By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Andrea:

Since you were so good as to weigh in on "cougar" ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08], perhaps you could settle the evident controversy around the correct usage of "MILF?" I think a MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) is the mother of someone in your peer group. If your mom seems as sexual as burnt toast but Jimmy's mom looks surprisingly hot at the ninth grade bake sale, it makes you reevaluate the sexiness of mothers or, generally, adults over 35. Jimmy's mother is a MILF, and deserves the special category, only from the intergenerational perspective of a 14-year-old or whatever. It seems, though, that it's being used to mean any woman who has a kid, which totally gets my back up. I'm 26 with an infant — I'd like to think I'm sexy in my own right and MILF is uncalled for, unless my kid's friends at play-date start using the term way early. What do you think? Is MILF only referring to women of your parent's age and above, or does it mean any woman who has (gasp!) had a child?

Love,

Still Hot?

Dear Hot:

I think I've weighed in on "cougar" a bunch of times, and fascinated as I am by the way the sexually-not-dead-yet moderately older woman has become the Hottentot Venus of our time — sexualized yet grotesque-ified, exoticized, gawped at, and lampooned — I think I need to leave it alone now. As for "MiLF" and MILFs, we have discussed it and them here, but only once, in passing, when some bozo wrote in about his hot former ex niece-in-law, or something, whom he described as "the very personification of the MILF." And indeed, he did want to F her.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: MILFbone" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:40 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Punning and naughty Photoshopping can be extremely funny, extremely horrible, or both at the same time. A bad pun can empty a room, but a good bad pun always elicits a laugh. Similarly, while naughty Photoshopping is juvenile and distasteful, you can't help but admire the cleverness of a really good digitally altered photograph, regardless of content.

Porn is an industry that fully embraces parallel punning -- Muffy the Vampire Layer, Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, A Rear and Pleasant Danger, Romancing the Bone, etc. -- and suffice it to say, some of these puns are pretty adroit. The meme-generating folks at B3ta asked people to post their own Photoshopped porn posters based off actual movies, and the slightly NSFW 30+ pages of puerility are a must see for those who like their humor lower than low-brow. Personally, I can't get enough of these. Assablanca, The Crotchmen, Hymen Popper and the Chamber of Semen, Lawrence of a Labia, Metropenis, Iporkyalips Now... sexual punishment never felt so good!

Posted by SFBG at 01:31 PM | | | Comments (0)

By D. Scot Miller

Reviewing sex for the Guardian is a blast! Straight up. I get to peruse pornografica for pay. How sweet is that? It's my hope to begin exploring my sexual self for all the world to see! OK, that's kind of scary too, but a good kind of scary. Throughout the gamut of emotions I plumb while "doing" sex in my own writerly way, the one I most despise is boredom Sex should never, never-ever, be boring. When the mind glazes over with ennui around good-ol' ruttin', it's time to check-in; step up your game.

This is what I find in a lot of the erotica/porn writing I review. Nothing kills a moment like cliche'. And nothing says cliche' better than tired/lazy language. A poorly placed piece of trite breaks the spell of seduction and turns the whole affair into just another pick-up line. But I'm here to help, I really am, and I 've come up with 10 terms that writers should avoid at all costs when writing sex. Drumroll please:

Continue reading "10 terms to ban from erotica FOREVER" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:59 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Our post-Halloween, sugar-induced depression -- that vague feeling of existential disgust brought on by too much candy -- continues to rage on this hungover Monday. It arrives in the evil, saccharine form of Sugar Daddy Ken, the unfortunate new Ken doll via the lapidarists at Mattel.

According to Mattel, Sugar Daddy Ken (né "Sugar's Daddy Ken") is not the daddy of Sugar Chapeaux, the black Barbie, but of Sugar, the small white dog. And as Michelle Chidoni, spokeswoman for Mattel, told ABC most diplomatically, "At the end of the day, this collection is targeted toward adults. While the name of the doll does refer back to the dog, I think people are going to interpret it as they want to interpret it."

The only consolation toward feminism is the obvious fact of SDK's homosexuality. Crisp white pants paired with a bright green statement jacket themselves aren't enough to imply a same-sex preference, but add to the mix a small toy dog named Sugar who cants about on a bright pink leash and you're in the territory of grotesque, Bruno-style sexual stereotyping -- which is par for the course when it comes to ever responsible Mattel.

Sadly, SDK missed his opportunity to be immortalized in SF's Altered Babie Show, though of course there is always next year. If Mattel is unfazed by negative publicity and undeterred by the damage they will cause to fragile young psyches, SDK will be unleashed on stores in April of 2010.

And now, if you're allergic to the gross reinforcement of outworn gender stereotypes, don't read any further.

Continue reading "A "sugar" binge that makes you purge" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:23 PM | | | Comments (3)

By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Readers:

I was going to write more this week about body size, body image, and sex, but I'm stupid sick, so here's an older one ["Cougar Den," 10/22/08] about age instead. It's all connected anyway. Don't get the flu.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Fourteen years ago, when I was 26, I met my husband, who was then 58. We've stayed together through thick and thin and we love each other enormously. It has pained me over the past decade to realize that, even when the woman in question has her own accomplishments and is not a "bimbo," and even when the man in question is appealing and interesting (not a Donald Trump or a philandering cad) — still the nasty stereotypes abound. British comedian Graham Norton, for instance, refers to Catherine Zeta-Jones as "that gold-digging Welsh whore."

I find that otherwise thoughtful women I meet, acting on a mixture of feminism, anger, and what I infer to be unacknowledged personal pain or fear, seem too willing to continue such stereotypes, and I hesitate to open up to women I would otherwise think of as potential friends. I have hoped that as increasingly empowered women realize that they can date younger men if they choose, the rage over the double-standard and fear of abandonment and dwindling romantic options will begin to fade.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Return to Cougar Town" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:00 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Marke B.

We're more than maybe just crazy here at the Guardian over Bay band -- and breakthrough post-sexual heartthrobs -- Girls. Well, they're incredibly sad-funny-catchy single "Lust for Life" just got the hardcore video outtake treatment, penis microphones and Hunx cameos and all ... Watch and revel in true San Francisco loveliness ...

(via our friends at The Sword)

Girls will be cramming out Bottom of the Hill on Nov. 21.

Posted by SFBG at 04:11 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. Email your questions to andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com. Read more of Andrea's columns here.

Dear Andrea:

I have a feeling this is not the best way to get a sympathetic response from you, but it' a real problem for me and I like your advice, so I thought I might as well give it a try. Here goes.

My boyfriend and I have been together eight years. I can't say I'm as cute now as I used to be, but I'm OK. "Brian," on the other hand, has gained weight every year due to a desk job and, I guess, just normal metabolism stuff. By now, he's actually fat. And I just don't feel attracted the way I used to. I still love him, but I'm really not feeling it in the sex department. Do I try to get him to lose weight, or just put up with a no-sex partnership (forever?), or try to find someone I do have the hots for? Help!

Love,

Size Matters

Dear Size:

Before we even consider getting into the hopelessness of pinning your future on weight loss — yours or anyone else's — let's talk about relationships at the seven- or eight-year mark. This is not, generally speaking, a high point.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Fat lot of good" »

Posted by SFBG at 08:09 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Saw this JolieLips lip enhancement kit on BoingBoing today (original article from MSNBC here). At first I imagined it to be a vulva pump until I realized it was for the other lips, the ones on the face, and then I wondered why anyone would go through all that trouble. Interested readers may purchase JolieLips from (where else) SkyMall, for a nominal sum of $27.95.

JolieLips, though trademarked, is not the first vacuum/pump device that turns regular lips into bruised and weird looking regular lips. An even more ludicrous product exists via Cyntha Rowland Beauty Systems called the "Luscious Lips pump," ($59.95) that resembles nothing so much as an erectile dysfunction pump for the mouth? Infomercial below, replete with music that is worse than you can imagine.

Worth thinking about for 5 seconds: Why??

Posted by SFBG at 06:25 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Depeche Mode - Hole To Feed

Having been a latchkey child in the '90s with ready access to that extinct and sorely missed era of MTV when VJs and actual music video programming were my after-school treat, the dawning of my sexual awakening was catalyzed in part by videos like "Closer" by NIN, "Erotica" by Madonna, and, more disturbingly, "Wicked Games," by Chris Isaak. Watching minute particles of sand lodge themselves between the crevices of Helena Christensen's sun-kissed bosoms (or, creepily, Chris Isaak's briary armpits) resulted in, to this day, an irrational fear of any combination of pompadour and wifebeater.

It's odd that watching Eric Wareheim's music video for "Hole to Feed," by Depeche Mode, ushers me back, a la little madeleine, to my days on the old plaid couch in front of the wood-paneled TV, silently praying that I'd see something shocking before my parents came home. More specifically, it makes me acutely aware of that sedentary, vaguely molested sensation I experienced when I witnessed Marilyn Manson ride a pig in "Sweet Dreams" for the first time, my eyes wide with fascination and horror and my mouth agape with Fruit-by-the-Foot.

Continue reading "Feeding holes with Depeche Mode" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:26 PM | | | Comments (5)

Interview by Juliette Tang

Midori, photographed by Constance Smith. See more hot local women of BDSM in our "Submission Possible!" cover story this week.

Sex educator, artist, writer, and diva, Midori, is currently showing her latest installation, Plastics, at Femina Potens (2199 Market St). I stopped by Femina Potens to chat with Midori as she was setting up and was faced with a turbulent sea of blow-up dolls, plastic breasts, knives, razor blades, and syringes. We quickly relocated to the more conventional setting of a cafe down the street, where we had a nice chat about avocados and what it means to be kinky, over coffee cake and Earl Gray.

SFBG: So, what kind of classes do you teach?
Midori: With 60 to 70 different topics, I have a wide range to go from general sexuality to the sexual subcultures of Japan to kinkier topics.

SFBG: What are you working on right now?
M: I have a couple of books I'm way behind on that I need to get done. One's about how to eat a peach, and it's really funny and a lot of fun.

SFBG: How to eat a peach? Can you elaborate?
M: So we have this idea that if you can tie a cherry stem into a knot, that means you're good at oral sex. Tying the cherry is not that practical when it comes to our clits. You're not going to take the clit and tie it into a knot. But if a tongue can do a nice, deep thrust and a curl-in, and do that for like, 5 sets of 10: that's practical. You know, I've got a shortish, average tongue. It's not necessarily the equivalent of size. It's how you move it.

From "Silken Sleeves," a short film by Maria Beatty featuring Midori

SFBG: There's a lot of food imagery in that description.
M: One's attitude to sex and life is like one's attitude to food. Food is something you need. However, you can overindulge. You can have a very strange relationship with it. You can have an abusive relationship with it. You can have a market manipulated, media manipulated relationship with food. You can cook it and consume it carelessly, or you can consume it mindfully. You can end up sharing food with a stranger or with someone you absolutely love head-over-heels. Food and sex... the attitude is very similar.

SFBG: Can you give us a food recipe you find particularly sexy?
M: So imagine you've been out all day, on your feet. It's hot and all that, and you come home and your sweetie has one of those beautiful shallow Chinese goldfish ceramics, with pebbles in it. So, hot day you're tired, your feet are swollen. And you have cool water, pebbles, mint leaves, and citrus slices, and your sweetie takes brown sugar and scrubs your feet.

Continue reading "Kinky talk: Midori on how to eat a peach, more" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:28 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nebmerson. View more alt.sex.columns here.

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I've always had a pretty good sex life, with no problems getting it up or keeping it up, until recently. I'm now 59 and suddenly, even a la Viagra, it's just about impossible. It is even difficult for me to get an erection masturbating. I had my doctor give me a whole series of tests and everything seems OK, so I am mystified. Perhaps it is just age (whatever that means, since I have been and remain quite athletic)? Any thoughts or clues? Or is my sex life pretty much over with?

Love,

Feeling Down

Dear Down:

I'm feeling a little down too, just reading this. No way should your sex life just be over, and no way should we assume that that bunch of tests was testing for the right things. As much as we (the sex educator "we") often direct help-seekers right back to their medical providers, medical providers frankly kind of suck at solving sex problems.

Did the doctor test your testosterone? Did s/he check it more than once? Did you get a prostate exam? How about your blood sugar? Are you on beta-blockers or similar for high blood pressure? And, perhaps most important, did s/he send you on for a cardio work-up? I don't want to scare you, but inability to get blood to the pelvis may be indicative of inability to get blood circulating nicely everywhere else, and that's never good.

There is much discussion lately of desire disorders, the sudden (media) prevalence of which is a bit mysterious, not to mention a bit subjective. One person's desire disorder is another's normal sex drive, and refreshing as it has been to see women's sexuality taken seriously, there may be a bit of — dare I call it hysteria?- around women and desire going on out there. But more on all that later. This sounds physical.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: The new 49" »

Posted by SFBG at 09:12 PM | | | Comments (0)

By D. Scot Miller

WE DID PORN: MEMOIRS AND DRAWINGS
(Tin House Books)
by Zak Smith

I admit it. I was fully expecting to hate Zak Smith's book about his alt-porn experiences. Yes I was. Trendoid motherfucker gonna tell me about porno? What's this artsty-fartsy, probably spoiled, uber-talented white boy artist got to say to me about fucking somebody?

Turns out, quite a bit.

I have to say that after the first chapter of this engrossing tome, Zak Smith had changed my life forever. He made me overcome my fear and predjudice of hipsters - something that Miranda July and Dave Eggers could not do - and listen to his tale of making alt-porn and living gonzo in alt-porn world. Not the best writer in the world, Smith makes up for his Hunter Thompson parroting with honesty and constant lucidity.

Zak at work as "Zak Sabbath," alt-porn star

"The most hideous thing about pornography," he says early on, "is that it works. On you."

