Marke B.

Sorry I stole your peanut butter, Grandma ...

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but I'm a gay alcoholic pedophile who was molested by a priest when I was 12. On the moon. In pink knickers. With bunnies on them. If I donate $100,000 to your reelection cookie jar, can I have my AIM back? Oh Granny, your firewall's enormous -- but why such big glasses? ... --Marke B.

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Oooh .. Granny's mad!!!

Escape pods

What, exactly, is "the love"?
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superego@sfbg.com
SUPER EGO Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space. Moonlight kisses the city's knockoff gold metallic Fendi slingbacks, the ones with the sparkly diamantine heels, and slides up the back of its dime-store disco-ball dress — a little slap here, a little tickle there — until it reaches the ragged sunburst of hair at the nape of its neck and launches into daylight, where the real party is these days. Read more »

Ku Klux Kuties

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Ok, this may have nothing especially to do with San Francisco particularly -- but what a Halloween treat, courtesy of Martha Stewart herself. My new email buddy DJ Bus Station John has dived into Martha Stewart Living magazine and come up with some fabulously entertaining entertaining tips from the Big Blonde Jailbait. Read more »

27 cocks, 4 circle jerks, and a Human Urinal: The Almost Fabulous Intern goes to Folsom

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Because I simply can't stand virgins (something about their Winnie the Pooh pyjamas), I sent my leather virgin intern, the one and only Justin Juul, to the Folsom Street Fair to record his experiences. This is what I had to do to make Folsom shocking again -- at least to someone. He returned with a message of love. And maybe the clap. Read on ... --Marke B.

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Sorry Marke, I know I promised, but I just couldn’t do it. Read more »

Oral histories

Tales of the early ’90s underground gay sex club scene
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By Marke B.
marke@sfbg.com
Thousands of fantastically perverse revelers (most of them gay) will flood San Francisco for the Folsom Street Leather Fair on Sept. 23, ensuring that every cranny of the city brims with wanton copulation — which really is the way it should always be in our famously lewd burg, no? Read more »

Let the craziness begin!

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Oye -- this weekend -- Lovefest, Folsom Street Fair and Rosh Hashanah! Can I use my yarmulke as as a jockstrap? Can I twirl my flaming leather poi? I think I'm just gonna go all weekend dressed as a mime in lederhosen: the Silent Yodel, they'll call me. Funtime! Climbing the escalator of pants. Sliding down the invisible rope of chaps. I'm going nuts already. Too bad I'm sober. Read more »

PRICE CHECK: $40? Oh the Humanity!

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Is it really $40 to go see the Human League at Red Devil Lounge? Retro hipsters start saving up now! Here's new intern Chris Cooney's brief, decidedly non-retro hipster take on the event.

I invented a new stupid-pet trick: ask 10 of your friends to tell you something about the Human League, and nine of them will start singing, “Don’t you want me Baby? Don’t you want me ohhhhh!” It’s adorable.
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Gourmet GPS

FEAST 2006! Our annual guide to the best food and drink in the Bay
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marke@sfbg.com
The first thing they should hand you when you land in the Bay Area is a fork. (Well, that and maybe a condom.) The Bay is brimming with deliciousness, and one of the best things about living in such a genteel environment is the copious amount of wanton gourmandizing to be had. International specialty stores, world-famous organic eateries, precious little bistros, tasty pastries, cuisines you've never heard of ... Read more »

Gala Symphonix

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The noses were small, the dresses were expensive, the Mayor was in attendance, and the music was sublime. Yep, I crashed the annual SF Symphony Opening Gala, chockful o' Zellerbachs, Wilseys, DuPonts and whomever else rich-like, and lived to blog all about it (despite being almost kicked out for yodeling during the singing of the National Anthem, ahem.)

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"Pose for the Guardian? Read more »

WTF of the week

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So I was stumbling to work today when a horrible sight stopped me dead in my tracks, made me drop my purse, and burst me into tears. SOMEONE had painted over the Positive Visibility/Women Fight HIV and Invisibility mural at Haight and Scott.

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