L.E. Leone

Time changes

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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS In honor of my French sister's birthday I ordered a chicken pesto crepe with fromage and how-you-say, toasted almonds, hold the mushrooms ($8.50). It was eight in the morning.
The waitressperson looked at her watch.
"Is it too early for crepes?" I asked. "Do I need to get an omelet?"
She looked at her watch again, shrugged, looked toward the kitchen. It was five in the afternoon in France, but luckily I didn't need to argue this point, because she let me have my crepe, pesto and all.
Earl Butter wasn't eating. Read more »

Chaste and chaser

Philosophy, theology, ethics, cereal
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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS A picture begins to develop: dating, for the chicken farmer, is turning out to be a sort of exercise in quantum romantics. Things are happening and not happening at the same time.
I'll start out being totally, over-boilingly in love with a complete stranger, and this gets gradually perfected to a sweet, simmering, and in a couple cases, cuddly friendship — miraculously without me ever getting my tits licked, which is all I really want, really. Read more »

In the genes

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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS Hold on a second. Let me call and ask her ...
OK, it's OK to tell you now: Crawdad de la Cooter is pregnant! I had to keep it a secret for a long time because that's what pregnant people do to you — they tell everyone, and they tell everyone not to tell anyone. So we all go around bursting at the seams and looking at each other, wondering who knows what. But now I can write restaurant reviews and songs about it and everything. Crawdad's going to be a mama! Her new guy, Crawguy de la Peter, is going to be a daddy! Read more »

Explosives

Cafe Gratitude
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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
What am I grateful for?
Bacon. Fried chicken. Butter. Barbecued chicken. Butter. Bacon fat. Eggs ... None of which you will find by the way at my new favorite restaurant, Café Gratitude. I went to the one in Berkeley with my old blackberry pickin' pal and new favorite massage therapist NFC, and even though I couldn't find no chicken-fried steak on the menu, I have to admit to having had one of the Times of my Life.
Has the chicken farmer lost her mind?
No! My old pal NFC has, because I would have taken her to Chez Panisse or even House of Chicken and Waffles ... Read more »

Quantum breakdown

Tao Yin and Amarin
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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS Christ, I love quantum theory, how something can be something, and at the same time something else, and so on, right?
Nobody rides in my pickup truck with me except Earl Butter, because nobody else can handle the mess. When it got to the point where even he was starting to grumble, I decided to say that I had cleaned my truck, without actually doing a thing, same way he says he has hair on his head so now he does.
I cleaned my truck! It's spotless! It's clean! Smells nice too ... Read more »

Inklings

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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS The idea of love at first sight is a ridiculous thing to me. Most people I love long before I ever see them. In fact, if I'm not already in love with you, try taking your knife out of my back and calling an ambulance.
You don't believe me. I don't expect you to! I don't believe me either or you or anything. All I do is see and say. And by see I mean see and feel and hear and taste shit and yeah, by way of a Purpose in Life, try and tell you about it.
For me and Orange Pop #2's second date we went to my new favorite restaurant, Penny's Caribbean Café. Read more »

Change of heart

The joys of Tartine
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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS It still says Carl's on the sidewalk in the doorway because that's what it used to be, and the light from the big scripted Carl's sign used to romanticize our windows. I was on the bottom (like I like it), and then Wayway lived upstairs from me, and Earl Butter lived on top of him. So anytime any of us looked out our windows, Guerrero and 18th, that was what we'd see: Carl's.
Ten years later, Wayway, having circled around the Mission, is back on that corner, haunting my old apartment (or vice versa), and Earl Butter still lives up top. Read more »

Carried away

Vik's Chaat Corner
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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS Over the years I have said goodbye to a lot of cool people in this paper. Haywire went to Maine. Moonpie went to Pittsburgh. Rube Roy went home. E.B. Matt became S.D. Matt. Johnny "Jack" Poetry I packed up and delivered to Idaho with my own two hands and old van and creaking heart. Birdbrain Brad went to Denmark. Satchel Paige the Pitcher, Thailand. Noah, J.C., Jason.
Now this ...
Oof, me and Carrie moved here together 16, 17 years ago, after the earthquake. Drove across the country in my ’71 LTD with all our stuff in the backseat and trunk. Read more »

Unlearnt

El Tepa
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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS I was serious when I said my nephew the Gun was invisible. The waiterguyperson came to our table with three menus, gave one to me and one to Cousin Lora, and then looked around confused, like what was he doing with three menus?
He turned and walked away with the third. My nephew looked at my menu with me.
Then a waitressperson came to our table and said, "Drinks?"
"Coffee," we all said, one at a time, very clearly. Read more »

Twisted logos

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le_chicken_farmer@yahoo.com
CHEAP EATS I wear a jean jacket with Chief Wahoo, the not exactly politically sensitive Cleveland Indians' logo, embroidered on the back. Not sure what people behind me think of this, but here's what I'm thinking from inside the jacket: warmth. And meaningfulness, because I embroidered this jacket myself when I was a kid. I was into sports, and I was into embroidery (and needlepoint and macramé). Read more »