Continue reading "'We Did Porn': Zak Smith gets sticky" »

Posted by SFBG at 10:46 AM | | | Comments (1)

By Marke B.

The Steven Scarborough-directed "Trunks 2" won the auspicious 2006 Maleflixxx Gold VOD Award

This just in from the Facebook:

"Jeffrey Escoffier will offer a profile of San Francisco's historic role in the creation of the gay porn industry. There will be video show of the highlights of San Francisco's erotic film making. His guest will be Steven Scarborough, one of gay porn's great directors and who helped establish its economic foundations."

Scarborough helped bring porn into the condom age with his work at Falcon and then Hot House, so this may be pretty interesting. He's also a cutie:

Bigger than Life
Thu/17, 6-9pm, free
GLBT Historical Society
657 Mission St, Suite 300
www.glbthistory.org

Posted by SFBG at 03:29 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Mistress Eve Minax, a professional dominatrix, sex educator, and food lover based in SF

After I met my nutrition coach Matt Lascala, (in my spanking class at Good Vibrations no less), I was told that eliminating all sugars, dairy, and grains from my diet would be helpful to me. I was somewhat skeptical to say the least - okay, I thought, I’ll try it for a week or two, and then maybe let it go. After only three days I had much more energy, slept well at night (I had tendencies towards insomnia), became more productive and basically regained a new sense of pleasure in life! I was sold.

I have always been interested in cuisine and decided long ago not to become a chef because I was afraid of losing my creative compunctions in the kitchen from working long hours for other people. So I became a Dominatrix. The PaleoZone diet has opened up a new sense of creativity for me as far as foods I can and cannot eat and how to get that crazy Provencial Gourmande feel from such a paltry sounding diet. It has been a phenomenal inspiration. I liken its rustic feel to Medieval debauchery, and since I love playing as well as eating, I decided to start “pairing” my meals with my play.

Modifications:
Technically, one does not drink wine while dieting, but since this regimen is for optimal health and not for weight loss (though I have lost 10 lobs or so in the first six weeks), I keep wine because it gives the Mistress a certain quality of life she enjoys. You may wish to modify things as well, depending on your dietary and quality of life needs.

Menu:

Pork Spare Ribs Braised with Beets and Onions
Collard Greens and Baby Daikon
Cirtrus Peaches with Filberts

Paired with: Rubber Abduction, Electrical Play, Forced Release

Continue reading "Sexcipe: Pork ribs with a side of rubber gimp" »

Posted by SFBG at 07:26 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Marke B.

After facing an unholy buttload of opposition to relocate in its same neighborhood, storied (and I mean storied) sex club legend Power Exchange quietly reopened this past weekend at 34 Mason near downtown. We've yet to experience the joys of the new locale --- will there still be a doctor's office play room? Nurse! -- but I'm sure we'll have lots to report. ... Check out the Power Exchange Web site for more details.

Oh, rudimentary Power Exchange Web site, of course we agree!

Posted by SFBG at 03:01 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Andrea Nemerson. Read more of her columns here.

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm confused. Are there any guys out there who aren't at the extremes as far as sex goes? My ex-boyfriend was completely obsessed. Not only did he want it four-plus times a day, he'd want to have phone sex at least twice a day when we were apart. I think of myself as a pretty sexual person, but even I have my limits. Plus phone sex was boring. I like to masturbate, but it's hard for me to orgasm when I feel the person on the end of the line is waiting. But that's not why he's my ex. He was rather immature. He was so obsessed with sex, everything was sexual. If I said it was raining out. He'd say "oooh sounds ... wet." If I said something was hard (difficult) he'd say "ooh, hard!" It was like that with everything! He was not some 20-year-old kid, either. He was 48! I'm 31 and I felt I was more mature than he was. So we broke up. Then I fell in love with his polar opposite. We've been together a couple years and our sex life has gone downhill rapidly, from two or three times a week to maybe once every three months. I've tried to initiate, but I get nowhere. It only happens when he wants it to. I really love this guy and I want to marry him. I just need to figure out how to find a happy medium.

Love,

Opposite Day

Dear Day:

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Ooo, hard" »

Posted by SFBG at 06:45 PM | | | Comments (2)

By Molly Freedenberg

She's been happily teaching regular ol' women how to be pretty, pouty pin-ups in her adorable SoMa studio for years - but now Bombshell Betty wants to take her talents to television. Take a look at promo videos Miss B. hopes will get cable TV's attention below and here. If you like what you see, leave a comment. Who knows? Our girl could be the biggest busty Betty on TV since Ms. Boop.

Bombshell Betty's
715 Bryant, SF
(415) 574-8785
www.bombshellbetty.net

Posted by Molly Freedenberg at 04:54 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

God damn. Eric Wareheim (of Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job) has directed a music video for Major Lazer that makes me want to find someone willing to pretend that my ass is a turntable and get down. Watch the above video (and make sure you watch it until the end because 3:14 is, I believe, the most hysterical part of the whole thing).

We've been following the Jamaican daggering craze for a while now, but never would we have thought that the venerable Eric Wareheim would take a stab (hah) at interpreting this cultural phenomenon. For those who are unfamiliar, "daggering" is a style of Jamaican dance that basically simulates crazy rough sex. Like, the kind of acrobatic sex only Jamaican daggerers and Cirque du Soleil performers are capable of. One of the moves, called "sky daggering," literally involves dancers flipping and catapulting themselves onto one another in ways that scare me. Due to the increasing popularity of this form of dance, it's caused some public controversy, and the Jamaican government has even launched a campaign against "daggeration" and music associated with it are banned from Jamaican airwaves.

Continue reading "Daggering: Eric Wareheim shows us how it's done" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:08 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

In what is surely a sign of the decline of capitalism, Babes and Billionaires is now open for your consumption. This previously invitation-only site -- one described by its creators as "where the honeys meet the money" -- purportedly connects "billionaires" with "babes" (skepticism and scare quotes mandatory) and promises to be a cut above similar sites like Millionaire Match, Sugar Daddy for Me, Seeking Millionaire, and Seeking Arrangement, though how remains unclear, particularly in the area of general douche-baggery.

During a brief a phone conversation, Lawrence Miller (CFO) and Arnold Zelonka (VP of Marketing/Creative Director) used terms like "A-List" and "garbage" to differentiate between people, called their taste in female beauty "incredibly discerning," and admitted to believing Babes and Billionaires to be "a very clever name".

According to Miller, who is the only person I've ever spoken to who used the term "A-List" three times in the span of less than a minute: "The original genesis was contacts throughout the United States, mostly A-List people. We invited them to join what was then a private club and a place for them to meet. Professionally, I was in the entertainment business for many years and I've had a huge database of A-List people. And my Director of Marketing was in the advertising business and also had a large database of A-List people." When I asked him who he considered A-List, he responded, "People in the entertainment industry, and the rich and beautiful. We are gearing our marketing to those that qualify."

Though he said, "I wouldn't be so presumptuous to say I'm the ultimate judge of beauty," he did admit to having "incredibly discerning taste" in female beauty. As for the men? How rich are they? "Most of the men are worth in excess of 10 million dollars." The pairing between beautiful women and rich men works well for an online medium, Zelonka argued, because "People with money don't want to mingle with the garbage to meet people to date. A lot of them are shy and busy." And, if members of the site are anything to go by, some of them (actually, all of them) are creepy and talk like Smoove B from The Onion.

Posted by SFBG at 11:41 AM | | | Comments (14)

By Juliette Tang

I've heard of people having sex on exercise balls, but I've never heard of an exercise ball fetish, in the true sense, before today. A 31-year old man from Duluth, MN, is on the run from cops after breaking into a gym and slashing a bunch of exercise balls "to satisfy a sexual urge". According to the Associated Press:

Authorities are familiar with the man. A criminal complaint released Thursday said he was convicted in 2005 of breaking into a sports facility at the University of Minnesota in Duluth and slashing about 70 balls. Each ball cost between $30 and $60. The complaint says when he pleaded guilty in that case, he admitted slashing more than 40 other balls at two clinics.

Court documents said the man told police he slashed the rubber balls to satisfy a sexual urge. Experts said he has an unusual attraction to inflatable exercise devices.

While this is the first time I've ever heard of a fetish related to exercise balls, it's really not that weird in context.

Continue reading "One pop and you can't stop" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:57 PM | | | Comments (2)

By Juliette Tang

Folsom Street Fair: Not sexy enough for ya?

If you thought you heard the last of that stupid Trojan sex survey, then maybe you should stop reading this.

For those lucky enough to remain unexposed to this survey of which I speak, the basic gist is that we in SF aren't boning enough and when we do have sex, well, it sucks and we don't even like it. We ranked dead last out of 10 cities profiled by Trojan in terms of sexual frequency, and second to last (next to Boston) in sexual satisfaction.

Mike Alvear, host of HBO's The Sex Inspectors, is the latest blogger to drudge this tired survey up. In a Huffington Post column today, he writes that he's figured out why San Francisco rated so low, comparable to Atlanta, of all places.

Continue reading "They don't call it Hotlanta for nothing, I guess" »

Posted by SFBG at 11:49 AM | | | Comments (3)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

WebMD sent out this slightly goofy "10 Amazing Health Benefits of Sex.", an article virtually identical to dozens of others I've dutifully read, but you, perhaps, have been spared. Among the benefits of "healthy loving in a relationship," according to the article (summaries mine) are:

1. Less stress: Volunteers kept sex diaries and were then subjected to stressful situations. "Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained."

Neat. I'm interested to note that it's intercourse, rather than other sex acts. Added to the older study that found that feel-good hormone levels spike after intercourse but not masturbation, it's starting to look like penis-vagina intercourse produces a unique hormonal response and possibly provides unique payoffs in the health-and-well-being department. It would be nice if someone thought to check whether intercourses available to the non-p/v-sex-having population produce similar effects, but I'm not holding my breath.

2. Immunity: "People who have sex once or twice a week produce more immunoglobulin A (IgA). Subjects who reported having less or a whole lot more sex have lower IgA."

Huh. Moderation in all things, right? I guess we shouldn't be surprised to find it applies to sex. But does it; or were there other factors here? Maybe the high-IgA moderates were in committed relationships, while the nevers were lonely and the horn-dogs were sleeping around? Who knows?

3. Calories: "Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more," claims WebMD. "It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions."

I've seen umpteen versions of the ridiculous sex/calories breakdown and this might be the silliest yet. Forty-two half-hour sessions (of apparently extremely energetic pumping; if you want foreplay or a kissing break, you'll have to budget extra time) will take most couples months to achieve, and few people rack up anything like 21 hour-long sessions in a lifetime. You'd be better off on a treadmill. Or you could do try one of the following (supplied for your amusement by my exercise-geeking husband), all of which you're more likely to fit into your daily schedule than a solid half-hour of "vigorous thrusting," as they used to say:

2 minutes of wrestling
8.5 minutes of running
17 minutes of gardening
60 minutes of sitting and reading
135 minutes of sleeping

I'll take 60 minutes of sitting and reading, please.

4. Cardiovascular: Researchers found that neither having nor not-having sex was correlated with strokes. More impressive, they "also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month."

Again, there may be other factors here, since the heart-healthy guys presumably had partners, and both loneliness and the death of a spouse are highly correlated with dropping dead. Broken hearts cause broken hearts. Still, nice news for older men who do have partners. Have at it, dudes. As for the ladies?

5. Self-esteem: "Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex."

Hahaha! 237 is a mighty big number. You could fit anything in there. Reason # 6: Getting partner to leave you alone so you can go to sleep. Reason # 33: bored. Reason #235: free rent.

6. Intimacy: "Sex and orgasms raise levels of oxytocin, the famous bonding, trust, and generosity hormone." The article goes on to cite a study showing that women's levels of oxytocin rise after "warm contact" and hugs with their husbands, but you don't need sex to get that.

7. Pain: "In a study published in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, 48 volunteers who inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked lowered their pain threshold by more than half."

Coolness.

8. Prostate cancer: "Men who had five or more ejaculations weekly while in their 20s reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later by a third."

There are a lot of similar studies supporting this. And finally, a clear benefit not dependent on male/female intercourse! Any old ejaculation will do it.

9. Sleep: Oxytocin and exercise promote sleep, and lack of same is correlated with every bad thing from divorce to weight gain.

That's ... nine. I lost one somewhere.

Of course, few of us need a specific reason to have sex, nor are we likely to be sufficiently motivated by any of the above to go get some, if not already inclined. As for the slightly worrisome implication that emerges from these articles that there is one true (straight, vanilla, monogamous) sex-style that is good for us, well. If we want research into the cardiovascular effects of polyamory or immune responses to S&M, we're just going to have to do it ourselves.

Love,

Andrea

Posted by SFBG at 08:48 AM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

A new study conducted by researchers at Oxford University and the University College of London argues that, should a woman want to get pregnant, her chances are better with man who's unattractive.

The logic goes as follows: attractive males have more sex. Because attractive guys have more partners, they have to allocate their sperm carefully from partner to partner, in order to maximize chances of knocking up more women. Whereas because unattractive guys don't have as many partners, they can afford to blow it all, if you will, on the few they have.

What exactly constitutes "attractive" versus "unattractive," the study does not say. However, the study does draw an entertaining comparison between human beings and "animals such as the domestic fowl, and fish such as the Arctic charr." It concludes by admitting, "The model should also be expanded to include the effects of short-term sperm depletion, which is known to affect ejaculate content" (i.e. the study needs to consider the case of frequent masturbators). Relevant? You decide.

Sex therapist Ian Kerner revisits the 1974 Shaky Bridge Study, which reveals that, when exposed to larger amounts of adrenaline and stress, people are more prone to sexual attraction and romantic attachment.

