals. Feet have their own admirers and magazines and special party nights at the sex clubs and more than 4.7 million Google hits. They don't need a good address near the genitals to throw a party.

I think I found your article. It's by Judy Dutton, who is, not at all coincidentally, the author of the book Redbook's 500 Sex Tips. I guess I had Redbook filed as a "ladies'" magazine, but on closer examination, it's more Cosmo (Dutton was an editor there too) than McCall's. I found more "Six filthy things men want you to know" and "16 essential sex techniques you've never heard of" and "the top 26 mistakes you're making in bed" articles from Redbook than I could count, though it appears the Redbook editors would have no trouble totting them up. There was even a "Top 40: excerpts from our steamiest sex articles." And in addition to what I think was our article, there were six other Redbook offerings on erogenous or "hot zones."

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: The zone" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:53 PM | | | Comments (0)

By D. Scot Miller

WE DID PORN: MEMOIRS AND DRAWINGS
(Tin House Books)
by Zak Smith

I admit it. I was fully expecting to hate Zak Smith's book about his alt-porn experiences. Yes I was. Trendoid motherfucker gonna tell me about porno? What's this artsty-fartsy, probably spoiled, uber-talented white boy artist got to say to me about fucking somebody?

Turns out, quite a bit.

I have to say that after the first chapter of this engrossing tome, Zak Smith had changed my life forever. He made me overcome my fear and predjudice of hipsters - something that Miranda July and Dave Eggers could not do - and listen to his tale of making alt-porn and living gonzo in alt-porn world. Not the best writer in the world, Smith makes up for his Hunter Thompson parroting with honesty and constant lucidity.

Zak at work as "Zak Sabbath," alt-porn star

"The most hideous thing about pornography," he says early on, "is that it works. On you."

Continue reading "'We Did Porn': Zak Smith gets sticky" »

Posted by SFBG at 10:46 AM | | | Comments (1)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more Alt.sex.columns here.

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

My lover and I have amazing sex. We love each other dearly too. We've been seeing each other for three years with no decrease in intensity. I'm 45, he's 37, and I've got two kids (who are older, so they cannot be held responsible for the following problem).

A few times lately when we've made love, I have had a small bowel movement. I always have multiple orgasms and there is squirting involved (which he really gets off on), which involves sort of bearing down. This has only happened three times in all, I think. But I'm horrified. He's a saint (overall, and about this in particular), and just murmurs he'll get me a warm facecloth, then wipes me off (as I'm generally lying there grinning and sort of unaware of what's going on til later when I see the sheets).

I doubt he's getting off on that part — more that he figures it's a necessary evil (since the sex is so good). But I'm not happy about it, so what to do? Is this a dietary thing? Do I need to lay off the Indian food before he comes over? Try my hardest to do a BM before sex?

Any info hugely appreciated!

Love,

Horrified

Dear 'Fied:

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Rear window" »

Posted by SFBG at 07:43 PM | | | Comments (1)

By D. Scot Miller

Unless Greyhound grows wings, I'll never be a member of the mile-high club. For those that don't know, the mile-high club sports members who have gotten a little somethin'-somethin' 30,000 feet in air. Membership is just one trip to that chemical-smelling cubicle that most airlines call bathrooms. Cleis Press editor Rachel Kramer Bussel puts a much better spin on the prospect in her anthology The Mile High Club: Plane Sex Stories. One-flight stands, kinky passengers, fantasy stewards, and cozy couples commingle when free to move about the cabin.

The standout piece for me is Thomas S. Roche's, "When Your Girlfriend Wears A Very Short Skirt." I've been seeing Roche's name in anthologies for years and often found his work not daring enough for my taste. Imagine my surprise when the word "cunt" was just sitting there! I never use that word. Not much of a fan of it either - I prefer pussy - but Roche dropping it in the middle of his piece was like a wolf showing off his teeth for the first time. Maybe he'd used it before, but this time I was shocked, appalled, and impressed.

Alison Tyler flexes her prodigious erotic muscle in "Planes, Trains, and Banana Seat Bicycles." "I could tell he was groaning, but I couldn't hear a sound besides the roar of the plane" Her title character says, "And I realized I don't ever want total quiet. I don't need darkness. Lights at the end of the runway are among my favorite sights." Talk about jazzy analogies! I can dig it.

Now for the bumpy landing: Erotic writing, second only to sports writing, can easily turn into a cliche-ridden morass. "His manly arms," "her dripping pussy" -- in many ways erotic lit hasn't made it past Victorian tumescence and tribadism. This is not to say that many of the passages in this fun book avoid this hazard, just that the ones that don't fizzle the sizzle for shizzle. Mix it up more next time.

Posted by SFBG at 06:10 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Marke B.

I'm gonna count this as a local story -- because, hey, Google's right down the peninsula. And I'm gonna count this as research -- because, hey, it's my job. While casually looking up photos, for work, associated with the new kinda boring HBO series "Hung" -- about a lengthy middle-aged hustler which takes place in my hometown Detroit, at least a suburb of it, and has served for critics who should know better as nothing but a big ol "shit on the Motor City" punching bag -- I was pleasantly surprised to find that this image came right up at the top of my safe-mode-off Google Image search this morning:

Continue reading "Chicks with dicks on top (NSFW)" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:15 PM | | | Comments (2)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Readers:

I recently resurfaced on Facebook after lying low for a year or so. Participating in social media no longer really feels optional — if you want to see people, that's where they went. I've also been fascinated lately by the way the new media are changing our relationships with our own histories. Never before has it been so easy to reconnect with your past, or so hard to escape it. And friending acts as a great leveler: ex-boyfriend = current book-club pal = your best friend in grade school = your mom. You have no idea what kind of person that former girlfriend — the one who eviscerated you in public and left you for dead — really is now, but there she is, posting recipes and kindergarten graduation pix as if nothing ever happened. None of these quasi-connections need feel any realer or more important than the "Which kind of dryer lint are you?" quizzes and exchanges of virtual knickknacks. That moment when her name first pops up in your Facebook e-mail, though, that's as real as a sucker-punch to the solar plexus, and can feel quite similar. What happens after that is the story. If you've got a good Facebook reunion tale, please share it with the class. Here's the first one:

Dear Andrea:

I Facebooked my high school boyfriend. I received a warm response and an update. He has a wife and kids and a finance career that sounds kind of sleazy. Way back, he was rich and I was from the wrong side of the tracks.

He PM'd me his phone number. I really had no interest in calling him, but I gave him mine, thinking if he really wants to talk to me, he can call. I'm married and have two kids and really didn't care.

He called twice. I was surprised, but kind of enjoyed the conversations. I think my life now is a lot more interesting than his, and I'm doing just as well as he is. In high school it was always that he was going to go on to great things and I was just going to be a housewife (he told me this once). Now he sounds kind of out-of-control and I am quite satisfied with my life.

