Calvin Trillin: Deadine poet:  Calling in the Humanizer Man

Analysts say that Romney campaign strategists face the challenge of humanizing their candidate.

--News reports

They'd like it if this man the folks are seeing

Resembled more an actual human being.

For that he'd need some warmth and schmaltz and soul;

Then he'd appear less plastic and more whole.

So in their dreams of triumph they aspire

To show that their guy bleeds and may perspire.

This can be done at once, without delay:

Tne Humanizer Man is on his way.

Yes, any candidate with boardlike stiffness

Can be adjusted with surprising swiftness.

Tbe Humanizer Man's done this before.

Though he fell short of loosening Al Gore,

He's had a host of triumphs in his day.

So if Mitt's men believe, to their dismay,

Their man's as human as a Charolais.

No need to cry, "Caramba!" or "Oy vey!"

For everything is going to be OK.

To give him hope you only have to say,

"The Humanizer Man is on his way."

Calvin Trillin: Deadline Poet (the Nation, (9/24/2012)