Psychologists Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton used two bridges, a solid one that rose 10 feet over sea level, and this one, the Capilano Canyon Suspension Bridge which is 5 feet wide, 450 feet long, and sways 250 feet above the river below, as the setting for their research. For the first part of the study, they had an attractive woman stand at the middle of the sturdy bridge, asking random passerbys to fill out a short psychology survey. She then gave the men her phone number, asking them to call if they were interested in finding results. The next day, she repeated the routine, on the more dangerous suspension bridge.

Continue reading "Three possibly relevant sex studies" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:15 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Yesterday saw an interesting piece in the New York Times on the slow disappearance of plot-based porn flicks in favor of films comprised solely of sex scenes, without any narrative structure, that can easily be broken up and presented online. According to the Times, the DVD sales and rental industry was $3.62 billion in 2006 (a number estimated by Paul Fishbein, president of the AVN Media Network) but has fallen as much as 50% since then. Rather than solely filming feature length, plot-based movies, like Pirates XXX, which was released in 2005, studios are focusing more attention on filming vignettes instead -- series of sex scenes that occasionally share a theme, like "Girls 'n Glasses".

While some are alarmed at the changes afoot in the industry, it's a fact that studios are focusing less and less attention on making feature DVDs and that interest is only going to decrease from here. In this NYT video, Steven Hirsch, chief executive of Vivid Entertainment, states that while it wasn't that many years ago that all of Vivid's income was dependent on DVD sales, now, less than half of their income is generated from DVDs, largely due to the nature of the internet. Vivid now offers an online membership that users can subscribe to, that allows them to view video clips and photos simply by logging in.

Written on the body: Raging Stallion's Ink Storm offers a different definition of "porn script"

I sent an email to Ben Leon, a director at Raging Stallion Studios, a major gay porn studio located in San Francisco, and asked for his perspective on these changing trends. The NYT article doesn't discuss gay porn, which has historically been much less attached to the plot-paradigm than straight porn. [You couldn't fit much more on those old Super8 one-reelers! -Ed.]

He made an interesting point linking the new web model of porn with the uptick of interest in fetish material, which the NYT article didn't really touch on either. Said Leon, "I also think that porn is changing as the culture changes. A new trend in porn is a heavy swing toward fetish material. This trend is not that different than the wider trend toward making internet content. The new fetish stuff and the internet sites are marketed to a very specific audience. This specialization is both a widening of the market but also a contraction in certain ways. Like mass media-as it becomes more pervasive it also becomes much more targeted. People are now able to find the information (or porn) they want filtered through whatever bias or glass they choose."

Continue reading "All sex, no plot: The new porn?" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:57 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Marke B.

I'm gonna count this as a local story -- because, hey, Google's right down the peninsula. And I'm gonna count this as research -- because, hey, it's my job. While casually looking up photos, for work, associated with the new kinda boring HBO series "Hung" -- about a lengthy middle-aged hustler which takes place in my hometown Detroit, at least a suburb of it, and has served for critics who should know better as nothing but a big ol "shit on the Motor City" punching bag -- I was pleasantly surprised to find that this image came right up at the top of my safe-mode-off Google Image search this morning:

Continue reading "Chicks with dicks on top (NSFW)" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:15 PM | | | Comments (2)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Readers:

I recently resurfaced on Facebook after lying low for a year or so. Participating in social media no longer really feels optional — if you want to see people, that's where they went. I've also been fascinated lately by the way the new media are changing our relationships with our own histories. Never before has it been so easy to reconnect with your past, or so hard to escape it. And friending acts as a great leveler: ex-boyfriend = current book-club pal = your best friend in grade school = your mom. You have no idea what kind of person that former girlfriend — the one who eviscerated you in public and left you for dead — really is now, but there she is, posting recipes and kindergarten graduation pix as if nothing ever happened. None of these quasi-connections need feel any realer or more important than the "Which kind of dryer lint are you?" quizzes and exchanges of virtual knickknacks. That moment when her name first pops up in your Facebook e-mail, though, that's as real as a sucker-punch to the solar plexus, and can feel quite similar. What happens after that is the story. If you've got a good Facebook reunion tale, please share it with the class. Here's the first one:

Dear Andrea:

I Facebooked my high school boyfriend. I received a warm response and an update. He has a wife and kids and a finance career that sounds kind of sleazy. Way back, he was rich and I was from the wrong side of the tracks.

He PM'd me his phone number. I really had no interest in calling him, but I gave him mine, thinking if he really wants to talk to me, he can call. I'm married and have two kids and really didn't care.

He called twice. I was surprised, but kind of enjoyed the conversations. I think my life now is a lot more interesting than his, and I'm doing just as well as he is. In high school it was always that he was going to go on to great things and I was just going to be a housewife (he told me this once). Now he sounds kind of out-of-control and I am quite satisfied with my life.

Also — he's cheating on his wife, pretending to be single on online dating sites. Oddly, it sounds like he's picking up working-class girls, like I was, which is weird for me. He says he doesn't want a divorce. I told him that sneaking behind his wife's back is wrong. I told him he should write to you although I doubt he will (and you'd hang him).

I definitely need to break the contact. But, you have no idea how empowering it is to find out I have, on my terms, a BETTER life than he has.

This is sleazy, isn't it?

Lady Schadenfreude

PS: OMG! When I turned down an invitation to come visit while his wife was out of town, he de-friended me!

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: A friend indeed" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:01 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Let's face it: Craigslist's new "Adult Services" listing is pretty much just like the old Erotic Services one, but with a new name, a higher price tag, more inconvenience, and no more nude photos. But there's a new Web site coming to town that might change the face of online soliciting for good: Stagslist.

Unlike Craigslist, Stagslist publicly accepts its role in facilitating online sex work. Stagslist exists solely as an online listing of erotic and adult services and gigs, with the difference being no monitoring, no charge, and no personal verification. For some sex workers, the lack of verification on Stagslist (Craigslist currently requires a phone number, a credit card charge of $10, plus a working Craigslist account) will be liberating. Stagslist offers greater privacy and a forum to post whatever you want, because they won't screen or modify your ads. And for other sex workers content with Craigslist's verification system, who feel that it offers a barrier of protection between them and the outside world, Craigslist's Adult Services listing will still be an option. The arrival of a new erotic listing in town with the openness and viability of Stagslist will level the playing field so that Craigslist hopefully won't be the main provider of an online adult services forum in San Francisco. And it gives sex workers the option of choosing which platform best suits their specific needs.

Stagslist goes live on July 9, 2009, at noon. While right now, there's nothing on the site, I'm interested to see what Thursday will bring.

Full press release after the jump.

Continue reading "Craigslist goes Stag" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:36 PM | | | Comments (12)

By Juliette Tang

An entire classroom of 5th graders from the Elk Grove region, near Sacramento, will find themselves inexplicably having hot-for-teacher fantasies or, what is more likely more likely, nightmares, within the next few years. As reported by CBS yesterday, Crystal Defanti, a 5th grade teacher at the Isabelle Jackson Elementary, accidentally gifted her students with her own homemade pornography in a DVD that was supposed to be an end-of-year 'memories' compilation. She definitely gave her students something to remember. The DVD started with a menu screen featuring several different videos taken during the school year. The menu items ranged from classroom footage to um, footage of Ms. Defanti completely naked on a couch, crotch-to-the-camera, with her legs sprawled open. Defense experts say that because the whole thing was an embarrassing mistake, Ms. Defanti will likely keep her job and not face any legal consequences.

I think the question that weighs more heavily on our minds isn't whether Ms. Defanti should keep her job or not (I mean, the poor woman's embarrassment is punishment enough) but rather, "How the fuck does one edit a movie for fifth graders and accidentally put their own porn on it?" Because, seriously. Even the most computer illiterate among us know that autobiographical X-rated movies should exist on their own password-protected flash drive somewhere hidden far away from where it might accidentally be stumbled upon.

Continue reading "Hot for teacher?" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:52 PM | | | Comments (3)

SFBG's Justin Juul asks zookeeper Jane Tollini -- former penguin keeper at the San Francisco Zoo, and originator of the annual "Woo at the Zoo" tour -- about life, love, and sex in the animal kingdom. Read the previous installment here.

SFBG: Do monkeys get off on human porn?
Tollini: Apes do, yeah. You can teach an ape anything. If you bring in a human woman and have her demonstrate nursing to a gorilla that grew up in captivity, that gorilla will learn how to nurse a baby. But apes have pretty low sex drives so they probably wouldn’t be as in to porn as we are. The truth about animals is that very few of them actually have sex for pleasure. So there’s not much masturbating going on in the animal kingdom. It’s a little different at the zoo because our animals have more spare time, but masturbating and porn are pretty much human-specific. There are a few exceptions, I guess. I mean I’ve heard that alligators, elephants, and some primates have g-spots. But who the hell knows? I mean, how did they figure that out? You don’t just stick your finger inside and alligator and go “Does this feel good?” I mean, what…do they do give them a cigarette afterwards? Come on!

SFBG: You mentioned gay penguins a minute ago, and that’s something everybody knows about, but I was wondering, are there any other animals out there that practice homosexuality? And if so, what do you think that means for humans? I mean, if it’s not an issue for animals, why is it always such an issue for us?
Tollini: Oh my god! There are so many animals out there who just love the one they’re with. Really, you’d be surprised. I’ve seen gay chimps, gay birds, gay everything! Manatees --who are on the endangered species list, by the way, so they have an extra incentive to reproduce-- form lifelong homosexual bonds in both sexes. And so do other animals, which to me is proof that being gay is totally natural.

SFBG: Is there any sort of ostracizing that goes down, like how humans gay bash each other?

Continue reading "Jane of the Jungle: Tolerant beasts, big-brained assholes, and naughty schoolgirls" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:37 PM | | | Comments (0)

Text and photos by Ariel Soto

I don't really know where to start. There was the waiter making sweet love to his customer on the table, the robot doing it with electronics, the freaky sex clowns and a hot dog ravishingly screwing a tomato 'til it turned into small packages of ketchup. It was the Air Sex Championships at the Independent on June 24, and all the contestants put every bit of their sexual energy to make the voyeuristic crowd howl and laugh. The highlight of the event was an impromptu last minute addition to the competition named Pandora's Box, who, without any fancy props or even a costume, stole the show with her exotic and erotic moves that left everyone begging for more.

Continue reading "Pics: Air Sex Championships" »

Posted by SFBG at 10:57 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Just in time for your big gay Pride weekend, the talented artists at the HomoChic collective have launched their and improved site, now complete with an online store where you can get your very own designer poppers top. Created by SF's Leo Herrera and NYC artisan Blue Bayer, these simultaneously classy and slutty swine-themed poppers tops are available in 14K gold plate or sterling silver, and come with a little chain so that you can conveniently wear your poppers around your neck (the coke necklace from Cruel Intentions is so ten years ago). Says Leo Herrera, co-founder of HomoChic, ""This piece of gay history is the best thing to happen to messy sex and sweaty dance floors since the pump lube bottle & the hanky code." Herrera sat down with the SFBG to talk about the history of HomoChic, the innocent fun of poppers, and what it's like to be a "chubby chasing feeder twink".

SFBG: Can you describe, in your words, what HomoChic is? (And it's absolutely gorgeous gorgeous, by the way). From my perspective, HomoChic is a little bit of everything, from photography to video to design to music to writing to fashion. From a creator's viewpoint, what are you going for with the site?

LH: HomoChic.com is an artist collective, production house, and as of June 09, an online store for prints and gay artifacts. We produce events, films, costumes and images with a focus on gay anthropology and history. We are also planning on representing artists and performers through online promotion and commerce.

SFBG: How did HomoChic take off?

LH: HomoChic has taken off because of our focus on gay history and repackaging it in a way that isn't too focused on looking toward the past (i.e. AIDS activism, "traditional" Pride) to shape ways of taking the Gay Movement to the future. At the same time, we are finding the resources and opportunities to create more of our own projects, so it's something gay men of all ages can identify with. HomoChic started with myself, Jacob Sperber (co-founder of HoneySoundSystem) and my gay brother Allan producing art pieces that revolved around events and vice versa. Whether it is an after-party for an art show, or a film piece produced specifically to be a trailer for a nightlife event. The notion of Chic has always been associated with being a homo. As a lot of us, especially the younger generation, assimilate, we become too focused on being part of mainstream culture and forget that for a long time, the industries have looked to us to show them what's cool and sellable, not the other way around. Think Madonna's Vogue, or disco for example.

SFBG: How were you inspired to make your lovely pig-topped poppers bottles?

Continue reading "Designer drugs: HomoChic unleashes piggy poppers" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:13 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Juliette Tang. Check out Madison in this our Hot Pink List 2009!

Madison Young: renaissance porn star. She is most famous for being an adult entertainment performer and director, but she's also a writer, blogger, sex educator, artist, and the founder of San Francisco's Femina Potens Gallery, an art space dedicated to bringing visibility to the artwork of female, queer, and trans artists in our community. For Madison's work as an advocate of queer empowerment in our community - and for personally making sure (via her www.madisonbound.com Web site) that we have plenty of access to hot queer BDSM - we're showcasing Madison in our upcoming Queer Issue (this Wednesday!) in honor of Pride Week.

Madison recently sat down with the San Francisco Bay Guardian to discuss her work in pornography, the philosophy of Femina Potens, and the importance of art and advocacy in our community.

SFBG: You founded Femina Potens in 2001. How did you come up with the concept of the gallery, one that advances the art of women, queer, trans, and kink communities in SF? Why do you personally feel it is important for these artists to have a space to express themselves and showcase their work?