Also — he's cheating on his wife, pretending to be single on online dating sites. Oddly, it sounds like he's picking up working-class girls, like I was, which is weird for me. He says he doesn't want a divorce. I told him that sneaking behind his wife's back is wrong. I told him he should write to you although I doubt he will (and you'd hang him).

I definitely need to break the contact. But, you have no idea how empowering it is to find out I have, on my terms, a BETTER life than he has.

This is sleazy, isn't it?

Lady Schadenfreude

PS: OMG! When I turned down an invitation to come visit while his wife was out of town, he de-friended me!

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: A friend indeed" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:01 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Readers:
Since I can't write this week, I thought I could at least rerun a letter germane to recent discussions.

Dear Andrea:

I met a guy through his very explicit and fun Craigslist ad describing the weird-ass kinky sex he wanted. So we e-mailed, met, and had a great time. He's handsome, intelligent, artsy ... totally my type. We end up in bed, he gives me some quality oral sex, and then he ejaculates within two minutes. He makes no move to get me off either, just makes some remark about that being "my random Craigslist hookup." I'm too flabbergasted to ask for more oral sex. And then he wants to spend the night and cuddle. I'm frustrated and confused, but let him, and don't comment on his premature ejaculation for fear of damaging his ego. Later we have sex again, and again he ejaculates within minutes. What do I do when he calls? What should I have said at the time?

Love,

UnListed

Dear List:

I once sat on a panel with Craig from Craiglist and I'm imagining him being mortified by this entire story. He's a shy boy. I would also dearly love to link to the offending ad, but it seems faintly unethical, although it's often said that once you post something on the Web, it's public, period, and ripe for linkage. He's probably taken it down by now, anyway.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Objects in mirror" »

Posted by SFBG at 10:13 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

There is a famous hairy ball theorem in algebraic topology which states that, on a spherical object, there is no non-vanishing continuous vector field. Basically, if you have a hairy ball, mathematically speaking, you cannot flatten all the hairs so that they all lay down smoothly. Some hairs will always stand up straight or create a bald spot where the scalp of the ball will show through.

Or, as famously stated by Luitzen Egbertus Jan Brouwer in 1912, "you can't comb a hairy ball flat without creating a cowlick" -- an assertion was also stated from time to time by Brouwer as "You can't comb the hair on a coconut."

The truth and practicality of this theorem has never been quite as urgent as it is today. With the launch of a recent ad campaign encouraging men to shave their balls, the hairy ball theorem has become not merely a principle associated with mathematics, but one that we can and must apply to real life. Just as you can't comb a hairy ball without making it look all bent out of shape, you can't really shave your man groin without expecting something funky to happen when the hair starts fighting back. Hairless balls may sound somewhat appealing if you're a frequent teabagger, but sandpaper-covered stubbly balls definitely do not. Equally unappetizing are balls covered in razorburn or rash due to frequent shaving.

Ball shaving is one sex trend I cannot excited about.

Continue reading "Stop the pube police!" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:54 PM | | | Comments (3)

By Molly Freedenberg

I have a healthy appreciation for the male anatomy, especially that scene stealer, the penis. (Too bad, testicles. Apologies, anus. You're always going to play bit parts as long as Dick's in the movie.) That said, I'm not particular about size. Or rather, there are so many other factors that are more important to me: color, shape, the feel of the skin, and perhaps most important, the body (and soul) it's attached to.

In short? To me, size matters much less than just about everything else.

I realize, however, that not everyone shares my opinion. Case in point? The girl I recently overheard talking about her newest lover. (Names and places omitted to protect the guilty.)

This lovely little Latina with a delightfully filthy mouth was discussing, in detail, her new partner's member. Both long and wide, it was perhaps the biggest she'd ever seen. And oh, did she like it. Much better than a thin penis, which she called "pencil dick," or a short stubby one. "What is that, an eraser?"

Continue reading "Confessions: Size matters" »

Posted by Molly Freedenberg at 02:39 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Andrea:

I found this on Craigslist. Please, please stop this poor girl before it's too late! She should hear from a professional that she'd be sacrificing nerve endings to a bunch of dickweeds who are suckers for media standards. And they won't even like her more. God help us.

advice please re labia — w4m

so im hearing mixed reviews from guys about a female's labia. do guys prefer the labia minora to be big or small? because tons of my friends are seeking to have them made smaller (like by a lot) so they look like playboy types etc. is that what guys want? what turns men on? and why? any advice on what to do here for me??

'Nuff said. Thank you.

Love,

A Concerned Citizen

(Seriously.)

Dear Concerned:

Oh, okay. Maybe she'll see this and maybe she won't, but obviously this is a thing, or a Thing, that affects a lot of young women, just as she says. "Tons" of her friends, though? I realize she's posting from L.A., where you have to expect this sort of thing, but the image of busloads of girls she went to high school with or worked with at Hot Topic after school lining up for surgical "correction" is unsettling even me.

So, what is going on here? I've long assumed (this has been going on a while now) that women used to go a lifetime without seeing their own (it takes a mirror and the will to look) or anyone else's labia in great detail unless they had chosen to be midwives or something, in which case they were busy.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Don't change a Thing" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:01 PM | | |

In Which Super Sexy Porn People Answer Questions --each week-- From Bay Area Locals. View the last installment here.

By Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is AVN’s current “Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Wendy Williams.

Jason W: Will you have to take hormones the rest of your life?
Williams: Yes, unfortunately, if you don’t keep putting female hormones in your body, you’ll start to produce testosterone and that never goes away. It sucks because it’s extremely expensive and you’re never going to be able to finish. If you’re a transsexual you are “in transition” your entire life. Like…I’ve had many surgeries and there are many more I’d like to have. And I’ll be doing hormone replacement forever. But it’s all upkeep. All women have to pay for that and it’s totally worth it. One shitty thing is that insurance won’t cover any of it, but I’m not complaining. There are many other basic human rights issues in our society that need to be dealt with before we work on transsexual stuff.

SFBG: What advice would you give a young person thinking of transitioning?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Hormones and the mainstream" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:05 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Molly Freedenberg

Illustration from Salon.com story on polyamory.

I used to say the word "polyamory" is just shorthand for "really slow break-up." Though I know two couples who manage to have successful, committed, loving partnerships both within and outside of their marriages, most cases I've witnessed have ended in disaster. And even more common, I've noticed, is that the people who discuss or consider polyamory are in unhappy relationships already. For polyamory to work, all partners involved must be good communicators, secure in themselves and each other, and, above all else, compassionate. But unhappy couples tend to be none of these. For them, opening the relationship is a way to get needs met without having to address difficult issues, including the idea of actually breaking up. Instead, opening the relationship intensifies existing problems, introduces new ones, and, usually, ends in a break-up anyway.

