Marke B.

Things you can do with your iPhone

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1) iTootle
2) Screen out stalkers 15 different ways!
3) Blow off iBill collectors 15 different ways!
4) Get telemarketed on several platforms simultaneously
5) Chat with your avatar. ("Hey Marke3! What's up?" "Oh, you know, just being you. Read more »

Foam of the Chosen

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Almost-fabulous intern and alcohol enthusiast Jonathan Beckhardt weighs in on He'Brew....

Despite 5000 years of survival guilt from Noah to Wiesel, Jews have shockingly little presence in the alcohol business. One notable exception: San Francisco's Schmaltz brewing company, makers of the He'brew line of beers. Read more »

Scooby Doo boo hoo

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I used to have a recurring nightmare as a child that I was trapped in the opening credits of Scooby Doo. It was kind of an erotic nightmare: the rainbow-cartoon swamps, the undulating haunted mansions, the moaning ghosts with their morphenomenal yaws. The dream would go on for hours and I'd wake in the rough heat of my hermetic, carpeted bedroom, the gray footsie-bottoms of my PJs scraping against the cotton sheets. Now, alas, Scooby Doo is dead.

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Or at least his creator is. Read more »

Out on the Bloc

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OK, OK I know we're beyond the gawker-closet phase ("OMG he's gay???). I ain't no Valley Girl. But -- MEOW. One of my favorite singers ever just stepped gingerly over the shoe-tree threshhold. Read more »

Fortwo foryou

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Yes, I'm from Detroit, where the frickin' autoshow was shoved down my throat constantly. (It's so huge now, they're threatening to tear down the host site, Cobo Arena, and build a bigger showplace -- uh, I thought the car companies were as broke as Dennis Rodman's penis up Madonna...) And yes, innumerable Detroiters laughingly forwarded me that piece from the New York Times last week about San Francisco parking rage. (We're killing each other for spaces!). Read more »

Nerd party!

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Will there be tape on their mojito glasses? Will everyone be "doin' the snarf"? Read more »

State of the union ...

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Posted this morning outside my Dumpster: Plain as day. -- Marke B.

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Call the pedophile police

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I just spent an inordinate amount of important mirror time in thrall to 16-year Brit sensation Lil Chris. Somebody shoot me. Winner of some sort of British Idol-like contest progged by Gene Simmons from Kiss, he's like Hanson singing Buzzcocks songs. Read more »

She's a Pakistani tranny, Johnnies

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Tranny of the Year (so far): The New York Times just published an article on Ali Saleem, better known to Pakistani prime time viewers as Begum Nawazish Ali, hostess of the wildly popular (at least among more secular Karachi residents) “Late Night Show With Begum Nawazish Ali.” A self-described transvestite who poses as a "flirty, teasing widow" who's obsessed with glamor and subtle political commentary, she somehow gets away with some amazing taboo-breaking she-ite on her weekly talk show Read more »

Holy homo penumbras, Fagman

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Somebody call the gay circus -- Rimling Bros and Barndoor Bailey are a-comin' to town. Rainbows! Rainbows! Rainbows!

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It's a whole spectrum of tacky fruit flavor down on 18th Street in the Castro, with the new ... wait for it .... wait for it ... 18th Street Bar. Extra points for the sign's tres delish font. Did they cut the letters out of felt themselves? How many Glue Sticks were used? Read more »