MY: I always knew that I wanted to create a physical space for artistic growth, collaboration and community connection. When I moved to San Francisco in 2001, I realized the focus that I wanted that space to have due to a lack of existing physical spaces for women and trans community dialogue around art and sex. Femina Potens fills that void. We have created an accessible and visible physical space in the heart of the Castro where the voices of visual, literary, and cinematic artist are being heard. We are breaking down barriers between the artist and audience, creating interactive art works, blurring the lines of gender and alternative sexual cultures, and creating a space for artistic growth of emerging artists who are exhibiting or reading side by side with queer literary and artistic legends like Michelle Tea, Annie Sprinkle, Carol Queen, Inga Muscio, Daphne Gottlieb and more. Its important for us not only to have transitory festivals and events at other organizations spaces but for our community to have a physical space where their work is celebrated. Creating spaces like Femina Potens allows women and trans community an honest reflection of their experiences and their lives. It also encourages more people in the community to exhibit their work. Our audiences range in gender and sexuality, attracting a crowd that is drawn to cutting edge art, alternative sexuality, avant-garde performances, and flocks of tourists who are interested in the "San Francisco Experience".

SFBG: What sparked your interest in art? How would you describe your level of involvement with the general artistic community?

MY:I grew up in a very small conservative farm town and then the suburbs of Ohio. I always felt like an outsider. I was constantly trying to stretch my wings for something more. I was instantly drawn to theater and art from my first elements of exposure to this world. In a life where I felt unable to to express myself emotionally, I found art in its many forms to be the purest most honest expulsion of what was going on inside of me. Art was a way to connect to others and to communicate. Art was a way to get out of my head and into my body. I convinced my mother to let me attend a performance art school in downtown Cincinnati for my junior and senior year. That is where I truly found myself and knew that art would always be a part of my life. I often tell people that the first sexual experiences that I had were those that happened on a stage in a black box theater. That is where I first was able to let myself go and to energetically connect in an intimate way with another person.

SFBG: Do you think there are noted artistic, political, or ideological differences between the work exhibited at Femina Potens and that of more mainstream galleries?

Continue reading "Madison Young: our favorite art slut" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:29 PM | | | Comments (3)

By Justin Juul. Read part two of this interview here.

Woo at the Zoo, the afterparty

Being a part-time sex writer is tough because there’s only so much you can say about the topic. Lovemaking is a lot like eating in that way; we all have peculiar ways of doing it, specific attractions to wildly different things, and often-clashing ideas about what’s good and bad, right and wrong, etc. But it’s not like we’re breaking a lot of new ground when we talk about these things; we’re just sharing stories and ideas about an urge and all the weird stuff that happens when we try to satisfy it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that sex is boring or that I don’t enjoy writing about it; it’s just that sometimes I need a break. That’s why I tracked down this month’s featured sexpot, Jane Tollini. Tollini is not a sex worker. She doesn’t do porn and she doesn’t work for a dildo company. Why interview her for a sex blog then? Well, Tollini offers something that bookish porn stars, ex-manwhores, and transsexual southerners don’t. She offers a sex writer the chance to talk about something other than humans fucking. Instead I get to talk about animals fucking. Yay!

Jane talks facts of life

As a life-long veteran of the San Francisco Zoo (she lived next to it as a child, served almost 20 years there as a penguin keeper, and now works as a consultant), Tollini has seen it all. From donkey shows, to masturbating raccoons, to highly questionable cross-species relationships; you name it and Tollini’s got a story. By the time she’d been at the zoo for a year, Tollini realized she had enough material to host her own beastly sex forum so she grabbed a microphone and never looked back. Tollini’s “Sex Tour,” now known as “Woo at The Zoo,” is an annual romp through the world of sex in the animal kingdom. It happens every Valentine’s day at The San Francisco Zoo, but you can check it out early this year on June 25th when Tollini will be hosting a special kick-off to Pride Week at The California Academy of Sciences called “How Animals Do It.” Tickets available here.

Part One: Gay penguins, animals with two dicks, and the way it used to be

SFBG: So how did you become San Francisco’s premier animal sex guru?
Jane Tollini: I met a pair of lesbian geese named Alice and Gertrude. They stood out to me because, even thought hey had full access to a male goose named Henry Miller, they didn’t want to be with him. Alice and Gertrude laid eggs for each other and then they took care of them as a couple. It was such strange behavior; I just couldn’t help wondering what other kinds of kinky things animals got into. Well, as an animal keeper, I soon found out. When you get to the zoo first thing in the morning, you see a lot of things other people don’t see, believe me. I remember thinking things like “My God, it’s longer than my arm! It’s got a flowering doohickey on the end of it!” Soon after I started at the zoo, I was put in charge of the penguins and that’s when I really started to notice some weird behavior.

Continue reading "Jane of The Jungle: Zookeeper Jane Tollini on life, love, and sex in the animal kingdom" »

Posted by Marke B. at 01:32 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Juliette Tang

It started as I was digging around for an old Janus magazine for a friend of mine (sigh, I swear).

Janus -- the classiest and cheesiest British spanking magazine from the 1970s, and still being campily produced to this day -- reads like the Vice Magazine of softcore spanking. There's something that is, strangely and inconceivably, almost high-brow about this periodical, with its modestly made-up and un-enhanced models who look like they stepped out of a Richard Kern photo. The lo-fi, soft-focused, 35mm photos and the intentionally retro design of the layout and typeface -- plus the fact that the magazine's design philosophy has not changed in the last three decades -- imbue the publication with a toothsome genuineness noticeably absent in its more explicit modern day counterparts.

The publication also makes no secret of its aspirations toward a "higher standard." Janus also runs a popular sex shop in Soho, London, that boasts a storefront more fitting of a Prada boutique than a sex shop, and which in the past has participated in an homage to Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, two French poets who had a famously violent affair in the 1870s.

It was by pure accident that, through searching for Janus magazine, I discovered QSM, an online BDSM bookstore, its warehouse located here in San Francisco, woman-owned and -run since 1989.

Continue reading "QSM offers BDSM adventure of a different sort" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:17 PM | | | Comments (2)

By Juliette Tang

Hand jobs. Are people still giving, getting, or even thinking about them? I'm not talking about a few jerks during foreplay either. I'm asking if anyone out there habitually engages in hot and heavy hand love... and goes all the way. Because it seems, in many peoples' sex lives, that the hand job is to a CD Walkman what the blow job is to an iPod. It was great when you were in junior high, but then something new came around and you sort of forgot about it. I occasionally see used latex gloves discarded on the sidewalk, and we regularly hear about San Francisco law enforcement cracking down on local massage parlors (so obviously someone out there is paying for it) but - like secret societies, group sex, and crack - hand jobs are something you know is out there, though you're hard pressed to know anyone who regularly participates. I awkwardly asked some of my male friends, both straight and gay, "When was the last time you got a hand job?" and then quickly added, "And not from yourself." The most common response was, "And... um, came?"

What once seemed so sexy and thrilling in 9th grade has now, in adulthood, become prosaic. But why? Have we really graduated from the hand job? Is it that because those who can simply jerk themselves off would rather engage in other activities when with a partner? Do hand jobs seem dispassionate and sterile? Or is it simply that, for most, no one else really gives a hand job quite as good as one can give oneself?

Continue reading "Handjobs: Are we having them?" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:13 PM | | | Comments (6)

"Come support SF's Lusty Lady Theater, the one and only unionized worker-owned peep-show co-op, and their saucy presence in SF Pride 2009! Strippers, dancers, performance, DJ Durt, dykes, debauchery, raffle, panty and date auction, lapdances, bodyshots, and you...."

Lusty Lady Pride Float Benefit Party
Sat/13, 9pm
Lexington Club
3464 19th St, SF
www.lexingtonclub.com

Posted by SFBG at 02:34 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Readers:
Since I can't write this week, I thought I could at least rerun a letter germane to recent discussions.

Dear Andrea:

I met a guy through his very explicit and fun Craigslist ad describing the weird-ass kinky sex he wanted. So we e-mailed, met, and had a great time. He's handsome, intelligent, artsy ... totally my type. We end up in bed, he gives me some quality oral sex, and then he ejaculates within two minutes. He makes no move to get me off either, just makes some remark about that being "my random Craigslist hookup." I'm too flabbergasted to ask for more oral sex. And then he wants to spend the night and cuddle. I'm frustrated and confused, but let him, and don't comment on his premature ejaculation for fear of damaging his ego. Later we have sex again, and again he ejaculates within minutes. What do I do when he calls? What should I have said at the time?

Love,

UnListed

Dear List:

I once sat on a panel with Craig from Craiglist and I'm imagining him being mortified by this entire story. He's a shy boy. I would also dearly love to link to the offending ad, but it seems faintly unethical, although it's often said that once you post something on the Web, it's public, period, and ripe for linkage. He's probably taken it down by now, anyway.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Objects in mirror" »

Posted by SFBG at 10:13 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

There is a famous hairy ball theorem in algebraic topology which states that, on a spherical object, there is no non-vanishing continuous vector field. Basically, if you have a hairy ball, mathematically speaking, you cannot flatten all the hairs so that they all lay down smoothly. Some hairs will always stand up straight or create a bald spot where the scalp of the ball will show through.

Or, as famously stated by Luitzen Egbertus Jan Brouwer in 1912, "you can't comb a hairy ball flat without creating a cowlick" -- an assertion was also stated from time to time by Brouwer as "You can't comb the hair on a coconut."

The truth and practicality of this theorem has never been quite as urgent as it is today. With the launch of a recent ad campaign encouraging men to shave their balls, the hairy ball theorem has become not merely a principle associated with mathematics, but one that we can and must apply to real life. Just as you can't comb a hairy ball without making it look all bent out of shape, you can't really shave your man groin without expecting something funky to happen when the hair starts fighting back. Hairless balls may sound somewhat appealing if you're a frequent teabagger, but sandpaper-covered stubbly balls definitely do not. Equally unappetizing are balls covered in razorburn or rash due to frequent shaving.

Ball shaving is one sex trend I cannot excited about.

Continue reading "Stop the pube police!" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:54 PM | | | Comments (3)

By Juliette Tang

Queer Arts Fest

The Sex Worker Fest

This is definitely a good month for worthwhile local festivals. The 6th San Francisco Sex Worker Film, Art, & Music Festival officially kicked off this past weekend and promises to be a thrill for both the intellect and the libido. Smart, kinky, and fun, the Sex Worker Fest is a positive and educational week-long extravaganza that occurs in tandem with the ongoing 12th Annual Queer Arts Festival, a whopping month-long festival featuring over 400 artists in over 100 performances taking place in 18 venues all over San Francisco. The only question at this point is how you're possibly going to fit everything into your schedule.

Michelle Tea

On Saturday, the Sex Worker Fest launched with a benefit at a. Muse Gallery (614 Alabama St) to support Radar Lab, a free queer writers retreat looking to accommodate 12 outstanding queer artists by this summer. Hosted by Ali Liebegott, whose IHOP Papers performs the feat of being at once witty and charming and a poignant lesbian coming-of-age novel, and Michelle Tea, prolific author and Guardian contributor whose novel Valencia joins rank with Michael Ondaatje's Divisadero in being good books named after famous San Francisco streets, the benefit featured appearances by literary luminaries Dorothy Allison, ZZ Packer, and Eileen Myles.

Continue reading "June: Sexiest sexy festival month ever" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:01 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

They say you have until next Tuesday to hire a hooker on Craigslist, but everyone knows that probably won’t be the case. Craigslist is shutting down its "Erotic $ervices" section after increasing pressure from law enforcement following the arrest of Philip Markoff, the “Craigslist Killer,” but because state officials and law enforcement want a scapegoat instead of a solution, the only people who end up benefiting from this situation are... the people at Craigslist? What?

Craigslist is shutting down erotic services to start the new “adult services” listing, which their blog states: “will be opened for postings by legal adult service providers," whatever that means. Craigslist will review each posting before it goes on the site to ensure compliance with Craigslist guidelines, whatever those are. [Where do I apply!?! -- Ed.] The murky details of Craigslist’s new adult services category are confusing, vague, and actually head-scratchingly bizarre.

Continue reading "What? Only six days left to hire a hooker on Craigslist?" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:31 PM | | |

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Andrea:

I found this on Craigslist. Please, please stop this poor girl before it's too late! She should hear from a professional that she'd be sacrificing nerve endings to a bunch of dickweeds who are suckers for media standards. And they won't even like her more. God help us.

advice please re labia — w4m

so im hearing mixed reviews from guys about a female's labia. do guys prefer the labia minora to be big or small? because tons of my friends are seeking to have them made smaller (like by a lot) so they look like playboy types etc. is that what guys want? what turns men on? and why? any advice on what to do here for me??

'Nuff said. Thank you.

Love,

A Concerned Citizen

(Seriously.)

Dear Concerned:

Oh, okay. Maybe she'll see this and maybe she won't, but obviously this is a thing, or a Thing, that affects a lot of young women, just as she says. "Tons" of her friends, though? I realize she's posting from L.A., where you have to expect this sort of thing, but the image of busloads of girls she went to high school with or worked with at Hot Topic after school lining up for surgical "correction" is unsettling even me.

So, what is going on here? I've long assumed (this has been going on a while now) that women used to go a lifetime without seeing their own (it takes a mirror and the will to look) or anyone else's labia in great detail unless they had chosen to be midwives or something, in which case they were busy.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Don't change a Thing" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:01 PM | | |

In Which Super Sexy Porn People Answer Questions --each week-- From Bay Area Locals. View the last installment here.

By Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is AVN’s current “Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Wendy Williams.

Jason W: Will you have to take hormones the rest of your life?
Williams: Yes, unfortunately, if you don’t keep putting female hormones in your body, you’ll start to produce testosterone and that never goes away. It sucks because it’s extremely expensive and you’re never going to be able to finish. If you’re a transsexual you are “in transition” your entire life. Like…I’ve had many surgeries and there are many more I’d like to have. And I’ll be doing hormone replacement forever. But it’s all upkeep. All women have to pay for that and it’s totally worth it. One shitty thing is that insurance won’t cover any of it, but I’m not complaining. There are many other basic human rights issues in our society that need to be dealt with before we work on transsexual stuff.