I used to be one of the latter. I was in a long-term, exclusive relationship that was satisfying in many ways. But our sex life was dismal. Neither of us wanted to break up, and none of our attempts to remedy our sexual problems seemed to work. So we began to discuss the possibility of finding sexual fulfillment outside our otherwise (mostly) happy home. But the mental gymnastics required to consider such a possibility always led to the same injurious conclusion: our relationship's inevitable demise. Neither of us thought we could manage the jealousy. And even worse, both my boyfriend and I feared that if one of us were to find fulfillment outside each other, we might realize we didn't want each other at all. The final decision? We didn't do it. I decided I'm not cut out for open relationships, and neither are most people. Within a year, my boyfriend and I broke up, and I stayed almost entirely -- and blissfully -- single for the next two years.

Fast forward to the present.

Continue reading "Open wide: Polyamory reconsidered" »

Posted by Molly Freedenberg at 03:33 PM | | | Comments (9)

In Which Super Sexy Porn People Answer Questions --each week-- From Bay Area Locals. View the last installment here.

By Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is AVN’s current “Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Wendy Williams. Check out some of her stuff and then send some questions here.

Trent B: What is the best place for a transsexual to live?
Williams: Um….the most progressive place in the U.S. is probably New York. Last year’s “AVN Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Allanah Starr, started a huge huge party trend there and so there’s a lot to do now…just parties and clubs where girls like us can go out and meet guys. Los Angeles is also a great place to be. I spend tons of time there. And then San Francisco, obviously. But that’s just America. There are plenty of great spots overseas too. London, for example. There’s a huge circuit there, mostly cross dressers and transvestites, but it’s still fun. There’s a spot called The Way Out Club in London that caters to girls like us. I love it there.

Lisa N: Do you feel more comfortable with other transsexuals?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: "Porns stars are over!"" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:33 PM | | | Comments (1)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone (although in this case, maybe not). View his last installment here.

Cruising Craigslist can be a great way to escape boredom and loneliness, but it can also be really dangerous. Sure, you’ll meet plenty of innocent and fun-loving coprophiliacs, morning fuckers, and horny potheads on CL. But if you troll long enough, you might also run into a few psychopaths posing as “Handsome Doctors” or “Hungry MILFs.” If you fall for the bullshit and actually set up a meeting with one of these in-the-closet creeps, beware; they might film you without your consent or steal your wallet. They might slap you too hard or slip you some drugs. They might even try to kill you. Who knows? Luckily, sexual predators are creatures of habit, so you can take precautions. The next time you come across something that sounds too good to be true, just take a second to consult the CL community before you throw out your address. If your potential psychopath has used the site before, someone will have issued a warning. That’s how communities work!

Here are a few posters to avoid at all costs and below are a few that just seem a little…scary.

BEWARE AND KEEP FLAGGING: “HosTing - 37 (scotts valley)”
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-04-30, 3:18AM PDT

He's posting again!!

Everyone knows him as the Scotts Valley Spammer. Avoid this strungout, Loser Like the plague he is.

He incessantly posts his ads looking for/offering drugs and/or looking for Asians.

He uses tons of fake pics (some are below). He looks more like the last one.

He's been reported to live in a shack in the woods of Felton/Scotts Valley when he grows pot.

He has been reported to steal form his victims.

He has been reported to be 20+ years older than he portrays, fat, ugly and diseased. (no surprise on that one given his constant drug use).

On behalf of the community, thank you.

BEWARE and FLAG THIS PROSTITUTE: “Hot Meat for your Mouth (san jose)”

Reply to: [redacted]

Date: 2009-04-29, 11:05AM PDT

That prostitute has been spamming here for weeks, using fake pics.

It's been reported he's infected and doesn't disclose.

It's been reported he will steal from you.

Beware of him like the plague and keep flagging his spam and all other prohibited prostitution and service ads.

It's also been suggested that he's really the BMW Stalker, the same freak who spams with many different ads, mostly as a black top looking for "muscle" guys, "swimmers/lifeguards/ surfers", ethic guys, "big, fat, fleshy" guys, but also as a young white jock, as a "submissive, foot fetish bottom", and MANY MANY OTHERS.

HIS ADS ARE PROHIBITED AND ILLEGAL!

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Warning bells" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:25 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Molly Freedenberg

Is it just me, or does the dude screwing a mattress in this photo from Vice look like the lead singer of Gogol Bordello? (Gypsy punk = hot. Defiled dorm beds? Not so much.)

Speaking of sex toys (and just in time for National Masturbation Month), I recently came across this entertaining feature on Viceland.com about favorite teenage sex toy substitutes.

The choices for women weren't particularly surprising, though I can honestly say I've never heard of anyone using a BB gun or of anyone admitting to sexually abusing their cat. But reading about what teenage boys do blew me away. A hole in the mattress? Bologna between the couch cushions? Really? Does anyone really do this? Or is Vice just fucking with me?

Either way, the article got me thinking about my own teenage dalliances into household-objects-as-sex-toy territory. Though I rarely deviated from the tried-and-true method I mentioned earlier this week, I did have a few late-night sessions with long tapered candles (which, I promise, I never returned to the kitchen drawer where I found them) and my thick, mint-green 10-color pen from elementary school (I think I did actually write with it after that -- surely notes to friends that I folded into little triangles and passed in class).

Continue reading "Confessions: Color me satisfied" »

Posted by Molly Freedenberg at 05:23 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals. View the last installment here
By Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is AVN’s current “Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Wendy Williams. Check out some of her stuff and then send some questions here.

SFBG: You’re known for using blogs and video diaries to develop and maintain a really intimate relationship with your fans. Can you tell us a little about them? Are they mostly straight men?

Williams: Yeah, they are. You gotta understand that my fans are attracted to the feminine qualities they see in me and that many of them just consider the dick to be a fetish. Transsexual porn has a very divided fan base, actually. For example, there are people who want to see the transsexual as a bottom only. For them, the fact that she has a dick is just kind of a best-of-both-worlds thing. They would never do it in real life, but they like to see it. I don’t know what that means as far as sexual orientation goes, but I do know that most of my fans identify as straight men. They’re never gonna go to a gay bar and try to pick up guys because they’re not attracted to masculine qualities. They like long hair, breasts, and asses. Obviously, since I have a cock, there’s some question about their actual straightness, but that really doesn’t matter. I’m sure I have bi-sexual fans and I’m sure there are people out there who just want to fuck anything with legs. Whatever. I don’t believe in rigid labels.

SFBG: Yeah, the lines always get blurry when you really start to look at this stuff. I think smart people view sexuality as a continuum that shifts around throughout life. The labels don’t really fit anyone perfectly.

Williams: Yeah, it’s hard not to use the labels sometimes though. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that transsexual porn is marketed to and made for a straight male audience. Ask any gay guy if he’s attracted to transsexuals and you’ll get the same sort of answer: “God, no! I don’t want titties on my back. That’s disgusting!” Transsexuals and drag queens have a place in the gay community, but we’re not sex objects. We are a form of entertainment.

