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The Trashies - What would you get if you paired those slimy Garbage Pail Kids with primal 1960s garage rock band the Monks? It'd probably turn in to something like the Trashies. A few weeks back, the Bay Guardian premiered a new video from the sloppy Seattle-and-East Bay act, featuring the band writhing in the mud at the Albany Bulb, screeching and freaking out psychedelically on guitars, and yelping "I'm a worm!/watch me squirm." If it all sounds a bit familiar, this beach squelch shimmy, it's because Uzi Rash frontperson Max Nordile also has a hand in Trashies, lending his particular style to the band's intoxicating sounds. 8:30pm, $7. Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk, SF. www.hemlocktavern.com
"99% Gay Comedy" - Come celebrate SF Pride at the only gay Latino bar and drag club in the city --recently rescued from financial ruin by a strong showing of local support -- which is hosting performances by prominent LGBT comics from the Bay Area, Portland, and New York. This week's line-up includes Marilyn Pittman, Pippi Lovestocking, Bob Mcintyre, Julia Jackson, and Justin O'Neil. 8pm, free with one drink minimum. Esta Noche, 3076 16th St., SF. www.comedybodega.com
Monster Drawing Rally 2013 - There will be no Grave Digger, no Bigfoot, no Mean Green Machine. There will be no Mud Tractor Pull (pull...pull...pull...) -- or mud for that matter, either. But you never know what else will arise from the annual, hugely popular Monster Drawing Rally at Southern Exposure Gallery. A honkin' 120 artists rev their creative engines in one hour shifts of 30 artists each to produce spectacular works, instantly available for sale at $60 each. Meanwhile, spectators can egg these MONSTER ARTISTS on while enjoying the inspirationally arty yet danceable sounds of DJs Juan Luna-Avin and Joshua Pieper and food from select street trucks. It all takes place at underground-feeling Mission design warehouse the NWBLCK, and proceeds go to Southern Exposure's community art programs. Gentledrawers, start your engines. 6-11pm, $15. 1999 Bryant, SF. www.soex.org
North Beach Music Festival - Beer gardens for adults and chalk areas for the kids, set to the tune of live music. With over 150 arts and crafts booths and 20 gourmet food booths, the North Beach Festival has it all -- including the beloved blessing of the animals ritual at the National Shrine of St. Assisi. 10am-6pm, free. North Beach neighborhood, SF. www.sresproductions.com
7pm, $20-$50. San Francisco Design Center, 101 Henry Adams, SF. stylewow.brownpapertickets.com
Tracy Morgan - Getting his first major mainstream exposure on the TV show Martin in the mid-1990s, Tracy Morgan quickly went on to join the cast of Saturday Night Live based on the strengths of his hilarious comedic talents. On SNL, he created classic characters such as animal expert "Brian Fellows" and the moonshine-swilling "Uncle Jemima" and performed a host of side-splitting celebrity impersonations. Now that 30 Rock -- where he poked at his own celebrity in the guise of "Tracy Jordan" - has ended its cult hit run, Morgan is hitting the stage for a series of live gigs ahead of his new TV project, Death Pact, which is slated to air on FX. 8pm, $35.50. Palace of Fine Arts, 3301 Lyon, SF. www.palaceoffinearts.org
"Getting What You Want From Your Dominant" - Being a good submissive =/= losing yourself completely. This class teaches subs how to stay clear and present so that they can meet not only the needs of their dominant partner, but their own as well.
6:30-8:30pm, $20-$25. Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk, SF. www.goodvibes.com
Nutrition and breast cancer screenings - Geared towards people with cancer and open to health educators, clinicians, staff, and community, this is a great opportunity to learn the latest research on nutrition and breast cancer and how to better meet your nutritional needs at this event hosted by UCSF Cancer Resource Center. 5:15-7pm, free with registration. Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center, 1600 Divisadero, SF. www.cancer.ucsf.edu
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