SFBG: What advice would you give a young person thinking of transitioning?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Hormones and the mainstream" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:05 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Marke B

Sorry, you'll have to go back to church for that ... for now

I hate to rise to the usual nauseating bait of Chronicle writer C.W. Nevius almost as much as I'd have hated to wade into the sheer time-waste of that whole Miss California gay marriage debacle-thingy, but a hilarious oopsie in his latest half-hearted diatribe -- celebrating how something called the Brady Street Neighborhood Coalition "has stopped the Power Exchange, a sex club, from opening on Gough Street" -- popped me a ironic one comparable to those Carrie Prejean pink-panty shots. To whit:

The neighborhood group isn't just a bunch of prudes. The Power Exchange had been located nearby, after all, and no one had a problem with what was going on inside. It was the unruly behavior outside that was troubling.

And yet, a couple paragraphs later:

When the landlord brought a client to another property, he was picketed with one sign announcing that he "rents to a SEX CLUB."

Wait -- I thought they didn't have a problem with that? Or was this just one rotten prune among the supposed non-prudes? It's so hard to tell when sex is involved -- which I guess could have been a slogan for the PE all along.

Power Exchange owner Mike Powers has vowed to continue his relocation efforts elsewhere -- “I can’t let [the city] win now. I have to reopen … because now it’s become a battle where they’re saying Power Exchange isn’t acceptable,” Powers said to the oddly toned Mission Local blog (I wouldn't exactly trust that bracketed insertion -- the city itself had no beef with the joint.) Let's hope his SEX CLUB can find a place in the city where people have SEX and know that part of living here means CLUBS. Let's hope it's soon -- I'll meet you there with some celebratory non-alcoholic bubbly and tales of my favorite adventures in the old medical room.

PS My absolute favorite part of this whole dust-up is that the main complaint of the Brady Coalition folks about the PE's threat to the community is that people were dropping condoms out of their car windows. I'm totally anti-litter, but this calls up in my mind the wonderfully surrealistic vision of a rainbow of rubbers being flung out of Honda Civics up and down the street. Plus, I guess it's a relief from normals going postal about "spreading disease," at least. Safe sex = the new AIDS!

Posted by SFBG at 12:59 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

Here's a sexual etymology lesson of the day. Did you know that the term "penis" is only 341 years old? Most etymologists agree that the English word "penis" comes from the Latin word for "tail". Before "penis" was adopted as the standard noun for the male sexual organ, English speakers used the term "yard", which the English Dictionary lists as having been used from 1379-1668. Now how about that.

... And while we're on the topic of etymology, I put together a Dick-tionary this morning for your enjoyment. This index has not yet been peer-reviewed, so please do not hesitate to inform us if there are any synonyms you would like us to add to this important list.

Continue reading "An etymology lesson on dongs with supplemental dick-tionary" »

Posted by SFBG at 05:38 PM | | | Comments (4)

By Ariel Soto

Steamy, gooey, French ...

This week all over San Francisco restaurants are cooking up hot and steamy dishes, in honor of TasteTV's new book Sexy Dishes: San Francisco -- A Guide to Who's Hot in the Kitchen (TCB Cafe) a celebration of some of the best chefs who are cooking up the most sensuous meals in the city.

I stopped by the Beach Chalet last night to try the restaurant's featured sexy dish, beignets by their pastry chef Amy Heater. The beignets, which are like miniature doughnuts, were served with an espresso and Bailey's anglaise for dipping and were light and airy. Although I usually don't think of donuts as sexy, these little, perfectly round balls were quite satisfying, especially when they were carefully dipped in a layer of sweet, gooey sauce. ("Schweddy Balls" they are not.)

To find out which restaurants are participating in Sexy Dishes Week, and what specials they're offering, check out the Web site: tasteable.blogspot.com

Posted by SFBG at 12:02 PM | | | Comments (0)

In Which Super Sexy Porn People Answer Questions --each week-- From Bay Area Locals. View the last installment here.

By Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is AVN’s current “Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Wendy Williams. Check out some of her stuff and then send some questions here.

Trent B: What is the best place for a transsexual to live?
Williams: Um….the most progressive place in the U.S. is probably New York. Last year’s “AVN Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Allanah Starr, started a huge huge party trend there and so there’s a lot to do now…just parties and clubs where girls like us can go out and meet guys. Los Angeles is also a great place to be. I spend tons of time there. And then San Francisco, obviously. But that’s just America. There are plenty of great spots overseas too. London, for example. There’s a huge circuit there, mostly cross dressers and transvestites, but it’s still fun. There’s a spot called The Way Out Club in London that caters to girls like us. I love it there.

Lisa N: Do you feel more comfortable with other transsexuals?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: "Porns stars are over!"" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:33 PM | | | Comments (1)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone (although in this case, maybe not). View his last installment here.

Cruising Craigslist can be a great way to escape boredom and loneliness, but it can also be really dangerous. Sure, you’ll meet plenty of innocent and fun-loving coprophiliacs, morning fuckers, and horny potheads on CL. But if you troll long enough, you might also run into a few psychopaths posing as “Handsome Doctors” or “Hungry MILFs.” If you fall for the bullshit and actually set up a meeting with one of these in-the-closet creeps, beware; they might film you without your consent or steal your wallet. They might slap you too hard or slip you some drugs. They might even try to kill you. Who knows? Luckily, sexual predators are creatures of habit, so you can take precautions. The next time you come across something that sounds too good to be true, just take a second to consult the CL community before you throw out your address. If your potential psychopath has used the site before, someone will have issued a warning. That’s how communities work!

Here are a few posters to avoid at all costs and below are a few that just seem a little…scary.

BEWARE AND KEEP FLAGGING: “HosTing - 37 (scotts valley)”
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-04-30, 3:18AM PDT

He's posting again!!

Everyone knows him as the Scotts Valley Spammer. Avoid this strungout, Loser Like the plague he is.

He incessantly posts his ads looking for/offering drugs and/or looking for Asians.

He uses tons of fake pics (some are below). He looks more like the last one.

He's been reported to live in a shack in the woods of Felton/Scotts Valley when he grows pot.

He has been reported to steal form his victims.

He has been reported to be 20+ years older than he portrays, fat, ugly and diseased. (no surprise on that one given his constant drug use).

On behalf of the community, thank you.

BEWARE and FLAG THIS PROSTITUTE: “Hot Meat for your Mouth (san jose)”

Reply to: [redacted]

Date: 2009-04-29, 11:05AM PDT

That prostitute has been spamming here for weeks, using fake pics.

It's been reported he's infected and doesn't disclose.

It's been reported he will steal from you.

Beware of him like the plague and keep flagging his spam and all other prohibited prostitution and service ads.

It's also been suggested that he's really the BMW Stalker, the same freak who spams with many different ads, mostly as a black top looking for "muscle" guys, "swimmers/lifeguards/ surfers", ethic guys, "big, fat, fleshy" guys, but also as a young white jock, as a "submissive, foot fetish bottom", and MANY MANY OTHERS.

HIS ADS ARE PROHIBITED AND ILLEGAL!

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Warning bells" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:25 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Marke B.

Hurray, we're back in the 50s again! Hot on the heels of the SF Weekly's "alternative" take on the BDSM community comes this report from the Bay Area Reporter that the SFPD plans to get hard and tough on public nudity and consensual sex acts at that hallowed gay Bay tradition, July's Up Your Alley Fair on Dore Alley, operated by the Folsom Street Fair folks.

Due to the complaints, the police are requiring the fair organizers to develop a more stringent security plan to deal with people who break the law at the event. [SFPD Lieutenant Nicole M.] Greely said simply because someone is attending an enclosed street fair does not mean that laws regarding public nudity and lewd behavior do not apply.

"There is no public sex allowed, that is illegal. Nudity laws still apply and laws against urinating in public still apply," said Greely. "Sometimes things gradually get out of hand and that is what happened here. Last year it got out of control."

....

It is the first time that the police have demanded the Up Your Alley Fair organizers to address public sex acts and lewd behavior in their security plan for the event, said Greely.

Ho hum, doesn't this happen every year around the time the police want to ask for more fair fees? But here's the kicker:

Police also point to the Web site http://www.zombietime.com that documented numerous photos of men performing oral sex, urinating in public, and masturbating from second floor windows overlooking the fair as another reason for their increased vigilance. The site, created by an anonymous local photographer, also questions why the police took no action against the public nudity and sexual behavior at the fair.

Those frankly beautiful pics caused a shit-storm a couple years ago after the Berkeley-based zombietime published the pics and ones of Folsom. They were used to fan anti-gay flames by such organizations as "Americans for Truth About Homosexuality." (Yeah, here's a truth -- YOU'RE GAY) .

Continue reading "Less sex at Dore? SFPD gets hot over crappy muck-monger" »

Posted by SFBG at 08:39 PM | | | Comments (2)

By Paula Connelly

I regularly cruise the Craigslist "free stuff" section. In fact, more than half of my apartment has been furnished with other people's recycled property. Picking out furniture from Craigslist is no small test of bravery (especially for someone who has had to abandon all her possessions because of a serious bedbug infestation) because you never know what, or whom, you're going to encounter. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and today I forwarded three links from Craigslist to my roommate (view them here, here, and here) that are all from the same closing nightclub, giving away some cool looking 60's Mod style furniture - for free! To boot, the address listed is only a few blocks from my urban palace. Which got me thinking... what nightclub, that I don't go to, is right around the corner?

Power Exchange! Nothing personal against the swinging, exhibitionist haven. Actually, I'm sad to see such a unique sex club close and I hope that they find a way to reopen. But that doesn't mean I'm down with other people's fluids, free or not.

Posted by SFBG at 03:12 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals. View the last installment here
By Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is AVN’s current “Transsexual Performer of The Year,” Wendy Williams. Check out some of her stuff and then send some questions here.

SFBG: You’re known for using blogs and video diaries to develop and maintain a really intimate relationship with your fans. Can you tell us a little about them? Are they mostly straight men?

Williams: Yeah, they are. You gotta understand that my fans are attracted to the feminine qualities they see in me and that many of them just consider the dick to be a fetish. Transsexual porn has a very divided fan base, actually. For example, there are people who want to see the transsexual as a bottom only. For them, the fact that she has a dick is just kind of a best-of-both-worlds thing. They would never do it in real life, but they like to see it. I don’t know what that means as far as sexual orientation goes, but I do know that most of my fans identify as straight men. They’re never gonna go to a gay bar and try to pick up guys because they’re not attracted to masculine qualities. They like long hair, breasts, and asses. Obviously, since I have a cock, there’s some question about their actual straightness, but that really doesn’t matter. I’m sure I have bi-sexual fans and I’m sure there are people out there who just want to fuck anything with legs. Whatever. I don’t believe in rigid labels.

SFBG: Yeah, the lines always get blurry when you really start to look at this stuff. I think smart people view sexuality as a continuum that shifts around throughout life. The labels don’t really fit anyone perfectly.

Williams: Yeah, it’s hard not to use the labels sometimes though. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that transsexual porn is marketed to and made for a straight male audience. Ask any gay guy if he’s attracted to transsexuals and you’ll get the same sort of answer: “God, no! I don’t want titties on my back. That’s disgusting!” Transsexuals and drag queens have a place in the gay community, but we’re not sex objects. We are a form of entertainment.

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Wendy Williams on straight lust and sex objects" »

Posted by SFBG at 11:55 AM | | | Comments (1)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here

Sex is cool and all, but sometimes it’s just too much work. That’s why so many of us masturbate. It’s easier, safer, cleaner, and --if you can find someone who looks like Picard from Star Trek to watch you do it or lend a hand -- 10 times as fun as regular intercourse. You can even win national recognition for your talents! The only problem is, where are you gonna find someone like that? Hmmmm.

Jack-U? (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-04-15, 6:55PM PDT

Handsome older gentleman, Picard-like, seeks good-natured hwp ns/nd to jerk off. Zero receiving. No senior nudity. I'm compact at 5-3 126. This is jack-u-off only.

Help me understand something - w4m - 21 (Bradford)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-17, 8:32PM PDT
Hello guys, I'm not looking for sex, so don't ask. I need help understanding something. My boyfriend says that all men masturbate all the time. I've been married and have had several other relationships and have never been with a man that said he has to jack off everyday. Even days when we've had sex, he still sometimes does it a couple of times. I don't mind putting on a show for him while he does it, and that's led to some great sex, but if I'm busy, he just looks at erotic porn and does it anyway and that kind of bothers me. I've never been into it, unless I've been without sex for a long time. In my whole life, I've probably masturbated to orgasm less than a dozen times. He says that the other men I've been with did it regularly too, but just did it in secret. Is this true? Do all of you still masturbate, even when you're getting regular sex? Do you ever outgrow it? If you do, can you explain why? Do you have to look at images of women too? I'm serious about this. Thanks for your honest input.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Smelly fingers, fast food, and straight guys who like to watch other men masturbate" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:24 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com.

Dear Readers:

These are perennial body parts questions, and I feel I would be somewhat remiss if I didn't re-answer them every few years. Here are some that have been hanging around waiting for me.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

I once tried for half an hour putting my index finger about two inches inside my girlfriend's vagina, pressing with a "come hither motion" and simultaneously pressing the mound from outside. Unfortunately my partner did not experience any extra pleasure. Maybe I have to try again and again?
Love,

Willing

Dear Will:

Yes, yes, very funny. I'm not entirely sure what she was experiencing, but from your phrasing, which could have been cut and pasted from any one of a thousand how-to Web sites, I think you may have been proceeding a bit by rote there. Rather than printing out some stranger's directions, how about following hers?

There are plenty of women who don't have much of the spongy erectile tissue surrounding the urethra and the front of the vagina that we've come, for convenience's sake, to call the G-spot. These women can lie there all day receiving simultaneous come-hither motions and external pressure and only manage to get kind of annoyed with you. If your girlfriend is one of them, I would not suggest "trying again and again" unless you want her to lean forward and swat the top of your head with the TV remote.