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Wendy Williams on straight lust and sex objects" »

Posted by SFBG at 11:55 AM | | | Comments (1)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here

Sex is cool and all, but sometimes it’s just too much work. That’s why so many of us masturbate. It’s easier, safer, cleaner, and --if you can find someone who looks like Picard from Star Trek to watch you do it or lend a hand -- 10 times as fun as regular intercourse. You can even win national recognition for your talents! The only problem is, where are you gonna find someone like that? Hmmmm.

Jack-U? (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-04-15, 6:55PM PDT

Handsome older gentleman, Picard-like, seeks good-natured hwp ns/nd to jerk off. Zero receiving. No senior nudity. I'm compact at 5-3 126. This is jack-u-off only.

Help me understand something - w4m - 21 (Bradford)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-17, 8:32PM PDT
Hello guys, I'm not looking for sex, so don't ask. I need help understanding something. My boyfriend says that all men masturbate all the time. I've been married and have had several other relationships and have never been with a man that said he has to jack off everyday. Even days when we've had sex, he still sometimes does it a couple of times. I don't mind putting on a show for him while he does it, and that's led to some great sex, but if I'm busy, he just looks at erotic porn and does it anyway and that kind of bothers me. I've never been into it, unless I've been without sex for a long time. In my whole life, I've probably masturbated to orgasm less than a dozen times. He says that the other men I've been with did it regularly too, but just did it in secret. Is this true? Do all of you still masturbate, even when you're getting regular sex? Do you ever outgrow it? If you do, can you explain why? Do you have to look at images of women too? I'm serious about this. Thanks for your honest input.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Smelly fingers, fast food, and straight guys who like to watch other men masturbate" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:24 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Readers:

These are perennial body parts questions, and I feel I would be somewhat remiss if I didn't re-answer them every few years. Here are some that have been hanging around waiting for me.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

I once tried for half an hour putting my index finger about two inches inside my girlfriend's vagina, pressing with a "come hither motion" and simultaneously pressing the mound from outside. Unfortunately my partner did not experience any extra pleasure. Maybe I have to try again and again?
Love,

Willing

Dear Will:

Yes, yes, very funny. I'm not entirely sure what she was experiencing, but from your phrasing, which could have been cut and pasted from any one of a thousand how-to Web sites, I think you may have been proceeding a bit by rote there. Rather than printing out some stranger's directions, how about following hers?

There are plenty of women who don't have much of the spongy erectile tissue surrounding the urethra and the front of the vagina that we've come, for convenience's sake, to call the G-spot. These women can lie there all day receiving simultaneous come-hither motions and external pressure and only manage to get kind of annoyed with you. If your girlfriend is one of them, I would not suggest "trying again and again" unless you want her to lean forward and swat the top of your head with the TV remote.

You can probably determine whether she is G-spot enabled by letting her guide you. Since the G-spot is, inconveniently, not actually a "hot button," but a collection of tissues sensitive to the touch under certain but not all circumstances, I cannot tell you exactly how to operate it. I'd start once she's already well turned-on, though, and without impatience or, indeed, goal-orientation. Just kind of slip in there when things are already going well and keep your eyes on her face while you try a little deeper or a little closer in, a little harder and a little softer, a little ... oh, you get the picture.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

My penis is curved a little. Is that normal, and if not what can I do to straighten it?

Love,

Upwards

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Parts is parts" »

Posted by SFBG at 07:47 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals
By Justin Juul

Wendy Williams is an award-winning movie star with nearly a half-a-million films under her belt. But that doesn’t mean this month’s featured celebrity is some shallow Hollywood glamour snob… quite the opposite, actually. In fact, it only takes a second of conversation with Williams to realize that she’s really just a down-home southern girl who enjoys the simple things in life.

Williams likes traveling, shopping, advanced social networking and, um…interracial gangbangs. Okay okay okay! So maybe Williams isn’t exactly what you’d call normal, but that’s why she’s so much more intriguing than other media starlets known for dropping their vowels and dipping their thongs. While traditional southern belles like Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Brooke Hogan waste their/our time making crappy music, popping pills, and collecting the worst sunglasses you’ve ever seen in your life, Williams keeps it real and focuses her energy on something we can all relate to: steamin’ hot tranny sex. What I’m saying here is that trans porn is better than reality TV and that mainstream pop icons have less talent than the people you see on Fleshbot everyday. I’m also saying that Williams is much cooler than all the girls I mentioned above because she’s an interesting individual with a mind of her own and those other girls are pretty much the opposite of that (although Britney got pretty cool there for a second).

Anyway! Enough with the half-assed shot at social commentary, right? Here’s the Wendy Williams story in a nutshell:

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Introducing Wendy Williams, trans sex superstar" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:55 PM | | | Comments (6)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here

"Fancy a threesome?"

It’s weird when you have one of those crazy jobs that lets you work from your laptop because, after a while, you really do begin to lose touch with whatever lies beyond the cafes, bars, and dining patios in your comfy little art hood. And I’m not talking about that weird alien feeling you get when you go back to Iowa or Michigan for the holidays. No. All it really takes to get a sense for how uh, queer, you’ve become is to take a little trip to Union Square. I mean, the ads for soda pop and fast food are enough to make you puke right off the bat. But dude, what’s up with the luxury industry? Fancy-pants Romanian guys with five-o-clock shadows hawking Rolexes, scrawny chicks with waxy skin pumping hair-care products and denim, David Beckham, Jessica Simpson?! Are these people really supposed to represent the pinnacle of beauty and success? Are they supposed embody what we want to fuck and/or be? Seriously…can you imagine how bad it would suck to hang out with one of these idiots or --even worse-- one of their painfully normal admirers?

Obviously, you can. That’s why you holed up in the Mission (or the Lower Haight, or Oakland, or wherever) and that’s why you never go downtown until you have to get your MacBook serviced or buy some crack. It’s also why The Bay Area stands out –parts of it at least—as a hothouse for new beauty ideals. There’s the whips-n-chains bondage set in SoMa, the hula-hooping fire-eaters in The Haight, the buff dudes with Canadian tuxedos in The Castro, and of course, the coveted “super sexy artist type” you find in galleries, museums, and dive bars throughout the city. We all want one of those, right? The problem is that there simply aren’t enough of them to go around. And then of course there’s the flipside: artsy types actually have a hard time finding love themselves because everyone’s too intimidated to ask for a date. No worries. That’s what Craigslist is for.

Bhutan Exhibit - Asian Art Museum (from Tuesday) - w4m (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: [Redacted]
Date: 2009-04-01, 8:41PM PDT
Hello. This is a total shot in the dark, but it's worth a try. We were both looking through the Bhutan exhibit by ourselves, but we kept crossing paths. I said something when we were looking at the Phurbas like "these are really amazing!" We kept looking at each other but didn't talk besides that. You have long, dark beautiful hair, and quiet, soft brown eyes. I had my hair pulled back and was wearing a brown top and jeans. I didn't see you again after I sat down for a few. I'm curious about you.

