L.E. Leone

Lock and load

Chickens and waffles is not brain food. It's soul food.
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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Speaking of pickup trucks, I borrowed the Pod's for the weekend because Hollywood was coming to San Francisco. It was my turn to drive. As you may know, 20-year-old Toyota pickup trucks aren't sports cars, but I figured this was a step in the right direction, especially since it's lesbian-owned. Read more »

Older 'n' wider

For my birthday I listened to Abba without guilt and had chicken and waffles, of course
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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS One night the Maze came over because that's what he does. He comes over. Sometimes he brings his dinner with him.

This time he brought his dinner with him.

He started pulling things out of his backpack as if they were rabbits: part of a loaf of cranberry bread! Hummus! Broccoli! Rabbits! In the water bottle holder on his bike was a half-empty bottle of semi-important wine. Me, I'd already eaten. Read more »

The chicken 'n diet

Auntie April's and Little Skillet in a bird-waffle showdown

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS We went down there, the Mountain and me, way down South of Market, and we found the little alley, placed our little order at the window, and sat on the loading dock, our feet dangling in the street. We sipped sweet tea and ate our breakfast out of boxes, with our hands. All my other friends, even Earl Butter, are fasting, doing cleanses, or otherwise flirting with vegetarianism by way of getting healthy — in response to which I have been eating nothing but chicken and waffles. Read more »

No-fry zone

I don't know how to write about love and that's why I'm going to focus on chicken and waffles for the next couple years
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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS A loud sound peeled my skin off, strip by strip, top to bottom, like a banana. We had just walked into the restaurant, just walked past the fire alarm, headed toward a cozy corner booth, and ... I mean, I know I'm hot, but this was ridiculous. I grabbed the Maze's arm, turned him around, and slipped back out to the sidewalk, aswirl in electronically piercing shrieks, potassium, instant headache, flashes of white light, and other symptoms of stroke. Read more »

Original's sin

I just had to know about the legend, the Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles
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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS This Cheap Eats column is going to be the most carefully researched and least relevant Cheap Eats column I ever wrote, just to warn you.

I woke up early.

I threw some clothes into a bag. I threw a half a stick of salami, a chunk of cheese, a knife, and a couple of leftover bagels into another bag, and put it into the same bag with my clothes. Read more »

Wiped clean

Waiting for love at the Wipeout Bar and Grill with a pulled-pork sandwich
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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS You never know where in the world you're going to be when the time comes to regroup. Or in my case re-re-re-re-re-re-re-regroup. I keep having to have these little sit-downs with myself. Or lie-downs, if I happen to be at home alone or in the woods, where one can assume a fetal position and howl without attracting too much comment. Is it possible she knows what I'm going through?

For example: Greenbrae. Read more »

Glum and glummer

Weathering a "soccer jaw" -- and diving into duck flautas at Chilango

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Standing in my funny little yellow kitchen, 10 at night, pressing a package of frozen peas to my swollen jaw and looking glumly at a plate on the table, leftover from dinner three hours earlier. It was a half-ravished pork steak, long gone cold and congealy. Which is one of my two favorite ways to eat pork — the other being warm and nice. The frozen peas?Read more »

That po' boy

Happy 20th anniversary, Just For You

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS There is something pretty exquisite about being stood up by a date. When I find out what it is, I'll be sure to let you know. Meanwhile, you'll just have to take my word for it. Words.

The stander-upper was someone I'd bonked back before I accidentally fell in love with whatsername. We'd had a long coffee date that turned into a long walk in the park that turned into making out for a long time on a park bench, which of course turned into going to the grocery store to buy pork.

And a bottle of wine.Read more »

Hugs and kisses

Keeping up appearances -- and pouring on the hot sauce at Rico's Diner

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS We left space for The Attack at our table. She wasn't dead or anything, just at work. Some people are dead. And some are only faking it. Still others of course are in line at Walgreens, or otherwise alive and well and just generally off doing something. So they can't have breakfast with you at Rico's Diner, damn!

My mind is boggled and my knees are buckled and rug-burned, but apparently I have a little prettiness left, according to an old-school pimpishly attired dude in a cape and fedora, downtown Oakland. Read more »

Duck me

Wheels are wheels, and noodles are wide at Hai Ky Mi Gia
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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS My cowboy hat had mold in it. My chicken farmer coat had mold in it. Even the buttons were fuzzy. My brother doesn't take baths, he takes showers, and so the outdoor tub was full of insect skeletons, spiders, spider webs, and junk mail. There is a rumor that a guest of his hid some weed in the chicken coop. Not that I'm interested, but I took a look anyway and only saw straw.Read more »