NOISE: SXSW B-Boys, B-Girls! Beastie Boys hand down words of wisdom from "big-ass chairs"

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This blog schtuff is truly wicky wack because you feel like you can't stop. And you don't stop.

Speaking of which, here's your update on the Beastie Boys conference at the SXSW HQ in downtown Austin -- minutes, nay, seconds after it got out. There was a lot to love:

(1) The running jokes about Prince's Purple Rain, Dolly Parton getting robbed at the Oscars (Mike D: "Someone was clearly the victim"), and corporate sponsorship (D: "We don't use Reason anymore because it conflicts with our Pampers endorsement").

(2) Their take on New Times/Clear Channel convergences, particularly between advertising and editorial and in terms of booking (they're against it, by the way -- and on a larger level, against the disappearance of mom-and-pop brick-and-mortar operations everywhere, with Ad-Rock going on a serious tangent wondering whether Clear Channel had anything to do with Scientology -- "They're very clear, right?")

(3) The riffs on the furniture -- "This is real Actors Studio type shit," said D. "And what was with that intro music? The same person who picked out the music at the Oscars is probably the same person who picked out our intro music and picked out the chairs."

(4) Sample clearances were a "bee-yatch" for the new movie because Mixmaster Mike was playing all kinds of great stuff live that weren't on record.

(5) In answer to the question "What can a label do for the artists to help them and to make the artists work harder?": "Toiletry kits," sayeth D. "If you can give them a bullshit folding bicycle for Christmas that really does it," MCA joked.

(6) What did they learn from Russell Simmons? "We learned how to order drinks properly," said Ad-Rock. "How to get drinks in a timely fashion."

(7) The line they wished they wrote themselves? "Big Daddy Kane said, 'Put a quarter in your ass because you played yourself,'" offered MCA, who looked like Moses with his beard. In a big daddy sleazy chair.

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Make my day, scenester: Lines like this make me want to shoot myself.
The queue in front of the Matador Records showcase (with Mogwai,
Belle & Sebastian, the New Pornographers, Brightblack Morning Light,
and Jennifer O'Connor) at Stubb's on Wednesday night.