Hot girl with long brown hair and a great ass - m4w - 23 (New Montgomery)
Reply to: [Redacted]
Date: 2009-04-07, 1:16AM PDT You came out of Academy of Art and used someone’s lighter and walked off. I had the pleasure of walking behind you for the rest of the block. Then I turned. [I just want you to know] this handsome black guy thinks you're hot!

You were wearing a blue top and blue jeans. I think you might’ve had sunglasses too.

Help a bored artist - m4w - 24 (anywhere)
Reply to: [Redacted]
Date: 2009-03-25, 10:34PM PDT
I am a design student that loves to draw. I'm looking to draw something a little more interesting than landscapes, buildings, or the occasional live model we get in studio that is never that pleasing to the eye. So here's what I'm asking. I'm looking for some lovely ladies to send me some more, lets say, erotic pictures I could sketch from; nude, partial nude, costume, whatever, make it interesting. I'd be happy to send you my drawings when I'm done. Help a bored artist.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Muses, models, and art sluts" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:53 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Molly Freedenberg

During a recent beer-fueled gab session with my girlfriends, I made a startling discovery: All of us have particular ways our sexual encounters - whether with strangers or long-term lovers - tend to go. They are different for each of us. And most interestingly, they are unspoken.

For example. When Friend A brings a boy back to her bed, more likely than not they'll simply cuddle - or make out without having intercourse. This never happens with Friend B or Friend C. However, almost every man Friend B brings home tries (and usually succeeds) for anal sex - a reality almost completely foreign to A and C. And Friend C almost always has unprotected sex, with her partner pulling out before he comes. (Yeah, yeah, we know. We'll get to the modern-adults-having-unprotected-sex post later. That's not the point here...)

What's amazing is not that the three friends have different preferences. It's that these are patterns for each girl, and they happen without being discussed first (or, in some cases, ever).

Continue reading "Doing the unspeakable" »

Posted by Molly Freedenberg at 12:42 PM | | | Comments (2)

Each week Justin Juul highlights a rad upcoming local sexy event

Who: Hardcore Christians and other ridiculous assholes probably won’t agree with me here, but the truth about human desire is that it knows no bounds and is utterly insatiable. What this means is that you can be totally happy and living a life of ease with your soul mate, but that you’re never going to stop wondering what it’d be like to jump in a closet with that hot guy/girl who makes your stupid latte every morning. And then there’s all those chicks and dudes at the park and in the check-out line at Safeway, just standing around in cutoff shorts daring you to risk your life for a one night stand. Torture! In a perfect world, you could fall in love and go on romantic vacations with every doable person you see. But it’s not a perfect world (no cake if you plan on eating, remember?) and so if you want to keep things cool with your long-term lover, those evil sirens just have to be ignored. Or do they? If you live in San Francisco and happen to have a computer, you’ve probably heard of the missed connections section on Craigslist. It’s basically a message board for people who locked eyes with someone recently, decided to stay away for whatever reason, and then thought better of that decision afterward. Now they want to either see that person again or publicly-yet-anonymously fantasize about reconnecting. Girls getting off busses, dudes with perfect hair on connecter flights, baristas, waiters, and rugged gas-station attendants are what the missed connections section is all about. You can pine for them on Craigslist all you want, but if you’re feeling really adventurous, you’ll show up at this art show for another small nibble of forbidden fruit.

Continue reading "Peepshow: Missed Connection, found somehow" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:41 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Molly Freedenberg

While catching up on the last season of the L Word last night, I was reminded that I'm not that into porn. Thing is, I do get turned on by media - photos, stories, movies - just rarely media that's meant explicitly, or exclusively, to excite me sexually. Call it a girl thing. Call it a woeful lack of porn geared towards my particular interests. Whatever you call it, it doesn't bother me - primarily because there are so many other places (besides actual, you know, life) I find sensual stimulation. Here are some of my favorites:

1. The L Word

It's been awhile since I've watched this Showtime series about ridiculously attractive, femme-y lesbians in L.A. But as I watched the steamy tango (real, not euphemistic) between Bette and Tina in the second-to-last episode of the series, I was reminded of how sexy I used to find all the girl-on-girl action that punctuated every episode. I didn't even realize how much until I tried to watch it with my Mom. Both uncomfortable, we turned it off halfway through. "I think I'd rather watch this ... uh, alone," she said. My inner embarrassed teenager and I couldn't have agreed more.

Just one example: Shane and Carmen. (Please ignore the cheesy music.)

Continue reading "Confessions: My favorite accidental porn" »

Posted by Molly Freedenberg at 07:36 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here.

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm not 40, like the author of the "40 and Frustrated" letter, but I'm afflicted with another "less than desirable" characteristic: color. Oh, and a bit of meat on my bones, although that's never been much of a problem. I'm a black woman and I date(d) all sorts of men. Online has never been the right place for me to meet men because, in a field of redheads and green eyes, men pass right by my photo. I got absolutely no interest except from men I am not interested in. And if I happened to get an interested male inquiry, I too found that the communication petered out quickly.

Several years back, I moved to the city on my own. Finally — no roommates, no significant other, just me. My friends were in relationships or newly married and I had to find activities that allowed me to have fun and meet single men. When I went out with friends, I was always just another girl in the crowd.

I got the best results when I began going out by myself, walking into an establishment where I knew no one, ordering a drink, sitting at the bar, and looking desirable and approachable with a book or a snack. A month ago, I even had a CL Missed Connections ad placed for me by a nice Irish man after visiting a local pub and having a burger and beer. It is a 99.9 percent given that if you are female and alone, a male will walk up to you and begin a conversation. Despite your age, your looks, your size, your ethnicity, if a man sees you alone, without a crew of other females to choose from, he will feel compelled to find out your story and see if he has a shot with you.

Two years ago, out by myself, I met a man I had eyed a few times over the years. We chatted. We joked. We got to know each other. Two-and-a-half years later, we're still together.

We both have an independent nature, which still leads me to frequent places on my own. Each and every time, I am approached. I'm attractive, but I'm not all that, so this is something any woman can do. I feel that we, as women, need to step it up a notch and realize that we need to depend mostly on ourselves and not our friends or the Internet to hook us up or place us in situations where we'll meet people.

Continue reading "A little luck, a little pluck" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:56 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. Read more alt.sex here

Dear Andrea:

I've always wanted to have a threesome and my wife is willing, but she would prefer to do it with her first boyfriend. At first I was all for it, but I'm getting more concerned that it might rekindle an old flame. Otherwise, I wouldn't care if she had sex with a different guy every week, as long as she was safe and came home to me. I'm not jealous. I have a very high sex drive and could still have sex five or six times a day if time allowed. I love my wife and I know people are going to say if that was true, why would I let her have sex with another man? I say, variety! Spice of life!