You can probably determine whether she is G-spot enabled by letting her guide you. Since the G-spot is, inconveniently, not actually a "hot button," but a collection of tissues sensitive to the touch under certain but not all circumstances, I cannot tell you exactly how to operate it. I'd start once she's already well turned-on, though, and without impatience or, indeed, goal-orientation. Just kind of slip in there when things are already going well and keep your eyes on her face while you try a little deeper or a little closer in, a little harder and a little softer, a little ... oh, you get the picture.

Love,

Andrea

Dear Andrea:

My penis is curved a little. Is that normal, and if not what can I do to straighten it?

Love,

Upwards

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Parts is parts" »

Posted by SFBG at 07:47 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals
By Justin Juul

Wendy Williams is an award-winning movie star with nearly a half-a-million films under her belt. But that doesn’t mean this month’s featured celebrity is some shallow Hollywood glamour snob… quite the opposite, actually. In fact, it only takes a second of conversation with Williams to realize that she’s really just a down-home southern girl who enjoys the simple things in life.

Williams likes traveling, shopping, advanced social networking and, um…interracial gangbangs. Okay okay okay! So maybe Williams isn’t exactly what you’d call normal, but that’s why she’s so much more intriguing than other media starlets known for dropping their vowels and dipping their thongs. While traditional southern belles like Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Brooke Hogan waste their/our time making crappy music, popping pills, and collecting the worst sunglasses you’ve ever seen in your life, Williams keeps it real and focuses her energy on something we can all relate to: steamin’ hot tranny sex. What I’m saying here is that trans porn is better than reality TV and that mainstream pop icons have less talent than the people you see on Fleshbot everyday. I’m also saying that Williams is much cooler than all the girls I mentioned above because she’s an interesting individual with a mind of her own and those other girls are pretty much the opposite of that (although Britney got pretty cool there for a second).

Anyway! Enough with the half-assed shot at social commentary, right? Here’s the Wendy Williams story in a nutshell:

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Introducing Wendy Williams, trans sex superstar" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:55 PM | | | Comments (6)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here

"Fancy a threesome?"

It’s weird when you have one of those crazy jobs that lets you work from your laptop because, after a while, you really do begin to lose touch with whatever lies beyond the cafes, bars, and dining patios in your comfy little art hood. And I’m not talking about that weird alien feeling you get when you go back to Iowa or Michigan for the holidays. No. All it really takes to get a sense for how uh, queer, you’ve become is to take a little trip to Union Square. I mean, the ads for soda pop and fast food are enough to make you puke right off the bat. But dude, what’s up with the luxury industry? Fancy-pants Romanian guys with five-o-clock shadows hawking Rolexes, scrawny chicks with waxy skin pumping hair-care products and denim, David Beckham, Jessica Simpson?! Are these people really supposed to represent the pinnacle of beauty and success? Are they supposed embody what we want to fuck and/or be? Seriously…can you imagine how bad it would suck to hang out with one of these idiots or --even worse-- one of their painfully normal admirers?

Obviously, you can. That’s why you holed up in the Mission (or the Lower Haight, or Oakland, or wherever) and that’s why you never go downtown until you have to get your MacBook serviced or buy some crack. It’s also why The Bay Area stands out –parts of it at least—as a hothouse for new beauty ideals. There’s the whips-n-chains bondage set in SoMa, the hula-hooping fire-eaters in The Haight, the buff dudes with Canadian tuxedos in The Castro, and of course, the coveted “super sexy artist type” you find in galleries, museums, and dive bars throughout the city. We all want one of those, right? The problem is that there simply aren’t enough of them to go around. And then of course there’s the flipside: artsy types actually have a hard time finding love themselves because everyone’s too intimidated to ask for a date. No worries. That’s what Craigslist is for.

Bhutan Exhibit - Asian Art Museum (from Tuesday) - w4m (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: [Redacted]
Date: 2009-04-01, 8:41PM PDT
Hello. This is a total shot in the dark, but it's worth a try. We were both looking through the Bhutan exhibit by ourselves, but we kept crossing paths. I said something when we were looking at the Phurbas like "these are really amazing!" We kept looking at each other but didn't talk besides that. You have long, dark beautiful hair, and quiet, soft brown eyes. I had my hair pulled back and was wearing a brown top and jeans. I didn't see you again after I sat down for a few. I'm curious about you.

Hot girl with long brown hair and a great ass - m4w - 23 (New Montgomery)
Reply to: [Redacted]
Date: 2009-04-07, 1:16AM PDT You came out of Academy of Art and used someone’s lighter and walked off. I had the pleasure of walking behind you for the rest of the block. Then I turned. [I just want you to know] this handsome black guy thinks you're hot!

You were wearing a blue top and blue jeans. I think you might’ve had sunglasses too.

Help a bored artist - m4w - 24 (anywhere)
Reply to: [Redacted]
Date: 2009-03-25, 10:34PM PDT
I am a design student that loves to draw. I'm looking to draw something a little more interesting than landscapes, buildings, or the occasional live model we get in studio that is never that pleasing to the eye. So here's what I'm asking. I'm looking for some lovely ladies to send me some more, lets say, erotic pictures I could sketch from; nude, partial nude, costume, whatever, make it interesting. I'd be happy to send you my drawings when I'm done. Help a bored artist.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Muses, models, and art sluts" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:53 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week Justin Juul highlights a rad upcoming local sexy event

Who: Hardcore Christians and other ridiculous assholes probably won’t agree with me here, but the truth about human desire is that it knows no bounds and is utterly insatiable. What this means is that you can be totally happy and living a life of ease with your soul mate, but that you’re never going to stop wondering what it’d be like to jump in a closet with that hot guy/girl who makes your stupid latte every morning. And then there’s all those chicks and dudes at the park and in the check-out line at Safeway, just standing around in cutoff shorts daring you to risk your life for a one night stand. Torture! In a perfect world, you could fall in love and go on romantic vacations with every doable person you see. But it’s not a perfect world (no cake if you plan on eating, remember?) and so if you want to keep things cool with your long-term lover, those evil sirens just have to be ignored. Or do they? If you live in San Francisco and happen to have a computer, you’ve probably heard of the missed connections section on Craigslist. It’s basically a message board for people who locked eyes with someone recently, decided to stay away for whatever reason, and then thought better of that decision afterward. Now they want to either see that person again or publicly-yet-anonymously fantasize about reconnecting. Girls getting off busses, dudes with perfect hair on connecter flights, baristas, waiters, and rugged gas-station attendants are what the missed connections section is all about. You can pine for them on Craigslist all you want, but if you’re feeling really adventurous, you’ll show up at this art show for another small nibble of forbidden fruit.

Continue reading "Peepshow: Missed Connection, found somehow" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:41 PM | | | Comments (1)

By Andrea Nemerson. View more alt.sex columns here. Email your questions to Andrea: andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

"Oprah begs for mercy" sounds so much like the title of one of the S/M fantasy stories you can read online that I just couldn't resist it, but honestly, read this:

Dr. Berman: ... and this is a little holster that the guy can wear so this goes around his penis.

Oprah: Oh, please.

Dr. Berman: Yeah. Around his penis for hands-free clitoral stimulation during intercourse.

Oprah: OK. You have just crossed the line with me.

Dr. Berman: OK. Are you ready?

Oprah: No, you have crossed the line with me. I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Dr. Berman: All right, look. Here is the penis. (Makes shadow-puppet gesture.)

Oprah: I swear. I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for it. No. I am not ready for it. Let's move on.

The doctor is Laura Berman of the Berman Institute in Los Angeles, where, between Laura's therapy and her urologist sister Jennifer's research, anyone female with enough money and not enough orgasms can get her bits seen to. They do excellent work. I'd be tempted to go myself out of curiosity if I lived more southerly and had more money and less doctor-phobia. Doesn't Laura, usually so nice, seem to be getting something of a kick out of playing "torture the media mogul" there, though?

Funny, actually, since these appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show have sold gazillions of her vibrators and carried Berman's name, credentials, and well-tended features with them into bed with viewers nationwide and further.

These are mostly not the penis-mounted marital aides the doctor is describing above, but the Berman Center brand's workhorse, the Aphrodite. It's a Magic Wand-type rechargeable nicknamed "the sure thing." How sure a thing is it, and is there anything about it that should automatically win the trust of an audience presumably tuning in more for makeovers, lifestyle tips, and celebrity gossip than for "Look, Oprah, here's the penis ... ?"

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: Oprah begs for mercy" »

Posted by SFBG at 09:49 PM | | | Comments (0)

Photos by Darwin Bell. Text by Marke B.

Logan McCree, the inky "it" porn boy of the moment (whither Francois Sagat?) accepts his "Performer of the Year 2009" award. His current studio, Raging Stallion, swept the awards again this year.

Those ravishing Hungarians, the Visconti Triplets, on the GayVN red carpet. The won nothing.

Well! The sprawling, exhaustive GayVNs ("the Oscars of gay porn") pretty much swallowed the weekend whole for many of us. The stars! The awards! The tragedies! The complete winners list is here.

All in all, though, the entire thing was pretty relaxed and entirely fun -- moreso than I expected. There was even a charity aspect, with a pricey pre-ceremony "Porn Brunch" at the LookOut in the Castro attracting a number of curious onlookers, rabid fans, and stellar anal wattage for a taping of salacious and sometimes humorous Webisodic adventure "The Tim and Roma Show" -- raising some bug bucks for StopAIDS. I wish there had been more food, but the "bottomless" (ha!) mimosas soon made me forgot that I was probably the only hungry person there.

Logan, pre-win, on the couch at the LookOut

Logan's man helps him show off his assets

The endless night before had seen porn studio "reception" (double ha!) parties all over the Castro, in which boneriffic stars got very "up close and personal" with fans and photogs alike. Snapper Darwin Bell was there until the bitter, bitter end. Below is one more shot of my current threefold obsession, the Visconti Triplets, and then after the jump -- and so, SO NSFW -- perennial porno sunshine boy (and media mogul!) Barrett Long demonstrates his tongue-tickling talent for autofellatio. It took a couple tries, but we stuck with him!

Continue reading "Photofabulous GayVNs (NSFW)" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:52 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Andrea Nemerson. Read more alt.sex here

Dear Andrea:

I've always wanted to have a threesome and my wife is willing, but she would prefer to do it with her first boyfriend. At first I was all for it, but I'm getting more concerned that it might rekindle an old flame. Otherwise, I wouldn't care if she had sex with a different guy every week, as long as she was safe and came home to me. I'm not jealous. I have a very high sex drive and could still have sex five or six times a day if time allowed. I love my wife and I know people are going to say if that was true, why would I let her have sex with another man? I say, variety! Spice of life!

It seems that her ex and I are similar as far as sex goes. She has only been with four partners in 20 years, including me. She has always believed in being dedicated to one person, and until I asked her about this, she never thought of straying.

She feels that if she were to do the threesome, she would prefer to do it with her ex. They didn't part on bad terms, just grew apart with careers and family. She said she would contact him if I wanted, but I'm starting to worry. She says I'm her soulmate, but I'm not sure I should put our relationship on the line for a fantasy.

Love,

Wanting, but Worried

Dear W:

The best way to avoid having people say stupid things about your private life is to actually have a private life. People do talk, and most of what they say is pretty stupid.

I do admit to feeling a bit uneasy about partners who profess no feelings of jealousy whatsoever — do they actually, um, care? — but there's a lot of variation in people's baseline territoriality levels. I won't think ill of you as a husband unless you let on that really you don't give a damn what she's up to, or whether she's (re)developing feelings for the ex, or what her intentions are toward you. At that point, you get demoted from husband to acquaintance with benefits, and you lose your right to vote on what she does with anyone. Since you're plenty engaged and plenty involved and plenty affectionate, though, I have nothing mean to say to you.

Continue reading "alt.sex.column: A third in the hand" »

Posted by SFBG at 08:11 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

Have you ever had one of those super intense orgasms that makes your jaw go slack and your whole body tingle? Awesome stuff, right? Well, have you ever had an orgasm like that…on weed? If you live in San Francisco, the answer is obviously yes and you can probably see what I’m getting at: sex on pot is better than sex when you’re sober, so why waste your time with anything else? It’s pretty much a citywide sentiment, but if you have enough one-night stands around here, you’re bound to run into at least a couple human bummers who hate weed. Never again! If you can’t stand the thought of getting naked without getting high first, just do a little Craigslist cruising and relax. Here’s a start. [Ed. Note -- er, the one asking for "NO baggage around the middle" is a bit rich, eh?]

420 smoke out!!!!! - m4w - 21 (san jose downtown)

Reply to: [redacted]

Date: 2009-03-17, 7:57PM PDT

Not looking for anything in particular, just a hot chic to smoke and chill with. I'm an outgoing guy with a crazy personality, I'm into really different things, not in a scary way, but an interesting way. I'm a stoner at heart and I love other real stoners, I don't like posers who smoke weed cause it's cool, personally I don't think there is anything very "cool" about the act of smoking pot. If you understand what I mean by that, then we'll prolly get along, even if you don’t agree. I'm not looking for a FWB or a one-nighter thing, I'm looking for real people who like to have fun, that doesn't mean sex as soon as we meet. If it happens great, if not...great, lets just get fucked up! but it would be cool if you let me go down on ya, I love going down and I love getting all the practice I can so I can get better! but again, not required. If you're interested in a chill smoke out, then tell me a bit about yourself, don't just ask me if I'm real or write half assed just so I'll reply with my pic, put some effort into it and tell me just a little about yourself. BTW, I do have pics and I WILL send them on my first email, you don't even have to ask, and just to let you know I'm in good shape with NO extra baggage around the middle. If you wanna send a pic great, if you don't at least give me the basics, race, height, hair color, eye color, that sorta stuff.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: 420 sex" »

Posted by SFBG at 03:49 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local writer/porn star, Stephen Boyer. Check out some of his movies/pics here and an excerpt from his upcoming novel here. Read our 2008 interview with Boyer here. Read the last installment of Ask a Porn Star here

James N: How would legalizing prostitution change the lives of sex workers?

