Film

Top 10 movies you need to see before the zombie apocalypse

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Attention! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! We are at zombie threat level red (as in oozing, dripping, blood red ... don't deny it, you clicked the photo link just like I did). So, what's a proactive citizen to do? Bar your doors, board up the windows, start rationing the Cheetos, and immediately overload your brrrraaaaaaaaiiiinnnn with these shambling, flesh-eating highlights (and lowlights) of undead cinema. And this is by no means a complete list. Use it as a jumping-off point to enrich your ongoing zombie education. WHAT YOU LEARN MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE.

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Vibrators! Aliens! Cops on the edge! New movies are here!

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As we all breathlessly count the days — nay, milliseconds — until the June 1 release of Piranha 3DD, there's still plenty to gnaw on this Memorial Day weekend. Chernobyl Diaries screens tonight (i.e., the night before it opens) which is usually not a great sign, but it's likely critic-proof anyway (even for me, someone who's not entirely opposed to the idea of a new genre: nuclear-meltdown-sploitation! Sit down, 1979's China Syndrome. This one's got screaming teens and spooky spooks!) Er, anyway ... check back tomorrow for my review of that one.

Meanwhile, apply your brain and/or sense of social justice while watching Michael Glawogger's final entry in his "globalization trilogy," Whores' Glory (Dennis Harvey's review here), or adjust your popcorn levels accordingly for these other recommends:

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Far from heaven

Michael Glawogger wraps up his 'globalization trilogy' with a look at the world's oldest profession

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Smalltown confidential

A true-crime tale inspires Richard Linklater's cheerful new black comedy

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arts@sfbg.com

FILM When trial locations are moved, it is generally because the crime is so notorious, or the local populace so riled, that it is not expected the plaintiff can avoid a hostile jury. It is seldom, if ever, moved for the precise opposite reasons: say, because a defendant is wildly popular and the person he's accused of murdering was considered "possibly the meanest woman in East Texas."Read more »

Battles without honor and humanity: this week's new movies

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While all the cool kids are at Cannes, us losers are stuck stateside to contemplate the two big Hollywood movies opening this week: Battleship, which stars Liam Neeson, the guy still smarting from his titular role in the reigning biggest flop of all time, and aliens (and has no chance of being the best movie based on a board game); and The Dictator (review below). Your choice is clear.

You could also feed your Jack Black obsession (already running red-hot with the new Tenacious D album, natch) with Richard Linklater's new comedy, Bernie (review here). You could expand your cinematic horizons at the San Francisco Cinematheque's third annual "Crossroads" festival. Or, while weeping over blogs detailing Cannes flicks you won't get to see until 2013, you could organize your summer movie plan of attack.

And, of course, feed your Sno-Cap habit with The Dictator and other top picks from the rest of this week's opening slate:

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Light meter

Top picks from San Francisco Cinematheque's third 'Crossroads' festival

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art@sfbg.com

FILM San Francisco Cinematheque artistic director Steve Polta balances familiar names with lesser known for the third annual "Crossroads" festival at the Victoria Theater, though Ken Jacobs' Occupy-strength Seeking the Monkey King (2011) promises to unseat the image of a mellowing old master.Read more »

Turn up the dark

SUMMER MOVIE PREVIEW: Movie stars, superheroes, and movie stars playing superheroes battle for summer supremacy

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FILM So far, 2012 has been a year of mixed blessings for Hollywood, contrasting mega-hits like The Hunger Games and The Avengers with one of the biggest mega-flops of all time, John Carter. But summer's really when show-biz turns deadly serious. Each week, there's a new wannabe blockbuster — pasteurized, processed, film-like products so huge they have the ability to make or break entire movie studios — hoping for returns big enough to make all involved even richer, and insure sequels and spin-offs for summers to come.Read more »

Hard to be a filmmaker

Aleksei Guerman's five films (from the past 45 years) screen at YBCA

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arts@sfbg.com

FILM In 1987, Soviet critics were polled to create a list of the nation's greatest films. Landing on top was a movie still little-known abroad, whose maker has completed just five features in 45 years — one of which he doesn't even consider truly his own work.Read more »

How dark was my alley

Flick-packed Film Noir fest "I Wake up Dreaming" returns to the Roxie

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arts@sfbg.com

FILM The word that comes to mind when thinking of Elliot Lavine's semiannual film noir programs at the Roxie is inexhaustible. With 30 films packed into 14 days, "I Wake up Dreaming" wisely takes a pass on questions of noir's quintessence in favor of open-ended research into the mutations and paroxysms of mid-century malaise.Read more »

This is your brain on Zulawski

YBCA feeds the Possession obsession with a tribute to the Polish director

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