It seems that her ex and I are similar as far as sex goes. She has only been with four partners in 20 years, including me. She has always believed in being dedicated to one person, and until I asked her about this, she never thought of straying.

She feels that if she were to do the threesome, she would prefer to do it with her ex. They didn't part on bad terms, just grew apart with careers and family. She said she would contact him if I wanted, but I'm starting to worry. She says I'm her soulmate, but I'm not sure I should put our relationship on the line for a fantasy.

Love,

Wanting, but Worried

Dear W:

The best way to avoid having people say stupid things about your private life is to actually have a private life. People do talk, and most of what they say is pretty stupid.

I do admit to feeling a bit uneasy about partners who profess no feelings of jealousy whatsoever — do they actually, um, care? — but there's a lot of variation in people's baseline territoriality levels. I won't think ill of you as a husband unless you let on that really you don't give a damn what she's up to, or whether she's (re)developing feelings for the ex, or what her intentions are toward you. At that point, you get demoted from husband to acquaintance with benefits, and you lose your right to vote on what she does with anyone. Since you're plenty engaged and plenty involved and plenty affectionate, though, I have nothing mean to say to you.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: A third in the hand" »

Posted by SFBG at 08:11 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

Have you ever had one of those super intense orgasms that makes your jaw go slack and your whole body tingle? Awesome stuff, right? Well, have you ever had an orgasm like that…on weed? If you live in San Francisco, the answer is obviously yes and you can probably see what I’m getting at: sex on pot is better than sex when you’re sober, so why waste your time with anything else? It’s pretty much a citywide sentiment, but if you have enough one-night stands around here, you’re bound to run into at least a couple human bummers who hate weed. Never again! If you can’t stand the thought of getting naked without getting high first, just do a little Craigslist cruising and relax. Here’s a start. [Ed. Note -- er, the one asking for "NO baggage around the middle" is a bit rich, eh?]

420 smoke out!!!!! - m4w - 21 (san jose downtown)

Reply to: [redacted]

Date: 2009-03-17, 7:57PM PDT

Not looking for anything in particular, just a hot chic to smoke and chill with. I'm an outgoing guy with a crazy personality, I'm into really different things, not in a scary way, but an interesting way. I'm a stoner at heart and I love other real stoners, I don't like posers who smoke weed cause it's cool, personally I don't think there is anything very "cool" about the act of smoking pot. If you understand what I mean by that, then we'll prolly get along, even if you don’t agree. I'm not looking for a FWB or a one-nighter thing, I'm looking for real people who like to have fun, that doesn't mean sex as soon as we meet. If it happens great, if not...great, lets just get fucked up! but it would be cool if you let me go down on ya, I love going down and I love getting all the practice I can so I can get better! but again, not required. If you're interested in a chill smoke out, then tell me a bit about yourself, don't just ask me if I'm real or write half assed just so I'll reply with my pic, put some effort into it and tell me just a little about yourself. BTW, I do have pics and I WILL send them on my first email, you don't even have to ask, and just to let you know I'm in good shape with NO extra baggage around the middle. If you wanna send a pic great, if you don't at least give me the basics, race, height, hair color, eye color, that sorta stuff.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: 420 sex" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:49 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local writer/porn star, Stephen Boyer. Check out some of his movies/pics here and an excerpt from his upcoming novel here. Read our 2008 interview with Boyer here. Read the last installment of Ask a Porn Star here

James N: How would legalizing prostitution change the lives of sex workers?

Stephen Boyer: Legalizing prostitution would help prostitutes because they wouldn’t fear being labeled a criminal. They would be empowered and able to take control of their situations better. Plus it would do away with the hypocrisy we are currently indulging in as a society. Take the homophobic Ted Haggard for instance, the priest that was caught with a male escort and forced to leave his church and town. Well, Haggard has since gone on television and has publicly admitted that what he did was a “sin,” but as far as I know he never faced any legal penalties despite the fact he was on drugs committing an illegal act. However, low-end prostitutes are being booked all the time and being shoved down the hellish rabbit hole that is our present legal system. I’m for keeping everyone out of that mess!

Gerry H: How do things change when you tell people that you’ve done porn?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: masturbation and legal prostitution" »

Posted by Marke B. at 05:44 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here

› andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm ready to go live in a cave. It's been two years since I've dated. Partly I backed off from the scene, and partly I'm not receiving much interest. I think I'm smart, approachable, creative, "together," nice, and passably cute. It's starting to affect my self-confidence.

I joined eHarmony ($120!) and nerve.com, solicited friends' input on my profiles, and followed up on every match. I got one eHarmony date (great but not local) and rarely heard back from anyone. I try to e-mail one guy a day. Either they don't answer or our communication peters out soon after I e-mail. The ones who really get me seem very interested, ask me out, then drop it when I accept.

Why? Is this a Mars/Venus thing? Maybe online just isn't my venue? I do several activities that attract single guys, but haven't led to much — except maybe embarrassment on my part when I show interest and get a brush-off. Maybe try going through friends again? That worked in the past.

I just turned 40 and would like a partner. Mostly I've been solo, and that really sucks.
Love,

Forty & Frustrated

Dear F&F:

Before you go live in a cave, you might consider something a little less drastic, like living in a smaller, less brutally competitive city far from the coasts. It's an idea.

Barring that, we have to subject your online interactions to the scrutiny of a girlfriend panel. Ideally these would be your girlfriends — they could make far more specific suggestions, like lose that mullet or stop telling everyone about your rectal fistula. But if you don't have a panel, you can borrow mine. I convened one for you.

Irina: The phenomenon of guys initiating and then vanishing as soon as you try to make a date is very familiar, and probably has nothing to do with her. I could theorize all day, but when it comes down to it, they're not ready to actually connect with people, so fuck 'em. Next!

Continue reading "Alt.sex.column: Cave woman" »

Posted by Marke B. at 07:35 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

If there’s one thing that sucks about living in San Francisco it’s the fact that most of us have to hustle our asses off just to make rent every month. We have to work shitty side jobs to avoid homelessness through grad school or we have to hold down three careers simultaneously just so we can maintain one that makes us feel good. It wouldn’t be so bad if our bodies and minds were designed to handle such frantic schedules, but the fact of the matter is that they’re not. We have to sleep at least 20 hours a week and we have to eat at least once a day. And yes, we have to have sex sometimes too. The question is, “When?”

Well, if you’re life is anything like ours, the only time of day that’s almost always open is dawn. You don’t have to be anywhere, you don’t have to answer any emails, etc. With a small tweak to your sleep schedule, you can transform your early mornings from the nicotine-and-caffeine binges they are now into the hot and heavy love sessions you’ve been missing out on. The only problem is, where the hell are you going to find a compatible sex partner at 5am?

Craigslist, duh.

