Andrea Nemerson

Dear Diary ...

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I was on antidepressants for a year and just came off them recently. It was a situational depression — my close sister had died. I have no other psych history. Now, since I've been off the medication, I've experienced an intense surge of sexual desire and have developed an online relationship with someone where I am his sex slave–toy. I've always fantasized about being submissive but never seriously acted on it until now. I find it so erotic!

I feel I'm about to go out of control, though. Read more »

Oh dad, poor dad

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I have a bit of a problem. It's not a huge one, but I'd like to get past it. A long time ago (maybe 15 years ago or more), I had a dream that my dad was molesting me. Now, I love my dad, and I have nothing but respect for him. I know he would never do anything like that to me. But right after the dream I started to feel uncomfortable around him. If I sat next to him on the couch, I'd sit at the other end and keep a pillow between us. If he went to hug me, I'd want to pull away. I would especially hate it when he'd kiss my cheek. Read more »

Work, work, work

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

When last we visited Polyland, I was congratuutf8g myself for doing a necessary public service: warning would-be polyamorists they would fail unless they happened to belong to that select group born with not only the desire but the ability to share. If I gave short shrift to the fact that polyamory takes hard work on top of natural inclination, plus the luck to find similarly inclined partners, I apologize. Read more »

Trojan war

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm in my first sexual relationship. There's been a lot of lovely hand- and mouth-action, but no penis-vagina intercourse because I can't maintain an erection with a condom on. She really wants genital intercourse; she's very experienced and always had her best orgasms that way. She also says she's never heard of this problem before — and my self-proclaimed sex expert friends concur. Am I really that unique in experiencing a complete loss of stimulation with a condom? Read more »

Blow pop

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

Can we, may we, talk about blow jobs? I don't mean the semiotics and social history of blow jobs — those are cool, but were well addressed by Christopher Hitchens last year in Vanity Fair, in which he made an amusing if not entirely convincing case for the blow job as the quintessential American sex act. Read more »

Snake oil

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Thanks for answering my question about performance anxiety ["Spectator Pumps," 2/21/07]. We solved the problem on our own. My girlfriend recognized that it was a confidence issue, so she went to the local sex shop and purchased an herbal male performance pill. We were both skeptical, but it actually worked within an hour. We proceeded to have awesome marathon sex. I had random boners for the next 48 hours.

My confidence was back pretty much instantaneously. We've had a healthy sexual relationship since then. Read more »

Sour milk

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm still breast-feeding my third baby, and my libido is completely gone. I don't even think about sex. My ob-gyn seemed to think it's related to breast-feeding. That was months ago, and I still feel the same. I feel bad for my husband. I know he is starting to take it personally.

Love,

Shut-Down Mom

Dear Mom:

I have to admit I've been letting your question sit here in my "good question!" file for months. Read more »

Spectator pumps

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Most of the sex I've had with my girlfriend has been pretty bad, all thanks to my stupid brain. I go back and forth between impotence and premature ejaculation. Initially, I thought it was physical, but it's become evident that it's primarily a mental thing. You know how if someone says, "Don't think about elephants," all you can think about are elephants? This is the same idea. Read more »

I've got a secret

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

My newish husband and I are madly in love. We're extremely experimental and both love porn. We share a healthy sex life (five-plus times a week) and talk about everything — except the fact that he secretly jerks off after I leave for work or when I'm in the bath, whether we have sex or not. (The signs are all there, so I know I'm not mistaken.) It's not so much that I'm upset about it (I'd love to watch!) but that it decreases his volume and ability to achieve orgasm with me. Read more »

Small Favors

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I have a small penis, and I want my wife to have sex with a man more endowed than me, but I don't know how to approach her regarding this.

Any suggestions?

Love,

Small but Fearless

Dear Fear:

I'm trying to re-create in my head the conversation from the other week which culminated in my suggesting that someone could really clean up at Cafe Press with an "Ask Me about My Small Penis" T-shirt. Read more »