Ultimate Kink Surrender (NSFW)

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The wrestlers in action.

I ride my bicycle past the Armory just about everyday and I’ve always wanted to get inside for a tour, particularly since this magnificent, historically significant building was purchased by fetish porn purveyor Kink.com. So when the company invited me to attend Friday night’s taping of its Ultimate Surrender erotic wrestling matches, I couldn’t resist.

It might have been the weirdest event I’ve ever covered, except for the fact that it seemed so, well, normal. Only in super freaky San Francisco do we take in stride hardcore, kinky porn being made in a building once used as the staging ground for soldiers headed to war and National Guard troops suppressing local labor and social justice movement actions.

Attendees (mostly invited journalists and Kink subscribers) were treated to an open bar and got a chance to mix and mingle with the four young women who participated in this three-round tag team wrestling match, all porn actresses with an athletic side, all very sweet and charming and fairly matter-of-fact about the spectacle in which they starred.

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Waiting to be tagged.

And quite a spectacle it was. While presenting as a serious sporting event -- right down to the referee, stadium music soundtrack, and competitors giving it their sweaty all – the teams got points by snatching their opponents tops or bottoms, fingering them, or otherwise sexually engaging with their opponents after gaining a position of control and advantage. Creative, sporting, and hot.

But the veneer of athletic competition dropped during round four, in which the winners got to fuck the losers with big strap-ons. And at that point, is was pure porn, a live sex show in front of a respectful studio audience, climaxing in participant Annie Cruz’s squirting climax. Crazy shit.
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To the winners go the spoils.

Yet afterward, Annie and the others had recovered their composure and chatted easily about the experience until it was time for a media tour of the building, which included lots of custom porn studios (from a little-altered old boiler room to a newly designed padded room and one-way mirror observation area) and original building features such as the daylighting of Mission Creek in the basement.

The armory doesn’t do many public events, so most San Franciscans won’t get a firsthand look at what happens inside (at least not without paying for a Kink subscription). But just knowing what’s happening behind those old brick walls should give all of us a wickedly little smile as we ride by.

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