Early morning discreet fun - m4w - 28 (san Jose east)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 10:46PM PST

Hi, thanks for taking the time to check out my post. I am looking for a discreet encounter w/ a sexy woman who would like me to come over around 5 am and leave around 6:30 am. I am very oral and love to make a woman moan with pleasure as I lick you to ecstasy. I am not picky, just want clean, disease free, 420 friendly woman. fairly open minded pls feel free to email me if you have questions.

Early AM Oral - m4m - 44 (redwood city)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 9:39PM PST
I love the taste of cock in the morning - can I taste you Friday around 7am? I will be on my way to work in RWC, near oracle, and would love to have a hard one shoved down my throat until I gag but service that dick until it shoots cream that I swallow. Sound like a good time? Write me back and I will answer in the AM - or send me a location to meet you and I will take care of your stiff dick.

The best thing to do right when you wake up... - w4m - 24 (mountain view)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-06, 9:32PM PST
It's extra early, and I'm extra horny! Looking for someone to hook up with this morning! 40 and over, pic w/ reply!

Early morning suck - m4t- 22 (Vallejo / Benicia) Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-07, 2:21AM PST
Lets see i am visiting the bay area looking for a early morning fun. basically I want you to come suck me off and leave no more no less I want to use you and kick you out this is a huge fetish for me please help me I'm 5'9" one sixty five pounds I am straight but I have a weakness for you T girls. I am only visiting this month. Haven’t had me a Cali T-girl yet so prove to me you better then the girls back home.

your pik gets mine no pik no reply

Johny

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Breakfast of champions" »

Posted by Marke B. at 10:21 AM | | | Comments (1)

By Marke B.

OK, all this may be a little tired by now, but I'm still in full agreement with Kimberly Chun's expert take down of Katy "UR So Gay" Perry from January of last year. That was published before Perry's odiously catchy "I Kissed a Girl" became impossible to escape last summer -- the ditty managed to "have it both ways," heh, playing both anti-gay conservatives and LGBTs for maximum chart effect. That's clever, but the song's lame sentiment (kissing girls turns my boyfriend on -- lesbians are only here for my amusement!) still makes my stomach churn.

The parodies came swift and mercilessly, from "I Kissed a Squirrel" (available in many versions) to "I Kissed a Granny" (yeesh!) to "I Kissed a Dog." Oh, enough already, YouTube Nation.

And then, of course, teh gay. I should have known there would be an onslaught of over-the-top backlash when drag superstar Lady Bunny unleashed "I Licked a Girl" on the world last year (first minute below):

Lady Bunny, "I Licked a Girl" at Southern Decadence

Yay, overly familiar gynophobia! Still, it could all be called hilarious if it wasn't a trend. Now, the pendulum has swung back, with emo boys embracing the kissing hysteria, and a flood of "I Kissed a Boy" guyliner-bedecked parodies, headed up by primo "hip" parody purveyors Cobra Starship's version from a Fall Out Boy (!) mixtape. I knew I was gonna have to surrender my critical faculties and just go with the flow when one of my smartest gay friends told me he was completely Lady GaGa for the boy in the video, followed by my bf Hunky Beau's comment: "Oh goodie, he takes his shirt off." At least the dood-singer Gabe lipsyncher (a reader informs us in the that this is a fan vid, not Cobra Starship itself) plays with the whole baseball-bat-bashing theme a little, even if he can't quite bring himself to admit the "he liked it" more than just wanting to "start shit."

Cobra Starship, "I Kissed A Boy"

So much confliction! Smash! Twist! Contort! Feint! Poor thing. I guess my question is, is kissing really that big a deal? And also, with the super-prominence of porn availability in the Internet age, has kissing become the final frontier of sexual boundaries -- the last retainer of intimacy now that all other sex acts have been publicized/commodified? Janet Jackson's boob, Paris and Britney's flashed beavers, and then Katy's emo lesbo-liplock spawn. Well, I guess whatever automatically short circuits "fag" in the comments section these days is maybe a good thing?

After the jump, an explosion of "I Kissed a Boys," with various degrees of homophobic liberation. Thanks, Katy!

Continue reading "Too many str8 boys kissing, maybe" »

Posted by Marke B. at 04:43 PM | | | Comments (6)

In Which Super Sexy Porn People Answer Questions -- each week -- From Bay Area Locals
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local writer/porn star, Stephen Boyer. Check out some of his movies/pics here and an excerpt from his upcoming novel here. Read our 2008 interview with Boyer here, and the last installment of Ask a Porn Star here.

James N: Do you enjoy the sex you have on camera or do you just sort of block it out and then count the money?

Boyer: I enjoy it for the most part. I got into the industry to pay rent. Then I started branching out more with my sexuality. Then I found Kink.com and a world full of toys I could explore and that is when sex got really fun and interesting. The great thing about porn, for me, was that it allowed me to try sexual positions and feel sensations that required toys that I couldn’t afford because I was poor. Doing it on video both paid my rent and gave me the opportunity to have sexual experiences with attractive contemporaries.

Elan F: What is the one thing you hate the most about sex?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Sex with Stephen Boyer" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:10 PM | | | Comments (6)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex here.

Dear Readers:

It's a dull, drippy week in California and when the weather gets like this a writer's fancy turns to tentacles.

Manifestly untrue, I know, but mine did. Recently while researching something else (the famous Sybian ride-on sex toy, the one whose dealer claims it will "cause a female to literally explode on it" — I hate it when that happens!) I came upon a repository of tentacle porn, and boy did that take me back. Once upon a time I had somehow managed never to hear of tentacle porn until one night when I was hanging out with my friend Annalee Newitz, the high tech high-weirdness expert and she was all, "Oh, blah blah blah this weird thing and that weird thing and tentacles" and I was all, "Wait, what was that last thing again?"

It's tentacle porn. It's Japanese. Extremely Japanese. Innocent schoolgirl types, drawn anime/hentai fashion with giant eyes and giant boobs and teensy little bodies clad in teensy little schoolgirl uniforms, until they're not, get non-consensually multipenetrated by ... tentacles. How did you think that sentence was going to end?

Anyway, I got the idea and I stored it away and brought it out occasionally to amuse or shock people and I totally forgot I'd still never seen any myself until I went looking for something else and somehow stumbled over the tentacles (another "I hate it when that happens" thing) and it all came back to me.

It's the dullest thing ever. I'd seen enough hentai (anime porn) to expect this (it tends to be weirdly slow and standardized and repetitive and badly dubbed). It's not the easiest sort of porn to project yourself into, even for a person who likes porn more than I do. And that's the stuff without tentacles. The odd thing about the tentacles, beyond the fact that they exist at all (they were invented to get around restrictions on depictions of non-tentacular intercourse), is that they are so ... uninspired. They never seem to be attached to an interesting monster with any motivations besides rape, and they have a very limited repertoire of sexual acts. They're very "bad teenage date" — stick it in, stick it in, stick it in, but unlike a bad teenage date, they can do all the sticking-in at the same time. Whoopty-do.

