L.E. Leone

Don't take the knee

Never give up, or order the lunch special

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS And then one day my left foot stuck to the planet and my left knee, under the influence of the opposing team's cornerback, bent backwards. First, two of my teammates tried to help me off the field, and both of them are med students but one is much shorter than me and the other much taller, so the refs tapped us all on the shoulder and said "here. Let us."

They made a kind of a chairlift out of their arms and carted me away. "The fireman's carry," they called this, but I knew that it was not.Read more »

Avast ye

Hopefully, this week your craving is for Moby Dick and sports stories

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CHEAP EATS Crawdad called me on speakerphone, like she does: in the car, with the childerns. "Will you tell us the story of Moby Dick?" she said.

"Moby Dick," I said, about as meaningfully as one can say, into an Android, Moby Dick. As it happens, I had just hung up with my dad, who (as it further happens) is an actual, dyed-in-the-whale Melville scholar. Me, no. Not so much. I've read it, of course, but . . .

"Dang, is traffic that bad over there?" I asked.

"No. We're going to get ice cream," she said. As if that explained everything.Read more »

Bat-hurt

Nursing wounds -- and diving into Sugoi Sushi

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS After the game we went to the Pilsner Inn to drink with the other team and watch the 49ers. Who, btw, ended up winning that Sunday by twice as much as we did.

Our relatively new li'l football team, like the big ol' San Francisco one, is developing an identity as a defensive powerhouse. I like this. It was the talk of the opposition, down the bar: how we had befuddled the bejesus out of them, to the tune of four interceptions, two returned by Stringbean for touchdowns, and a fumble recovery.Read more »

Serendipity, with saba

Everything comes together at Tokyo Teriyaki

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS The number of severed duck heads in my compost bucket currently stands at eight, but I am open to more. Did anyone else accidentally go to Louisiana and shoot some ducks, bring them back, put them in the fridge, and then not have time to deal with them?

If so, I'm here for you. If you want, I'll even share the resultant gumbo. Just ask the de la Cooters.Read more »

All in the call

"Things we ate included chicken and dumplings (which they call chicken pot pie), and peach pie (which they call peach dumplings)."

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS I won't sleep in a dead man's bed, but I will use his razor to shave my sweater.

"She walks like a little farmer," Hedgehog's gram told Hedgehog while I was not in the room.

Gram, recently widowed, is in a nursing home in Bloomsburg, PA. We visited every day at least once a day while we were there. We brought her fudge from the fair. We brought her caramel corn, corn, "penny candy," and a pork sandwich. I did her nails.Read more »

Roll with it

Secret bahn mi joys (and pugilistas) at Kim's Cafe

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS They said it would smell like a hamster cage. And it did, but we persevered. Our instructions were to go all the way to the back of the restaurant — past the cash register and past the kitchen, where there was another, much pleasanter room that did not smell like a hamster cage. And it didn't.Read more »

Oh, the cutlery

Sharp words -- and some fantastic kimchi fried rice at Spoon

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS This bums me out: hearing straight-phobic comments from queers. It's a San Francisco thing. I'll leave it to better minds than mine to figure out why. But in New Orleans, among our queer community, I never heard anything like it. And in New York City, among Hedgehog's ... nope.

Nothing.

But here, home, in San Francisco, it happens repeatedly. And as much as it used to bother me, as a closeted queer, to hear straight friends (assuming my sameness), make trans- and homophobic statements and jokes, it hurts now to hear the reverse.Read more »

Nailed it

Southpaw BBQ is more than a pinch-hitter

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Hedgehog got me this Groupon for a fancy pantsy mani-pedi at a place in San Mateo puts flower petals and orange slices in your feet water! It's hard for me to hold a grudge, however, because at the time-of-purchase we were living in New Orleans. For all she knew, San Mateo was a suburb of San Fran, like the Sunset or the Richmond.

Nope. You have to drive.Read more »

Koi hooey

The High Halushki of Hyperbole is not amused.

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Coach's dad said it was the best Chinese restaurant in the world. The world being a pretty big place, and one which includes all of China, we went. Him, her, me, Hedgehog, Indiana Jake, and a Random Texan.

Daly City. Koi Palace. Pffft.

I'd retract that last little almost involuntary and entirely uncomplex sentence in deference to Mr. Coach, him being a respected figure among us, but come to find (over appetizers) that he didn't say it was the best Chinese restaurant in the world; some guy did.Read more »

Finger waves

It's all about the signs at Mozzeria

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Oh, I have so many sporty things to tell you about! To my surprise I am playing baseball again, football season starts (for girls) on the same day it starts for the 49ers: next weekend! Meanwhile, the Giants and A's are both very much "in it," entering September. Steroid busts . . .

Next week I am going to hire a dedicated sports writer for Cheap Eats. Mine will be the very first cheap eats newspaper column with a sports section in it.Read more »