Stephen Boyer: Legalizing prostitution would help prostitutes because they wouldn’t fear being labeled a criminal. They would be empowered and able to take control of their situations better. Plus it would do away with the hypocrisy we are currently indulging in as a society. Take the homophobic Ted Haggard for instance, the priest that was caught with a male escort and forced to leave his church and town. Well, Haggard has since gone on television and has publicly admitted that what he did was a “sin,” but as far as I know he never faced any legal penalties despite the fact he was on drugs committing an illegal act. However, low-end prostitutes are being booked all the time and being shoved down the hellish rabbit hole that is our present legal system. I’m for keeping everyone out of that mess!

Gerry H: How do things change when you tell people that you’ve done porn?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: masturbation and legal prostitution" »

Posted by Marke B. at 05:44 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

If there’s one thing that sucks about living in San Francisco it’s the fact that most of us have to hustle our asses off just to make rent every month. We have to work shitty side jobs to avoid homelessness through grad school or we have to hold down three careers simultaneously just so we can maintain one that makes us feel good. It wouldn’t be so bad if our bodies and minds were designed to handle such frantic schedules, but the fact of the matter is that they’re not. We have to sleep at least 20 hours a week and we have to eat at least once a day. And yes, we have to have sex sometimes too. The question is, “When?”

Well, if you’re life is anything like ours, the only time of day that’s almost always open is dawn. You don’t have to be anywhere, you don’t have to answer any emails, etc. With a small tweak to your sleep schedule, you can transform your early mornings from the nicotine-and-caffeine binges they are now into the hot and heavy love sessions you’ve been missing out on. The only problem is, where the hell are you going to find a compatible sex partner at 5am?

Craigslist, duh.

Early morning discreet fun - m4w - 28 (san Jose east)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 10:46PM PST

Hi, thanks for taking the time to check out my post. I am looking for a discreet encounter w/ a sexy woman who would like me to come over around 5 am and leave around 6:30 am. I am very oral and love to make a woman moan with pleasure as I lick you to ecstasy. I am not picky, just want clean, disease free, 420 friendly woman. fairly open minded pls feel free to email me if you have questions.

Early AM Oral - m4m - 44 (redwood city)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-05, 9:39PM PST
I love the taste of cock in the morning - can I taste you Friday around 7am? I will be on my way to work in RWC, near oracle, and would love to have a hard one shoved down my throat until I gag but service that dick until it shoots cream that I swallow. Sound like a good time? Write me back and I will answer in the AM - or send me a location to meet you and I will take care of your stiff dick.

The best thing to do right when you wake up... - w4m - 24 (mountain view)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-06, 9:32PM PST
It's extra early, and I'm extra horny! Looking for someone to hook up with this morning! 40 and over, pic w/ reply!

Early morning suck - m4t- 22 (Vallejo / Benicia) Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-07, 2:21AM PST
Lets see i am visiting the bay area looking for a early morning fun. basically I want you to come suck me off and leave no more no less I want to use you and kick you out this is a huge fetish for me please help me I'm 5'9" one sixty five pounds I am straight but I have a weakness for you T girls. I am only visiting this month. Haven’t had me a Cali T-girl yet so prove to me you better then the girls back home.

your pik gets mine no pik no reply

Johny

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Breakfast of champions" »

Posted by Marke B. at 10:21 AM | | | Comments (1)

By Marke B.

OK, all this may be a little tired by now, but I'm still in full agreement with Kimberly Chun's expert take down of Katy "UR So Gay" Perry from January of last year. That was published before Perry's odiously catchy "I Kissed a Girl" became impossible to escape last summer -- the ditty managed to "have it both ways," heh, playing both anti-gay conservatives and LGBTs for maximum chart effect. That's clever, but the song's lame sentiment (kissing girls turns my boyfriend on -- lesbians are only here for my amusement!) still makes my stomach churn.

The parodies came swift and mercilessly, from "I Kissed a Squirrel" (available in many versions) to "I Kissed a Granny" (yeesh!) to "I Kissed a Dog." Oh, enough already, YouTube Nation.

And then, of course, teh gay. I should have known there would be an onslaught of over-the-top backlash when drag superstar Lady Bunny unleashed "I Licked a Girl" on the world last year (first minute below):

Lady Bunny, "I Licked a Girl" at Southern Decadence

Yay, overly familiar gynophobia! Still, it could all be called hilarious if it wasn't a trend. Now, the pendulum has swung back, with emo boys embracing the kissing hysteria, and a flood of "I Kissed a Boy" guyliner-bedecked parodies, headed up by primo "hip" parody purveyors Cobra Starship's version from a Fall Out Boy (!) mixtape. I knew I was gonna have to surrender my critical faculties and just go with the flow when one of my smartest gay friends told me he was completely Lady GaGa for the boy in the video, followed by my bf Hunky Beau's comment: "Oh goodie, he takes his shirt off." At least the dood-singer Gabe lipsyncher (a reader informs us in the that this is a fan vid, not Cobra Starship itself) plays with the whole baseball-bat-bashing theme a little, even if he can't quite bring himself to admit the "he liked it" more than just wanting to "start shit."

Cobra Starship, "I Kissed A Boy"

So much confliction! Smash! Twist! Contort! Feint! Poor thing. I guess my question is, is kissing really that big a deal? And also, with the super-prominence of porn availability in the Internet age, has kissing become the final frontier of sexual boundaries -- the last retainer of intimacy now that all other sex acts have been publicized/commodified? Janet Jackson's boob, Paris and Britney's flashed beavers, and then Katy's emo lesbo-liplock spawn. Well, I guess whatever automatically short circuits "fag" in the comments section these days is maybe a good thing?

After the jump, an explosion of "I Kissed a Boys," with various degrees of homophobic liberation. Thanks, Katy!

Continue reading "Too many str8 boys kissing, maybe" »

Posted by Marke B. at 04:43 PM | | | Comments (6)

In Which Super Sexy Porn People Answer Questions -- each week -- From Bay Area Locals
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local writer/porn star, Stephen Boyer. Check out some of his movies/pics here and an excerpt from his upcoming novel here. Read our 2008 interview with Boyer here, and the last installment of Ask a Porn Star here.

James N: Do you enjoy the sex you have on camera or do you just sort of block it out and then count the money?

Boyer: I enjoy it for the most part. I got into the industry to pay rent. Then I started branching out more with my sexuality. Then I found Kink.com and a world full of toys I could explore and that is when sex got really fun and interesting. The great thing about porn, for me, was that it allowed me to try sexual positions and feel sensations that required toys that I couldn’t afford because I was poor. Doing it on video both paid my rent and gave me the opportunity to have sexual experiences with attractive contemporaries.

Elan F: What is the one thing you hate the most about sex?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Sex with Stephen Boyer" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:10 PM | | | Comments (6)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

Long-term monogamous relationships are great for a lot of different reasons -- sex when you want it (Ed Note- ha!), no new STD’s, snuggling, etc—but anyone who’s been coupled for more than a year will tell you that the situation can also get a little boring. It’s not that the other person inexplicably starts to suck; if that were the case you’d just leave them. It’s just that, after a while, it’s easy to forget how great your other half is. And of course, it’s just as easy for him or her to forget how wonderful you are. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just trade each other out for new partners once in a while? Well, you can. It’s called swinging, or swapping, or polyamory-with-rules and it’s nothing but fun. Almost nothing but fun. It is true that one of you will probably get jealous and start shouting, and crying, and throwing things at some point, but that’s easy to deal with. A calm, logical discussion about the fairness of your sexcapades should be enough to quell any ill feelings. After all, love is the most rational emotion there is, right?

Still unsure? Well, most of the Craigslist Cruisers below have been married or coupled for five years or more. They must be doing something right.

Young stud and hot milf want to play - mw4mw - 38 (willow glen / Cambrian)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-03-01, 11:51PM PST

Hey there. We are a couple seeking another couple in the South bay area. He's 24, Italian with a hot body and a well-hung cock with LOTS of stamina. She's 38 and Asian, cute and perky and gives awesome blowjobs. This is our first time playing with another couple and hope to meet up with another couple who also relatively new to this. Perhaps we can meet for drinks sometime soon (this weekend if possible) and if all goes well, we can take it from there.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: Swapping in the name of love" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:14 PM | | | Comments (0)

Embedded:

Melissa Gira Grant gets deep about the San Francisco sex scene every Thursday on SEX SF. Check out her last installment here.

Monika studies public health at San Francisco State University. She’s 28 going on 29 and lives in Noe Valley. “I’m not bougie,” she says, “I just got a good deal.” She uses FetLife.com and MySpace to meet potential lovers. “I don’t have a problem telling people on those sites that I do porn. It’s helpful. That way the one’s who are talking to me to get my pics can just buy them from me and wank off to a couple.”

Monika is the feature model on a site she runs herself, Monika’s Playhouse. It’s her take on tranny porn. “There’s basically two kinds of tranny porn out there: the ‘shemales’ with big tits and big dicks fucking everything in site, these eroticized women with penises. Then there’s men dressed like women being dominated. Crossdresser porn. I’m a blend of the two.”

Continue reading "Embedded: The real porn stars of Noe Valley" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:51 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions - each week - from Bay Area locals. View the last installment here.
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local writer/porn star, Stephen Boyer. Check out some of his movies/pics here and an excerpt from his upcoming novel here. Read our 2008 interview with Boyer here.

Gerry H: Do you ever get bored in the middle of a sex scene?

Boyer: I tried to do a scene with a trans-woman once and she couldn’t get it up. Then she started to complain that she was sick. After that, she started having all of these negative body issues and eventually broke into tears. A few minutes later, she was saying she wanted to leave the porn world once and for all. I wasn’t bored, but the experience was sad and disheartening. So no, I’ve never been bored but I’ve had negative experiences.

Another experience that comes to mind happened a few years ago on set in Los Angeles. The shoot lasted four days and was a porn version of the popular TV show “Survivor.” Every day a few of the boys would get kicked off. One of the boys had just turned 18 and had recently run away from home because his parents were really conservative. He was struggling to pay rent so he got into porn. The “Survivor” thing was his first shoot and the director wanted him to bottom, but not just for anyone; the director specifically made him bottom for a guy with a 12-inch dick that was also really thick. When the boy’s scene finally came up, everyone was watching because no one believed he could take it. But he did. The kid took the dick for like four minutes and then a huge pool of blood shot out of his ass. He was kicked off the show that weekend. He was paid but he didn’t make as much as the rest of us who had “survived” the whole thing.

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Sex with Stephen Boyer" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:30 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

Taking public transportation to work can be boring, but it doesn’t have to suck completely. I mean, you never know right? If you were to pull your head out of your iPhone for a second, you might just lock eyes with your future soul mate. You might find a drinking buddy or new member for your book club. And that’s just the beginning. MUNI and BART may be brimming with lost tourists, stuffy businessmen, and panhandlers, but those trains and busses are also full of sex...or at the very least, unrequited lust. If you could read the minds of your fellow passengers, you’d see that all those boring people are, in fact, pretty damn saucy. Take that preppy-looking girl with the curly hair who always gets off at Stockton & Kearny. She may look like she’s preoccupied with work stuff, but she’s actually in the middle of a hot and heavy groping session with the passenger behind her. Then there’s that scruffy old man who sits next to you on BART every morning. He likes the way you smell so much that he goes home everyday and…well, maybe it’s better we can’t read minds. And maybe we should hold off on acknowledging our neighbors until we check the missed connections posts on Craigslist to see who we’re dealing with.

2002 N-Judah Muni at Civic Center Station - w4m (downtown / civic / van ness)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-02-19, 8:56AM PST

In 2002, I was riding an inbound N-Judah MUNI -not too crowded but a few people standing. I was sitting alone on the right aisle next to the door on the back half of the train facing the front... possibly listening to music and rather oblivious to my surroundings.
Then, when the train stopped at (what I’m pretty sure was) the Civic Center station, you tapped me on my shoulder from behind. Surprised, I turned in your direction and you said something like "you're beautiful" to me as you were getting off the train with another male (friend).
I had no time to react because the door closed as soon as you stepped off.

I don't really remember much of how you looked like other than I think you had curly dark (black) hair of medium-short length. This happened almost 7 years ago, but I still think about it constantly.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist:This week’s best personals" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:19 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals. View the last installment here.
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local celebrity, Lorelei Lee. Lee specializes in fetish porn (water torture, whips-n-chains, electrocution, etc.) and has a blossoming side-career as a writer. Check out some of her movies/pics here.

Jon N: How much prep time do you take before doing a shoot? Any special routines?

Lee: There is a certain amount of physical preparation: body hair removal, skin care, manicures and pedicures, etc. I do warm-water enemas before any kind of anal scene. Then there’s always about two hours of paperwork, make-up, hair, and costuming before every shoot.

When I first started working, I would get much more nervous before shoots, and I think I had a little bit more of a ritual about it –I liked to have a bit of quiet-alone time both before and after work. These days, the most important thing I do before a shoot is get enough sleep. I’m totally a grandma in that way. People think porn performers stay up all night at endless parties doing drugs or something. I’m usually way too exhausted to go out at night, especially when I’ve been working every day with seven or eight a.m. call times. The night before a shoot I always try to be in bed by ten or eleven.

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Prepping for porn" »

Posted by SFBG at 02:43 PM | | | Comments (1)

Melissa Gira Grant gets deep about the San Francisco sex scene every Thursday on SEX SF.