Here's what I do like about tentacle porn:

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Shokushu Goukan!" »

Posted by SFBG at 09:03 PM | | | Comments (1)

Sheryl Gould's dating horror story may not be Valentine's Day specific, but it was so good we named her the winner of our Valentine's Day Horror Story contest anyway. Congrats to Gould, who will receive two passes for dinner and a show at Teatro Zinzanni. And condolences to anyone who's dealt with the kind of date she describes.

TABLE FOR THREE (or THE CALIFORNIA WRATH)

There once was a girl who had grown quite irate
She vowed to never date men from her state

She took one last chance,
In the name of romance
And veered from her path,
Inevitably to face the “California Wrath”

This man, he loved to smoke the green,
His home was immaculate & his body was lean

Minimal & orderly, you could eat off the floor,
No condiments stood in his refrigerator door

A couple of bong rips he was off & running
Even the gabbiest girl would indeed find it stunning

Babbling nonstop, not a breath in between
The excess of his yammer would shock even a teen.

Overlooking the obvious, much to her chagrin
Let the dating mistake begin once again

Caught up in a moment, “adult time” commenced
Disregarding the ominous doom that she sensed

Romping & rolling he was unable to speak
Enabling her (temporarily) to forget he was a geek

In thralls of passion, these words he did utter
(can’t believe I can write this, it just makes me shudder)

“Is your pussy happy” is that what you said?
In horror, she lay there on her back, on his bed

Grammatically erroneous, disgusting & lewd,
Would a response “it’s repulsed” come across rude?

Continue reading "V-Day Horror Story winner: Table for three" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:46 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex.columns here.

Dear Andrea:

During sexual intercourse, what techniques can the woman do with her vagina to make sex feel really good for the man?

Love,

Trixie

Dear Trix:

Why is this question making me laugh? I'm afraid it might be — I'm almost positive it is — the indelibly etched sequence from an early South Park episode, the one where Winona Ryder shoots ping-pong balls ... well, maybe you had to have been there. But it's making me laugh, anyway.

So, what can you do with your vagina that doesn't involve ping-pong balls? You do know you don't have to do all that much, right, since the vagina is pretty much already designed evolved to feel good to penises? Unless there is a terrible size mismatch (in either direction, but I was thinking small M/big F), the man is not likely to have too many complaints. Aside from that, oddly, the answer actually is the ping-pong ball trick, or pretty near. Those Patpong ping-pong girls and their sisters, who made that sort of thing famous, were developing their pubococcygeus and associated muscles, doing the famous Kegel exercises. I think Kegels may be overrated — they are good for a lot, but the way they get written up you'd think they could reverse global warming, revive Britney Spears' career (well, they might could do that), and figure out what to do about Gaza, all on their own. They can't really do any of those things, but if you develop a whole lotta muscle tone down there, you can perform a modest version of the ping-pong trick and pleasantly surprise a boyfriend. You can add extra lube, you can try that warming stuff, you can play with ice, but mostly what you're going to be doing is squeezing and releasing to various tempos and with varying degrees of pressure. Other than that, I'm afraid there just aren't that many tricks the old girl can get up to. I mean, it can juggle, sort of, and do a good approximation of the squirting-flower joke, but it can't spin plates or do a triple lutz or make an elephant disappear. And if it can make an elephant disappear, I'd really rather not hear about it.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Are there things I can do with my penis that will make sex feel better for my girlfriend? It's good now, but I was wondering what could make it even better.

Love,

Eager Student

Dear Stu:

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Heterosexuality on parade" »

Posted by SFBG at 08:58 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Breena Kerr

Send your personal Valentine's day horror story (300 words or less) to culture@sfbg.com by Wednesday, Feb 11. We'll print our favorite on the SEX SF blog, and its writer will win two tickets for a five-course meal and a show at Teatro Zinzanni.

Though it's tempting to write off Valentine's Day as a Hallmark holiday invented by Corporate America, the truth is that its origins extend back much further than American capitalism. In fact, it's thought the celebration we know today started with the Christian appropriation of Lupercalia, the mid-February pagan festival ancient Romans celebrated to honor the coming of spring.

Back then, ancient priests (Luperci) sacrificed a goat and a dog for fertility and purification. The goat's hide would then be sliced into strips and carried into the streets by boys who paraded around, dipping the lengths into bowls of sacrificial blood. Making their way across town, the young men slapped women and crop fields with the bloody strips, marking them with the promise of fertility for the coming year — and getting their girls horny in the process.

Thus the Valentine's Day connection between sex and carnage was born. In our modern times, however, the carnage is often less literal and more emotional: impossible expectations, botched dates, ridiculous gifts, and horrible sex. In honor of this day of Great Disappointments, we invite you to send in your Valentine's Day horror story.

I'll get us started with mine, courtesy of V-Day 2008:

Continue reading "Share your Valentine's nightmare -- and win" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:15 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals
By Justin Juul

Lorelei Lee

Fielding your questions this month is local celebrity, Lorelei Lee. Lee specializes in fetish porn (water torture, whips-n-chains, electrocution, etc.) and has a blossoming side-career as a writer. Check out some of her movies/pics here and then stop into The Makeout Room on Valentines Day (Sat/14) to hear her read at Writers With Drinks.

Heather D: Does your vagina/asshole hurt all the time? And if not, what's your secret?

Lorelei Lee: I do sometimes get sore, but more often it's my back or thighs that hurt from being, for example, in squatting reverse cowgirl or pressed up against some uncomfortable object - like a desk or a table. I try to do some stretching before my scenes. Actually, it's pretty much the same thing for my ass and vag muscles – you have to warm yourself up and make sure your muscles are relaxed before you let anyone else penetrate you. I warm up with my own fingers and plenty of lube. Other girls often use their own dildos or butt plugs that they bring to set with them. And we always use a lot of lube – you don't see that part in the edited movie, but in between shots we are reaching for the lube bottle.

David C: Do female porn stars have fluffers?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star" »

Posted by Marke B. at 12:00 PM | | | Comments (4)

Hey there, horny toad. It's Marke B. from SFBG beckoning you hither into the Guardian's new SEX SF blog -- our local-focussed, sex-positive, Internetical adventure into the land of wanton lust (and education!). Feel the luxurious sheen of its fishnets on your eyeballs.

We felt there was a mighty big gap in the SF blogosphere, and wanted to fill it with something intelligent, playful, Bay-minded, omnisexual, curious, scandalous, irreverent, and respectful of the extreme diversity of the local sex scene. Oh, and lots of fun. This is our "soft launch," our birds and bees beta, our test-icle if you will. (Look, it's late and I'm short on comic material. Throw a hot tomato at me.) Join us each day as our sensual endeavor grows and grows -- but don't forget your safety gear, you little devil.

If you have any suggestions or tips, email here. Now, let's get it on, and pardon our excited glitches.

Photo of monthly wet jock contest at The Rod by Darwin Bell

Posted by Marke B. at 09:55 PM | | | Comments (0)