Andrea Nemerson

Eye spy

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I've found myself a femmy boy who's willing — nay, enthusiastically prepared — to wear green eye shadow in public. This is delicious. However, we live in Colorado Springs, which is for its size a wealthy and well-educated town but also is headquarters for Focus on the Family, New Life Church, Will Perkins, Ft. Carson, NORAD, and the Air Force Academy. One of my femmy-boy friends was recently chased down an alley downtown by some of the local military simians for the apparently gender-treacherous crime of wearing a top hat. Read more »

Milkbone

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
Do you think lactation is sexy? My sister just had a baby, and her husband finds the breast-feeding all very erotic, and I told her there was something wrong with him. I said she should tell him to see a shrink, but she told me it didn't really bother her. I'm worried he is brainwashing her. Do you know of any books I can give her? What should I say to keep her safe? Should I call child services if she doesn't snap out of it?
Love,
Fretting Sis
Dear Sis:
Yikes! Are you serious? If anyone's going to do any snapping out of anything, it had better be you. Read more »

ALT.SEX.COLUMN

Say uncle
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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I'm a 50-year-old man who has gone without sex for too long now. To me, my ex-wife's 35-year-old niece is the true personification of the "MILF." She's had her two kids, got divorced, and still looks as hot as she did at 18, when I first developed an incredibly deep infatuation. Since I was still married to her aunt, I couldn't indicate this in any way. Now I can't stop thinking about her. I know it's holding me back from pursuing other opportunities, but I've found that I really need her ... bad! Read more »

Jeepers creepers

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
My sister introduced me to one of her best friends. She's a wonderful girl, smart and tough and funny and cute and accomplished. She's traveled the world and is a field biologist. She's exactly the kind of woman I dream of.
On our second date, if you can call it that, we spent nearly four days straight together. The more we’re together, the more we want to be together. So here's the rub. One night my sis and I were talking about herpes, and she told me that this girl once had a genital fever blister. Read more »

Standard deviation

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I'm a young, mostly heterosexual woman, and I don't get much out of ordinary sex. I rely on (safe) sex with one-off partners, which just doesn't satisfy me.
I'm increasingly interested in S-M — tattoos, piercings, bondage, and I like to be dominated. I've also been having fantasies about being cut, which I find a bit worrying. Maybe not being able to fulfill the other, milder desires is causing me to think up more twisted things? Obviously it's difficult to bring this up with strangers, but I'm not interested in having a long-term partner now. Read more »

Little creatures

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
I would like to know if leeches can be used on female nipples and clits?
Love,
Sucky
Dear Suck:
Would you, now? And why would you like to know that? I suppose it's too much to hope for that you are selflessly devoted to the cause of curing helpless women of scrofula, ague, and the bloody flux, and are seeking new treatment modes? Tell me you're not really wondering if perhaps leeches, applied to well-innervated body bits, could provide a stimuutf8g sort of suction. Read more »

Swear an oaf

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
After several bad relationships I started seeing someone new. She's into "playful" spanking. She started spanking me on the street one day and I told her it made me want to hit her. She seemed to like it, though, so I said OK, just not in public. Then I came over and she seemed really happy to see me and she was giggling about spanking me. And I was, like, "OK, this is kind of funny," rolling with it.
Then later, lying in bed, she spanked me. I said, "Don't do that," in a very clear and stern way. She spanked me again. I hit her in the head. Read more »

Going topless

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com
Dear Andrea:
My girlfriend is really into BDSM. At first I tried and played a convincing (I think) top/dom, but it just wasn't hot for me, so I looked some stuff up to get inspired. As I was reading/watching, I would really get off on it, but the sex with my girlfriend still wasn't hot. Then I realized that when I was masturbating to all this, I was fantasizing about subbing. Oops. I am way in love with my girlfriend, but she is a bottom, period. She might switch it around if it meant a lot to me, but I would know that it wasn't really making her happy. Read more »

Cooler heads

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:
I've been dating a beautiful girl, and I mean she is hot. The problem? She's really jealous and we fight all the time. I can't look at another girl. She is incredibly possessive and wants to be involved in every element of my life.
I've never had any sort of sexual problems before, but I'm having problems orgasming. We have sex all the time. It's never boring; she has an amazing body and is a great lay. But I just don't come. I have no problems coming on my own. Read more »

No gag

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> andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:
About getting past my gag reflex while giving blow jobs: I have no idea what's the best way to practice this. I've tried bananas, but honestly that was just weird. I never bothered trying to deep-throat my ex because he was happy with a hand job. The new boyfriend has expressed much interest in it, and I think trying to deep-throat without practice first would be really awful. Any books on this? Recommended dildos? Read more »