“He and I aren't ones to alert our Facebook network about our relationship statuses, you know?” Michelle is describing her latest love affair, carried on entirely without the involvement of online friends, fans, or frenemies. She explains this new kink so that the rest of us may look more knowledgeable at parties.

A casual friend had introduced her to the boy, who was in finance. He was in his 20s and well-taken care of: he preferred suits that only looked sharper on him because it made no sense that he could still afford them. It was on a very proper date at Jardinière – miyagi oysters, him whispering in her ear, her letting him know just when she was wet – that Michelle decided she would take the boy to bed.

He was a gracious lay, fond of giving head, “but he put his own needs on the sideline, which was sort of a bummer for me,” she explains. “I love receiving oral sex as much as the next girl, but I also love to give it.” As sweet as he was over dinner and later at the hotel, says Michelle, it was hot that he had to push himself to keep up with her. “I don't want to feel like we're holding hands and running after a unicorn in the fairy forest. I want to feel like we're engaging in hand-to-hand combat.”

Continue reading "Embedded: The new discretion" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:41 PM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to get home from work, make a grilled cheese sandwich, and then smoke cigarettes and complain about my boss for two hours while you check your email and pretend to listen. Then I’m going to force you to watch a movie we’ve both seen before. About half way through it, I’ll say something like “Hey baby, this shit’s boring. Can we please do something else?” I’ll turn off the television, grab some water, and head into the bedroom. You will hesitate for a moment and then decide to follow me. When you get into the bedroom, you will immediately remove your sweatpants. Then you’ll jump under the covers and grab a book. “Hey baby,” I’ll whisper. “Can you please stop turning the pages so fast? I’m super tired.” You will give me an irritated look and then turn out the light. We will sleep together all night long and then go to work in the morning.

Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever been in a monogamous relationship, then your answer is probably “yes.” Of course, it’s not so boring every night –sometimes you stay up until sunrise having wild, drunken sex, and sometimes you go on vacation and do naughty things you thought only porn stars were capable of. But more often than not, the reality of your day-to-day sex life is probably about as thrilling as a trip to the DMV (well, hopefully a little better than that). No big deal. That’s what fantasies are for.

Sexual fantasies come in all shapes and sizes, but there is one fantasy that seems to stand out, at least in San Francisco, and that’s rape. Some of the following Craigslist cruisers want to abuse you and some of them want to be abused. Just don’t take any of their words too seriously. These people (probably) aren’t real rapists or wannabe victims. They’re just regular folks like you and me who occasionally yearn for a break from their routines. Thank god for Craigslist for providing a safe outlet! And thank god for the human brain. If it wasn’t such a mischievous and randy sex organ, personal ads would sound like my intro paragraph, we’d never have exciting sex, and this job would be a whole lot harder!

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: This week’s best personals" »

Posted by SFBG at 12:40 PM | | | Comments (0)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals. View the last installment here.
Mediated by Justin Juul

Fielding your questions this month is local celebrity, Lorelei Lee. Lee specializes in fetish porn (water torture, whips-n-chains, electrocution, etc.) and has a blossoming side-career as a writer. Check out some of her movies/pics here.

Tony T: What does a porn director tell you to do? How specific does he/she get?

Lee: Sometimes we get very specific direction, exact positions and order of actions. Sometimes the scenes are scripted. But the majority of my work is what’s called “gonzo” porn – which basically means it’s all sex, no plot. In most of these scenes, I get a basic premise for the scene, a set-up, and a few specific actions. For example, if the film is called “Anal Nurse Whores,” we definitely will be expected to wear stethoscopes (just kidding) – and then we are given free-reign. Most of my performances are improv within specific parameters.

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star: Specifics, sex with strangers" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:26 PM | | | Comments (3)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone. View his last installment here.

Remember back in grade-school when you would compete with your friends to see who could make the thickest, longest, or craziest shit? It was a great pastime, but there was always that all-star kid who’d ruin it for everyone by going the extra mile. Like, he’d eat nothing but almonds and vanilla pudding for a month to make his shit white or he’d steal his grandma’s enema kit to make a poo-cano. With that kind of dedication there was just no beating the guy so, if you’re anything like us, you probably just moved on. You graduated high school, went to college, got a job, etc.

We’re all happy and content in our adult lives now, of course. [Ed Note: Ha.] But don’t you sometimes wish you’d kept at it and learned some of the tricks that seemed to come so naturally to your friend? Just imagine how much better your sex life could be!

Well, it’s never too late to start. And it’s easy too. Just jump on Craigslist and get to mingling. If you look hard enough, you might even be able to track down and re-challenge your ex poo-nemesis. Just brace yourself. You won’t believe the type of shit he’s into these days.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: This week's best personals" »

Posted by Marke B. at 11:58 AM | | | Comments (0)

By Marke B

Dickinson fetes dick

Do those "Oscars of gay porn," the GayVN Awards, actually help premium homosexual video productions gain a wider audience? Sure there's the "recognition of your peers" aspect for directors, actors, key grips, etc -- you may be surprised, but down those stubbly, grunting faces run the tears of several clowns -- but do you honestly rush out after the awards are announced and snatch up the winning discs?

Well, we don't know about that, but the whole shiny shirted shebang -- hosted this year at the Castro Theatre on March 28, with satellite events all weekend -- sure is a lot of septum-searing fun. (We'll have all the details on the wild pre and after parties here as the "big event" approaches.)

Continue reading "Inflatable woman to host glorious gay circle jerk" »

Posted by Marke B. at 11:34 AM | | | Comments (0)

Each week Justin Juul highlights a rad upcoming local sexy event

What: “XOXO Third Annual All-Mediums Nude Art Show” is a mixed-media exhibition featuring local artists obsessed with boobs and butts. All paintings, sculptures, and photosets are based around the idea that clothes suck and that if you can’t even admit that on Valentine’s Day, then so do you. Sounds by DJ Gold, Ultraset, DJ Mama Bear, and Chuck the Naked Saxophone Player. Curated by Go Go Gracie Gallery.

Who: In a perfect world, Chuck Hepburn, aka Chuck the Naked Saxophone Player, would have enough time for all of his hobbies: physics, the saxophone, and nude modeling. But sometimes it’s just not possible. Or at least, that’s what the government and the police would have us believe. Bullshit!

Continue reading "Peepshow: Nude art, naked sax" »

Posted by SFBG at 10:53 AM | | | Comments (0)

By Breena Kerr

Send your personal Valentine's day horror story (300 words or less) to culture@sfbg.com by Wednesday, Feb 11. We'll print our favorite on the SEX SF blog, and its writer will win two tickets for a five-course meal and a show at Teatro Zinzanni.

Though it's tempting to write off Valentine's Day as a Hallmark holiday invented by Corporate America, the truth is that its origins extend back much further than American capitalism. In fact, it's thought the celebration we know today started with the Christian appropriation of Lupercalia, the mid-February pagan festival ancient Romans celebrated to honor the coming of spring.

Back then, ancient priests (Luperci) sacrificed a goat and a dog for fertility and purification. The goat's hide would then be sliced into strips and carried into the streets by boys who paraded around, dipping the lengths into bowls of sacrificial blood. Making their way across town, the young men slapped women and crop fields with the bloody strips, marking them with the promise of fertility for the coming year — and getting their girls horny in the process.

Thus the Valentine's Day connection between sex and carnage was born. In our modern times, however, the carnage is often less literal and more emotional: impossible expectations, botched dates, ridiculous gifts, and horrible sex. In honor of this day of Great Disappointments, we invite you to send in your Valentine's Day horror story.

I'll get us started with mine, courtesy of V-Day 2008:

Continue reading "Share your Valentine's nightmare -- and win" »

Posted by SFBG at 04:15 PM | | | Comments (0)

By Juliette Tang

According to the "Passion for Christ Movement," or P4CM, "We want you to rock it, but you better have confidence. People will be clowning on you. If you walk into a 7-11, people will be joking and snickering, and you almost want to direct it to those people, telling them, 'You're all laughing, but probably cuz you're all still masturbating."

Is public humiliation really the cure for masturbation? Because we know that after your mom caught you masturbating that one time under the sheets, you completely stopped masturbating cold turkey. Riiiiight. Isn't it enough that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten and an angel loses his wings? No, not according to P4CM, the masturbation experts:

More hilarious shirts after the jump:

Continue reading "Save a kitten: Look goofy for Jesus" »

Posted by SFBG at 01:54 AM | | | Comments (7)

In which super sexy porn people answer questions -- each week -- from Bay Area locals
By Justin Juul

Lorelei Lee

Fielding your questions this month is local celebrity, Lorelei Lee. Lee specializes in fetish porn (water torture, whips-n-chains, electrocution, etc.) and has a blossoming side-career as a writer. Check out some of her movies/pics here and then stop into The Makeout Room on Valentines Day (Sat/14) to hear her read at Writers With Drinks.

Heather D: Does your vagina/asshole hurt all the time? And if not, what's your secret?

Lorelei Lee: I do sometimes get sore, but more often it's my back or thighs that hurt from being, for example, in squatting reverse cowgirl or pressed up against some uncomfortable object - like a desk or a table. I try to do some stretching before my scenes. Actually, it's pretty much the same thing for my ass and vag muscles – you have to warm yourself up and make sure your muscles are relaxed before you let anyone else penetrate you. I warm up with my own fingers and plenty of lube. Other girls often use their own dildos or butt plugs that they bring to set with them. And we always use a lot of lube – you don't see that part in the edited movie, but in between shots we are reaching for the lube bottle.

David C: Do female porn stars have fluffers?

Continue reading "Ask a Porn Star" »

Posted by Marke B. at 12:00 PM | | | Comments (4)

By Tim Redmond

The United States Justice Department has a long history of trying to turn porn into a crime. I still have my personal copy of the Meese Commission report, which includes perhaps my favorite line in the history of governmental bureaucratise:

"We will now address the problem of mere nudity." (A lot of that going around.)

So I have to say, I was pleased to see that the Obama administration is close to giving the Number Two job at Justice to a guy Goodvibes describes as "pro-porn, pro-choice."

David Ogden would probably use other words to describe himself; he's a widely respected lawyer who served in a number of jobs in the Clinton Administration. But, oh, he has the right-wing up in arms.

Imagine: He actually represented the American Library Association. And he represented the National Association of Social Workers in arguing that gay people still face discrimination in America.

Oh, and yes: He has represented Playboy. He once argued that it was okay for the Library of Congress to use federal money to print Playboy articles in Braille. (Interesting concept, there; I wonder what they did with the pictures.)

So he's hardly a crazy radical, but he's our kind of guy. And that would be a very nice change in Washington.

Posted by Tim Redmond at 10:10 AM | | | Comments (0)

Each week, Justin Juul combs the SF Craigslist Personals and Missed Connections for true gems that prove there's enough love for everyone.

Doesn’t it suck when you see a little or morbidly obese person at the mall and, before you even have a second to feel extra confident at their expense, you get blindsided by a wave of guilt? I mean, you may be a little chubby or short, but at least you can get laid sometimes, right? At least you have friends! These folks must live in a private and sexless hell with nothing but their love-smothered pets to keep them from pulling the plug. And the worst part is, there’s nothing they can do about it. What a cruel, cruel world! Well, you can stop with the mind fuck. If anything, you should be jealous.

After all, you and I have to go to ridiculous lengths just to get noticed. Buying cool clothes, getting tattoos, and pretending to like Animal Collective are only the beginning. Sometimes we even have to become artists or writers or musicians … anything just to stand out a little. [Ed Note: good luck with that.] But not fabulous human anomalies. All they have to do is turn on a computer and start scrolling through ads, because for every midget with a pee fetish, and for every fat lady with a mustache, there are at least 50 people in San Francisco who are down for showering them with love.

And they’re all on Craigslist.

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Midget Fetish - m4w - 21 (Your Place)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-01-23, 2:13AM PST

Ok, plain out and simple: I wanna fuck a midget. I gotta know what it’s like. If you're a lil’ person, or if you know a lil’ person who wants to hook up, let me know ASAP.

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Only Anorexic Chicks Need Apply - 27 (Ingleside / SFSU / CCSF)
Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2009-01-31, 12:02PM PST

This is what I want: an anorexic chick. Hell, I won't discriminate, bulimic chicks are pretty hot too. If you want to split hairs, sure, chicks on diets or just with creative eating habits, you're cool people to me too. If you have an A cup, legs almost as thin as your arms and wear a size 0, you're my kind of girl. If Lindsay Lohan is fat compared to you, that's a plus. If you wear kids clothes because adult clothes don't fit you, even better. As far as I'm concerned, the skinnier, the better. And this isn't a snub against meatier girls either. I just don't find you attractive. Please don't take it personal and/or send me hate emails about how my request is inherently sexist or perpetuating some sort of hegemonic power structure against women. Seriously, I don't care. I like what I like. Simple as that.

Continue reading "Cruising Craigslist: This week's best personals" »

Posted by Marke B. at 08:44 PM | | | Comments (1)

Hey there, horny toad. It's Marke B. from SFBG beckoning you hither into the Guardian's new SEX SF blog -- our local-focussed, sex-positive, Internetical adventure into the land of wanton lust (and education!). Feel the luxurious sheen of its fishnets on your eyeballs.

We felt there was a mighty big gap in the SF blogosphere, and wanted to fill it with something intelligent, playful, Bay-minded, omnisexual, curious, scandalous, irreverent, and respectful of the extreme diversity of the local sex scene. Oh, and lots of fun. This is our "soft launch," our birds and bees beta, our test-icle if you will. (Look, it's late and I'm short on comic material. Throw a hot tomato at me.) Join us each day as our sensual endeavor grows and grows -- but don't forget your safety gear, you little devil.

If you have any suggestions or tips, email here. Now, let's get it on, and pardon our excited glitches.

Photo of monthly wet jock contest at The Rod by Darwin Bell

Posted by Marke B. at 09:55 PM | | | Comments (0)